


It All Started With

by fadedreams



Series: It All Started With [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Family, Canon Divergence - Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Developing Friendships, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Kinda, Natasha Romanov & Reader Friendship, Platonic Tony Stark & Reader, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Tony Stark, Seriously though there is no romantic Tony Stark and Reader, Slow Burn, just a little bit, protective everybody everyone is worried about everybody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-05-09 16:57:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 109,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14720010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fadedreams/pseuds/fadedreams
Summary: Tony always liked to brag that it had all started with him.You’d roll your eyes and scoff. Both of you knew that it really all started with Pepper.





	1. Pepper Potts

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I've ever had the guts to publish. I've been working on it for a while now, it's mostly finished so I'll be updating chapters fairly quickly. I've taken a few liberties with the timeline, which, I haven't extensively watched all the Marvel movies so there's bound to be a lot of wrong facts. The reader generally grows up through out the chapters so there's a lot of switching between reader's age POV.
> 
> I made the conscious decision to make the reader POC, specifically hispanic/latinx which, as a group we have the tendency to come in an array of colors so if you squint and ignore some of the descriptions, it should be okay. However, if that isn't your cup of tea, that's fine. 
> 
> This is very much unbetaed, all mistakes are mine and I don't own any of the characters. 
> 
> **\-- edit [5/8/2019]:** I am kind of blown away by the response this story got. With that in mind, over the next few months I will be editing out some of the fairly obvious grammar issues and some that have been kindly brought to my attention (thank you! seriously, this was a monster of a story and doing so by myself was struggle).
> 
> _Additionally, as a note for anyone new - pretty much all parts of this series can be read as stand-alones._

Tony always liked to brag that it had all started with him.

You’d roll your eyes and scoff. Both of you knew that it really all started with Pepper.

 

* * *

 

You had just turned ten years old when your run down school in Washington Heights had been selected to have the famous Tony Stark visit and judge your annual science fair. He told you afterwards that he never noticed you. To be fair, the volcano you had thrown together had been dull and generic. It hadn’t warranted the attention of Tony Stark.

However, you hadn’t really minded. Mom made you promise that you wouldn’t bring any of your experiments to the fair - which, you still protested. Honestly, you make one mistake and take off someone’s eyebrows and all of a sudden you’re _unreliable_.

Although, you were the only one present without a parent. So if something did go wrong, she wasn’t here to stick up for you.  

For as long as you could remember, it had always been you and her against the world. You were trying to mind your own business and not get into trouble. Yet, you still stuck to the point that trouble followed _you_.

So, you didn't really care for Tony Stark or his fancy gadgets. You were counting down the hours until you could go home and work on your latest project.

That’s how Pepper found you; hunched over your notebook at a discarded, mostly broken, lunch table.

“What are you doing all the way over here?”

You looked up at her, blonde hair tucked into a neat bun and kind smile on her face.

“I’m working on project of mine, mom says I have to keep a low profile and not get in any trouble,” you said.

She laughed, her eyes light and nodded.

“Where’s your mom?”

Before she can look around, you shook your head and she frowned.

“My mom’s at work, she doesn’t get home on Tuesdays until it’s bedtime. She couldn’t take the day off today,” you shrugged.

She took a seat next to you and nudged you playfully.

“Well, then why aren’t you with the others?” She motioned to the group of kids surrounding Tony at the far end of the gym.

You huffed, rolled your eyes and went back to scribbling.

“Ethan’s going to win, even though it’s clear his dad made the stupid clock. I made better functioning experiments when I was still in diapers.”

Pepper laughed but tried to cover it with a cough.

“What did you bring?”

You pointed to one of the many volcanoes by the closest wall.

“Why wouldn’t that win - I’m sure Tony would-”

“Ms. Pepper, you and I both know that Mr. Stark won’t be interested in my volcano.”

“Really now? What’s that you’re working on then?”

You perked up, straightening.

“I’m building my own robot! It’s a dog - mom says we can’t afford a real dog - even though I _told_ her I could make deliveries for Senor Juan at the bodega. He says I’m fast because I’m small,” you grinned.

You took the notebook and turned it so Ms. Pepper could see, you pointed to a sketch on the other page.

“But Ma' says no good self-respecting ten year old has a job. So, I started working on BARK I’ve got him to move forward and backward. I’m trying to figure out how to get him to sit! But the coding-” you cut your rambling off and smiled sheepishly. “Sorry Ms. Pepper, I get too excited about my projects.”

“That’s alright honey, you sound like someone I know,” she glanced over her shoulder.

You smiled up at her and she tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear.

“Why didn’t you bring BARK to the fair?” She asked you, tapping your notebook. “This is really good stuff.”

Your shoulders slumped a little.

“He malfunctions sometimes; Senor Juan, his son works in a car garage and he gives me some of the leftover parts to build BARK. Ma said I can’t bring something that might blow up to school. ‘Specially when she couldn’t come today.”

You shrug and gave her a look that she laughed at. You continued with your notes, thinking that like most adults - Ms. Pepper would’ve lost interest by now. So it came as a surprise when she extended a hand towards you.

“How about I introduce you to Tony? I think he’ll find BARK pretty interesting.”

Your eyes widened and self-consciously tugged at your worn shirt, giving your dirty shoes a disdainful look.

“You sure Ms. Pepper?”

She tilted your chin up and caught your eyes.

“I’m _positive_.”

 

* * *

 

It took roughly five minutes for you to be tucked under Tony Stark’s metaphorical wing. A place you stayed firmly under for the next ten years.

Your mom had instantly loved him and most shockingly, he loved her back. Not that your mom was particularly a hard woman to love - you just hadn’t been aware that Tony Stark could care for more than his own reflection.

Besides, she saw how he’d help nurture your thirst for knowledge - his lab a better after school program than any she could find or afford.

And, even the famous Tony Stark liked being doted on, and _boy_ , could your mom dote.

 

* * *

 

“And this is the main lab on this floor. Once you’re a little more accustomed to the Tower…and Tony, we’ll move you into a station here.” Pepper pushed a button and the elevator stopped at the Penthouse. “To start, Tony wanted to give you full reign of his lab. He’ll be in and out sometimes, so expect him to be disruptive.”

She winked at you and you giggled nervously.

The lab door she had been reaching for swung open to reveal a haggard looking Tony Stark.

“Pepper Potts, are you bad mouthing me to our newest recruit?”  

You eyed him warily. Introductions at the fair had been a whirlwind and he’d taken to you quickly but, you’d mostly attached yourself to Pepper’s side. Tony Stark was still unfamiliar and you didn’t know what to think of him.

“Alright kid, I can’t stick around since Pep has my schedule filled – including bathroom breaks,” he shot her a look.

She shrugged and smiled primly at him.

“You're welcome,” she placed a hand at your shoulder and squeezed.

You giggled at his exasperated expression.

“Try not to hurt yourself,” he told you, “JARVIS, give Giggles here access to whatever she needs, including the top floor apartments. Keep an eye on her.”

“I am not a baby,” you muttered, annoyed.

“ _Certainly Sir,”_ it answered, making you jump and squeak.

Tony shot you a look and you scowled at him.

You had been introduced to JARVIS earlier today, but, it was still _incredibly weird_ to see it in action. Besides, how were you supposed to react to an omnipresent AI butler.

Tony pulled on a pair of sunglasses and flashed a peace sign as he made his way out the lab.

 

* * *

 

“Yes, Mr. Stark will be needing those files by the end of today. No, I’m not onsite for the next few weeks but my head assistant will be available anytime of the day.”

You were working on BARK’s coding while Pepper took calls at Tony’s desk in the background.

Your first week at Stark Tower had gone as well as it could, with Tony running around attending press conference after press conference. Whenever you did see him, it was for a few scarce minutes before Mr. “Harold-but-call-me-Happy,” came to pick you up to drive you home.

Pepper, however, had not left your side for more than a handful of minutes. You were sure it was because everyone thought you weren’t equipped to handle being by yourself - which was _not true._ You spent every day afterschool by yourself. You cooked and helped clean so your mom wouldn’t be so tired when she got home.

You were basically an adult, _thank you very much._

After a few minutes of silence, you couldn't help but huff.

“I don’t need to be babysat,” you said, your tone a little sour. Your eyes were focused on the screwdriver in front of you but you were acutely aware of Pepper lifting her head towards you. “I can be trusted to be left by myself.”

Pepper smiled and went back to typing on her laptop.

“I know, maybe I don't want to be left by myself,” she said quietly.

It was a lame excuse, you both knew it, but her tone was genuine so you accepted the answer.

“Are you Mr. Stark’s girlfriend?” You asked her, a few minutes later, swiveling in your stool so you could face her.

Pepper laughed, a small blush creeping up her neck, and shook her head.

“In his dreams,” she told you with a tight smile. “I’m his boss, technically.”

You nodded and smiled shyly back at her when she motioned with her head to the new mess of wires in front of you.

“Why don’t you show me what you’ve done?”

 

* * *

 

Weeks into your newfound presence at the Stark Tower, you grow accustomed to Pepper, _frighteningly_ so.

She gasped and applauded at all the right moments when you unveiled any progress with BARK. Which, to be honest, it’s hard to find a good audience.

Pepper let you tag along to meetings, always introducing you as head intern. You're warmed by the title, one that always had people treating you with respect and asking your opinion on projects.

She jokingly gets you a badge with 'Head Intern' detailed below your name. You scowled at her when she gave it to you but, save it in your journal when you got home. 

When your mom worked late, Pepper took you to dinner at fancy restaurants. She rode with you home on those nights, wanting to show your mom what you’d done so far. Despite how hard you try to stay awake during the long rides to your neighborhood, you usually end up being lulled to sleep - with your head in Pepper’s lap and her hands playing with your hair.

Those nights quickly become your favorites.

So while you knew she had not planned on you becoming her shadow these past months, you were her favorite too. Or so you thought.

Happy was walking you towards the lab when Pepper’s voice, clearly yelled out.

“That’s it! I’m clearing your schedule and you need to spend some time with her!”

“ _Pep_ -”

“Do not talk over me!”

Happy squeezed your shoulder and quickly made his way to the kitchens.

_Coward._

You warily stepped into the lab but they didn’t seem to pay you any mind as they continued arguing.

JARVIS eventually cleared his throat and they turned towards you.

After a beat of silence you smiled uneasily.

“I didn’t even know A computer interface could clear their throats,” you unzipped your backpack, placed it on your regular stool and started packing up your notes.

“Giggles, what are you doing?” Tony asked.

You studiously ignored him, making sure to pack up everything that belonged to you. You were _not going to cry._

A soft hand at your elbow stopped you.

“Sweetheart, what are you doing? Where are you going?” Pepper asked.

You swallowed around the lump in your throat and zipped up your bag. You couldn't look at Pepper, if you did - you were guaranteed to burst into tears.

“I’m packing up my stuff,” you told her, not meeting her eyes. “You’ve gotten tired of being my babysitter and _he_ is never around so – this is it right? My _internship_ is over?”

 _Of course_ this had been too good to be true. No one wanted the poor know-it-all from the wrong side of town in their fancy upscale building forever, much less for free. 

You shrugged your bag on and took a few steps towards the door. “Happy doesn’t need to bother taking me home. I know how to get to my bus from here.”

Before you could take another step, you’re engulfed in Pepper’s arms.

“Oh sweetie, that’s not what I meant-”

“Giggles, Pepper isn’t getting tired of you. She’s tired of not being able to help you learn anything new,” Tony rolled his eyes. “More specifically she’s mad at _me_ for not helping you learn anything new.”

“I could never get tired of you,” she said and pressed a kiss to your hair. “I promised your mother we would help you advance - educationally. I’m not exactly qualified to do so, at least, not as much as Tony.”

Tony started to clear a table and placed BARK at the center of it. You try to be stoic, but everyone hears the small sigh of relief you let out.

“Pepper and I are going to trade off. You’ll have the pleasure of being in my company for the next few weeks,” he said.

You rolled your eyes and wrapped an arm around Pepper, who didn’t seem to be letting you go anytime soon.

“Some of the lab assistants wander up to report back to me, they’ll be keeping me up to date on any ongoing projects,” Tony pulled up your notes on the screen. “We’re currently working on self-sustaining clean energy. I want your opinion on-”

“If we’re going to have people coming in and out of the lab you _cannot_ call me Giggles in front of them.”

“Then stop giggling every three seconds like a pre-pubescent girl.”

“I _am_ a pre-pubescent girl, _old man_ , what’s your excuse,” you shot back. “Besides, you don’t see me pointing out all your grey hairs.”

Tony gasped dramatically, his hands flying to his head.

“I _do not_ have any grey hair! Pepper, stop laughing! _Pepper_!”

 

* * *

 

After that, your life seemed to settle into a routine with your family. Tony and Pepper a permanent new addition - they were two constant figures in the background.

They attended your science fairs, award ceremonies, Friday night dinners and most memorably, a rendition of Wizard of Oz where you had been cast as Glenda the Good Witch.

“Seriously,” Tony said backstage between laughs, “how in the world did _you_ land Glenda?”

Pepper elbowed him in the stomach but you paid him no mind as you straightened your dress.

“I’ll have you know I’m a multifaceted person with many hidden abilities and talents. Unlike other uncultured people I have the displeasure of knowing,” you grinned at his scowl.

“You’ve been spending too much time with Rhodes,” Tony huffed.

“Oh! Is he here?” You look over his shoulder, ignoring him. "Rhodes said he'd try to make it."

Tony sputtered.

“Yes, he’s on his way with your mother,” Pepper said with a kiss to my cheek, ignoring Tony's tantrum. “We’re going to take our seats. Break a leg!”

She grabbed Tony’s shoulder and pushed him towards the stairs.

“Kids these days are so _rude_ -”

 

* * *

 

As the years passed, your makeshift family celebrated milestones. 

Tony and Pepper  _loved_ making a big fuss for everyone's birthdays. In Tony's case, he threw parties when you made a new discovery in the lab, for your first day of high school, and once when you had broken your hand punching a guy who forced a kiss on your best friend. Tony threw a party for  _anything._

On your fifteenth birthday, Tony helped throw your quienceñera and walked you in - much to your dismay there was video evidence of both your matching red faces.

He made it up to you by helping you get your permit.

For your mother’s fiftieth birthday, a week before yours, Tony had surprised her with a trip to the Poconos. She had always wanted to go, having heard of it when she first moved to New York.

“Gloria, it’s something small, I knew you wouldn’t accept tickets to Hawaii so-”

His voice muffled as she wrapped him in a hug so tight, you thought you had heard his ribs crack.

“God bless you _Antonio_ ,” she smacked his cheek with a kiss.

Tony grinned.

On your sixteenth birthday, Tony surprised you with a prototype of a car he had been working on and you’d almost died on the spot.

“ _OhmygodTonyIcan’tbelieveyoudidthisohmygod.”_

“Come on Giggles, let’s take a ride around midtown!” He jumped in the passenger’s seat.

“Be careful!” Pepper yelled over the engine, a worried frown on her face.

You were _almost_ positive that she had been talking to Tony.

Six hours later, you both returned with wind-swept hair and chocolate smudges on your faces.

Pepper tried to hide her smile with a scowl when you smiled innocently up at her.

“I thought you were the mature one here,” she frowned down at you.

“ _Hey_!” Tony protested, getting out the car.

You shrugged and grinned. “Everyone knows the best bakery is in Bedford!”

Her frown hadn’t budged until your outstretched hand, holding a greasy take-out bag, neared her.

Quickly, she grabbed it and went inside. “If your mom asks, I all but restrained you two!” She called over her shoulder.

For the next year, you split your time between the lab, school, home, and driving anywhere you could with your car. Sometimes Pepper joined you, other times Tony tagged along. You two had made it all the way to Jersey Shore Beach before Pepper called scolding you both.

You had been on cloud nine. _Surely_ , nothing could top this.

And yet, a few days short of your seventeenth birthday, you had been in the lab working on a serum with Tony’s head assistant.

“I think we need to adjust the chemical levels on the second batch and it will be- oh, Tony, what are you doing here? I thought Pepper had you booked until…” the look on his face stopped you.

“Giggles, I’m sorry, but there’s been an accident.”

Your mom had been on her way to work when she was caught in the crossfires of a bank robbery. She’d bled out on her way to the hospital. Pepper had already identified the body and was working on getting her transferred to Stark Tower.

The following days were some of the darkest for you. Your memories of the time were foggy and blurry but you mostly remembered Pepper’s soft embrace and Tony’s protective one.

Distant relatives had come out of the woodwork offering you a place in their home, but you didn’t know them and you weren’t in the place to start now. Most of your immediate family, those who actually felt like family, had stayed behind in South America when your mom had migrated to the U.S. A judge had decided to leave it up to you, having been so close to seventeen, the legal age in the state of New York.

Tony found you, at your desk in the lab, staring out the window unblinkingly.

“Giggles, your Aunt Mary said she would be more than willing to relocate. You wouldn’t have to leave your home - I would take care of the apartment and she’d have a job lined up here. Her husband said he’d do whatever we thought was best for you. What do you say?”

You didn’t bother trying to cover up your red eyes and turned to him.

“Without…without her, that apartment isn’t home anymore. The closest thing I have to home is the tower. I want to stay here. _Please_.”

Tony furrowed his brows and nodded.

“Okay then,” he said simply.

“JARVIS, let the lawyers know that I’ll take full guardianship of Giggles. Arrange for her stuff to be moved out of the apartment and into the penthouse, on my floor."

You couldn't stop the sob building in your chest and you found yourself quickly tucked into Tony's side. 

"I got you kid, I got you."

 

 

Tony Stark and Pepper Potts would take a break from public appearances for the time being.

You wouldn’t return to that apartment until years later, when the thought of it didn’t cut as deep. Pepper would hold your hand as you cried, reliving the memories you'd left behind. 


	2. Tony Stark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the changes between the scenes are too abrupt, I'm trying to switch them around so they go somewhat in chronological order. If you see any errors, please point them out to me. Enjoy!

When you were ten years old, you met Tony Stark.

You thought he would've been tired of you by now but here you were, two years later, sitting around your table for dinner – a tradition at this point.

“Senor Stark, _sientate_ , phones away,” your mom ordered.

You obediently sat down at your small dining room table, hands itching to start shoveling the food on the table into your mouth. Tony had you assisting him with a new project and you were _exhausted_.

“I will be there in _one_ moment - I just need to take this phone call,” he lifted his phone from where he was thrown on our couch.

“Tony, come sit down,” Pepper said sternly, shooting him a look.

“It will be one - _hey_!” Tony protested as my mom took the sleek phone and slipped it into her apron.

“ _Ahora_ Antonio, _ahora_ ,” she crossed her arms.

“Yes ma’am,” he hustled over, sitting down next to you.

At your teasing smirk, he pinched your arm and you squawked indignantly.

“ _Ay, Dios Mio_ , children please,” my mom huffed and sat down at the head of the table. She took your outstretched hand and Pepper’s.

“Antonio, if you could please say grace,” she bowed her head.

Tony always managed to fumble through it, but you could tell he was earnest in his attempts.  

Right as his hand dropped from yours, you took two mouthfuls before slowing down at your mother’s glare.

“Sorry,” you said around a mouthful.

“Did Giggles tell you that she managed a breakthrough today that my own team of full-grown, Ivy League graduates couldn’t, after eight weeks of research?” Tony nudged your elbow with his own.

“ _Mija_ , that’s great! I knew she was destined for great things. She looked up at me, the day she was born, and I just knew,” your mom beamed in your direction.

You ducked your head but couldn’t help the pleased smile that made it onto your face. 

After everyone had finished, you busied yourself by cleaning up the table, taking Pepper’s plates and your own.

“ _Muchas gracias_ ,” you say quietly, hurrying off towards the sink.

“ _Muchas gracias_ ,” Pepper echoed you.  

Your mom smiled graciously. “ _Buen provecho._ ”

Pepper excused herself off to the bathroom and your mother handed Tony his phone back. You dropped the dirty dishes in the sink and went back for the rest when you heard Tony and your mother talking.

“You’ve outdone yourself, yet again,” Tony smiled. “Thank you.”

You knew that if your mother found you eavesdropping, she’d ground you but you really couldn’t help yourself.

“It’s nothing, _mijo_ ,” she said cupping his cheek. “Take advice from a nosy old woman-”

Tony gasped dramatically, “you’re a _fountain_ _of youth_ -”

Your mom rolled her eyes affectionately.

“You need to stop working so hard, you let everybody take and take and take but there will be nothing left for _you_. Slow down a moment to smell the roses, okay?” She cupped his cheek. “And that woman won’t be waiting around forever. _Muevete_.”

Tony tucked his chin, uncharacteristically bashful.

“I know you get tired of hearing me say it, but, thank you for always looking after my girl. You two understand each other in a way I don’t think anyone else has before,” she smiled. “I think you were both meant to meet that day.”

“I keep telling you, you don’t need to thank me. She’s...she’s something,” Tony said with a small smile. “She has one of the smartest minds I’ve ever had the honor of training.”

Your mom opened her mouth to answer but caught sight of you and scowled.

“It seems I haven’t taught her well enough to know eavesdropping is _rude_ ,” she motioned you over.

You slumped into yourself and slowly made your way to her side. She pinched your bicep and you squirmed, trying to get away.

“Sorry,” you mumbled.

Pepper came back in, ending what looked like to be a stressful conversation. She propped herself up against you and leaned her head over yours.

“I’m sorry, but duty calls. Car will be around in five,” she squeezed your shoulders.

“Thank you for all of this, it was magnificent, as always,” he pressed a kiss to your mother's cheek.

“I expect you both here next week, same time,” your mom said, enveloping Pepper in a tight hug.

Tony bumped your fist and Pepper kissed your forehead.

You tucked yourself under your mom’s arm and waved to them as they made their way down your six floor walk-up. 

“Come on _cielo_ , let’s get ready for bed,” she squeezed you and you both made your way inside.

 

* * *

 

When you were ten years old, Tony Stark welcomed you into his lab.

When you were seventeen, he locked you out of it.

“ _Jarvis_! Let me into the lab!” You shouted, pulling at the doors.

“ _I’m sorry Miss, your access has been revoked_.”

“Excuse me?” You sputtered, still pulling at the doors.

“ _Please Miss, at this rate, you will break the glass_.”

“Oh, you bet your butler ass I’ll break the glass.”

You whirled around to stomp towards Tony’s office but found him walking out the elevator doors.

“Tony! Jarvis has clearly been hacked, he’s saying my access has been revoked!”

“Sweetheart, I don’t get hacked. _We_ hack other people and your access _has_ been revoked-”

“ _How dare you_ ,” you screeched.

“-you need to focus on graduation in a few weeks. You didn’t apply to any colleges. I cashed in all my favors to have them disregard the deadlines for your applications.”

You crossed your arms and glared.

“Giggles, you still have access to my personal lab - which, quite frankly, I’m a little offended at how much more you like this one.”

“Because this one has all my notes! My desk! My station!” Your voice went a little shrill as you pointed wildly behind you. “Tony _let me into my lab!_ ”

“Sorry kiddo, just because you have a job as the Director in a few years doesn’t mean you aren’t going to college. Your mother would haunt me until the day I croak if I let you rot away in a lab.”

“Tony, what's the point! All I’ll do in college is waste time and money to be taught something I _already know how to do_! Besides, I’m just going to end up here after four years anyway! I’ll be rotting in the lab just a few years later!”

“Yes, but you’ll rot _with_ a diploma in your clutches,” he sighed. “Giggles, you could’ve graduated college when you were in middle school - but you didn’t. Why?”

You huffed and glared at the wall behind him.

“Because your mom wanted you to be in school with kids your own age, to gain experience, _life_ experience-”

“Which didn’t help, everyone just made fun of me for being a know-it-all.”

“-and that’s why college is so important! You won’t be in middle school anymore. You need to have a life _outside_ this lab, _outside_ of your books and _outside_ of anyone with association to Stark Industries. Giggles, if I could keep you in my eyesight at all times I would, but you’re hiding behind your work and it’s time you realize that. I know this year has been tough on you, _I know._ But this can’t be your whole life. I won't let it. Your mom didn’t want that and I am trying to follow her lead.”

You didn't budge. He sighed.

“If you won’t do this for your mom or for _yourself_ , do it for me.”

You scrunched your face up, knowing defeat when you see it. Sure enough, a month later, you have a pile of acceptance letters from all over the country.

 

* * *

 

“Oxford?” Tony shrieked, his voice high and loud. “ _Oxford?_ ”

“Jesus, Tony, I think my ear is ringing,” you jabbed a finger in your ear.

He gaped, his mouth opening and closing.

“Congratulations sweetheart, they’re lucky to have you. We’ll need to figure out what you need for your dorm. Do you know who you’ll be rooming with?” Pepper engulfed you in a hug.

“Not yet,” before you could get anything else out, Tony’s voice came back.

“ _Pepper!_ ”

“Oh Tony, you wanted her to spread her wings and that’s what she’s done!”

“Yes! But I meant Caltech, Yale, Standford, maybe something local - not _across the_ _Atlantic Ocean_!”

“You know, you’re being a little hypocritical right now,” you tell him with a badly concealed laugh.

He shut his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. You could see the tension in his shoulders and wrapped him up in a hug.

“It’s only for four years Tony, I’ll be back for Thanksgiving, then Christmas and winter break. Besides, don’t act like you can’t pilot your way over for a quick visit in the middle of the week if you wanted to. Uncle Rhodes already promised monthly visits! Happy said he'll bring me any take-out I want.”

Tony sighed, again, resigned. 

“At least tell me you didn’t declare biology as a major.”

 

* * *

 

“Honestly, the food here is _despicable_. You know, we could catch the next flight back to JFK and get some bagels from the place on 5 th in like, nine hours.”

You glanced at Pepper who rolled her eyes and pointed towards your left.

“I think the counselors should be on that side, the e-mail said you’d need your welcome packet. I’ll stay with the car, you two go on,” she said, switching to the driver’s seat.

Tony grumbled and this time, you rolled your eyes.

“Hopefully, that’ll have my dorm information and we can move all my stuff in quickly,” you told him, tugging him in the direction Pepper had pointed.

“Trying to get rid of me that fast?” He asked, his joke and smile falling flat.

England was a far cry from New York City, and while you were nervous at the thought of being this far away from everyone you knew – that also excited you. This would be a new chapter in your life, one that wasn’t filled with your growing codependency on Tony and Pepper. Both of who had barely let you out their sight since the funeral.

“Hey, remember what I said?”

Tony rolled his eyes this time.

“Yes, you need to become independent, spread your wings, _blah, blah, blah_.”

You snorted. “Honestly, I don’t know how you function as an adult on a day to day basis.”

“I’ll have you know, Forbes considers me one the most influential minds of this generation.”

You snorted. Before he could respond indignantly, the nearest counselor waved.

“Hello! Welcome to Oxford! Can I have your student ID number?”

“157890,” you recited.

“Great! I have your packet right here! Inside, you can find an array of things including, a map of the campus, your schedule, your dorm room number and a set of keys to the bathroom on your floor. Oh! We also have a different packet with basic information for the parents. Is this your father?” She asked, rifling through the bins beneath the table.

Tony shook his head but was cut off by your voice.

“Yeah, he’s my dad,” you said distractedly – finding your student ID at the bottom of the envelope.

You froze; you turned to look at Tony and saw his similar frozen expression. Before either of you could address it, the counselor interrupted.

“Brilliant! Pleasure to meet you Mister?”

Tony was the first to react, his face morphing into a charming smile. When you were younger, you used to call it his _Game Face_.

“Mr. Tony Stark.”

The girl’s eyes widened a little but she just smiled and handed him a packet as well. You both walked back to the car in silence.

“So, which way do we go?” Pepper asked once you’d all settled back into the car.

 

* * *

 

You’re both in the elevator going towards your room with the third batch of boxes – Pepper had appointed herself the organizer and you two as manual labor - when Tony finally spoke up.

“It’s not a big deal,” he said.

You shrugged, not looking him in the eyes.

“It’s okay,” he said again. “I don’t mind, anyone could've made that mistake-”

“You’ve been in my life since I was ten, Tony,” you said. “You’ve always been like a dad.”

He smiled shakily in your direction and you blinked away at your tears. 

“An immature, egotistical and certifiably _insane_ dad but you’ll do.”

 

* * *

 

Something’s wrong.

The second you place your keys on the entrance table, you know something is off in your apartment. You drop your bag in its usual place, while humming to yourself. _First rule,_ Natasha’s voice echoed in your head, _never freeze. It shows you know something’s wrong. Act normal._ You leaned under the chair next to your door and grabbed the gun taped under the seat.

You walked towards your kitchen, slowly, gun held high and straight like she had taught you.

“When you’re sixth sense tells you something is off, your first instinct should be to _call for help_ not to try to take care of it yourself,” a familiar voice piped up from behind you.

You jumped, surprised, and swerved a one eighty circle to come face to face with a tired looking Tony.

“Jesus Christ! I could’ve _shot_ you!”

“You can actually call me Tony,” he joked.

You kicked his shin, annoyed and more than a little spooked.

“ _Ow_! Jeez, take it down a notch James Bond,” he pushed passed you and flopped onto your couch. “Although, I am impressed at how many of those you have stashed around the apartment.”

You return the gun to where it was and slumped into the chair next to him.

“I’m pretty sure last time Natasha visited she stashed a few I haven’t found yet,” you said. 

You throw off your shoes and let your hair out of its bun. You two sit in comfortable silence.

“You didn’t fly home this year,” he said.

You shrugged. “I have a final in two days and I’m going to be home next week. It didn’t make sense to come home just for today and return less than twelve hours later.”

“Pepper said I should give you some space. She says we’re too codependent.”

“She’s right,” you said, after a beat.

He lifted his head at that.

“About which one?”

You smiled and dug your cold feet under his thighs for warmth. “The second fact.”

“I still talk to her about you sometimes. I got so used to giving her a progress report on your studies and projects that I forget I don’t need to anymore,” he said.

“I know,” you said. “I talk to her all the time too. Sometimes it’s about little stuff, what shirt I should wear, if I should cut my hair shorter. Sometimes it’s big stuff. What do I do with my life? Do I stay in London after I graduate? Do I go back to New York? Do I stop running from anything that holds too many memories of her…” your voice trailed off.

Tony tilted his head to get a good look at you.

“You know what she’d say,” he said.

You nodded. “I know. It’s just – it’s hard to stop, once you’ve started running.”

“Understatement of the century,” Tony huffed.

You descended into silence again.

“Why is Pepper so mad at you?” You asked. “She won’t tell me and you avoid anything that has too much to do with her.”

Tony squirmed.

“You need to apologize for whatever you did,” you said.

“What makes you think I’m the one at fault?” He exclaimed. “What if I’m the one who’s owed an apology?”

You shot him a look. “Don’t argue with me today.”

“You can’t use that excuse!” He cried, in mock outrage.

“I can use the orphan card whenever I want,” you wiggled your foot. “Do it for _her_. She liked you two together.”

“Alright, alright, I’ll apologize.”

“Good.”

“I can’t believe it’s been three years,” you said, after a while. “She’s not going to see me graduate, get married, _have kids_ -” your voice cracked.

The dam had broken and the tears fell quickly, no matter how fast you swiped them away.

“Oh, kiddo,” Tony patted the seat next to him. “It’s not fair. _It’s not._ I’m sorry.”

You crawled onto the couch, curled into his side and cried.

 

You woke up a little disoriented with a blanket over you. The room was dark, the sun having disappeared. Your apartment smelled of familiar comfort food and Frank Sinatra sang softly from the kitchen.

_Fly me to the moon_

_Let me play among the stars_  
Let me see what spring is like  
On Jupiter and Mars

Rubbing your eyes with one hand, you held the blanket up with the other and made your way to the kitchen.

Tony had changed into pajamas and was singing softly a long to the music as he stood over a pot of what you knew was your mom’s famous stew.

_Fill my life with song  
And let me sing for evermore_

“So, are we going to talk about the Columbia graduate program you were accepted to or is that something that’s still a secret?”

“Going through other people’s mail is felony you know,” you told him, coming up behind him.

He huffed. “I ran into the dean at a party last week. He told me he’d seen one of my infamous employees on the list for next fall.”

You leaned your head onto his shoulder and sniffed the pot. “It needs more carrots.”

“Stop stalling,” he said.

“ _I’m not_ ,” you said. “I still have two more semesters to go - I didn’t think they’d accept me so quickly. Students don’t usually apply this early for that program, much less get in. Apparently my Physics professor’s recommendation letter sung my praises and that was it.”

“I could’ve put in a good word,” he said eventually and you heard the wounded undertone.

“Tony,” you sighed. “We’ve been over this, you know I don’t want to have things handed to me because my name is attached to yours. I want to _earn_ my spot.”

Tony nodded, staying silent.

You nudged him with your elbow. “What, now you have nothing to say?” 

“I thought you said school was stupid?”

You laughed. “School _is_ stupid.”

“So, you’re coming home?” He asked, his air of nonchalance only false to someone who’d know him well.

You hugged him from the side and leaned your head onto his arm.

“Yeah, Stark. I’m coming home. _But_ that’s almost a year and a half away. My semester is over next week and I’m back for the summer.”

“Great, you’re in New York for the big two-zero then,” he said.

“ _Tony_ ,” you said warningly.

“What?” He asked innocently. “Twenty is a huge birthday!”

“Isn’t it twenty one?” You laughed.

He winced. “Pepper made me promise when you were sixteen that I wouldn’t throw you your twenty first birthday party. Something about not being mature enough yet.”

“Yeah, I can see that.”

 

* * *

 

Your hair whipped around you as you got off the helicopter, waving at Happy as he lifted it back into the air.

A familiar face emerged onto the deck.

“Maria!” You said with a wide smile.

“Hey _stranger_ ,” Agent Hill pulled you into a hug.

You laughed. “Everyone wanted their favorite lab technician to go to college and now you all bug me about visiting.”

“You haven’t been back in a year,” Maria said with a look. “You know only Pepper and you can really get through to him.”

“Is he in the lab?” You asked worriedly.

She shook her head. “Mr. Stark is in a meeting, I’ll take you to him.” You followed behind her closely.

“I heard what happened in Germany, is Loki on the jet now?”

Maria nodded. “Fury is having a hard time reigning everyone in.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” you motioned to your bag. “I brought some notes that may help with the tesseract.”

Tony’s voice carried through the hallway and you smiled at his volume, talking clearly above the rest.

“Still just as obnoxious I see,” you laughed.

“You have no idea,” Maria muttered. “Mr. Stark, I have a visitor for you,”  

Everyone stopped speaking over each other and turned to look at you.

“Giggles!” He said with a wide grin, one that quickly morphed into a frown. “What are you doing here?”

His eyes darted over to a dark haired man, dressed in crumpled clothes, clutching nervously at his glasses.

Tony’s anxious glance didn’t go unnoticed. Fury shot you his usual greeting - a suspicious look. You knew it annoyed Fury to no end that he had almost nothing on you.

“Captain Eye Patch,” you said in response, saluting.

Tony chortled.

“You spend too much time at Stark Industries,” Fury said, turning back to the screens behind him.

“How do you even see the screens on the left?” You muttered.

“That’s what I said!” Tony pipped up.

“Tony, aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends?” You took a step into the room and saw a flash of red hair.

“Natasha!” You grinned, throwing yourself into her arms. “I heard about Clint. I’m sorry.”

She sighed and ruffled your hair. “Thanks. We’ll get him back.”

“You damn right,” you nodded with a fierce expression.

“Why does she get a hug before me?” Tony frowned.

You rolled your eyes and walked towards him when you caught sight of Captain America.

Gasping so hard you almost choked, you tripped over your feet in your haste to reach him.

“Mr. Rogers!” You squeaked. “ _C-captain Rogers_! It’s an honor to meet you!”

You stumbled over to shake his hand, eyes wide and awed.

“ _Hello_? I’ve known you since you were a tadpole and I’m thrown out over Star Spangled Banner?”

“I don’t know who was more star-struck, her or Coulson,” Maria laughed.

Natasha snorted and you turned to look at them over your shoulder.

“Be cool!” You said harshly.

Tony rolled his eyes and fell into a nearby chair. “Seriously, I’m like week old trash over here.”

Steve Rogers, _Captain frickin’ America,_ laughed at you good-naturedly.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Miss,” he said with a kind smile.

To this day, you deny swooning but Tony likes to occasionally play back the video recording for you, just to see you turn bright red.

“This is one of the brightest minds Mr. Stark has ever had the good sense to hire,” Maria explained to the room.

“Who is supposed to be on leave from the company while she finishes up her last semester in college,” Tony said with a dark look in your direction. “Does Pepper know you left campus?”

“I’m here to help! I’m a _grown adult_ , I make my own decisions!” You said defensively.

Tony raised an eyebrow.

“Please don’t call her,” you added quietly.

“Who is this small human?” A booming voice by the door asked.

You turned to see a tall drink of blonde hair and blue eyes.

“Well _hello_ there _-”_

“Don’t even think about it,” Tony warned.

Natasha burst into laughter and you smiled in the newcomer’s direction.

“Hello, I’m the director of Stark Labs and you are?”

“I am Thor Odinson of Asgard!”

“Charmed,” you shook his _enormous_ hand. “I’ve heard of a hammer you have. Is it possible that I could just run a little test on-”

Fury cleared his throat, interrupting you. “We have _Dr. Banner_ here to help SHIELD in finding the tesseract. I’m sure we do not need to give Stark Industries any additional-”

You gasped again, swerving in your tracks to face the nervous looking man from earlier.

“Dr. Banner!” You pumped his hand. “It’s an _honor_ , your work on anti-electron collisions is nothing short of genius!”

Dr. Banner glanced over your shoulder bemusedly. You could practically _feel_ Fury's glare.

“She sounds like your echo,” Dr. Banner said gently with a smile. “Please, call me Bruce.”

You snorted. “I taught Tony everything he knows.”

“ _Seriously?_ ”

“Now, where’s the lab? I have a few notes I want to share with the good doctor here. After that, I’m coming back for you _and_ your hammer,” you winked at Thor who smiled jovially and albeit a little confused.

Natasha and Maria tried to unsuccessfully muffle their laughter. Even Fury cracked a smile.

“ _Okay!_ I’m going to take a minute with my _employee_ here,” Tony said to the room, grabbing you by the elbow.

“ _Ow!_ Tony, let go-”

“I’ll be in the labs!” Tony pulled you out the room, Bruce close behind.

You turned to look over your shoulder and pointed. “I’m coming back for you too, Captain!” You yelled.

“Farewell, tiny human!” Thor shouted after you and you waved back happily. Natasha’s laughter followed you out the room and down the hallway.

Within seconds, Tony shut the lab door behind you.

“Kid, what are you doing here? We have Loki in containment and while I love to have Fury prickle at someone else blatantly ignoring his commands, I’m not comfortable with you being confined here too. Have you forgotten that we also have an unstable giant green ball of anger on board too?” Tony cut off with an apologetic look in Bruce’s direction. 

Bruce waved it away, continuing to tinker with the sector.

“You’re contained with them too!” You shouted indignantly.

“I’m okay gambling with my life! I’m _not_ okay with gambling yours!”

“Oh my God, you’re being a drama queen. _Again_!” You started unpacking your notes from your bag. “Just read some of my stuff! I won’t even be here for long. Pep’s bound to find out I’m not in my apartment anyway. Happy can’t keep his mouth shut for the life of him. She’ll be here in a few days to drag me back to London.”

“ _Happy_ ,” Tony growled. "Jarvis, tell Happy he's _fired_ and to bring the helicopter back, _right now_ , to pick up Giggles."

" _Of course, Sir._ "

"Jarvis, cancel the helicopter!"

" _Certainly, Miss. I have cancelled the order._ "

Tony gaped.

“Please, I have Jarvis, Happy, _and_ you wrapped around my fingers. Can we get to work here?” You tightened your ponytail and opened your notebook. “Besides, you’re the one that gave me access to your helicopters.”

Tony crossed his arms but peered, interested, into your notebooks.

“Now come on! The faster we get through this, the faster I make it back to Captain Rogers and that _giant_ hammer,” you winked.

Bruce choked on his laughter. “It’s like I’m seeing double.”

“You’re going to be the _death_ of me,” Tony muttered, rubbing his face.

“Seriously – did you _see_ the muscles on them?”

 

* * *

 

When Tony became your legal guardian, he had decided it was best kept quiet.

“I’m not ashamed of you,” he said, hand on your shoulder. “I have a few public projects starting up and with Iron Man-”

Pepper coughed and Tony shot her a wounded look.

“I don’t want anyone to use you as leverage against me. Either of you. I couldn’t handle it if…if something happened – because-”

You placed a hand over his and smiled.

“I love you too, Tony.”

He sputtered, a little flabbergasted.

You laughed at his gaping expression and reached over to take Pepper’s hand.

“I understand. It’s okay, I don’t need to have any critical acclaim with my connection to you. I’ve seen how this weighs on you, both of you,” you glanced at Pepper meaningfully.

“Besides, I’m going to be a whole ocean away. What trouble could you get into without me around?”

 

* * *

 

“What do you mean I’m not _allowed_ on the plane? Is this a joke?” You asked, your voice shrill.

“Miss, please-”

This had Tony written all over it. You were going to _strangle_ him-

“ _Oh my god!_ ” Someone near the check-in desk screamed.

You turned to see a few people running in the same direction.

“That’s Iron Man!” Someone shouted.

Catching your attention, you ran in the direction of the crowd. You caught sight of the television and a flash of a destroyed city. You gasped, that was _your_  city.

Your heart was picking up speed as you watched Natasha and Clint fight off aliens dropping from the sky.

“ _\- I’m reporting from 8 th Avenue where we can clearly see the roads have been blocked off. Black Widow and Hawkeye have been spotted on 6th Avenue while Captain America was seen helping with the evacuation of a building on-”_

The crowd you were engulfed in stood around the television hung up at the small airport cafe. They all gasped in unison as Thor and the Hulk smashed a ship into Grand Central Station.

“ _-we have reports of witnesses placing Loki atop of Stark Towers where Iron Man was seen flying towards a few minutes ago - oh my God! Look at the sky!"_

A short woman next you cried loudly. The sky above the Tower had opened, larger ships flew through it. The world around you fell away, all you could focus on were your friends – _your_ _family_ – fighting for their lives and defending the city.

The Hulk’s roar jolted you and that’s what finally had you fumbling for your phone.

“Pepper!” You cried when she answered. “The Tower – have you seen the news? I’m at Heathrow but they won’t let me on a plane – I don’t know what’s happening!”

“I know honey, I know. I’m flying to you right now. Tony’s grounded your traveling to New York and he didn’t want me here either. He sent me off this morning, I’m coming to get you.”

“Pepper, what if – what if something happens to him?” You choked into the phone.

“He’ll be fine, he’s always fine,” she said, more to herself than to you. “I have to go, I’m getting off the plane. Stay where you are. I’ll be there soon. I love you.”

You had just ended the call when your phone lit up again. Tony’s face looked back up at you and you scrambled to answer it.

“Tony!” You screamed into your phone, no one paying you any mind.

“ _Call to Giggles has connected Sir_ ,” Jarvis’ voice echoed.

“Giggles?” He called out, grunting with exertion.

“Tony! I’m trying to get to New York as quickly as I can. What is going on? Are you okay?”

“ _Don’t_ – it’s not safe. It doesn’t look like our side is winning right now Giggles. If anything happens to me, Pep knows what to do. Stark Industries is yours. Don’t trust anyone with our work, not SHIELD, _no one_ -”

“I will – I know-” you sputtered, your mind running a mile a minute.

There’s a loud screech in the background and a crash shortly after.

“ _Tony!_ ”

“I love you kiddo- it’s been an honor being your dad.”

“Tony, stop!”

“Romanov – I’m on my way -”

There’s a loud static screech and then silence.

You don’t know how long you sit, slumped against the wall, until a voice screams out your name. You stood, but before you could find where the noise is coming from, Pepper slammed into you.

“Sweetie, it’s going to be okay,” she ran a hand down your back.

This can’t be happening to you, not again.

From the crowd, a woman screams. 

“ _Iron man’s dead!_ ”

 

* * *

  

You ran through the doors with your heart in your throat.

The first person you see is Natasha. Pepper pressed a hand to her arm before inquiring with one of the nurses.

You, however, slammed into Natasha. She groaned at the force of the impact but hugged you back with equal fervor.

“Nat, are you okay? Oh my God, where’s Clint? _Is my dad okay?_ ”

She laughed lightly, and her arms came around you in an embrace.

“I’m fine, _zaika,_ everyone is okay.” She motioned towards the end of the hall. “He’s that way.”

You all but sprinted to the open doorway, where laughter floated out.

Clint’s the first person you see, lying on a couch next to the window. Fury blocked your view of the bed, but Steve is slumped in a chair next to Bruce who’s standing by the window.

“Kiddo!” Clint said with a smile.

You smile uncertainly and at that moment Fury turned, giving you a full view of Tony.

“Hey Giggles,” he said, spoon full of jello in one hand, completely nonchalant. As if a few hours ago he hadn’t all but said goodbye.

Natasha squeezed your shoulder and took a seat next to Clint.

You blinked at him.

“Hello Ms. Potts, Ms. Stark,” Fury nodded at you.

“Ms. Stark?” You heard Clint whisper to Natasha.

Steve and Clint greet Pepper too but you feel like you’ve been dropped from the top of Stark Tower.

All you saw were the bruises on his face, - his leg in a brace and the needles attached to his arm. You flashed to his body flying down from the sky towards the ground.

You can see your mom’s casket being lowered into the ground.

Suddenly it’s all too much and you burst into tears, blubbering incoherently.

Clint and Steve straightened, as if to reach out to you but Natasha held them still with a look.

Tony immediately perked up, trying to stand to get to you but winced with the movement. You fell into his arms ungracefully.

“You – stupid – egotistical – _idiot_ ,” you said between hiccups. “You could’ve died. _I hate you._ ”

You dug your face into his chest and tried to calm your breathing.

“Giggles, I’m okay. I’m okay,” he rubbed your hair.

After a few moments of silence, you’re reminded of the rest of the room when Clint asked. “Is it just me or is this too emotional of a reunion for someone who’s just your boss?”

You leaned back, wiping away at your eyes. Clint and Steve look confused. You turned to look at Tony and he shrugged.

Natasha huffed. “This is a bad idea.”

“I’m…Tony is…” You don’t know how to word it.

You looked to Pepper but she just blinks back at you, overwhelmed.

In the end, it’s Tony who rolled his eyes and pulled you back into his arms. 

“She’s my daughter, don’t you see the resemblance?”

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Pepper, do you know where my favorite jeans are?” You called out.

“Wherever you last left them,” Tony quipped.

You jerked around towards the door to your room – which somehow magically survived the attack – and gaped at Tony.

“What are you doing up? The doctor said you had to be on bed rest for at least a week!”

“What does Bruce know,” Tony huffed, taking a seat at the edge of your bed. “I see you’re packing.”

“I need to go back to my apartment, Pepper’s helped me set the movers up a few weeks earlier. I just need to grab the important stuff and I’ll be back on a plane by Friday.”

“Isn’t your graduation in two weeks?” Tony asked.

“Yeah, it’s not a big deal. I didn’t want to walk anyway, remember? School is stupid.”

“You’re _still_ using that tired excuse?”

“Tony, you need me here-”

“I really don’t,” he said.

You turned to look at him. “Okay, ouch.”

He sighed. “I didn’t mean it like that. I _meant_ , I don’t need you to rush through everything and come take care of me. I have literally hundreds of people I can employ to do so. You can’t miss your graduation. That was part of the original deal, you graduate college.”

“Technically, I _did_ graduate college. They’re going to mail my diploma to me in three weeks! There’s no point in me walking. I can be here and help with the rebuilding.”

“Yeah, I think not. You’re going. That’s final.”

“Tony!”

“Don’t make me lock you out of the lab again.”

You snorted. “Bruce helped me learn how to override Jarvis.”

“ _It’s true, she has access into the whole building Sir._ ”

“Jarvis, I didn’t know you were such a pushover,” he glared at ceiling.

“ _I’m sorry Sir._ ”

“Don’t blame Jarvis. Besides, he agrees with me. I should be here. No one’s going to be able to go anyway, what fun is it going to be to walk alone? 

“Is that what’s really the issue here?”

“ _No_ , the issue is that you need a cane to walk and get winded getting into bed.”

“Giggles, we had a deal. No diploma, no job, no access to my fancy equipment. So what? I can’t go, Pepper wouldn’t let a hurricane or Loki stop her from going. Bruce and Natasha have signed up too.”

“Tony…"

“This is your final hurdle into adulthood! Don’t chicken out now. Besides, it’s only two weeks and you’ll be back in no time. By then, repairs will be on their way _and_ I’ll let you design your own room this time.”

You could tell he’s working himself up, so you sighed and agreed.

A week later, your name is called and you heard a loud, booming voice shout: “ _that’s my kid!”_

Squinting towards the noise, you find Tony and Pepper clapping on their feet. Next to them sit an amused Natasha and Bruce, also cheering you on.

You can’t help the laugh that bubbled out of you. _So much for discreet_. You shake the Dean’s hand and grab the fake rolled up diploma handed to you.

“Is that your family?” Your seatmate asked, once you were both sitting down. She smiled at their cheers.

Turning to look at them, you found Tony flashing you a thumb’s up.

“Yeah, that’s my family.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Sientate:** Sit down  
>  **Ahora:** Now  
>  **Dios mio:** literally, my God - but the equivalent of "Jesus Christ."  
>  **Mija/o:** Affectionate term meaning "my daughter," or "my son." (*can be used to people not biologically related to you.)  
>  **Muchas gracias:** Thank you  
>  **Buen provecho:** Enjoy your meal (*usually said at the end of meals after thanking whomever for said meal. In french, it's like saying Bon Appetite.)  
>  **Muevete:** Move it.  
>  **Cielo:** Sky (*used as a term of affection)  
>  **Zaika:** Little bunny (*according to google translate, used as a term of affection in Russian.)
> 
> Bucky/Reader come in mostly in during the last quarter of the story. The plot is quite non-linear, so we'll see tidbits of him sprinkled throughout.
> 
> School is very much _not_ stupid, stay in school kids.


	3. Natalia Romanova

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next two chapters, like this one, ran away from me a little bit and I can't seem to cut down on them anymore than I already have - so I'll be splitting them into four parts, two per chapter. If the time jumps are confusing, let me know - I tried separating them different by how far the jump was. Hope you enjoy!

Like most things in your life, the first time you met the _infamous_ Black Widow – it was unconventional.

You were eighteen going on nineteen and home from your first semester at Oxford. You were in Tony’s training room, finishing up your mile on the treadmill when her voice filtered down from the rafters.

“I wonder,” she said, “what makes you so important to Tony Stark?”

Her voice startled you and you frantically slowed the pace down to avoid face planting into the treadmill.

“Excuse me?” You asked, trying to catch your breath.

She swung down, landing by the entrance door.

“What’s different about you, that even Tony Stark holds you up on such a high pedestal?”

You had to fight against the urge to roll your eyes. You knew what most people thought when they noticed how much time Tony Stark spent with an eighteen-year-old. Frankly, it was disgusting and a little insulting.

“I’m the future director of the Stark Laboratories. He discovered me when I was in elementary school,” the lie slipped easily from your mouth. “He’s just protecting his investment.”

Natasha stared at you.

“I don’t think that’s it,” she said finally. “I know Tony Stark and I see the way he treats you. The way Pepper hovers over you. I don’t think if you were _just_ an investment he’d have cared about your return that much.”

That had you stepping back in surprise, you didn’t think that anyone was aware of your return last night. You hadn’t seen anyone else on the landing pad. In fact, you had barely opened the door when Tony crushed you in a hug and Pepper shortly after.

“Maybe you’re digging where there isn’t anything to find,” you said, trying not to nervously pick at your shirt.

You were about two minutes away from telling her where to shove it. 

“Maybe,” she said agreeably, “but to a man so clearly in love with only himself - it’s curious to find something else he cares equally about. Especially if that thing is an _employee._ ”

You stopped a few steps away from the door and glanced back at her. You contemplated her defensive stance and eyed her serious expression. You’d heard rumors about Black Widow, anyone who was this close to SHIELD had. She was ruthless and practically undefeated. Natasha Romanov was Nick Fury’s best agent and everyone knew it.

But…you knew Tony and if Tony had let her into your life, given her access into the personal training room, that she was trustworthy on some basic level. Tony didn’t let anyone into the top floors and that had to mean something in his eyes.

Although, he  _had_ said she was loyal to Fury above anything and while Fury wasn’t your favorite person in the SHIELD bunch, you still trusted him.

So, you channeled your inner Tony Stark and threw caution to the wind. “He’s my guardian – my dad."

That seemed to cause her expression to slip and she blinked.

“I was not expecting that,” she huffed. “ _Although_ , I’m not surprised.”

You shrugged.

“You don’t look like him,” she told you.

You hesitated, not knowing how much to let her in on. _What the hell,_ you’d gotten this far.

“You and I both know that not all families are made from sharing biological genes.”

She frowned and you continued towards the exit. She called out your name.

“If anyone found out, you would become a target – you know that right? There are a lot of people who would love to get one over on Tony Stark, starting with SHIELD.”

“I know, that’s why it isn’t exactly public information.”

“And you _still_ told me?” She asked, staring at you, disbelievingly.

You nodded in response.

She shot you an impressed look.

“Good power move,” she said, smiling, for the first time since she’d popped down from the ceiling. “You need to learn to defend yourself better than that if you’re going to go around announcing to everyone you’re his kid.”

“I’m _not_ announcing anyth-”

“Every morning, seven, this gym,” she padded towards the treadmill. “I’ll get you to kick ass _properly_.”

“Did you say seven? As in the morning?” you asked her retreating form. “You do know I’m on _a break_ right?”

She glanced at you over her shoulder. “I’ve never taught anyone before, I think I’m going to enjoy this.”

**__**

You were _dying_. There was no other explanation for it.

“Come on, you can do better than that,” Natasha’s voice pierced your cloud of _doom_.

“Nat, I’m never going to get the hang of this,” you told her, not moving from your spot on the mat. “I’m a lab rat, not a badass spy. I jog a mile every now and then so I don’t keel over from the garbage I eat. _That_ is the extent of exercise I do!”

After a moment, she crouched by your head and you winced.

“Please don’t make me get up.”

“You can do this. You don’t need to mimic my style of fighting, you need to find your own.”

You frowned. “I don’t _have_ a style of fighting!”

“But you will,” she promised.

You huffed, but this time took the hand she extended out.

“Do you get off on inflicting pain? Is this your thing?” You asked. “Natasha Romanov, _a sadist._ ”

She laughed and threw another punch.

**__**

Natasha was anything if not consistent. You sometimes wouldn’t get up for your classes at nine in the morning but, come rain or shine, Natasha had you up and running at seven. After a few weeks, it seemed to finally pay off.

The sound of Natasha hitting the mat rang in your ears and only by sheer instinct did you cage her body with your thighs.

You almost leaned towards the window to check the sky for pigs because for the first time all winter you managed to get the upper hand. In fact, you didn’t know who was more shocked, you or her.

“Oh my god! I’m sorry!” You squeaked, rolling off of her.

Instead of the anger you expected, she grinned at you slowly.

“Don’t apologize, that was good, let’s go again!” Within a millisecond she popped up and you narrowly avoided her roundhouse kick.

“Christ, _give me a second_!”

 

* * *

 

Years later, you’ll think back on that winter break. Really, it was the beginning of a really,  _really_ _,_ long and complicated path for you. Tony still lamented giving her access to the training room - but you were thankful that _the_ Black Widow took you on as her first and only apprentice. Her drills and training had saved your life multiple times _._ A fact she _never_ neglected to remind you of.

It was her training and inherited paranoia that had your sixth sense itching one night, a couple years later.

You were on a mission in Romania near a HYDRA base. The team had been sent to extract crucial information and you were rounding out the trek through a small town when the hair on the back of your neck stood. You turned around slowly, glancing around at anything that looked suspicious.

“What are you looking at?” Wanda asked you from the side of the building ahead of you.  

“Nothing - catch up to Bucky and Cap’. Let them know I’m just going to run the perimeter again. Something’s off,” you told her.

She rolled her eyes. “You are very paranoid. Steve _double-checked_ it an hour ago.”

“Mistakes happen,” you said, eyeing the shadows surrounding you. “ _Go._ ”

Wanda shot you one last look before disappearing as quickly as she had appeared.

You decided to walk straight for a few blocks before darting west, using the nearest building as leverage to thrust yourself up in an arc. Your plan worked and you landed a few steps behind your pursuer.

Before they could pull out a gun, you threw a punch and a kick that they deflected. You two were a solid match until you saw an opening. With a swift kick to their abdomen you had them on the ground in seconds. You cradled their torso with your thighs, immobilizing their center of gravity.

Picking a small knife out of your boot, you held it to their throat. The black mask they wore covered their eyes and you tried to remove it despite them struggling against you.

“Who sent you?” You hissed. “Why are you following us?”

When they didn’t offer an answer, just continued to struggle in your hold, you decided you didn’t need answers and went for the kill. A laugh far off in the distance startled you, loosening your grip and they were able to break your hold. With a well placed shove, they have you on your back next to them. You’re up on your feet in an instant, knife in hand, but you stop when your assailant rips off their mask.

“ _Natasha?_ ” You cried, thrown for a loop. “What you doing here? Are you insane? You don’t sneak up on me like that during a mission! I could’ve _killed_ you – you - you stupid Russian ginger!”

She flipped her hair, nonchalantly, and grinned. “You were quick on picking up on me when the rest didn’t. Good job.”

“ _Is that all you’re going to say_?” You hissed, trying to keep quiet but not being able to help the volume of your voice.

“Did you think because you’re an agent now that your training was over? It’s never over. This is part of being your mentor.  It is my responsibility to keep your skills sharp and to be sure you can do this – that you can handle this life. It always comes with a price and I don’t want you to pay it when you aren’t ready.”

“ _Oh my God_ , I’m surrounded by lunatics,” you whispered, more to yourself.  “Aren’t you supposed to be in London?”

“Clint hasn’t noticed I’m gone yet. Remember, even when you’re with a team – _always triple check_ their double checks. It’s how you stay alive,” she pressed a quick kiss to your head. “See you in a few days. It’s your turn to cook next Friday.”

Soft footfalls have you crouching low and you glanced towards the sound.

“Someone’s coming-” you turned back to see that she had disappeared.

“Jesus Christ, you’re all a bunch of clichés!” You whisper yelled, knowing full well she could still hear you.

“Who are you talking to?” A quiet voice asked. A very _close_ quiet voice. By sheer luck and instinct, you managed to not scream.

“Bucky! Don’t scare me like that,” you placed a hand on your chest. “This team is trying to _kill_ me.”

He shot you an odd look. “You don’t _get_ scared. What’s happening? I heard you talking to someone.”

“Nothing! I mean, nobody. I wasn’t talking to anyone. Let’s just – _let’s just go_.”

 

* * *

 

“So _you’re_ the girl Nat’s taken a liking to.”

You turned in your chair, looking towards the door. A man dressed all in black leaned against the frame, taking you in.

“I didn’t think lab technicians were at the top of her list for trainees,” he said and you prickled.

“The word _list_ implies there is more than one person,” you said. “As far as I know, I’m it.”

You’d been keeping up with your workouts all winter and it was your last night before your flight to Heathrow in the morning. You _thought_ that everyone would at least get together to eat dinner but Tony and Natasha had sped off on SHIELD business before you could even ask. They promised to be back soon but you knew that soon for them could mean midnight. You were sneaking in a few more hours in your lab trying, unsuccessfully, not to sulk about it.

So to say that you were _not_ exactly in the best mood was an understatement.

“ _Who_ are you exactly?” You leaned forward to see down the empty hallway. “Are you lost? Intern offices are two floors down sweetie.”

“I see why she chose you,” the man laughed, delighted, and not even a _little_ offended. “I’m Clint Barton, I work with Agent Romanov.”

“You just missed her,” you frowned. “Jarvis?”

“ _He has a level seven clearance, Miss,”_ Jarvis answered. “ _Ms. Potts was notified and approved of his access to your laboratory.”_

“Thank you, Jarvis,” you stood and walked towards him. “You hungry? I think Marketing had pizzas delivered earlier.”

“What?” He straightened at your sudden change. “That’s all it takes to get you to trust me?”

“Who said I trusted you?” You snorted, packing your bag and shutting down the computers. “I asked if you were hungry.”

“You would share a meal with someone you didn’t trust?”

You shrugged. “I trust Pepper and if she trusts you, it’s good enough for me.”

He thought it over and nodded.

“Alright, yeah, I could go for some pizza."

__

That’s how Natasha found you, sitting in Marketing’s break room, arguing with Clint.

“There’s _no way_!” Clint shouted. “The Mets have _spirit_.”

You let out a strangled laugh. “Yeah? They can keep their precious spirit, we have _championship rings_.”

“Oh real nice,” Clint snipped. “It’s _always_ about the bling with you Yankee fans.”

“I see you’ve met Clint,” Natasha’s voice cut through the yelling.

Without missing a beat, you flicked your hand in his direction. “Yeah and I don’t know what it says about you if this is the company you keep Nat.”

“Hey!” Clint shook his slice in your direction, pepperoni flying off towards a corner. “I resent that. 

“Says the _Mets_ fan.”

 

* * *

 

You were _never_ drinking again.

“Hey, if you throw up in my jet I am never offering to pick you up again,” Clint warned from the pilot’s seat.

You just groaned in response. Clint had picked you up, _at crack of dawn_ , from the airport to take you back to New York for a short visit.

You’d received an email about a month ago congratulating you for your contribution in a major project you’d been working on during the past year. The person who had accepted to lead the conference had dropped out and you’d been asked to lead in their place.

At the time, you had thought it was a prank Tony was pulling on you. When you called, furious, he had been half asleep and swore it wasn’t a joke. No one had ever asked to let you lead a conference, no one your age had. While it wasn’t exactly keynote speaker, it was a _major_ opportunity to get investors for your worthwhile project, which you had affectionately named S.O.S.

Your lovely, but wild, roommate had come back to you dancing and demanded you go out to celebrate.

Unfortunately, midterms had taken up the majority of your time and before you knew it you were packing to leave the next morning.

“But we must go out!” Your roommate had insisted. Her Scottish accent enticed you, making you waiver.

“We can celebrate when I get back,” you said firmly.

“Nonsense, we’re celebrating your successes and the end of midterms!” She shouted the last part and a series of cheers came from the corridor.

“I have a really early flight,” you protested feebly.

Tony had texted you earlier in the week that Clint was flying back from a mission in France and he wouldn’t mind making a pit stop at London to pick you up. You jumped at the chance to avoid the crowded eight hour flight home.

However, you were coming to regret every decision you’d ever made that led you up to this moment. In a country where eighteen was the legal drinking age and with a very persuasive roommate, you’d been ten shots in before even your roommate tried to slow you down.

 _Just a few drinks_ , you faintly remember her saying before she dragged you out the door.

By the time she’d managed to reign you in, it was four in the morning and you had _just_ enough time to scramble back to your dorm to get your stuff and high tail it to the airport. You hadn’t had the time to shower, much less sober up.

In fact, you were pretty sure you were _still_ drunk.

_Damn Scots._

Now, you were currently huddled in on yourself, clutching a bucket to your chest.

“Stop yelling,” you whimpered.

Clint laughed. “Tony is going to love this. Pepper might even kill you both.”

“Oh God, _Pepper_.”

__

Three cups of coffee, one hundred bathroom trips, and five hours later, Tony greeted you on the landing pad. Who upon your exit, immediately started laughing when he saw the aforementioned bucket _still_ clutched against your chest.

“Oh, Giggles, please tell me you finally got into some trouble,” Tony said gleefully.

“I regret everything,” you groaned, all but falling into his arms.

“She puked in my jet Tony!” Clint shouted from the ramp. “ _Twice!_ I’m sending you a cleaning bill!”

“You smell like the bottom of a tequila bottle,” Tony laughed delightedly. “I’m finally going to be able to see someone else get Pepper’s ‘I’m-disappointed-in-you’ lecture.”

You whimpered. “Can I please go inside? I think the sun is _melting_ my corneas.”

__

Despite the small jackhammer in your head, you made Tony stop at his lab on your way up.

“Can I drop off my notes? I want to go over them with you before tomorrow. I think some of the opening statements need a little tweaking.”

“Sure, Pepper cleared our schedules for the next three days. You’d think you won a Nobel Peace Prize. I think she’s even told the interns that you’re speaking tomorrow.”

You smiled, Pepper and Tony had always been your biggest fans. It was true when you were ten and it was still true now, almost nine years later.

“Hey,” you said rifling through your desk. “Is Natasha here? She called to congratulate me sometime between the second and third bar. I can’t remember if she said she _would_ be here or _couldn’t_ be here.”

Tony scoffed and crossed his arms.

“What?” You asked turning to look at him.

“I didn’t think you and daddy-long-legs were going to get so _chummy_ ,” he said. “Especially since your last visit. Don’t think I don’t know you’ve been training with her. 

You raised an eyebrow.

“I didn’t think you would care. She’s just helping me learn to defend myself,” you crossed your arms. “Since when have I ever had to ask for permission to befriend someone anyway?

Tony _hmphed_ and picked up a report lying on the table.

“You’re _befriending_ a Russian assassin, why would I care?” He huffed. “Especially since the day you met her you let her know who _you actually were_.”

“That’s what’s bothering you,” you said.

A few months ago you’d given Tony and Pepper a heads up right before boarding your flight back to London that you had spilled the beans with Natasha. To say that Tony was pissed was an understatement. You thought he’d mellowed out eventually but, apparently not. You watched him fiddle with the papers, his brows furrowed and a light bulb went off in your head.

“ _Oh,_ ” you said. “I get it now.”

“What?” He avoided your eyes.

“You’re upset that she has something to hold over your head,” you frowned. “She wouldn’t hurt me to get to you.”

“You don’t _know_ that,” he snapped, throwing the report down. “She may like you, she may even trust you, but when push comes to shove she’ll use whatever she has to get what she wants. Even if that’s using you - _especially_ for Fury.”

“I thought you said Fury was a good guy,” you said. “I want to point out this is coming from a man who announced to the world he was Iron Man.”

“He is, he can be,” Tony sighed, ignoring your quip. “But good people can use not-so-good methods to get what they want.”

“I know you’re worried Tony,” you tell him. “But I _trust_ her.”

“For all our sake, I hope so.”

You rolled your eyes at his dramatics. “Come on, let’s go eat something. I’m still too hungover for this conversation. Where’s my bucket?”

__

Natasha had flown in from D.C. for the conference, stepping in as security for you during the presentation. You hadn’t managed to talk much, your schedule was packed down to the minute - including bathroom breaks and alone time.

You suspected it was Pepper’s way of punishing you for your drunken entrance. By the time the conference had started you’d only seen Natasha for a brief moment before she came to get you to escort you down.

“I can’t believe Pepper got me on a red eye tonight,” you complained. “I haven’t gotten to bug you enough. Tony said you were going to stay in New York for a while. Who’s going to bother you if I’m gone?”

She laughed, adjusting the back of your dress as you bounced around. “I’ll bother Clint, eat your stash of junk, and come up with another training schedule for you. I heard about your grand entrance. I think Pepper’s still pissed about stepping in your bucket.”

“Aren’t teenagers supposed to go out and drink? Why does no one blink an eye when Tony does it? I’m definitely more responsible than him. I’ve seen him throw up into a _plant_! At least I had the decency to do it in private.”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “You two are disgusting. You ready for this?”

“I am but I’m _nervous_. It’s the first time I’ve been recognized for a project that Tony hasn’t publicly backed,” you bounced on the balls of your feet, nervous. “I hope I don’t mess up.”

“You won’t,” she reassured. “This is for the bots you’ve been working on, right?”

“ _Yes,_ ” you wiggled the note cards in your hand. “This could possibly save lives, Nat, _thousands_ of lives. We’d be giving healthcare to people who live in remote areas or don’t have the means to travel towards cities.”

“Well then, we better get you out there,” she said just as the elevator doors opened.

_Oh God, this was it._

“We’re moving to the ballroom,” she said into her ear piece, eyes tracking the room methodically.

“You two are ridiculous. I don’t know why you think I need such high level security when I’m nobody.”

Natasha snorted. “Even if your connection to Stark isn’t public information, which would be a miracle considering how bad you two are at keeping a secret, you’re still well known in association with Stark Industries. You’re the youngest member who’s ever presented here. That’s a big deal, _zaika_.”

You smiled at your new nickname, Natasha had said you’d reminded her of a rabbit because you were always bouncing around on your toes – a habit she still hasn’t been able to train you out of.

“They’re introducing you,” she said. “Keep your eyes open.”

You rolled your eyes. “I will, now _come on._ ”

__

You were practically floating on a cloud – the presentation had gone off without a hitch. When you walked off stage, a handful of men bombarded you with questions.

“Did you come up with this idea yourself? The engineering is unbelievable.”

“Yes,” you said with a smile. “My team has helped considerably but the original plans for the S.O.S bots came from an old school project of mine.”

“It’s incredible, especially from someone who’s this early in their academic career,” an older man said kindly.

“Thank you, I’m quite proud of it.”

“Your name has been coming up a lot recently, you seem to have a lot of promise - especially if this project is any indication,” someone said.

You craned your neck to see who had spoken. When your eyes locked on his you vaguely recognized him from a company that directly rivaled Stark Industries.

He smirked at the recognition in your eyes.

“The whole community knows that anything Stark Industries has produced, in the last few years, that’s worth anything has your name attached to it. If you’re ever looking for an _actual_ challenge, our company would be glad to give you a spot in our lab.”

“Trying to steal my director again Marcos?” Tony’s voice came from behind you. “That’s low, even for you.”

The man in front of you scowled and turned to face Tony.

“Just putting an offer out there, making sure the girl knows she has options.”

“The _girl_ has a name nimrod-”

They started arguing and after a few minutes you couldn’t fit besides either of their egos. You found Natasha standing by the stairs and rolled your eyes.

‘ _Help me,’_ you mouthed, motioning to Tony.

She smiled and started crossing the room towards you. You turned to drag Tony away from what was essentially a pissing contest - when a large hand wrapped itself around your bicep and flung you backwards. Your head slammed into something hard and you saw stars.

Natasha screamed your name.

The large hand wrapped itself around your throat and a cool barrel was pressed into your temple.

“Anyone move and I’ll put a bullet in your precious director’s brain.”

Your head was throbbing and all you heard for a few moments after was your blood rushing in your ears. The hand around your neck tightened and when you finally managed to get your eyes to focus, Tony’s lip was split and his shirt was splattered in blood.

“I said _don’t move_!”

Right as he said that, there’s a flurry of movement in your peripheral and the grip on your throat seemed seconds away from crushing something essential. Soon, you knew, you’d lose consciousness.

“Let’s show them what we do to people who don’t listen!”

You never forget the first time you hear gunshots. Not ones in movies or on news reports but in person – live and in full color.

Having been at such close range you’d thought your eardrums had shattered. The rushing noise was replaced by an even louder ringing.

Spurred on by your fear, you used your head and rammed it as hard as you could into your attacker’s face. A satisfying crunch and subsequent yell has you free and you instantly drop to the ground, sweeping his feet out from under him.

Air never tasted so good. Chest heaving, you scrambled away from him.  

One look at where he’d landed, you knew you weren’t moving fast enough. He managed to raise his gun, directly at you. _Never met a gun straight on, inconsistency can keep you alive._ Natasha’s advice rang through your mind so you throw yourself left but it’s inevitable. You hear the crack and prepare for the hit. Suddenly a body slammed into you, _hard_ , knocking you down.

You groan in pain as an elbow hits your gut. Natasha was sprawled in your lap, groaning and gripping her shoulder.

“Oh my God, Nat, _oh my God!_ ” You screamed when you realized the bullet had hit her instead of you. Your clothes were almost immediately soaked in her blood.

_Oh God, her blood. Her brachial artery!_

Tony was at your side in a flash. “Romanov, where did it hit you?”

“I’m okay, I’m okay,” she mumbled. “ _Oruzhiye, осторожно_!” 

“Tony,” your voice came out high-pitched, “h-her artery.”

“I got her Giggles,” when you didn’t move he gently pushed you aside. “Honey, you have to let go of her. We need to get her inside, JARVIS have medical on standby. Get those assholes out of here _._ ”

__

The bullet had _barely_ missed her artery. By some _double_ miracle the bullet had also gone through cleanly, managing to not do any irreparable damage.

When you were finally allowed to see her she was sitting up without one curl out of place.

“I can’t believe you did that,” you told her, tears in your eyes. “You could’ve _died_.”

“Oh, come on, it wasn’t life threatening. You’re starting to turn into your old man.”

“ _Nat,_ ” you said.

“I saw the way you swerved left when you saw the gun - that was good. You did well under the circumstances.”

“Are you reviewing my reactions during a terrorist attack? You’re so _weird_ ,” you huffed.

She nudged you with her foot. “Hey, I’m incapacitated and you’re criticizing me? And where’s that jello I asked for. You’re bedside manner is horrible.”

“Alright, alright, I’m going.”

You’d managed to convince one of the chefs to let you take as many cups as you could carry. You walked slowly, making sure not to drop any when you heard a familiar voice outside her room.

“Romanov…you saved her life,” his voice was serious.

“I didn’t do it for you,” she said. “She’s special Stark.”

“I know.”

“Listen, I don’t know how she ended up with you and I’m not interested. I’m not…I wasn’t always what I am. I had a family – a sister – before the fire, before KGB,” she cleared her throat before returning to her normal tone. “I wouldn’t use her to get to you. I wouldn’t hold her over you.”

“Listen, we both know how quickly loyalties change. I don’t think you’re Satan reincarnated but I’m just trying to look out for her. Her mom – she trusted me with her and I can’t go back on that. _I won’t_. I don’t care what you do with me, she’s not negotiable.”

“I understand that.”

“So we’re back to where we started,” Tony said.

“No, we have an understanding. I won’t hold it over your head and you won’t hold her over mine.”

“ _Deal_.”

“You can come out now kiddo.”

You winced and walked into the room. “Sorry?” You said with a grin.

Tony laughed and Nat smiled at you. “Don’t worry, I’ll incorporate stealth into your new routine.”

You smiled and bounced over to her side. “So, now that you’re out for a while – does that mean Clint’s going to train with me? Because I’m pretty sure I could beat him up.”

Nat laughed. You smiled, tension successfully broken, and handed Tony some jello.

He caught your eye and looked at Nat, who was still chuckling. He gave you a small nod.

“Alright kid, alright.”

 

* * *

 

“So I heard we have a fresh college graduate in our midst. You’re slumming it with the rest of us huh?”

You steadied the bag you’d been punching and laughed at Clint’s wide grin.

“Technically you guys are slumming it with me.”

“I don’t know, college graduate sounds pretty good to me.”

You smiled and pointed towards the ring in the far corner.

“You want to go a few rounds?”

Clint shook his head, leaning against the treadmill. “I’m still recovering from kicking Alien ass. I’m getting too old for this shit.”

You laughed and you both descended into tense silence. You got a few more kicks in when his silence got to be too much.

“Spit it out Clint,” you said, removing your gloves.

“So… _Stark_ huh?”

You rolled your eyes. “It doesn’t change anything. Just because he’s my legal guardian doesn’t mean I’m of more importance or different somehow.”

“You sure about that? Because I know a few terrorist groups who’d like to get their hands on any type of leverage against Iron Man.”

“ _Jesus_ , not this again. We’re taking precautions – everyone involved in the matter knows the risks. I don’t think any of you would sell me out and even if you did I’m not going to live my life afraid of my shadow. I’m just a kid from Spanish Harlem. I grew up in public school and lived most of my life in a one bedroom government building. My mom was a nurse and… and the _best_ mom I could’ve ever wished for. Then Tony took me in. He’s been in my life for a long time, you know how it is. _It doesn’t change anything_.”

Clint caught your eyes and his sad look made you soften.

“You would’ve liked her,” you told him. “Mom never met a stranger. She was always making friends wherever she went.”

“Tony showed me a picture of her,” he said quietly. “You look just like her.”

“Thanks,” you smiled sadly. “She would’ve brought the auditorium down at my graduation if she had been there.”

“From what I heard, Tony almost did.”

You frowned. “He shouldn’t have flown out, I can’t believe Natasha let him get out that bed.”

“Come on, give him a break. He brought Banner with him for a reason. Besides, you didn’t really think he would miss it. I’m pissed Fury put me on clean up duty – or else I would’ve been there embarrassing you also. Pepper, very happily, offered to e-mail me a slideshow of pictures and videos.”

“Oh God,” you said, horrified. You hated all the pictures from your graduation. You were under the impression that Natasha was going to be the only attending avenger, so you hadn’t put much effort into your appearance that day. Besides, trying to pack up four years’ worth of stuff to ship back across the ocean was _stressful_ \- to say the least. To say you looked haggard that day would be too generous.

“They weren’t all that bad,” Clint assured you with a laugh. “Nothing can be worse than your first conference your freshman year.”

“Nope, we’re not ever bringing that up again,” you said matter-of-factly. You busied yourself with putting away the equipment. “I still can’t even _look_ at tequila the same.”

“Oh,” Clint said suddenly.

You shot him a questioning look.

“ _That’s_ why Fury always called you Ms. Stark,” Clint laughed. “To dangle it over Tony’s head that he knew you were related. I thought it was because you worked for him.”

You rolled your eyes at him. “Clint, you’re lucky you’re good looking.”

He winked at you.

“Stop flirting and get back to your workout. You have the treadmill next, then twenty minutes of the ring with me,” Natasha slammed the door open.

You rolled your eyes. “You always have to make a dramatic entrance don’t you?”

Clint laughed.

Natasha raised an eyebrow. “You wanna join us Barton?”

“You know what, sure, how hard can of a trainer can you be after all these years?”

A few minutes later, Clint landed on his side next to where you’d been laid out.

“I’m done,” you said over Clint’s groaning. “All those fish and chips made me soft.”

“I forgot what it’s like to see you in action,” Clint sat up. “ _Shit_ , is that the time? I have to get back to headquarters. Pepper and Maria are working on a rebuilding PR stunt and they want me front and center. Catch you two later.”

Natasha pulled you to your feet and you moaned. “I need a hot shower.”

“What? You’re not going to do weights with me?”

“Nat, _please_ , you’re going to kill me. My legs feel like they’re limp noodles.”

She laughed. “Alright, alright, hit the showers kid.”

“Yes!” You crowed. “I’m taking a long shower and following it up with an even longer nap.”

Natasha looked at you confused. “Pepper told me this morning that you had a lease signing uptown. Something about it being by your campus. She actually asked me to go with you.”

“Fuck,” you cursed. “I totally forgot about that. Hey, I don’t need a babysitter. I can manage one afternoon by myself.”

“I think she meant she wanted me to _escort_ you there.”

Your eyes widened. “As in, on the clock? You’ve got to be kidding me. I thought she’d finally let up with the security detail.”

“She has, but after this last stunt with Loki – the world’s a little pissed at us.”

“Pissed at _you_ ,” you corrected with a smirk.

Natasha rolled her eyes and pinched your side. “ _Us_ , smartass. You’re officially part of Stark Industries now and that’s enough connection to warrant security - _again_. Be happy it’s me today. I’m pretty sure Tony’s interviewing new candidates to replace me.”

“ _What_?” You said. “Where are you going? Not that I need you to follow me around –I just thought you were going to join Clint with the rebuilding project.”

“Fury needs me in D.C.”

You frowned. “Is it dangerous? Is this another alien situation?”

“You know I can’t tell you.”

“Ugh.”

“I know, I’m sorry. Go take a shower, if you’re quick we can grab lunch before your lease signing. I’m still in New York for a few days, I’ll help you keep Potts and Stark off your tail while we move you into your new studio.”

“You’re the best,” you said, brightening 

“I know.”

 

* * *

 

Unfortunately, the next time you manage to see Natasha is a couple months later. You’ve been invited to another conference – this time as a keynote speaker. Fortunately for you, it’s in D.C. and SHIELD’s graciously offered you Natasha’s services for the night.

“I know it’s irrational to be worried about this happening twice in a row, but please try not to get shot for me this time around,” you said to Nat over lunch.

“No promises,” she said while scrolling through her phone. “Hey, Steve wants to know if you’d mind if he joins. He says he’s around the corner and hasn’t seen you since the Loki disaster.”

“Yeah, why not, the more the merrier,” you said taking a healthy swig of your wine. Before you can ask the waitress for a refill, you feel a pair of arms wrap around your shoulders.

“Hey kiddo,” he greeted.

“Still calling me that I see,” you scrunched your nose up at him.

Steve chuckled and sat to your left, politely thanking the stunned looking waitress as she placed a plate and glass before him.

“Hey, you’re a baby in comparison to my ninety-five.”

“I’m going to start calling you old man and see how you like it,” you taunted. Steve made a face.

“Children, behave,” Natasha teased, taking a bite out of her burger.

“He started it.”

“Pepper said you were dating some biochemical engineer?” Natasha said, changing the topic and hiding her smile over the rim of her glass.

“ _Natasha_!” You said, darting a glance at Steve, still uneasy about getting personal around him.

“Oh please, he’s the biggest gossip,” Natasha joked.

“The biggest,” Steve nodded with a smile. “What’s his name?”

You flushed, _oh what the hell._

“His name is Aiden and Tony hates him because he rejected Tony’s job offer to get his doctorate.”

“Well, I’ll probably love him then,” Natasha said with a smile.

“So we know Tony hates him,” Steve popped another fry in his mouth. “How do _you_ feel about him?”

Shrugging, you picked at your dessert. “He’s _okay_ , he doesn’t done anything wrong so far.”

“Ah, I think that’s what Romeo said about Juliet,” Natasha snorted. “She’s _okay_ and she doth not do anything wrong.”

You rolled your eyes. “Alright, we’re not the greatest love story out there _but_ , he’s nice.”

“Okay, one point for the rookie. What else you got?” Natasha held up a finger.

“Well, he’s incredibly sweet. Last month, when I was sick, he skipped his afternoon classes and called out of work to go across town to get my favorite soup from that little shop on 1st.” You frowned. “I think he actually missed a presentation too.”

“Two points for the rookie,” Steve said.

Natasha frowned. “That’s it? Nice and thoughtful?  He sounds like a golden retriever.”

“Well, he’s _really_ good in bed,” you smiled. “My neighbors hate me now.”

Steve choked on his drink, spitting it out onto the table. Natasha pounded his back until he raised a hand. “I’m good, I’m fine.”

Nat caught your eyes and you both burst into laughter.

“Now I _have_ to meet him,” she said between chuckles.

“I am never going to be able to look Tony in the eye again,” Steve said after he finally gulped down some water. “I see what you were talking about, Nat.”

Natasha smirked.

“What?” You asked suspiciously.

“Natasha always says the more I get to know you, the rowdier you’d be,” Steve laughed.

You smiled innocently. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

__

“What do you mean Fury’s dead?” You asked Tony, dodging a taxi on your way to your next class. “Fury’s immortal. He survives  _everything._ ”

“How else can you mean that?” Tony answered. “He’s dead, he was shot and died on the table.”

“ _He was shot?_ ” You squeaked. “Is whoever killed Fury coming after us?”

“I don’t know kid, it doesn’t like look it. SHIELD doesn’t have a lot of leads right now.”

“When are you going to D.C.?” You asked him.

“I’m not,” he said slowly.

“What about Natasha?” You pushed passed a few tourists. “The last I knew she was with Captain.”

“We don’t know. She’s gone underground, SHIELD has a hit on both their heads right now. Orders are to fire on sight. Pierce tried to cash in a favor but something is off. He's been on hold for like an hour now."

“Tony,” you stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. “We have to go, what if she needs our help? We can’t just let them kill her. You know how much Fury means - _meant_ \- to her.”

“Giggles, we can’t. If we do anything, we might just make it worse. We could bring them down on us. _Fury’s dead_. Whatever happens next can’t be good. Sometimes…you need to wait behind the scenes until you’re needed. Natasha’s a big girl, she’s survived this long without us. She’ll survive this too.”

Over the next few weeks, you called Natasha to a few different numbers – all of them disconnected. When you couldn’t take the radio silence anymore, you mailed an appointment reminder to a P.O. Box in D.C. registered under the name Joy Karley.

You crossed your fingers because if this didn’t work, you were out of options.

__

You were leading your seminar in biochemistry when your phone rang. A few undergrads in the front laugh at your puzzled expression. Your phone was _never_ on sound when you have class. You dug in your pocket for your phone and the caller ID told you it was an international call. You’re about to reject the call when you remembered the notice you’d mailed out.

“Class we’re going to let out early – if you have any questions, e-mail me,” and with that, you grabbed your bag, coat and dashed out the door.

“Hello?” You answered in a secluded corner.

“ _Privet_ ,” a familiar voice greeted.

“Thank God, you’re _alive_ ,” you slumped into the wall. “What happened? Tony said Fury’s dead, that SHIELD’s been compromised and he won’t let me go to D.C.”

“When has Tony ever stopped you before?” Natasha laughed and you could feel the tension melt out of you.

“He said I could make it worse for you,” you lowered your voice. “He said we could bring down suspicion on us.”

She sighed. “He’s right, _zaika_ , you’re better off in New York. I’m with-”

“Don’t! Is the line secure?”

You could see her Cheshire grin from where you stood.

“Good girl,” she praised. “I can’t be sure. I didn’t want you to worry. I’m okay – _we’re_ okay. I’ll update you when I can. Stay safe and trust no one, _no one._ Stick close to Tony and Clint.”

“I don’t know if you’re telling me that now because of what’s happened or if you’re being your usual paranoid self.”

She snorted. “I’ll see you soon. 

“ _Dosvidaniya._ ”

 

* * *

 

You knew you were being watched.  

“Stop being a creeper and come help me pick out a color for my living room,” you said out loud, flipping through your color swatches.

Soon enough, you heard footsteps and a hand ruffled your hair.

“You’re getting good,” she said.

You snorted. “I’ve always been good.”

“ _Sure_ ,” she laughed.

You rolled your eyes and focused back at the task at hand.

“The grey color or the blue?” You asked her.

Nat tilted her head and gave the room a cursory glance.

“What does the furniture look like?”

“Contemporary, a little bit of a rustic touch. Tony said it was too _earthy_ for his tastes.”

“Anything that doesn’t look like it belongs fifty years in the future is too earthy for him.”

“That’s what I said!”

She settled next to you, legs folded underneath her. “So, what’s this? Since when are you Stark’s interior designer?”

“After Loki bashed in the top floors, they were all hastily finished. Tony had started to renovate but then D.C. happened and…well, they’re a blank slate and he’s offered it to me.”

“I thought you liked the studio near campus,” she said.

“I do,” you fiddled with the samples. “It’s just – I’m a couple months from my masters and I’m needed full-time here in the lab with the new projects we have going on. Tony said I could have my room back but it’s like moving back in with my parents. You _know_ how Pepper can get.”

Natasha smiled. “It’s because she worries about you, all of you. She just asked me if I was getting enough vitamins.”

“ _See_! Don’t get me wrong, I love her and I’m grateful. It’s just-”

“You need space, you’re not the little eighteen-year-old I met years ago.”

“ _Yes,_ ” you sighed. “Tony could tell I was ready to run for the hills I guess, so he said I could take the duplex here and make it my own. Besides, I think he likes that they’re only five floors up. It’s a win-win.”

“And?”

You blinked at her. “And what?”

“What else is bothering you?”

“ _How do you do that?”_ You asked, astonished.

“Multiple years of training,” she smiled. “So?”

You stood and walked the perimeter, imagining where you’ll place the little coffee table one of your coworkers had gifted you.

“Hey,” Natasha’s hand came to your forearm, stopping your pacing. “If you don’t want to tell me-”

“It’s not that.”

“You know whatever you say _– it’s in the vault_.”

You smiled, both of you having coined the phrase for when you needed to share something that could only be repeated to another human being under dire circumstances.

“Fury’s not dead,” you said, waiting for her reaction.

Her silence gave her away.

“ _You knew?_ ” You frowned. “Of course you knew – the attack in D.C. Maria knows too right? That’s why she’s working for Tony now.”

“Only recently,” she said quickly. “After Captain and I were running from HYDRA – D.C. got really convoluted.”

“Well, he offered me a job,” you said.

At that, her eyebrows went up. “For what?”

“Clearly, not SHIELD, but a middle point I guess. Tony’s starting an Avengers compound – it’s _complicated_.”

“And?”

“And, I think I’m going to take it.”

“ _You are?_ ”

You nodded. “It’d be under special circumstances given my… _history_ with the Avengers. I wouldn’t necessarily report to an agency – or what’s left of any of them – but, after what happened in D.C. with HYDRA’s infiltration, he said he knew I’d make a good agent. I get to go by my own rules. I’d be someone like Agent Hill. He needs more people-”

“-he can trust,” Natasha finished. “And he knows you’d never betray Stark.”

You nodded.

“What about the lab? Tony might cry if you left it to the assistant director.”

Laughing, you shook your head. “He’s a very capable scientist but, no. I’m not leaving the lab. This company – the lab at least – is as much my baby as it is Tony’s. If I left it to either of them, they’d run it to the ground. I’d just be taking some time off in between when I’m…needed.”

“Are you sure, _zaika_? This life isn’t one I’d recommend,” Natasha frowned. “There are sacrifices that will need to be made that might affect your entire life. Especially considering how much Tony like pissing Fury off-”

“I want to do this _because_ of Tony. I see what he sees now, why he created Iron Man. The difference we can make and the people we can help. Especially now with this _Winter Soldier_ and HYDRA, the world needs help. As much as it pains to say it, Fury knows I can keep a lid on Tony – with Ultron, he’s…a mess. I have enough perspective to see that he needs to be kept in line and enough love for him to do it nicely. I know he’s not going to be ecstatic, but it’s my choice and it’s _my_ life.”

“Have you thought this through? I know that there are people out there that need to be stopped. I used to be one of them but, it’s not up to you to save the entire world. Don’t’ let this turn you into the Captain.”

“I’m not trying to save the entire world,” you sighed, frustrated. “If I can help stop little kids from becoming orphans, I want to do it. I got lucky Nat, I was – _am_ \- incredibly privileged to have someone like Tony take me in. To do what he did for me. What about those who don’t have a Tony Stark? I’m doing it for them. For the girls that could’ve easily been me.”

A few emotions flashed across her face, too quick for you to catch them but eventually, Natasha nodded. “Okay. If this is what you want to do, you have my support.”

“Thank you,” you smiled. “Besides, Fury said he’s never seen someone with this much promise since you.”

“Of course,” Natasha grinned. “I made you who you are, I’m your Dr. Frankenstein.”

“Oh, _please._ ”

You both sat back down onto the floor.

“Don’t tell Tony yet, I need to find the right time.”

“ _It’s in the vault_ ,” she said, knocking your shoulder with her own. “Besides, I don’t want to be within five miles of you two when you tell him anyway. I don’t have a death wish.”

“As if _,_ you could incapacitate him before he even got anywhere near his suit.” You straightened. “Don’t tell him I said that either.”

Natasha laughed. “I missed you _zaika_.”

You both settled into comfortable silence. 

“I like the grey color,” she said, tilting her head to the left.

 

* * *

 

You were officially throwing in the towel on today. Today was a horrible, no-good, straight up shitty day and you were having no more of it.

Slamming your laptop closed, you threw it in your tote bag and locked up your office. You were going to walk yourself the three blocks home from campus, ignore all your students unanswered e-mails, pour yourself a big glass of wine, and pretend that you didn’t need to edit your thesis.

Your phone buzzed in your pocket. You groaned and looked up to the ceiling. “Please, give me a break.”

When you checked it, you saw Tony’s picture smiling up at you and you only felt a little guilty when pressing ‘reject.’

“I’m sorry Tony, I need just one night to myself. Just _one_ ,” you muttered to yourself, “that’s not too much to ask for.”

“Hey Professor!” A student called out across the courtyard as you made your way towards Broadway. You waved without stopping and sighed happily once you crossed the threshold.

_Freedom at last._

Within a few minutes you were walking through your lobby, wine bottles tucked under each arm, and an incredible craving for the chocolate cake waiting for you in the refrigerator. You de-tangled your keys from a pair of headphones and almost tripped over something. Righting yourself, you scowled down to find that it wasn’t something but someone. A very _familiar_ someone.

A battered Natasha was - what _looked_ like sleeping – against the wall adjacent to your door. You knew better than to shock her awake so you nudged her softly with your foot.

“Nat, wake up,” you unlocked your door and set down the bottles. You turned back around to see her staring at you groggily.

“W’time is it?” She asked as she rubbed her eyes.

“It’s eight at night. What are you doing here? I thought you were out trying to find agents to recruit.”

“I was. I ran into a HYDRA agent doing the same thing.”

You winced. “Come on, get inside. I can stitch up that cut on your arm.”

She stumbled into your apartment, going straight for the couch and flopped down into it.

“Why didn’t you just pick the lock?” You asked, getting your first aid kit.

“I was too tired. The floor looked soft.”

“Alright sleepy, take off your jacket.”

You quickly finished cleaning her up and frowned at her expression. During all these years, in and out of each other’s lives, you’d never seen her so – _sad_ \- before.

“Can you talk about it?” You asked.

She shook her head.

“Are you okay?”

“No,” she said honestly, “but I will be.”

You nodded. “That’s all that matters. Do you want some cake? I bought a few slices off of that bakery we like near the Tower.”

She smiled faintly and nodded. You herded her towards your bed and pointed to the dresser on her left.

“Sweatpants are in the-”

“-bottom drawer, I know. Thanks.”

You squeezed her shoulder and shrugged out of your blazer. You went through your mail while you waited for the water to boil. Forgoing a glass, you grabbed the entire wine bottle and two forks. When you neared the bed, you noticed Natasha was curled around the giant stuffed turtle Steve won for you during a street fair last year. Your heart ached for her, bent in on herself. You sit on the other side of the bed and handed her the slice of cake.

“I have your favorite tea from the last time you came to visit,” you said. “Careful, it’s hot.”

“Thank you,” she said quietly. “How is the thesis going?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you said.

“Bad day?” She asked, taking a sip of her mug.

“The worst,” you frowned. “I can’t believe I’m a few months away from having a master’s degree. That’s weird right? When did I get so _old_?”

Natasha let out a small, but genuine, laugh and shook her head at you.

“If you’re old, then I’m afraid to ask what you think of me.”

You smirked.

“Nat, you know that if you ever need me, day or night-”

“- I know _zaika_ , I know.” 

You nodded, satisfied with her answer. You fussed over her a little more before finally settling in next to her. Grabbing the remote, you turned on the television.

“Any requests?”

She shook her head.

“Alright, let’s see what’s good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Oruzhiye, осторожно:** Gun, be careful! (*Google translate, may be wrong - forgive me.)  
>  **Privet:** Hello  
>  **Dosvidaniya:** Goodbye
> 
> I've changed a few things because I don't remember the movies all that clearly. I know Natasha's family was killed in a fire then she became an orphan and KGB picked her up - I don't actually know if she had a sister. Let's just roll with it. 
> 
> This story will be following the movies in form of: Pre-Avengers, Avengers 1, Captain America: Winter soldier, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Captain America: Civil War. The next chapter, both parts, will be a hot minute before I get them out since it's the only chapter I hadn't pre-written most of. 
> 
> We're ignoring Infinity war because #nope #denial #bye


	4. Avengers, Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *** This chapter, both part one and two, contain a few lines of exact dialogue here and there from their corresponding movies. I take zero credit for those.***
> 
> Chapter four, both parts, are monsters and I edited it down the best I could. If I shortened any more, it felt like I was doing a disservice to my overall idea for the story. The second half of this story was always meant to be wordier than the first. Hopefully, you all still like it anyway.
> 
> Part two should be up in a few days - once I write the second half and kinda sorta proof read it. If you find any mistakes, please point them out. Enjoy!

“What would the world say if they knew their beloved Captain America drank straight from the carton?” You gasped, scandalized.

Steve widened his eyes innocently. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I absolutely did not drink the last of Tony’s orange juice.”

“It’s alright,” you laughed. “That probably belonged to a lab assistant. Tony’s personal kitchen is two floors up by our rooms.”

“Oh, woops,” he said throwing the carton towards the bottom of the trash.

You laughed and opened a bottle of water.

“I heard congratulations are in order,” Steve smiled at you. “What with the new college diploma and everything.”

You rolled your eyes. “I see you’ve been talking to Clint.”

“He’s showed me the pictures too,” he teased.

“Oh my God, those are going to follow me into the _grave_ ,” you groaned, leaning your head against the counter.

Steve laughed and gave you a pat on the back. “They’re just happy for you, so am I.”

“Thanks Cap’,” you said.

“So, what’s next?” He asked.

“Grad school, I can’t let Tony out-smart me,” you smirked. “Plus, I’m sticking around the lab to whip those new interns into shape. What about you?”

“Change of scenery,” he said. “New York is Tony’s anyway.”

“New York is no one’s mistress. She doesn’t let anyone take ownership,” you joked. “Besides, I think your residency dating back to the 1940s in Brooklyn says otherwise.”

Steve laughed. “Spoken like a true New Yorker. The change will be good for me, Brooklyn will still be there when I get back.”

“So, D.C., any chance you’ll be heading Natasha’s way?”

“Sorry,” he frowned.

You narrowed your eyes. “I bet you’re just going to marvel at your gallery in the Smithsonian, huh?”

“You caught me,” he grinned, relief evident on his face.

“Alright, well, I thought you’d be leaving so I have a parting gift for you.” You jogged off towards the common room and grabbed it off the table on the far corner.

“What?” He said, looking genuinely touched.

“It’s nothing,” you assured him. You hand him a stack of small pocket-sized notebooks. He looked at you, confused.

“When you’re back from getting some space from New York – which, you will be back- I’ll teach you a thing or two about the modern world. For now, I got you these. Keep a list of what you want to look into in your spare time or anything you’re confused about. I’ll help you out whenever you have a question.”

“Thank you, that was thoughtful of you,” he hugged you.

Your brain short circuited for a brief moment before you patted his back awkwardly. “It’s nothing. I already noted down a few things.”

Steve opened the small notebook on top and frowned.

“What’s Star Wars?”

 

* * *

 

“Dr. Banner,” you said around a yawn as you walked into Tony’s lab.

“Good morning?” He said glancing at the clock.

“Hey, _hey_ , no judgment,” you wrapped both hands around your mug. “I was up until six with Tony on this new project he’s thought of. We’re still in the early stages - which is where he’s generally the most excited and unbearably annoying. He _insists_ on calling BARF.”

Bruce chuckled and you smiled at his amusement.

“I don’t know how you deal with him,” he said, tinkering with something in his hands.

“The same way you do,” you nudged at him with your foot. “You know he means well. He’s just not great at executing that sentiment.”

“I know,” Bruce said quietly. “Tony let me know you’re officially a little more than year away from your first masters. Have you started on your thesis?”

You groaned. “I can’t even _think_ about that right now.”

Bruce laughed and nodded. “I remember those days. You’ll be better at it the second time around.”

“ _Second time_?” You squeaked. “This is the _only_ time I’m going through this torture.”

“That’s what you say now,” he grinned. “Haven’t you been invited to be the keynote speaker in D.C.?”

“Ah, is _that_ what this is about?” Your eyes lit up. “Do you want to come with me? I’m sure a certain someone would be happy to see you.”

“Yeah, Captain’s really intent on being my best friend,” Bruce said dryly.

You let out a surprised bark of laughter and Bruce shook his head.

The quip about Natasha had been a joke, but you could tell there was more to it. He wouldn’t have called you up to lab for something he was working on. There was something else, something personal. If you’d learned anything from Natasha, it was patience. The more you sat in silence, the more likely it was that the person would tell you themselves.

You walked around the lab and looked at what Tony had left half completed.

“I need your help,” he said eventually.

You turned to look at him and found him gripping the table, his head bowed. You’d gotten to know Bruce over the past few months. He was surprisingly funny, made tons of Dad jokes and never made you feel uncomfortable due to your age. You knew that Bruce _hated_ asking for help and you’d learned to tip toe around the subject of Hulk - not out of fear but out of respect for him.

“I’m all yours, what do you need?” You asked.

He looked up at you, a little shocked, before frowning.

“You’re just like Tony,” he huffed, shaking his head.

“ _How dare you_ , I’ve never heard of a bigger insult,” you joked, sipping more of your coffee.

Bruce smiled half-heartedly. “You need to learn to be more cautious, you two always throw your help at people.”

“Hey, do you want that help or are we going to stand here and criticize me?”

“I want – no I _need_ \- to build a back-up plan. Tony knows and he thinks it’s redundant,” he laughed humorlessly. “He’s calling it Veronica.”

“A back-up plan for what?”

“For the other guy,” he said. “When he can’t be controlled, just in case, something to keep him contained. Or at least to give the people trying to contain me a chance.”

“Okay,” you said slowly. “I can help with the engineering. Is that why you called me?”

“Yes,” he said, “but the things you may see – the information you’ll need to realize just what it takes to keep me down-”

He broke off, his grip on the desk tightening.

“You know,” you placed a hand on his forearm and his eyes burned into yours. “I trust you. I would never judge.”

Bruce smiled down at you, his eyes sad. “You wouldn’t be the first to.”

You squeezed his hand and nodded. “Okay. If you really want to do this. I’ll help with designing Veronica. What happens in the lab, stays in the lab.”

“Thank you,” he pulled you, suddenly, into a hug. “For not judging me.”

Wrapping your arms around his shoulders you patted his shoulder. “I wouldn’t - not before, not now and not in the future. I understand what it feels like to not trust yourself. You’re doing a big thing helping out with the avengers. If you need – if you ever need an out. If you ever want one in the future, I’ll help you.”

He stepped back and rubbed his eye. “Thank you.”

You smiled sadly at him and nodded.

“Alright, let’s get started. I think we can use some of the technology I helped Tony with for his suit. Jarvis?”

“ _Right here miss_ ,” he pulled up your designs.

“When you go to D.C., give Natasha my regards,” Bruce said. “And the Captain of course.”

“ _Of course_ ,” you grinned.

 

* * *

 

“When does your flight leave?” Steve asked you, looking over the menu.

“In a few hours but I’m all packed. Nat said she’d give me a ride to the airport in her _very fancy_ car,” you said haughtily.

Natasha just shrugged. “Perks of being at SHIELD.”

Steve frowned. “I’m sure,” he said pointedly.

Natasha didn’t move from scrolling on her phone but her brow furrowed, just enough for you to know something was up. As always, you couldn’t _not_ poke at it.

“What’s wrong, why are you two all huffy?” You put your menu down. “You two were fine when we ate dinner four days ago.”

“I’m not huffy,” Steve said.

“We’re fine _zaika_ , we can’t talk about it anyway,” Natasha shot Steve a look. One that you knew from experience meant _shut up_.

“Alright,” you held up your hands. “Change of subject. Who’s this friend you said you invited?”

“I met them during a run-”

“Oh! A girl? That’s great Steve! I was thinking of setting you up with our new intern, you would _love_ her-”

“What is it with you two wanting to set me up?” Steve huffed. “I do not have time for a girlfriend! I barely have time for friends. This is the first time I’ve seen you since Loki happened, and that’s because _you_ visited _me_.”

“Technically, I was just here as keynote speaker for the conference and you both butted into my life,” you joked. “I’m kidding!”

Steve finally cracked a smile. “Either way, _he_ was in the Air Force. He runs a program down at the veterans association.”

“Steve!” A deep voice called from behind him.

“Sam!” Steve stood up and clapped his hand. “You made it!”

“I did, sorry I’m a few minutes late. The traffic was horrible,” he sat directly across from you, in between Natasha and Steve.

“We’ve never been formally introduced,” he said and shook Natasha’s hand. “I’m Sam.”

“Natasha,” she smiled.

Sam’s eyes turned towards you and he grinned.

“Damn Steve, do you surround yourself around only pretty girls?”

Normally, you would’ve barked at the comment. However, his teasing smile stopped you.

“Oh please, with looks like yours I’m sure all the pretty ones flock to you too,” you winked.

Natasha laughed but Steve frowned.

“She’s only twenty-one!” He placed a protective hand over yours.

“And taken?” Sam’s eyebrows raised at your connected hands. “I didn’t know you liked them so _young_ Steve. What will the press say? Ninety-five year old finds himself a young spring chicken?”

Steve ripped his hand off of yours like it was on fire.

“No! It’s not like that! She’s like my little _sister_ -” Steve sputtered.

“Steven!” You placed a hand on your chest and widened your eyes. “Did the past year mean _nothing_ to you?”

Steve looked ready to burst, sputtering at both of you. You laughed.

“You’re _so_ easy to mess with. Its fine old man, I know I’m not your type. You like them blonde and in the medical field right?”

Steve whipped to Natasha with a betrayed look in his eyes. “You _told_ her?”

Natasha shrugged, popping a piece of bread in her mouth.

“She would’ve gotten it out of you eventually.”

“That’s true,” you nodded. “You’re surprisingly transparent. Just like Tony.”

Steve stammered. Sam’s laugh was deep and rich, making you smile. “I like you, you and I could make his life hell.”

You grinned and fluttered your eyelashes. “Is that an offer hot stuff?”

“You bet your twenty-one year old ass it is,” he laughed.

“Alright, alright, let’s just order,” Steve said, his face flushed. “You three are going to give me a coronary.”

After placing your orders and a little small talk about the veterans association, Sam turned to you.

 “So, what’s your story?” He asked.

Steve reached for a straw. “She’s Stark’s-”

“- _employee_ ,” Natasha interrupted. “She’s the newly appointed Director of Stark Labs.”

You see Natasha shoot Steve a murderous look when Sam isn’t looking.

“Smart _and_ pretty,” he laughed when Steve groaned.

You raised your drink towards him for the compliment.

“You’re a little young to be a Director,” Sam said. “Is one of the requirements to work at Stark Industries to be in Mensa?”

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t stop your pleased smile.

“ _No_ , Tony just got lucky when he found me - or well, when Pepper found me. Besides, he offered me the job when I was eleven.”

\--

“It was a pleasure to meet you,” you shook Sam’s hand.

“The pleasure was all mine,” he pressed a kiss to your knuckles.

“Alright, alright,” Steve knocked Sam out of the way. “I’ll be seeing you kiddo.”

You smiled sadly. “Don’t be a stranger, old man.”

Steve wrapped you in a tight hug, lifting your feet up off the ground. When he put you down, you huffed but wrapped your arms around his waist.

“I don’t know what you’re doing out here, but if Nat’s with you – it’ll lead to you two butting heads.”

“Kiddo-”

“The truth now,” you admonished.

He sighed. “Everything that’s familiar – all that I know how to do is fight. The war, HYDRA, Loki - but things were different before. I don’t know if I’ll ever adapt to fighting in this time. I feel like I’m not making a difference here. I don’t like being Fury’s janitor.”

You let go of him and tilted your head to look him in the eyes.

“Now you know why Tony ignores him,” you joked.

“He might be on to something,” Steve furrowed his brows. “I’m just – a little disoriented right now.”

“Well, you have a lot of time to figure out what you want to do. Maybe it’s time to be a little selfish for once?” You suggested. “You know, let the dust settle.”

“Maybe,” he said.

“Besides, if you ever decided you wanted to be a scientist, you have a place in my lab.”

Steve laughed and ruffled your hair.

“Hey!”

“Thanks kiddo,” he said, giving you one last hug. “Tell Tony I said hi and good luck with your finals.”

You groaned. “ _Don’t_ remind me.”

Natasha honked the horn twice and rolled the window down. “You’re going to miss your flight!”

You waved goodbye to Sam and squeezed Steve’s hand.

“Remember, if you need me, I’m a phone call away.”

\--

A few months later you sat at your desk, gob smacked. The entire internet was in a tizzy, SHIELD and HYDRA’s dirty laundry aired out.

Your phone rang, but you barely spared it a glance.

 _Holy shit,_ you kept scrolling, pictures of Natasha popping up every so often. Your phone buzzed again. Annoyed, you picked it up without looking.

“Hello?”

“ _Privet,_ ” Natasha said.

“Nat,” you hissed. “Did you do this?”

“Do what?” She asked innocently.

That, in combination with her tone, was enough of a response to have you groaning.

“Oh _Jesus_ ,” you rubbed your temple.

“I’m fine,” she stressed. “It’s not a big deal.”

“So, we’re all going to act like the fall of SHIELD is no big deal?” You squeaked. “Like you three didn’t just upturn the whole world around? Like when you called me two months ago when Fury was killed and said everything’s fine! I’m just going underground for a while – that’s no big deal?”

“I forgot how dramatic you got when you’re left with Stark and Banner for too long,” she said.

“ _Natasha!”_

“Alright, so it’s a little bit of a big deal, don’t stress about it.”

“That’s an oxymoron.”

“ _Zaika_ ,” she said in her _stop this nonsense_ voice.

You watched a video begin to play on your computer. It was shaky cellphone footage of one of the aircraft carriers nose diving into the water.

“What a shit show,” you said.

“Tell me about it.”

“So, I’m guessing by all this information on the news about you means that you’re going to lay low for a little while?”

“I have a few places in mind.”

“Is Stark Tower one of them? Because Tony says Natalie is always welcome to be an assistant again. ‘Says it’ll be easy because you were already on payroll. Besides, we have Bruce.”

She laughed and you couldn’t help but smile. “It’s a generous offer but, I need to go off the grid for a while. You’ll see me soon enough.”

“Yeah, I better,” you said. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know, find a boyfriend, buy a house, adopt a dog,” she said.

“Send me a post card.”

 

* * *

 

“It’s been so long, I thought I had forgotten what you looked like,” you said to a groaning Natasha.

“Always so dramatic,” she said as she patched up a small wound.

“Me?” You said with a mock innocent expression. “I’ve never been known for being dramatic.”

“Banner!” Tony yelled a little frantically from the second floor. “I need your assistance! _Now!_ ”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah, you surround yourself with the calmest of people.”

You were about to shoot off a retort when Bruce waved as he passed. Natasha straightened and smiled a smile you’d never seen on her before. In response, Bruce’s ears went a little red and he stumbled on the last few steps on the staircase towards Tony’s lab.

Tony and you always teased them but you never entertained the idea that it would actually go somewhere. A small lightbulb went off in your mind.

“So, a year ago, after D.C. went to shit - when you said buy a house, adopt a dog, _find a boyfriend_ \- you were serious huh?” You said to Natasha as the rest of the team filed into Tony’s common room.

Nat flashed her eyes at you. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh,” you laughed. “Is that how you’re trying to play this? You think I don’t know you well enough to see whatever that was between you and _Dr. Banner._ ”

You walked towards Clint, needing to check his vitals. Natasha is right behind you and when you turned to speak she shot you a look.

“This conversation is not over,” you said, checking Clint’s heart rate. “So, you actually nabbed the sector, how does it feel like to finally be a winner?”

Clint narrowed his eyes. “The Yankees lost the last three games in a row and you still makin’ quips at me?”

“The Mets have lost most of their games this season!” You said, a little outraged.

Natasha rolled her eyes. “You sure he's going to be okay? Pretending to need this guy really brings the team together.”

“There's no possibility of deterioration. The nanomolecular functionality is instantaneous. His cells don't know they're bonding with simulacrum,” Dr. Cho said. “Your Director helped me a few years back when I was stuck throughout this process.”

You ducked your head. “I did nothing, this is your baby and it’s _brilliant_.”

“I’m going to live forever, I’m made of plastic!” Clint said, staring down at the cradle.

Tony sauntered in and handed you some green juice.

“Helen, I expect to see you at the party on Saturday.”

“Unlike you, I don’t have a lot of time for parties,” Cho said and you snorted out a laugh.

Tony glared in your direction.

“Will…Thor be there?” She asked. You perked up and turned to look at her.

“He’s something, isn’t he?” You said dreamily.

“Not another one,” Tony groaned. “Speak of the devil.”

Steve walked into the room with Thor close behind.

“Tiny Human!” Thor said happily, his smile stretching on his face.

You beamed up at him, pressing a nervous hand to your hair, making sure there were no stray pieces. “It’s been a long time! You don’t visit me anymore.”

“Other matters have been taking much of my time but, I swear that you will have my attention all through the duration of my visit!” He squeezed your shoulder and you grinned.

“I remember when she smiled at me like that,” Steve teased.

“You’re old news,” you tell him, not looking away from Thor. “He never comes around.”

“Now you know how I feel,” you heard Tony whisper.

That pulled your attention away from Thor’s sunny face. “Can I go play with the sector now?”

Thor laughed. “Ah, you scientists are all the same. Let her have her fun Stark, she’s the smartest out of all of you.”

You turned to shoot Tony a smug smile but caught Tony and Bruce sharing a concerned look.

 _Oh no_ , your sixth sense was tingling.

“ _Miss, I have the audio and recording that you requested_ ,” Jarvis interrupted.

“Great!” You stepped out the room and towards the nearest screen.

“What recordings?” Tony asked, hot on your heels.

You shot him a look. “From the mission. Hill told me that there were enhanced agents out there.”

“Wanda and Pietro,” Steve supplied.

Nodding, you clicked on the file. “I want to see what Jarvis managed to catch of them.”

“Is that really necessary?” Tony asked nervously, his hands hovering over yours ready to override any of your commands.

He’d been acting suspiciously polite and quiet after the teams return, two words _not_ commonly associated with Tony Stark. You, however, were done with his act.

You raised an eyebrow at him. “You wanna do this here?”

He blanched at your tone.

“No ma’am,” he said and was gone in a blink.

“You have to teach me how you do that,” Steve said, awed.

 “It’s a superpower. You wouldn’t know anything about that,” you grinned.

Bruce stood over your shoulder, both of you watching snippets of the mission. Suddenly, Clint was knocked down.

“Shit, that looked like it hurt,” you winced. “Oh, _sorry_ Captain, I used bad language.”

Steve huffed, indignant. “Who told her?”

\--

Later that night, you found Tony in his lab – staring intently at the sector. Bruce was asleep in the corner, snoring softly.

“Hey,” you said and he jumped.

“Oh, I didn’t see you there,” he stumbled.

“ _Clearly_.”

“What’s up, buttercup?”

“I don’t know, you tell me,” you crossed your arms.

He frowned. “I thought we agreed we weren’t going to have this discussion.”

“ _No,_ we agreed not to have this discussion in front of your whole team. Don’t make me drag it out of you, because I will. And don’t give me any of your bullshit excuse that you’re fine. I know you better than you know yourself.”

Tony shot a look towards Bruce.

“Maximoff got to me,” he said quietly.

“Which one?”

“The witch. She showed me something I’m afraid of.”

“Okay,” you said, confused. “It was just a vision, something she created to psych you out – that’s all. It was a false reality.”

“Was it?”

You watched Tony’s expression flash. You’d never seen him like this before and it was making you uneasy.

“Tony, you can’t let her get to you. What did you-”

“No more donuts!” Bruce shouted, shooting upwards.

You and Tony looked at him, amused.

“Did I fall asleep?” He asked, eyes wide open.

“You sure did, _apparently_ , I’m not entertaining enough,” Tony joked.

“Or _maybe_ , you’re exhausted beyond belief because you two have refused to sleep for the past forty-eight hours,” you said disapprovingly.

“You know what I’d love?” Tony suddenly said. “A smoothie. Would you mind and go fetch me one?”

You turned to look at him incredulously. “I would very much mind. This conversation isn’t over.”

You turned on your heel and walked out the lab straight into the elevator. You frowned at your own concerned reflection. He was up to something.

\--

The celebration had just begun by the time you made it down and grabbed a drink.

“A screwdriver for our lovely resident genius,” Natasha said with a grin.

“Thank you barkeep, I must say, you look new. Did Tony hire you?”

Natasha laughed. “Just for a night, he can’t afford me for much longer.”

“Pity,” you sipped your drink. “ _Jesus_ , did you pour an entire bottle in here?”

“Don’t be a baby,” Natasha downed half her drink in a gulp. “How’s the thesis going? You present it any day now right?”

You slumped over, exhausted just by the mere mention of it.

“It’s killing me. Who let me go to grad school? It was all a mistake! I even downloaded it down to my phone so I could go over it in the subway. Oh _crap_ , I forgot my phone in the lab,” you told her. “I’ll be right back.”

You caught sight of Bruce walking to the bar. “…or maybe I’ll take my time. Have fun!”

Natasha glared at you as you walked away.

Phone in hand, you were on your way back down to the party moments later when you heard Steve’s voice for the first time that night.

“If I had known it was going to be a firefight I absolutely would have called you,” Steve said to someone.

“I'm not actually sorry. I'm just trying to sound tough. I'm very happy chasing cold leads on our missing person’s case. Avenging is your world. Your world is _crazy_ ,” they answered, looking over the common room.

Curious, you made your way towards them.

“Have you found a place in Brooklyn yet?” Now a few steps away, you recognized Sam’s voice.

“I don’t think I can afford Brooklyn.”

“ _Good_ , I keep telling you to stay in the Tower,” you said finally reaching them. “What missing person’s case are you looking into?”

Steve’s smile twitched and his eyes darted off of yours. “Nothing important.”

You snorted. “Nat’s right. You are a horrible liar.”

Sam laughed and thumped Steve on the back. “She’s right.”

Steve’s panicked look had you smiling. “It’s alright Cap’, you can keep your secrets. I know when not to push.”

“I forgot how much I liked you kid,” Sam said, throwing an arm around you. You shot him a wink. “It’s been a while.”

“It has. I’m glad you healed up well Cap’, think about sticking around. Especially after what happened with SHIELD. Tony is building a compound upstate, the sketches are beautiful. I designed the laboratories. We could sure use a leader. I _wonder_ ,” you turned to Sam, face scrunched in thought. “Where could we find a leader for America’s heroes?”

Steve opened his mouth to say something but Tony’s voice beckoned you.

“ _Giggles_!”

You groaned and dropped your head onto Sam’s shoulder. “He’s never going to leave me alone.”

Tony walked over. “Of course I’d find you with Cap’. What are you still doing here?”

“What do you mean? I _live_ here,” you frowned.

“True, but you should currently be in your uptown apartment studying for that exam tomorrow afternoon.”

“How do you know I have an exam tomorrow?” You glared at him. “Did you hack into my computer?”

“It was out in the open! You should know better than to leave your stuff out around me.”

“Oh, you really want to start with me Stark? Why don’t I go up to your lab and start poking around?”

Tony stiffened.

“Or better yet,” you pushed his chest with your forefinger. “Why don’t I apply some pressure on you? Let’s see who cracks first.”

“Man, I’ve never seen someone so small yet so good at smack downs,” Sam sipped his beer. “I like her Stark.”

“ _Thanks_ ,” he said dryly. “Kid, go bury your nose in a textbook. This isn’t the first party of mine you’ll miss and it won’t be the last. Remember, school comes first.”

You were about to argue because you were not _five years old_ anymore but, you flashed back to last night. Tony had looked - haunted. You didn’t want to add to his stress and knew he’d bug you all night until you left. So, you sighed and rolled your eyes.

 “Yes _mother_. Of course _mother_. I’ll go straight home _mother_.”

Steve laughed behind his hand and offered you a wave. Sam bumped your fist and you made your way down the stairs. Thor shouted your name and you turned towards him.

“You are departing so soon? The festivities have barely commenced!”

“Yeah, Stark’s kicking me out.”

He tilted his head, confused.

You smiled at his sincerity. “Don’t leave tomorrow without saying goodbye, okay? Pinky promise,” you held out your hand.

Thor looked down, even more confused, but you motioned for him to link his finger with yours.

“Ah, an oath!”

“Yes,” you said seriously. “Pinky promises are the highest level of oaths you can make. Don’t break it!”

He laughed loudly. “I swear it, I will find you myself before I depart for Asgard.”

You waved again and started walking towards the elevators. Tony lifted a hand from the second floor. You flipped him off and a few bursts of Rhodes-sounding laughter came from your left.

“Tony!” Thor yelled, catching sight of him. “Your daughter is quite funny! You should learn from her!”

“Your _daughter_?” Dr. Cho asked from the bar.

Natasha groaned.

You grinned nervously at Tony and hastily got into the open elevator. “So, uh, I’m going to let you deal with that. Jarvis? Start my car up for me. See you all later!”

\--

With all the traffic in midtown on a Friday night, you had just barely gotten settled in your studio when your phone alerted you to a disturbance. Pepper must’ve gotten the same alert because she texted you right after.

_From: Pepper [12:33AM]_

_Stay away from the Tower, there’s been an attack._

You were on your way back before you even shut your phone off. The second you stepped into the elevator, and your call for Jarvis was met with silence, you knew something was wrong.

Jarvis _always_ answered.

“Tony!” You scrambled into the destructed room. “Pepper told me to stay away from the tower-”

“-so naturally you came straight here,” Tony huffed from somewhere on your left.

You stepped over broken glass, metal, drywall, _broken everything_ , and made your way towards his voice. “Tony?”

“Over here.”

You climbed the flimsy stairs, up into Tony’s lab.

Maria sat closest to you, picking glass out of her foot with tweezers. Sam and Steve were right behind her, placing an ice pack on Rhodes’ shoulder.

“What happened?” You demanded.

The whole room seemed to shift their glares towards Tony and you groaned.

“I _knew_ you were up to something _.”_

\--

“He killed Jarvis?” You screeched at Tony then looked to Bruce. “ _He killed Jarvis!_ I’m going to kill him.”

“Calm down tiger.”

You turned to look at the hologram of what was left of Jarvis’ code and a lump formed in your throat. Angry, you clenched your fists by your sides.

“No, you know what,” you spun around to Bruce. “I’m going to kill _you_. You let him do this? We’re supposed to babysit him not _add fuel to his insanity!_ ”

Tony laughed and you swerved your glare towards him. You could see Bruce shaking his head at Tony from your peripheral.

“Is this funny? Have a missed a joke somewhere?” Your voice was eerily quiet.

At that, Tony stopped.

“Ultron was a _theory_ , not anywhere near ready for integration. How could you even think of doing this? Do you realize what you’ve done?” Your hand flew to your forehead. “I can’t even begin to explain – I just, I need to sit.”

Bruce walked around you and surveyed what was left of Jarvis. “She’s right. Ultron could've assimilated Jarvis. This isn't strategy, this is... _rage_.”

Thor suddenly appeared and grabbed Tony by the throat.

You and Clint jumped up, ready to deescalate. “Woah, woah, woah, it seems like that’s going around.”

Steve yelled at everyone to relax and Thor released Tony.

“This could've been avoided if you hadn't played with something you don't understand,” Thor growled.

Tony snorted and Bruce shook his head.

“That’s it?” Tony said to Bruce. “They snap at you and you roll over?”

“When you’ve created a murder bot, yeah,” Bruce frowned.

“But we didn’t! We weren’t even close.”

“Well, you did something right. And you did it right here. The Avengers were supposed to be different than SHIELD.”

“SHIELD?” Tony laughed incredulously. “Does anyone remember when I carried a nuke into a wormhole? Recall that? A hostile alien army came charging through a hole in space. We're standing three hundred feet below it. We're the _Avengers_. We can bust arms dealers all the live long day, but, that up there? That's...that's the end game. How were you guys planning on beating that?”

“Together,” Steve said.

You caught Natasha’s eye and couldn’t help but wince in unison.

“We’ll lose,” Tony said.

“Then we'll do that together, too.” Steve said and Tony scoffed. “Thor's right. Ultron's calling us out. And I'd like to find him before he's ready for us. The world's a big place. Let's start making it smaller.”

“I can help,” you stood, looking around for any computer that _wasn’t_ broken.

“Nice try,” Tony said. “We don’t know how long this will take and you have finals. You’re presenting your thesis in two weeks and then graduation. I’ll admit…this is bad. I won’t have this ruining your future too.”

Just like Loki, you knew he wasn’t going to budge. But was he really going to compare a few tests and a presentation to a threat that could possibly level a country? A _continent_?

“Besides, what if it comes down to a fight? There was one of him and about ten of us. He kicked all our asses. You’ve been trained in the basics by the Ruski over there.”

You didn’t want to admit it, but he was right. Any help you could be, you’d be doing from home base. “Fine,” you huffed. “But I’m assisting from whatever’s left of this tower. I can help over coms and study for my finals. I know how to multitask - babysitting you is _clearly_ proof of that.”

Steve snorted.

“Does everything _always_ need to explode when I’m graduating?” You exclaimed.

\--

In the end, history repeated itself.

You had successfully presented your thesis and had rushed to Pepper’s aid during a presentation of one of your newest creations. You’d barely touched down in California when you received a text from Tony.

_From: Tony [4:05 PM]_

_Jarvis is in a body. We are bringing the fight to Ultron. Stay with Pepper and stay safe. Will update when I can._

You had barely gotten the opportunity to connect to the coms channel when the fight was over.

“ _We’re coming home.”_

 

* * *

 

You were on your way to the front driveway where Tony, Steve and Thor stood talking. Before you got halfway, Thor swung his hammer and disappeared. You stumbled forward in the aftershocks of his departure.

“That man has no regard for lawn maintenance. I'm gonna miss him though. And you're gonna miss me. There's gonna be a lot of manful tears,” Tony joked.

“I _will_ miss you, Tony,” Steve said.

“Yeah? Well, it's time for me to tap out. Maybe I should take a page out of Barton's book and build Pepper a farm, hope nobody blows it up.”

“Knowing you, you’ll have no trouble doing that yourself,” you said, reaching the two of them.

“Ah, so our graduate has joined us. How does it feel to have a Masters?” Tony asked, miming a mic.

“I hold it sometimes, at night, and cry myself to sleep knowing you forced me to miss out on two missions because of it.”

“Hey, I put you in the sun and watered you twice a week and you’re still alive right? That’s my job. To keep you _alive_. Which…” he trailed off and looked up at the compound. “I’m beginning to regret my decision.”

“What decision?” You snorted. “You don’t _have_ a decision here. Remember me growing up a handful of years ago? Becoming an adult and completely capable of making my own decisions?”

Tony cupped his chin. “Nope, I have _no_ recollection of that at all.”

You rolled your eyes and Steve laughed. “What will you two do without each other?”

Tony’s face fell, just a little, but enough for you to take a subconscious step in his direction.

“I’m going to get back into my roots. The inventions, my lab, the general science of it all. Giggles helped write a lot of the code for Friday and it made me realize that I miss just being in a lab. Not looking over my shoulder every three seconds,” Tony said.

“Friday?” Steve asked.

“She’s our new interface computer system,” you said.

Steve blinked.

“She’s the new Jarvis,” you tried again and Steve nodded. “Tony built a bunch of them, I just helped tweak her, and by _help_ I mean I did most of the heavy lifting.”

Tony’s car revved the engine and doors opened.

“While this little chat has been fun, duty calls,” Tony said. “You sure you don’t want to come back with me Giggles? I have an empty seat. New York has better food than this dump.”

You knew Tony was hiding his wound under the sarcasm and stepped forward to wrap him in a hug.

“I’ll be back so soon you won’t even have a chance to miss me,” you said.

“Yeah, but it’ll be different after this. I know how this world can change you.”

“I’ve been a part of this world since I met you Tony.”

He shook his head. “You’ve coexisted alongside it. It’s different when you’re knee deep in it.”

“You’re tapping out,” you placed a hand on his arm. “I’m tapping in, in your place. One of us Starks has to represent here somehow. Besides, you’ll keep my lab seat warm for me. I’ll fix your mistakes when I’m back.”

“Starks?” Steve said.

Your watch pinged with an incoming message from Fury.

“Friday?” You said.

“ _Message from Fury, Agent S, get your ass down to the training room. It’s time to start.”_

You rolled your eyes. “I think I liked it better when he was in hiding.”

“Agent _S_?” Tony asked.

You smiled. “I was going to tell you. It’s one of my aliases. I can’t go by Stark, it’s too recognizable. I don’t want to use my real last name, it feels weird using my connection with mom in this world. I already have Maria Collins on standby for the future – but I needed something to be referred to at headquarters. So Nat and I settled on S, what do you think?”

Tony gave you a smile, not his _Game Face_ , or his _I’m being a smartass_ smile. It was his rare, but genuine, smile. “I think it’s great.”

“Maria Collins?” Steve asked.

Tony’s eyes shined. “That was my mother’s maiden name.”

Your watch pinged again.

“ _Another message from Fury, Agent S.”_

“Gotta go, old man, duty calls,” you kissed his cheek and jogged back towards the compound.

\--

After a final fitting with Maria, you took a lap around the room to test out your new suit. It was a deep purple with black accents. The new carrier on your back fit snug and moved fluidly with you.

Natasha had put you through different phases, one of which you’d come to realize that you favored the electric batons hidden in the weapons closet. Much to Clint’s utter delight, you favored archery as well.

“She’s a _natural_ ,” Clint had boasted.

Tony helped design a few straps that allowed you to alternate between your two batons and your bow and arrow. It made training much easier for you.

Thanks to Maria’s extensive post-Ultron training, you quickly elevated your marksmanship. But, much to her _dismay_ , you didn’t particularly like guns. Natasha had made sure that you were familiar with them, but always drilled into you that you should be able to defend yourself _without_ one and _against_ one.

Which, once you’d officially accepted the job and signed onto the avengers initiative, Natasha had tripled your training time with her. You spent so much time in the gym beating the new recruits that some of them ran in the opposite direction when they caught sight of either of you in the hallways.

“I think it’s good to go,” you said doing a small flip as a last test.

Maria rolled her eyes. “Show off.”

You grinned. “Damn, I’m good. The synthetic material I created feels completely natural.”

“So humble too,” she laughed and checked her watch. “Oh, they’re all heading to the training room. You’re up kid.”

“Thank Maria,” you waved and jogged out towards the gym.

You’d just made it when Sam dropped down to the floor beside you.

“Nice of you to change your mind,” you said, adjusting the arrows on your back.

Sam shrugged. “When the world calls, you don’t reject it.”

“I think the _world_ is a bit of an exaggeration.”

Sam shot you a look.

“Point taken.”

“Avengers!” Steve’s voice came from above you.

You craned your neck and saw Natasha smiling down at you.

“You all have incredible skills individually. It’s time to get you all to work as a team.”

Rhodes shot you a grin. “I call dibs on Giggles.”

Vision landed softly next to Wanda and nodded.

“What do you want us to do?”

\--

You groaned as your body hit your bed.

There was no way you were going to be able to get up in the morning. Your phone buzzed next to you and Friday announced:

“ _Agent Romanov wants to remind you that you have an early appointment with her in the gym. Quote, your left swing was weak, we need to practice your Jujitsu with your non dominant side. I want you warmed up by seven, unquote.”_

You were very, _very,_ close to crying.

\--

In the upcoming weeks your individual training had excelled to the point that you could take on multiple recruits _and_ Maria at once. Natasha puffed up every time someone commented on your progress. 

The group training, however, hadn’t progressed as quickly. You and Rhodes aced every simulation you’d been paired up for. Sam had also been a relatively uncomplicated partnership.

Surprisingly, Vision was a bit difficult. He always ran when you walked and you always went on offense when he retreated into defense. _Unsurprisingly_ , you and Wanda failed at every single simulation you’d been placed on.

“It’s not just you,” Rhodes commented one night after practice. “She’s something else that one.”

You were almost positive she managed to overhear you because her jabs got a little more forceful after that.

Natasha was no help, she just gave you a punching bag and unleashed you for an hour. In the end, Steve had given the best advice.

“She’s in a compound filled of people she grew to hate at one point. The only people who’ve shown her active kindness have been Vision and Thor. One who can’t really understand social cues and the other comes and goes between worlds as he pleases. It can’t be easy for her.”

So when you walked into the breakroom between training sessions and saw her sitting in the far corner by the windows, you sat down across from her.

She shot you a hard look before turning back to the window.

“Wanda, I don’t know what I did to make you hate me but, I’m sorry. They’re never going to let us advance until we manage to show that we can be team players.”

She ignored you, her eyes focused on the scenery outside.

You sighed and shoved a mouthful of chicken into your mouth.

“You work for Stark,” she said, almost accusatory. "You are his child."

Which – okay, she had a right to her reluctance. Wanda and Stark had made peace with each other but there was no lost love between them.

You propped your chin on your hand and you looked at her. Wanda always sat curled in on herself, an arm around her middle. Her gaze darted around but she wasn’t really seeing anything. You could tell her mind was miles away. Above everything else - you could feel her sadness.

“Why are you here?” You asked.

Her blue eyes flashed. “I was _invited_ here. I did not force-”

“I know you’re not here just because someone offered you a position on a team where the command of authority would most likely lead to a Stark employee, if not Stark himself.”

She straightened and looked you a differently. “Where do you go when you have powers you can’t control? Powers you don’t understand? How do you repent all of the harm you inflicted out of vengeance?”

You frowned at the blank expression that dropped over her face.

“What do you do when you’re alone in the world? _Orphan_ does not seem like a strong enough word,” she fiddled with a bracelet on her wrist. “My parents were only children. Their parents died young. All I had was Pietro – and my anger. Now, because of one I have lost the other. I have nothing and no one.”

“I understand-”

“How could you possibly understand?” She said indignantly. “I saw what Tony feels for you. Your father fears your death most of all. He would give his life for yours. He built you and your friends this entire campus. You know _nothing_.”

You blinked, surprised at her tone and knowledge.

“He’s not my father,” you told her.

She raised an eyebrow and you nodded. “Yes, he’s family but he’s not biologically my blood. I am very lucky to have him – despite your opinion of him, but he’s not my mother.”

“What happened to her?” Wanda asked, frowning, her energy pulsed around you. “It brings you sadness.”

This time, you raised an eyebrow and she immediately darted her eyes away. “It’s hard to control, strong emotions call out to me – I should not have looked without permission.”

“Wanda,” you said. “I wouldn’t have sat down next to you if I couldn’t handle some mind reading.”

She smiled, just a small upturn of her mouth.

“My mother was murdered. She had witnessed a crime that someone didn’t want witnessed, she was a liability to him,” your chest ached. “She was my whole world before Tony. My mother’s parents were killed fleeing civil war in her country. Which, like yours, was poverty stricken and filled with violence. She raised her three sisters before realizing she didn’t have a future there. For them, she moved to New York and shortly after, had me. My biological father, he didn't want me - didn't want us. A few years ago, I learned that he was also killed. But none of it every mattered because I had my mother. She was all I needed.”

You wiped a tear that had made its way out.

“She was strict, school came before everything and anything – that’s why Tony has always been invested in my education. I think he feels like he owes her something, that he could've prevented her death. She was the kindest person I knew. She wouldn't want him feeling that way. She always wanted me to be better than her, she never understood my love for science but she supported it anyway. She worked double shifts all winter once to save enough money to send me to engineering camp,” you laughed. “We ate ramen noodles for weeks.”

Wanda had smiled, a genuine one, and you couldn’t help but smile in return.

“So trust me, when I say that the pain won’t ever get lighter – you just get stronger. Don’t let it fester inside you, like your parents. Pietro wouldn’t want that.”

“You are right. We had talked about the idea of coming here, of joining this team to help those who cannot defend themselves. He said he wanted to help people from becoming like us. To stop orphaning children.”

You smiled. You both started eating slowly.

“I’m sorry, Wanda,” you said quietly.

“For what?”

“For your brother. He was a good man,” you said. "Nathan - little Pietro - will carry on his legacy, as will you."

Her eyes welled up and she avoided your gaze.

“Thank you.”

\--

“Hello Vis,” you fell into the couch, next to where he was seated. “What’re you listening to?”

“Hello _Giggles_ ,” he said and you smiled. “Sam was quite insistent that I listen to a few albums and he gave me this – _iPod –_ and I must say, it’s quite interesting.”

You smiled and slumped further into the cushions.

“What is wrong?” He asked you.

“Nothing, why do you ask?”

“You are giving off cues of emotional distress. Is there anything I can be of assistance to?”

You shrugged. “I’m not worried - per say - I’m just a little concerned that, as the only human addition to this team-”

“You are not the only human on this team. Mr. Wilson and Mr. Rhodes are both human. As is Ms. Maximoff. I am the only-”

“-I know. I meant, the only non-enhanced human. Sam’s done tours and so has Rhodes. Wanda’s got her powers. What if – what if I’m not good enough? I want to do this. I really think we can make a difference but, what if I make a mistake? What if I’m the weak link?”

“This is an irrational fear,” he said.

You snorted.

“Is it?”

Vision nodded. “It is. You have been attending your training sessions these past months, have you not?”

“I have.”

“Then you have nothing to fear. There have been few people who were skilled enough to start and win a fight against Natasha Romanov, you are one of them. Strategically, you are a fiercer opponent than the rest – they rely on their advantages. You, at a base line, have none and are already on par.”

You listened to him explain the details of your last few training sessions and offered constructive criticism.

“You will do well, there is little evidence to the contrary. That is why your fear is irrational.”

“Thank you, Vis,” you wrapped your arms around his waist and he tentatively wrapped an arm around you. “I don’t know why, but you’re always very comforting.”

“It’s because I sound like him.”

“Like who?” You asked.

“Jarvis.”

\--

“You called for me?” Wanda asked you, popping her head in the lab and smiling tentatively at you.

“Yes! Come in, please,” you pushed your glasses up your nose. “I wanted to run something by you.”

Wanda tugged her sleeves over her knuckles and wrapped an arm around herself.

“I’ve been studying you during training these last couple weeks. I think I know how to help you stop being afraid of your powers.”

“The scientists and Vision have not been able to help me as of yet,” Wanda’s eyes dropped to the floor. “It is a difficult process.”

“I know, but that’s why you have me and that’s why Tony built me this lab on the compound. I’ve been assessing you during sessions. Friday helped me create a simulation of sorts. Every time you use your powers, Friday will have the system observe you on a molecular level. Once I understand the science behind it, I could see what the effects are on you physically. If we level out your physical exhaustion – the benefits to your mental state would be substantial!”

Wanda blinked at you.

“You are forgetting, who will I practice on? Natasha says I could use any of the men in the compound but I will not force it on anyone. Not again.”

You plugged in the last wire into the computer and glanced at her.

“You’ll practice on me of course.”

“You?”

“Yeah, me. That way I’ll be able to have notes on how it all operates from both a personal and factual point.”

Wanda stared at you, her mouth dropping open. “You would trust me to do that?”

You took off your lab coat and sat down on a stool. After your talk with Wanda, early into the program, she had warmed significantly towards you. However, she usually stuck to Vision and disappeared into her room most of the time.

Natasha had always taught you the power of observation, so that’s what you did. You noticed that she favored being outside in the yard, she liked to meditate it seemed, and she did not like crowded areas – she kept her distance. You didn’t know how to bridge the gap and then realized how horrible it must be not to trust even yourself.

The only experimentation or discovery she’d had on her abilities were what HYDRA gave her, which probably wasn’t much. You could practically _feel_ the sadness radiating from her. So, you took it upon yourself to set this up.

“Yes, I trust you.”

The words had a visible reaction. Her shoulders straightened and she nodded. “If you want to stop, just let me know and I will pull you out of it.”

You smiled. Turning the system on, Friday took over.

“Let’s do this.”

\--

“You’re letting her test her powers out on you?”

You could see Tony’s frown over the phone. While he tried to keep the peace with her after their history, Wanda and Tony weren’t winning any friendship awards anytime soon. His experience with her was enough to have him walled up around her.

“Yes, I am. As a grown adult and a member of this team, I made the conscious decision to help her study her powers. Therefore, learning to control them better. She’s made considerable progress this past month.”

“You’ve been doing it for a _month_?” He said.

“Yes. Vision and few of the soldiers have helped too. I guess when they realized we trusted her, they didn’t mind as much. She’s really starting to come out her shell Tony. I’m doing a good thing.”

“I know, I know,” Tony sighed. “We both knew that I wasn’t going to take this whole Avengers thing easily, remember? It’s hard not to picture you as a small pip-squeak giggling behind my legs in the lab. I promised your mother I would keep you safe and here you are, putting your life on line.”

“Because I want to. You’ve kept your promise Tony. She knew more than anyone that no one and nothing could've kept me from what I put my mind to.”

“I know,” he sighed. “How’s the project going then?”

You grinned. “Okay, so I’m going to send you some of my notes. It seems like her energy manifests-”

\--

“It’s been a long summer, Steve, trust me – you’re not going to hurt me,” you said to him.

Natasha frowned. “It’s insulting to my abilities as a trainer that you even think so.”

“It’s not that, she’s just – she’s different,” Steve said to Natasha and turned to you. “You’re you. I don’t want to overstep or accidentally break something.”

You rolled your eyes. “Get your big head out of the sky and join us mortals on the ground, _Captain America_ , we have some training to do.”

You walked through the doors and started stretching. Natasha jogged up the stairs to get a better vantage point to watch your technique.

After a few minutes, you grabbed your two batons, opting to leave out your bow and arrow.

“Are you ready?” Steve asked, his shield up and expression serious.

The batons crackled, electricity lighting them up.

“Are _you_ ready?” You asked, launching yourself at him before he could answer.

What seemed like half an hour later, he tapped out and you rolled off of him. Sweat dripped down your face and you grinned. Your lungs felt like they were going to explode and you were almost positive that you had broken a finger but you had _won._ You suppressed the victory cry building in your chest.

 _You had beaten Captain America_.

There was no way you could ever win against him all the time but, _this time_ , you had won.

You raised your chin and looked down on him with a small smile.

“Round two?”

He groaned. “Five minutes.”

You lifted your eyes to a laughing Natasha, who nodded at you from the second level – no doubt having noted some mistakes that she would address with you later.

“What about you?” You asked, tone challenging.

She got a gleam in her eye and easily jumped over the barrier, landing on her feet in front of you.

“Bring it on, _Agent S.”_

You threw the first punch.

\--

Your life eventually revolved around the lab, the gym and simulations. You could probably shoot an arrow off of Stark Tower and hit a target in Queens at this rate.

While you were grateful for the preparation, there seemed no light at the end of the tunnel. The team was becoming restless.  

Rhodes had left the compound - having been called out on a mission with Tony, while the rest of you waited for the chance. Then, _finally_ , the day came.

You were in your lab with Wanda, testing out the first prototype you’d built of the experiment when Natasha called for you both.

“Suit up you two, we’re going out.”

Wanda and you shared a nervous look. She took your hand and smiled.

“Let’s go, _maco,_ ” she pulled you out the room.

Within minutes, you were all preparing for take-off.

Steve was being efficient, going over the plans and double checking equipment. Wanda and Vision were taking a moment to themselves and Sam was nervously cracking jokes.

You felt eerily calm as you packed your arrow heads and batons. Sam eventually jogged off to help Steve load up the jet and Natasha appeared in his place.

“Don’t start,” you warned her. “I’m ready.”

“I know you are, _zaika,_ you all are.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“I’m worried. The first one is always the hardest,” she said. “We can train you for years, but nothing will ever compare to actual experience.”

“Isn’t that the point?”

“It is,” she said quietly. “But, I have been in your shoes before and I know what comes after the high.”

You were tasked with extracting information from an enemy ship and freeing anyone being held captive. You had been assigned to help Wanda on ground work when you got there. Natasha and Steve would find the files, wipe out any information they’d managed to get and take anything that looked promising. Steve said it was a simple and straightforward mission.

“I’m okay,” you said, standing and strapping the batons to your back. The crossed each other and you shifted the arrows in the middle. “I have you watching my back out there. What more could I ask for?”

Natasha smiled faintly and nodded.

\--

Looking back, it all happened quickly. Wanda was keeping most of the crew away from Steve and Natasha as they made their way inside towards the main server. Vision and Sam were flying around overhead, taking out the majority from above.

You’d been disarming people left and right, carefully avoiding distracting Wanda, when you saw a flash out of your peripheral. A hand holding a knife, pulled back and aimed towards Wanda’s head – who was too busy to notice. Within seconds you had an arrow embedded in his chest. Limp, he tilted overboard. Before you could process it, you were knocked down.

Your batons snapped in two and the bow flung a few yards to your left. You pressed a knee to the offender’s chest and kicked him off of you. A couple more descended in his place.

“A little help here?” You said into your coms.

“ _I see you, once I’m clear I’m coming towards you_ ,” Sam said.

Before you could answer, you felt a sharp pain in your leg as a large dagger sliced you.

Adrenaline rushing, you kicked the dagger away and fought your way out of where you’d been cornered. Once your back was to open air, you took a millisecond to assess the situation. Your thigh was throbbing and the bleeding wasn’t stopping. You knew you’d get sluggish soon and had to use your energy boost now – you had to fight to _win_ , not to disarm.

Fighting off another soldier coming at you, you formed a plan. So when the opportunity came, you lunged for the discarded dagger off the floor and with a swift motion, threw your hand out.

It hit the soldier closest to you first, his jugular slicing open and the blood drenching you. You barely blinked, you threw any other weapons you had hidden on your body until you were standing around a small crowd of bodies. Out of everything, it was the _smell_ that caused your stomach to flip.

You got pulled back into reality when Sam cried out your name and you shook your head, pushing down on the bile rising in your throat and ran the best you could towards your team.

\--

Victorious, the team piled into the compound together, Steve asking you all to stay for a minute.

You had barely listened to his speech, your mind miles away. Your leg had been bandaged on the plane and the blood loss had you sleeping most of the ride home. You’d taken a shower and cleaned off but you couldn’t help but still see the blood stained on your hands.

Logically, you knew they weren’t innocent men – you’d seen the files, they were vile and didn’t deserve any type of remorse but your stomach flipped every time you flashed to their opened necks.

 _You_ had done that. _You’d_ killed them. How many were they? You shot so many arrows – ten? Fifteen? More? You’d actually taken someone’s _life_. Someone who would never take another breath because of _you_.

“- _zaika?_ ”

You blinked.

“Yes?” You straightened, at attention.

_Get it together._

“What’s wrong? Did you pull out any of the stitches?” Natasha looked at your bandage.

You waved away her concern.

“I’m fine, what were you saying?”

“I asked if you were coming.”

“Where?”

She shot you a look. “Steve wanted to take a few cars into town, Wanda and Vision have never been to a bar before.”

Your chest ached at the idea of any type of celebration. You were a killer now and that wasn’t something you wanted to _celebrate_.

“No, my leg still hurts. I’m okay, but, take some pictures?” You smiled like everything was fine.

\--

Naively, you had assumed that as time went on, it would get easier. You couldn’t dote on this for forever, no one could. It had to pass eventually, right?

Steve had killed people, Tony had killed people, and Natasha probably had the highest body count out of anyone you’d met.

 _Clint_ had killed people – he’d killed someone while saving _your_ life in the past. Clint had a family, he was a father, and he was still a good person. But you…you weren’t. You curled into yourself and refused to leave your room.

At the same time, Natasha had been whisked away on an important mission and Steve was training new recruits from the Navy.

Eventually, Wanda was the first to notice something was wrong. She started looking for you and Friday had led her to your room.

Your bed dipped with her weight and she pressed a hand to your head.

“Are you sick?” She asked.

Her hand was cool and felt nice, you leaned into the touch and she smiled down at you.

“You don’t feel warm _maco,_ what’s wrong?”

“My leg still hurts from the mission. I think it was deeper than it seemed,” you lied.

Wanda’s eyes flashed red and you knew that you had not fooled her. She smiled sadly down at you. “It seems that it is not your physical wounds that trouble you.”

“I’m fine, Wanda,” you stressed.

She eyed your curled up form and sighed.

“Your secret is safe with me,” she pressed a kiss to your head and stood. “Would you like company?”

You shook your head.

“Okay, call for me if you need anything.”

\--

Over the next month, the team - those still on the compound – visited you under the guise that you had caught an infection from your cut.

Wanda had made sure she spent the most time with you. You’d refuse to talk about it but to her credit, she tried her best to take your bad thoughts away from you. Some things were just meant to be suffered through.

You broke, eventually, with Vision of all people.

“I don’t sleep, I _can’t_ sleep,” you said softly to him one day when he was dropping off your dinner on behalf of Wanda.

He frowned at you. “You are not ill. Your body has no signs of infection. Wanda shows increased stress levels when speaking of you. She will not tell me what is wrong. I assume that you will not either.”

“Nothing is wrong, Vis. I’m just so tired and I can’t sleep.” Your voice cracked. He nodded and disappeared through the wall.

Vision came back when the sun had set. He carried a mug of what smelled like chamomile tea and a small book.

He didn’t say anything, just handed you the mug and he sat down in the chair closest to your bed.

_Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much._

His voice washed over you and lifted the weight from your shoulders, even if just for a moment. Soon after, your brain shut off and you drifted to sleep.

\--

You knew, before you’d even looked over to the door, that Natasha was back. Wanda’s nervous energy fluttered around the room, knocking over a few objects.

“Sorry,” Wanda mumbled.

“The mission took a lot longer than I had anticipated.” Natasha’s voice echoed in the silence of your room.

She walked around the bed and crouched down to your eye level. You shut your eyes and tighten the blanket around your shoulders.

“Look at me,” she said quietly. “I’m not judging. Just, _look at me_.”

You knew what she would see. She would see what everyone else couldn’t because as much as everyone saw your differences, you were both cut from the same cloth. 

After a beat, you opened your eyes and met her gaze.

 “Oh, _zaika,_ ” she sighed and ran a hand across your hair. “I’m sorry. I should’ve known.”

“I’m okay,” your voice sounded foreign.

“Maybe going for a walk will help?” She said. “You’ve been in here too long. Wanda says you only sleep when Vision is with you, that you can’t be left alone.”

“I can’t leave my room, Natasha, I _can’t_ – their blood, it’s _everywhere_ ,” you groaned, burying your head into your pillow.

“Okay, okay,” she soothed you. “Wanda, please.”

Wanda’s familiar energy nudged at your head and you didn’t resist. You drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

\--

A soft rustling noise roused you from your sleep. It was instinct that had you opening your eyes and scanning the room.  

Your room was dark, the only light coming from the lamp on your desk in the far corner where Tony sat, flipping through your notes.

“Why didn’t you call me?” He asked you, not looking up from the notebook. “It’s a little jarring when _Romanov_ is worried. I would’ve gone with you.”

You could ignore everyone else, including yourself, but not him. You sighed.

“I should be stronger than this – I – I trained for this. For _months_. I did what I had to do,” you said emptily.

At that, he turned around and came to sit next to you.

“Kiddo, the first time – it’s something else. It’s always different than the rest. No matter how much you train, it’s not something that can be prepared for. This is nothing to be ashamed of. Your brain is trying to protect itself.”

“I should, I’m an Agent now. I knew what had to be done. I knew that this was what was going to happen. _I did what I had to do_.”

“I know Giggles, I know.” He placed a hand on your shoulder. “I’ve seen what was on that USB drive. They were planting bombs, you saved thousands of people’s lives.”

Your eyes started to well up.

“You’re allowed to feel sad, kiddo. You did _good_. You did what you were supposed to and won. You saved your teammates lives. You helped save thousands of lives. It’s okay to not be okay.”

You sat up, for what seemed the first time in weeks. He wrapped himself around you and his familiar cologne engulfed you. Then, and only then, did you allow yourself to let go.

“I’m sorry,” you said as you cried, your hand clutching at his jacket. “ _I’m sorry._ ”

\--

A few hours later, Tony and you sat side by side on the back lawn. You’d accompanied Wanda during her morning meditation so many times, the grass and foliage calmed you too now.

Tony, however, was complaining.

“These are expensive pants you know, these grass stains are _never_ coming out,” he settled next to you anyway.

You smiled at the familiarity of it all. It was nearing dawn, the sun only starting to warm the sky into a few hues of yellow.

“Thank you Tony,” you said quietly. You took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I’m sorry for making you come down here.”

“Hey,” Tony bumped his shoulder with yours. “It’s you and me Giggles, we don’t keep secrets right?”

You eyed him.

“Alright, poor choice of words given our careers. I meant, we back each other up right?”

You smiled and nodded.

“Then you don’t need to be sorry for anything.”

You must’ve been hidden from sight by the tree behind you because Natasha’s worried voice floated over.

“ _Tony_ – she’s not in her room - have you seen-”

She had been jogging over but stopped when she caught sight of you. You smiled up at her.

“You scared me,” she said to you.

Tony laughed. “Keeps you on your toes this one.” He nudged you playfully. “She’s back amongst the living.”

Natasha met your eyes and you saw the question in them. You nodded.

“I’m not one hundred – but, I’ll get there.”

You knew she was thinking back to what seemed like a lifetime ago, when she’d stumbled onto your doorstep, bleeding and sad. Now it seemed, it was your turn.

You nodded. “I’m not walking away.”

Natasha studied your expression. You don’t know what she saw but she eventually smiled and nodded.

“Okay.”

 

* * *

 

“Alright everybody,” Steve clapped his hands after the day’s training. “I have an announcement.”

You propped yourself up using Wanda. Your entire body was screaming for a hot shower.

“You’ve given your all the past year or so and I couldn’t be anymore prouder of all of you. You all started out as individuals and now you’re a team. You’ve bonded with each other and work seamlessly. Our time here together has come to a close, I know you all have lives to return to and have committed to answering the call if it should come.”

 _What?_ Your brain screeched to a halt and you searched for Natasha’s gaze. When you found her, she was already looking at you, a small smile on her face.

“You have all evolved and grown to be spectacular. We’re grateful for your sacrifice and commitment. This isn’t the last we’ll see of each other, as I have a hunch that you’ll all stay near one other. But, if we don’t, just know, that I’m proud to be your leader.”

The gym broke out into cheers and claps but you were frozen. 

Weirdly, a lump settled your throat. You knew that you’d eventually be going back to the Tower. The compound was meant for training and to be used as a home base. Training wasn’t meant to last forever, there had to be balance, but you couldn’t help but feel weird thinking about your lab back home.

You glanced towards Wanda who wore a tight smile on her face. Before you could say anything, she stalked towards the elevators. Your head was still spinning from the news, you had not realized that you were rooted to the spot until Sam jostled you.

“It’s weird, right?” He said with a chuckle. “Realizing that you don’t need to be on ‘GO’ all the time?”

You nodded. “I knew but…I just didn’t realize it would be so soon I guess.”

“It’s been more than a year kid,” he laughed. “Natasha’s been training you since you were a teenager. How long did you think it would go on for? You had to reach the top eventually.”

“I know, I just didn’t expect the idea to be so hard to wrap my mind around.”

He nodded. “I get that. It’s not the training or the missions, it’s finding your place in the world again. It hasn’t changed, but _you_ have.”

“Huh,” you said, brain coming back online.

“Hey,” he squeezed your shoulder. “If you need help adjusting, don’t try to take it on yourself. Call me, despite my youthful appearance, I have been through some stuff and know what I’m talking about when I say I can help.”

You smiled and promised.

On your way back to your room, you couldn’t help but to think back to Tony’s words on that first day.

_“I’ll be back before you know it,” you said._

_“But it’ll be different.”_

\--

While sorting out the essentials in your room, you realized you were tired of packing so much. The Tower, London, the studio, the compound – it was a lot of moving within the last couple years. You needed to finally settle somewhere, find stability and routine.

Tony had already called to remind you that your duplex was waiting to be broken into. That seemed like a good place to start.

“I will miss you, _maco_ ,” Wanda said from the doorway, startling you out of your thoughts.

You’d been trying to remember what plans you had made for the duplex almost two years ago.

“We’ll visit,” you told her and realized you didn’t know where she was going.

“Are you going back to Sokovia?” You asked.

She frowned. “No, the compound is my home now. Captain said he is staying and that if I wanted, I could too.”

You stopped packing and frowned at her.

“Home?” You repeated.

She gave you a sad look. “Sokovia is filled of nothing but sad memories. Here, I do not feel so alone.”

You thought back to the empty apartment in Washington Heights. You’d grown up there but still could barely manage a visit without seeing the ghost of your mother everywhere.

“Stark Tower isn’t far from here,” you said nonchalantly. “You don’t have to _move in_ but you can come for a visit, right? An extended visit. We _should_ continue figuring out what other things your powers can do. My lab at home is much better than here. Besides, I’m not even close to having a functioning prototype of my project imitating your energy! My team at home is great too-”

“Yes!” Wanda said with a wide smile. “I will go with you on this _extended_ visit.”

You grinned.

\--

In the end, Wanda isn’t the only one tagging along. Natasha decided to come with you back to New York. She was between assignments and needed a change of scenery. You pretended to believe her excuse but you knew she was still scared you’d relapse and become a recluse again.

Steve, Vision, Sam and Rhodes also came along for a short visit, one that was long overdue.

When you called to let Tony know - his reaction was, _of course_ , to throw a dinner party.

Walking out of the jet and onto the landing pad, felt a little like planting a seed. You inhaled your familiar dirty New York City air and laughed. The lights and the skyline seemed to wink at you.

_Home._

Pepper came running out onto the pad and pulled you into a tight hug.

“I missed you sweetheart,” she pressed a kiss to your temple. “You sure know how to forget about little old me.”

You snorted. “There’s nothing little or old about you, Pep.”

She grinned and gave you another hug.

Steve introduced Sam and Vision to Pepper. You could see Rhodes and Tony already bickering by the door. Wanda’s timid _hello_ to Tony brought your attention back to her.

“Pepper,” you called out. “This is Wanda Maximoff. She’s magical but above all, a _very_ good cook.”

“Well, if our resident picky eater says so, you must be a God send,” Pepper laughed.

Wanda smiled shyly and out stretched her hand. “It is nice to meet you Ms. Potts.”

Pepper waved away her hand and tugged Wanda into a hug. “Please, call me Pepper.”

Wanda’s ears turned pink and you knew that this was a good step forward. Just like you had, Wanda was bound to blossom under Pepper’s attention.

During the party, you quickly managed to wrangle Wanda, Steve, Sam and Natasha into helping you move your stuff into your new apartment tomorrow. Tony had movers drop your ordered furniture into the empty apartment.

“Wait, were we just hustled?” Sam asked Pepper.

She laughed lightly. “You were.”

“We’ve just been around her so long we know how to duck and roll,” Tony joked. “Have fun tomorrow.”

\--

 “A little to your left,” you told Steve.

He rearranged it and you smiled.

“Perfect!”

Steve joined you where you stood in the middle of your living room and grinned.

“It looks great,” he put his arm around you.

You both looked at the last frame he’d helped hang. It was a small canvas he’d painted of you, Tony and Pepper. You were sandwiched between them and you all had giant matching grins. Around the painting were a handful of frames and wall art you’d managed to collect over the years. The photo directly to its left was a crowd favorite, one where you had Natasha and Sam in a headlock with Wanda laughing in the background.

“Hey! Did you two fall asleep or something?” Sam’s voice drifted in from the open French doors.

“No, they are awake,” Vision said and you could practically hear Sam roll his eyes.

“I know that Captain Obvious, _I_ _meant_ , they need to come pull their weight,” Sam raised his voice at the end.

Steve laughed and you two made your way out towards the large terrace. You’d installed grass and a small tree in the far left corner, having gotten used to sitting on it in the mornings when you’d meditate with Wanda. Who, had in turn suggested a greenhouse since you had discovered your green thumb over the last year at the compound.

You had become delighted with the idea and it took up the majority of the space on the right side. Glass walls and doors enclosed your newly planted flowers and foliage. Vision had shown much interest in the project and helped you plant most of them. He’d even helped you name them all.

Tony and Rhodes found it _hilarious_ to see you gardening.

“I’m sorry kiddo,” Rhodes had said. “I’m just used to seeing you bent over a lab desk, not a patch of dirt.”

“Don’t insult Rigoberta like that,” you had scowled, planting your forget-me-nots.

Now, a few days later, it was all mostly finished.  

“For a few weeks’ worth of work, we made a lot of progress,” Natasha wiped her hands on her pants.

“Progress?” Sam huffed. “We did amazing. We kicked _renovating ass._ HGTV should offer me a deal.”

“Oh, it’d be called Avengers Aesthetic,” you joked, securing the last nail on the railing.

You’d had a staircase installed that connected the common room above your apartment to the terrace. You saw Wanda’s longing gaze to your meditative corner and wanted her to have access to it even if you weren’t home.

“Or, or, Avengers Assemble Your House,” Sam cackled at his own joke.

“Boo!” Natasha threw some dirt at him.

“Watch the shoes!”

\--

The whole team settled into the common area. You’d all cleared your schedules to have dinner and play a few board games.

The next morning, Sam and Rhodes would be on their way back to D.C. While Natasha was picking Clint up and flying out to Europe for a few days. You’d made her promise to bring you back a post card for your growing collection.

“That’s cheating!” Sam shouted at Tony.

“I’m not cheating!” Tony yelled back.

“He might be,” Rhodes said. “Check his sleeves!”

“This is blasphemy!” Tony crossed his arms.

“No, this is us trying to play monopoly,” you rolled your eyes. “Sam pay the fee! I’m next!”

Natasha huffed. “This is never going to end.”

“Pepper, Steve, Wanda and Vision are playing charades. Go join them if you can’t handle the pressure,” you teased.

She rolled her eyes, got up and left you her money. You cried out happily and counted your new bills.

“That’s not fair!” Tony and Rhodes said at the same time.

“Suck it!” You said, finally having enough to buy another property.

Sam groaned. “She’s just as bad as you are!”

Tony frowned and looked at the board. “Shit, that’s going to cost me.”

“And you call yourself an entrepreneur,” Rhodes jabbed.

Tony gaped. “Foul! Ref, that’s a foul!”

You laughed. “I’m going to miss you guys.”

 

* * *

 

“Alright Captain,” you turned to look at him as he frowned at the screen. “What did you think?”

_Don't you, forget about me  
Don't, don't, don't, don't_

You paused on Judd Nelson’s character’s fist pump.

“That’s it?” Steve exclaimed.

“What do you mean _that’s it_? They all understood each other in the end!”

“But nothing really happens! There’s no closure!”

“What!” You shouted. “Did you miss the entire movie? Of course there’s closure! Alright you know what, 80s movies aren’t your thing, let’s move on to a different era. What about a good romantic comedy?”

Steve frowned.

“Oh, do not give me that face Cap’ you and I both know you enjoy a good romcom. Oh! We have Pretty Woman! That’s a _classic._ ”

“I know her!” Steve said. “She’s from that other movie where they rob the casino.”

“Oceans Elven! Yes, A plus Steve! You’re learning so fast!” You wipe away a fake tear. “I’ll have you a full modern man in no time.”

Steve grinned. “What’s this one about?”

“Well, she’s a hooker-”

“ _What?_ ”

“You know what, never mind. Let’s just watch it, you’ll love it.”

 

* * *

 

“Where’s Wanda?” Pepper asked as she pulled out the plates. “Will she be joining us?”

“No,” you scooped out some of the soup from the pot into the first bowl. “Steve, Wanda and Vision wanted to go catch the new action movie.”

“Why didn’t you go?”

You shrugged. “I’m tired. I’m really trying to get our second sample to work. I just need a little more time, I know I can get it.”

Pepper just smiled at you. “Nice to know some things never change.”

You grinned.

“I think Tony said he was coming down though, it should be nice. We haven’t had dinner just the three of us in a long time.”

You turned and placed the last bowl down to your left. You looked up at Pepper and noticed a flash of something on her face.

“What’s wrong?” You asked.

“Nothing, sweetheart. I’m fine,” she stepped forward. “Let me take these out to the table.”

You frowned but nodded and watched her go. _Something’s wrong._ You gathered the rest of the plates and carefully pushed the kitchen door.

 _“Tony, for once in your life be an adult,”_ Pepper hissed. “ _She’s happy again. Just act normal and we’ll discuss this later._ ”

“ _What is there to discuss?”_ Tony snapped.

You startled. Tony _never_ snapped at Pepper.

“What’s going on?” You asked them.

Pepper jumped and whirled around to look at you. “Nothing. Come on, the soup’s getting cold and I know you made it special for us.”

You shifted your gaze to Tony and shot you a tight smile.

“Come on Giggles, tell me about that project you’re working on,” he sat down and patted the seat next to him. “I heard Vision say you had made a breakthrough.”

\--

Once you had all finished dinner, Pepper’s assistant had come by and swooped her away for business.

You were washing the plates while Tony rinsed them next to you.

“So, are we going to talk about whatever that was back there?” You asked quietly. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you and Pepper fight.”

Tony tensed. “Everyone fights kiddo, we just never did it in front of you.”

You both settled into tense silence. You knew everyone fought, especially when Tony was in the mix, but it was never this tense with Pepper.

You three were each other’s family and you’d been so distracted that you hadn’t noticed the rift between them. Even now, you realized, Tony had changed. He was practically born camera ready, a lie for any situation at the tip of his tongue. He was never able to fool you, however, for very long. His hands had a tremble in them, his eyes a little cloudiness and his voice not as confident. Something was really wrong and you had missed it.

 “Is it fixable?” You asked, minutes later.

 He sighed. “I don’t know.”

 

* * *

 

Before you can pick at the scab, Natasha called you and Wanda for back up on the mission. You had barely enough time to pack before Clint picked you both up and swept you off to England.

A week later, an exhausted Natasha dropped you back off in the middle of the night.

“I am so tired,” Wanda whined. “Even my teeth hurt.”

You slumped against wall as the elevator brought you down to the den. Both of you stumbled out and Wanda went face first into the couch.

“Wanda?” You asked quietly.

“Just leave me here,” she said. “I am never moving again.”

You laughed lightly and dragged yourself to the kitchen where you knew there was a big bottle of Advil. Future you would thank you for it.

You’d been rummaging around in the pantry when you hear a loud crash come from Tony’s office. You peeked down the hallway. Last you checked it was four in the morning on a Tuesday. Even Tony was usually asleep at this time.

“Friday?” You called out, worried. You were already reaching for a knife when she spoke.

“ _It’s Mr. Stark, Miss. He’s broken a bottle in his office._ ”

“A bottle?” You asked, confused. “You mean a beaker?”

“ _No, Miss. A bottle,”_ Friday answered.

For a brief moment, you could’ve sworn she sounded almost _sad_.

You padded towards Tony’s office to find his door ajar. You pushed it open and was instantly hit in the face with the smell of scotch.

“Jesus, what did you break?” You covered your nose.

Tony popped his head up and cried happily when he saw you.

“Giggles!” He slurred loudly and you shushed him. “I missed you!”

“Tony, _what_ are you doing?” You asked, walking over to him. “Oh my God, are those bottles empty?”

You were astounded at all the empty bottles thrown carelessly under his desk. Tony just grinned sloppily and slumped to sleep on the sofa he was thrown against.

“Friday,” you called out shakily. “How long has he been like this?”

“ _He’s asked me not to notify anyone-”_

 _“_ Friday,” you said warningly.

“ _Mr. Stark has increased his alcohol consumption by seventy two percent since the Avengers defeated Ultron in Sokovia, Miss.”_

“How- how could I have missed that?” You said to yourself.

“ _You have not been residing in the Tower for a long time Miss.Mr. Stark is very good at hiding his personal matters. He’s been quite upset over the devastation due to Ultron.”_

Of course he was. You had been too busy at the compound to notice. You glanced back at his slack face and shook your head. He was there for you when you needed him, you would be here for him – even if he didn’t want you to be.

“Where does he keep the rest of it?” You asked.

“ _In the locked cabinet on the far right_.”

“Unlock it.”

The door swung open seconds later and you grabbed every bottle you could find.

“Where are the rest of them?”

You went through his lab, his room, and the den before you managed to find them all.

“Tell Mr. Stark when he wakes up that I’ve returned from the mission and that we need to speak.”

“ _Of course, Miss.”_

You opened the first bottle and watched it fall down the drain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Maco:** Kitten (*According to google translate, which again, not always credible. Forgive me if it’s wrong.)
> 
> So I don’t actually know what the process would be in grad school for science (I’m an arts kid!) so if it’s horribly wrong just ignore how many times I throw the word thesis out there – woops! I also aged up Wanda just a little to have her be older than the reader. 
> 
> After this, we tackle Civil War and what happens after (Bucky!). That is where we go off canon, ever the slightest bit, just to make things interesting. Because – again – infinity war is a giant #nope #denial


	5. Avengers, Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second half of my monster chapter! This one is a tiny bit more of a monster than the first part but, would you believe me when I say I edited down the original chapter about 50%? Again, I didn’t want to slim it down anymore without risking my overall vision for it. Hopefully, still okay? Maybe? Yes?
> 
> Again, some lines are taken word for word from the original script – especially in the beginning- I take absolutely **no ownership** over them. They were just used to follow a specific timeline.
> 
> Enjoy!

“ _Alright, rookies, what do you see?_ ” Steve asked, ever the teacher.

“Standard cops, small station – it’s a quiet street,” you said into your coms.

“ _It’s a good target,”_ Wanda said.

“ _There’s an ATM in the south corner, which means…”_ Steve said.

“ _Cameras_ ,” you and Wanda said at the same time.

“ _Both cross streets are one way_.”

“ _Compromised escape routes.”_

“ _That means our guy doesn’t care about being seen and he isn’t afraid to make a mess on the way out. You see the Range Rover halfway up the block?_ ”

“The red one? It’s cute,” you said.

“ _It’s also bulletproof, which means private security, which means more guns, which means more headaches for somebody. Probably us,”_ Natasha said with a sigh.

“ _You guys remember that I can move things with my mind right?”_ Wanda said.

“ _Looking over your shoulder needs to become second nature_ ,” Natasha answered.

“ _Anyone ever tell you that you’re a little paranoid?”_ Sam said and you couldn’t help your muffled laughter that you tried to turn into a cough.

“ _Not to my face_ ,” she said pointedly.

You could feel her glare from across the street.

An argument breaks out in the café you’re hidden in and you have to scramble back to avoid being caught in the middle. By the time you tune back in you hear Steve shout.

“ _It’s a battering ram_.”

“ _Go, now,”_ Steve said and you’re already on your way out.

“ _S, look alive, I’m coming for you_.”

“I’m ready,” you answered.

“ _What_?” Wanda asked, confused.

Natasha barely slowed down as you climbed onto the motorcycle behind her. 

“ _He’s not hitting the police_.”

By the time you’re both close to the target, Steve’s voice called out.

“ _Rumlow has a biological weapon_!”

Natasha glanced at you over her shoulder and you nodded.

“We’re on it,” you said.

You threw your weight back and landed right beside Natasha as the bike knocked out a few of the hired muscle.

“I got them, go for Rumlow,” you told her and went to work on taking down the rest.

Not two minutes later, you were thrown back by what _sounded_ like a grenade and you popped back up to look for Natasha.

“Are you okay?” You asked, checking her for wounds.

“I’m okay,” she wheezed. “Just give me a second.”

“ _Sam, he’s in an AFV heading north,”_ Steve said.

“Sorry toots, we don’t have a second,” you said and hauled her up onto your shoulder.

“ _I’m on it_ ,” Sam said.

“We’re right behind you,” you yelled, placing Nat on the back of the bike and driving off.

“ _I got four splitting up_ ,” Sam said right above you.

You threw the bike between two cars and darted in the opposite of the direction of Nat.

“ _I got the two on the left_ ,” she said, “ _S coming towards you Sam_.”

“ _They ditched their gear. It's a shell game now. One of them has the payload_ ,” Steve said.

“Shit,” you said.

“ _Language_!” Natasha managed between puffs of air.

“ _That’s going to follow me to the grave,”_ Steve muttered.

You laughed and launched yourself onto the closest mercenary’s back. In a swift move you had him out and searched him for the vial.

“I’m empty,” Sam said, dropping his target down next to yours.

“Me too,” you said, giving yours another kick.

There’s a loud explosion up ahead _and_ in your coms that had you both wincing. You ran towards the sound of screaming.

“Why is it that we’re always running towards explosions?” Sam asked.

“ _Sam… we need… Fire and Rescue… on the south side of the building. We gotta get up there,_ ” Steve said.

_That can’t be good._

You saw Wanda, staring up at the fire, shaking and crying. You dropped down next to her and wrapped her up in your arms. Sam lingered in the air on you two, making sure you were alright.

“Go Sam,” you told him. He sped off into the fire and you focused on Wanda.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” you soothed.

\--

 _This wasn’t good_ , you thought as you walked up the stairs.

Steve’s voice stopped you right before Wanda’s room.

“This job… We try to save as many people as we can. Sometimes that doesn't mean everybody. But if we can't find a way to live with that, next time… maybe nobody gets saved.”

You smiled. Steve always had a way of comforting Wanda, comforting the whole team really. You’d talked about this numerous times over the years. The idea of saving thousands over a few.

_“It’s a difficult decision to make. It’ll eat your soul from the inside out,” Steve had said. “But someone has to make it. Instead of five thousand orphans, we’ll only have ten. It’s a horrible choice but we all agreed to be the ones to make it.”_

“Hey,” you said and leaned on the door frame. “Tony has-”

Vision abruptly morphed through the wall and startled you into jumping back.

“ _Vis_! We talked about this,” Wanda said.

“Yes, but the door was open and Giggles was standing there so I assumed that…” he looked at you and stopped. “Captain Rogers wished to know when Mr. Stark was arriving.”

“Thank you,” Steve smiled. “We’ll be right down.”

“I’ll use the door,” he said. “Ah, Mr. Stark has also brought a guest.”

“Who is it?” Steve asked.

This time, you winced. “The Secretary of State.”

\--

Rhodes and Sam had started arguing the moment Ross left the compound in his obnoxious black Camaro.

Steve sat quietly, reading the stack of papers Ross had left behind. The rest of the team argued amongst themselves. You, however, kept your gaze on Tony.

“So let's say we agree to this thing. How long is it gonna be before they LoJack us like a bunch of common criminals?” Sam exclaimed.

“A hundred and seventeen countries want to sign this. One hundred and seventeen, Sam, and you're just like, ‘No, that's cool. We got it,’” Rhodey huffed.

At that, you were surprised and it seemed Sam was too.

“How long are you going to play both sides?”

They bickered more before Natasha spoke up, silencing the rest.

“Tony, you’re being uncharacteristically quiet.”

He sat up from his slouched position and Steve huffed.

“It's because he's already made up his mind,” Steve said.

“You know me so well,” Tony got up and winced.

“Actually, I'm nursing an electromagnetic headache,” he walked into the kitchen and grabbed a mug. Before you could even twitch he waved you away. “It’s coffee, sobriety coach, relax.”

You frowned, but stayed put. Something had been bothering Tony since you’d returned from your most recent mission. When he propped up a picture of a cute kid, you knew he was ready to share with the class.

The more he talked, the more you understood his recent mood swings.

“Tony, someone dies on your watch, you don’t give up.” Steve said. “There’s always casualties in war, unfortunately, sometimes it’s the good guys.”

“I’m _not_ giving up.”

“We are if we’re not taking responsibility for our actions. This document just shifts the blame.”

Rhodes snapped at Steve. “This isn’t the World Security Council, it’s not SHIELD, it’s not HYDRA-”

“It’s not, but it’s run by people with agendas, and agendas change. We thought SHIELD was safe.”

“That’s _good_ though. That’s why I’m even here. When I realized what my weapons were capable of in the wrong hands, I shut it down and stop manufacturing.”

“Tony you _chose_ to do that. If we sign this, we’re surrendering out right to choose. What if this panel sends us somewhere we don’t think we should go? What if there is somewhere we need to go, and they don’t let us?” He placed the packet back onto the table.

“I thought I went into the ice for a reason, D.C. taught me that there will always be good guys because the bad ones don’t ever really die. We may not be perfect, but the safest hands are still our own.”

Tony hit the stack of papers with his finger. “If we don’t do this now, it’s going to be done _to_ us later. That’s a fact Steve. That won’t be pretty because I know you all won’t go down easily.”

“So, you’re saying they’ll come for me,” Wanda said, upset.

At that, you straightened, catching Natasha’s eye.

“We would protect you,” Natasha said.

Tony balked a little.

“If we have one hand on the wheel, we can still steer. If we take it off-”

Sam gaped.

“I’m just – I’m reading the terrain. We have made some very _public_ mistakes. We need to win their trust back.”

“And you think they’re going to just let us go after that?”

“Hold on, I’m sorry, did I just mishear you or did you agree with me?” Tony sputtered.

Natasha smirked. “I want to take it back now.”

“No, no, you can’t retract it. Thank you. Unprecedented. Okay, case closed – I win.”

Sam started to look a little desperate and you felt his eyes land on you.

“Hey, what about you? You’re also being uncharacteristically quiet.”

Tony’s gaze turned towards you and you knew _, like always_ , he’d forgotten you had a vote now too.

You mulled over how to say what you were feeling when Natasha beat you to the punch.

“Loyalty, boys,” she said. “She’d take a bullet for just about anyone in this room but, none of us come close to the loyalty she has to Stark.”

Tony straightened and this time, you met his eyes. He looked hopeful and your gut churned. You thought back to the empty bottles you’d found months ago. To his anger and the withdrawal that he’d suffered through. You saw his grateful expression after the worst had passed, that you hadn’t abandoned him. You flashed back to his unwavering support when you had no one and nowhere to go to.

“Kiddo?” Steve said and you looked back to him.

“Natasha’s right – I…I’m on Tony’s side,” you turned to Tony. “But Steve is also right. I don’t think you’re seeing the big picture. You’re blinded by your guilt. What if my life was in danger? What if what everyone in this room is worried about – happens? That the wrong person finds out that I carry more worth to the famous Iron Man – more than anyone else on his team. What if Rumlow had me and because I am just _one person_ they decide it’s not worth it? Can you really stand by and watch me die?”

“That’s different,” Tony said and Natasha frowned at you – she knew where you were going with this.

“It’s _not_. Because if someone had you – _any of you_ – I don’t care who says what. I will not be told when to jump or how high. Politics change and I won’t be controlled by whoever managed to wrestle the power in their favor. I’m _no one’s_ pet.” You said pointedly towards Tony. “But it also makes sense, you wouldn’t save one person over a country.”

He frowned at you. “So you’re _not_ on my side?”

“There technically aren’t any sides,” Natasha butted in.

“I am,” you stood up and nodded. “I’ll follow you wherever you need me. You know I consider you all family but Tony – he’s my…he’s Tony.”

Before Tony said anything sarcastic or Sam could get a rebuttal in, you continued.

“I’m still not signing it,” you said and Tony’s face fell.

Rhodes frowned. “So all that training was for nothing?”

You ignored him and turned to Natasha. “You can tell Secretary Ross that I’ve gone graciously into retirement. Maybe I’ll visit Clint.” You turned to Tony. “You tapped out a long time ago and I told you that one of us had to represent. Clearly, this time it’s you.”

Tony opened his mouth, to no doubt argue against your point, when Steve suddenly stood.

“I have to go.”

 

* * *

 

Over the span of three days, you received three visits that all but ruined the sanctity of your terrace – o _f your peace_.

First, it was Natasha. You felt her stare on you before you ever opened your eyes.

“This is a sacred space, Romanov, if you’re going to fight with me have the decency to wait until I’m not meditating anymore.”

A short burst of air hit your side as she landed softly beside you.

“I wasn’t going to fight you,” she said, her tone a little wounded. “I know what it means when you’re out here.”

You didn’t answer, just continued to count and matched it to your breathing.

“You should try yoga,” you told her, “maybe it’ll be helpful.”

She snorted. “Sometimes I can’t really believe that Wanda managed to wrangle you into this. You were always a punch first, ask questions later type of girl.”

“Look who’s talking,” you said.

You both sat in silence, your breath becoming slower and deeper with every passing moment.

“I know you’re not going to just go submissively into retirement. Ross isn’t going to buy that you’ll happily stand on the sidelines.”

“Then he shouldn’t have offered it up as a solution,” you said.

“This is ridiculous, you’re going to waste all that training to just go back into the shadows?”

Your eye twitched. “And you’re going to waste all this freedom just to put yourself back on someone’s leash?”

Natasha stared at you, hurt. You sighed and rubbed a hand across your face. “I’m sorry, that was out of line.”

“No,” she huffed. “It wasn’t. I shouldn’t have bothered you now. I’m just – frustrated. I can see the cracks starting to show within us. It would help not to make Tony feel like he’s losing you too.”

You frowned. “I can’t dictate my life anymore on what Tony wants. It’s my life, my decision and I’m not changing it.”

Your words settled between you and this time, _she_ sighed.

“I did say I wasn’t going to fight you, I just wanted to try.”

“You should know me better.”

Natasha propped her chin on her hand. “I do.”

“I’m not trying to be inflexible. I agree with Steve but I also agree with Tony. We shouldn’t be above the law but the accords - have you read them? Because I have. All of it, front to back. The wording, it makes us seem like we’re dogs and they decide when to open the cage. I won’t do it. If the U.N. isn’t willing to bend, neither am I. This is me trying to compromise, I’m trying to keep our boat from sinking.”

“I know you are, I am too,” she said quietly. “What if this is the only opportunity we’ll get?”

“Then you can join me in retirement. I’ll install a yoga swing for you.”

At that, she laughed.

\--

Second was Tony.

You needed to take some time for yourself, especially after _another_ day filled with even more arguments. You had finished cooking your pasta and decided to eat it out on your terrace. The weather had a bite to it once the sun had set but you could feel the seasons shifting. You activated your heaters and pulled on a thick hoodie. With the blanket you kept outside it should be enough to keep you comfortable.

“Friday, please play my dinner playlist,” you asked, settling down on one of your chairs.

 _“Certainly, bon appetite,_ ” she answered.

You smiled and let your mind wander to your work from today. You’d finally managed a functioning equation for a replica of Wanda’s energy. You just had to figure out how to apply it. A gun wasn’t working well and fell apart in every attempt to contain it. You were thinking of recreating something like a sleeve from Tony’s suit. You were almost positive that it would be stable enough to function.

Lost in thought, you almost choked on your pasta when Tony appeared before you.

“Earth to Giggles, _hello_?”

You coughed, trying to dislodge the piece stuck in your throat. “ _Fuck_ – don’t scare me like that Tony!”

He huffed and threw himself into the chair next to yours. “You don’t _get_ scared. If I managed that, you must be really slipping.”

“Tony, this is my safe space,” you said exaggeratedly. “You all know this. Since you and I can’t seem to have a conversation that doesn’t end in an argument - I’m telling you right now, I’m not doing this here. Not tonight. Give me one night of peace.”

He sighed. “I really, really want a drink right now.”

“Tony,” you said warningly.

“I said I want, I’m not actually going to get one. Although, I can smell the wine in your glass from here.”

You chucked your glass’ continents off the terrace and grinned.

“Problem solved.”

Tony laughed. “If only the rest of our problems could be solved that easily.”

“I knew you couldn’t resist,” you groaned.

“Just let me say _one_ more thing-”

“Tony!” You shouted. “Does no one respect the sanctity of my terrace? I’m done talking about this. I said what I had to say and that’s it! What would you gain from me signing the accords?”

“It would help me feel a little less like I’m losing my entire family,” he exclaimed. “I’m trying to protect you. Ross isn’t going to like your answer. At least Cap’ and I are black and white. Natasha and you have always been grey areas.”

“Oh, so it’s all about what _you_ feel then? Shall we all cater to Tony Stark’s feelings?”

He huffed. “You make me sound like a selfish prick when you put it like that.”

“When I put it like what? Like the truth?” You slumped over your chair. “Tony, I can’t base my entire life around you. What if I had felt so strongly, _which I do_ , about not signing the accords? What if I didn’t willingly go into retirement? Would you side with me so that I didn’t feel abandoned?”

“I hate it when you use reverse psychology on me.”

“Then stop making me do it. You’re incapable of seeing the other side. I don’t agree with either of you but, I went with my gut and I chose you out of loyalty. So stop making me feel like I did the wrong thing when it was already hard to get this far.”

Tony frowned. “Agree to disagree?”

“ _Get out_.”

“You know, that wine probably hit someone on the head.”

“ _Get off my terrace Tony_ , just because I’m a lab rat again doesn’t mean I can’t force you off.”

“Jeez, so _violent_. I’m going!”

“Friday, please revoke Mr. Stark’s access onto my terrace.”

“What – Giggles!”

“ _Access revoked.”_

“Friday!”

\--

Ross would be stopping by in a few hours with the paperwork and you were steering _very_ clear of Tony or Natasha. You’d retreated to your apartment and locked your door, making sure Friday knew not to let anyone in for today.

You needed just five minutes of peace and quiet. You leaned against your kitchen counter for support and took deep breaths. That’s when you heard it.

The familiar sound of what Natasha called Wanda’s hippy meditation music. It was low and soft but still managed to drift in from your closed doors. You opened one and peeked out to see Wanda in a thick coat and beanie sitting cross legged on the grass. She tensed, opened one eye and relaxed when she saw it was you.

“Are you hiding from them too, _Maco_?”

You frowned. “I have to be present at the signing to notify Ross myself of my decision, so unfortunately, I can only hide for a little while.”

“That’s all we need,” she smiled and patted the ground next to her. “Come, let’s do some exercises.”

You settled next to her and tried to empty out your mind when a flash of red caught your eye. You leaned back and held a hand to your eyes to shield them from the sun. Vision was standing closely to the floor to ceiling windows in the common room, one floor up from your terrace.

“Wanda, why is Vision staring at us like some creepy stalker?”

“Because I asked Friday to lock the common area entrance to the terrace after me and when he tried to materialize through it - I shocked him back.”

You smiled.

“Where am I going to go? Jump off Stark tower?” She said loudly and you saw Vision wince. “I said I would go willingly to the compound, you do not need to hover around like a dictator!”

Vision shrunk back from the window.

“I heard Tony say something about that,” you frowned. “When I asked him about it he snipped about me being retired and it being need to know. He’s _really_ looking to get punched.”

Wanda sighed. “I am to be monitored more closely. They do not want me in Tony Stark’s tower so they have agreed to bring me back to the compound. Apparently, New York City is too populated of an area for me to be in if I do not sign the accords.”

“ _What?_ ” You sputtered. “And Tony agreed to this?”

“It was his idea,” she opened her eyes and saw your hurt expression. “Do not be mad, _maco_ , it is for the best.”

You huffed. “Yeah? For who? I thought we were free agents?”

“Nothing is ever free in this life.”

 

* * *

 

You leaned against the opposite wall and watched Natasha sign the paperwork. Ross held out his hand but she glared at him coolly before stalking out. He sighed and spoke with Vision, who was the last person in the conference room.

“It’s not too late,” Tony said, joining you.

“Tony, I am not in the mood today. I will actually rip that thing out of your chest.”

“ _Touchy._ ”

“Would it kill you to not be so openly hostile in front of him?” You asked, tired. “I don’t want him to have more ammunition against me.”

Tony put a hand to your shoulder. “Hey, kid. _I’m_ allowed to tease you – no one else.”

“Is that what we’re calling this? Teasing?”

“No family gets along swimmingly. It’s all drama – at least that part is normal about us.”

“I hate you,” you huffed.

“Yeah, I love you too,” he said.

Vision stalked away quickly, no doubt returning to Wanda’s side. Ross packed up and made his way to you and Tony.

“Agent S, Mr. Stark,” he greeted.

“Mr. Secretary,” you said through your teeth.

“I take it that you’re not signing as peacefully as some of your teammates?”

“I’m here to tell you that I’m bowing out. I guess your twenties is a good time as any to enter retirement.”

Ross sighed. “Mr. Stark, please try to reason with your employee.”

“I have a mind of my own, thanks though,” you crossed your arms. “My answer is still the same. Agent Barton would also like me to tell you he will not be signing as he’s already retired.”

“It’s always the special agents that pose the most difficulty,” Ross said.

“Well,” you pretended to think for a moment. “He actually said, tell that moron to shove it I’m not signing shit but, I did paraphrase for your benefit.”

Tony snorted. You could see Ross preparing to give you a long winded speech when Tony spoke up.

“I would recommend you not continue this conversation and gracefully accept her retirement. She’s very busy as my Director and her stress levels are off the charts today. I can’t guarantee that she won’t tear your fingers off.”

Ross glanced at you and you shot him a toothy smile.

“Human Resources will be in contact with you to assist you with your pension.”

“Great, have a _wonderful_ day Mr. Secretary.”

“Mr. Stark, one last word?” Ross asked, motioning to the landing pad on the other side of the doors.

“Of course,” Tony said. You held him back and he looked at you, surprised.

“Thank you for that,” you said quietly.

His gaze softened. “I told you Giggles, families fight but I _am_ glad that you’re backing me on this. I just wish you weren’t putting your own dreams on the back burner because of it.”

You opened your mouth to argue, but instead just nodded and stalked off towards the elevators.

 

* * *

 

You flipped a page in the science journal you were reading, _fascinated_ by an article that you were almost positive was a pseudonym of Bruce’s. You were so well hidden by the front of a jet that you almost laughed at Natasha when she startled at the sight of you.

“Jesus, _zaika_ ,” she sighed.

“What took you so long?” You asked, snapping your gum.

Her face went carefully blank. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, _right_. We gonna go or what?”

She rolled her eyes and shrugged. “It’s your neck.”

Without asking, you heaved your duffel bag over your shoulder and climbed aboard the jet directly to your left. You’d settled in the co-pilot seat when Natasha started the engine.

“Are we going to talk about-”

“Nope.”

“Does Tony know you’re-”

“Nope.”

She sighed. “Ignore the issue at hand?”

“Yep.”

“So, I heard that guy in Marketing asked you out,” she said. “Wanda says she saw you kissing in your lab the other day.”

You flushed and she cheered.

“We didn’t – you bunch of _snoops_!”

\--

You and Natasha were well hidden in the shadows of the church.

“Did you know Sharon was-”

“Peggy’s niece?” Natasha whispered. “No. He isn’t going to take it very well.”

You groaned. “Life couldn’t just be smooth for once?”

Natasha frowned.

Sharon cleared her throat.

“I asked her once how she managed to master diplomacy and espionage in a time when no one wanted to see a woman succeed at either. And she said, compromise where you can. But where you can't, _don't_. Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. Even if the whole world is telling you to move - it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in the eye and say ‘no, _you_ move.’”

“Damn, she’s good,” you said, wiping a tear.

Natasha nodded. “I can see why he likes her.”

You made your way up to Steve after the church had emptied. His shoulders slumped in on themselves and he was fiddling with his hands.

“When I came out of the ice, I thought everyone I had known was gone. Then I found out that she was alive. I was just lucky to have her.”

“She had you back, too,” you said softly.

“Who else signed?” Steve asked.

“Tony, Rhodey, Vision,” Natasha said.

“Clint?” Steve asked.

“Says he’s retired.”

“Wanda?”

She shook her head.

“What about you?” He asked.

“No,” you scoffed. “I said it once and I’ll say it again. I am publicly backing Tony up because he’s _Tony_. I will not be forced to sign something that I _do not_ agree with. I’m just a lab Director now, I made that very clear to Ross.”

“Tony must be _thrilled_ ,” Steve smiled softly.

“They’re not allowed to talk about it anymore,” Natasha rolled her eyes. “Ross wanted her and Clint to sign anyway since _retired_ still means not controlled under the accords but she asked for her pension instead.”

“I’m sure he took that well,” Steve laughed softly. “And Clint?”

“Told him to fuck off.”

Steve turned to look at you.

“I’m on Tony’s side!” You said, stomping your foot childishly. “He can’t force me to sign something that doesn’t technically need my signature anymore! It’s not my fault Ross is scared of me. _I’m_ _retired_ , goddammit. I don’t see them going after Clint.”

“Because Clint’s more likely to stay put, you’re more likely to kick ass and takes names.”

“Are you saying I’m hot headed?”

“Of course not,” Natasha snipped sarcastically. “ _Wherever_ would you get that from?”

You opened your mouth to snap when Steve interrupted you.

“You’re not going to the U.N. then?”

“No, I’m going back to New York. Wanda needs company since Tony put Vision on babysitting duty,” you crossed your arms. “I promised to stay out of this. I said I had his back and this is my way of doing it.”

Steve nodded, pressed a kiss to your head. “I understand your decision, more than you could know. Family is family, stay safe kiddo.”

“There’s plenty of room on the jet,” Natasha said and you recognized it as a last ditch attempt.

Steve frowned and looked away. You shot her a look.

“Just because it’s the path of least resistance doesn’t mean it’s the wrong path. Staying together is more important than _how_ we stay together,” she said to both of you.

You snorted and she glared at you.

“What? I didn’t say anything!” You held your hands up.

“I’m sorry, I can’t sign it,” Steve frowned.

You grinned and Natasha sighed. “I know.”

Steve’s brows furrowed. “Then what are you doing here?”

This time, you frowned at him. “What do you mean?”

“Didn’t you come to try to convince me to go with you? To Vienna?”

You shook your head and wrapped him in a hug - one he all but folded into.

“We didn’t want you to be alone,” Natasha said behind you.

Steve smiled sadly and tugged her into the hug.

“Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

“ _Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes has been identified as the bomber in Vienna where the death toll…”_

“Pick up, pick up, pick up,” you paced the length of the room. Your panic was growing by the second.

“Stark,” Tony answered after the millionth time.

“Tony!” You gasped, your throat starting to constrict familiarly.

“ _Giggles_ ,” he said calmly. “Deep breathe, in for six and out for eight.”

You didn’t know _how_ he knew but you did as he instructed.

“I’m fine, Natasha is fine. Everyone is _fine_. I got here a few hours after. There’s bruises but we’ve had worse. The only casualty we have right now is King T’Chaka.”

“I knew this was a bad idea Tony – I knew it. This is a _sign_!”

“Okay, so we’re spiraling into the panic again. Are you breathing? Is Vision close by?”

“I’m okay,” you said. “He’s cooking with Wanda. I have it under control.”

Tony knew you better than that and continued to babble until your breath evened.

“I’m sorry,” you told him. “I just – I had this moment where you weren’t picking up and all I could picture was you falling from the sky in New York again-”

“Now you know how I feel when you walked into that compound.”

“Tony,” you rolled your eyes. “Not the same thing.”

“No, it’s not, because technically I’m the parent here.”

“ _Must_ you bring that up all the time?”

“Does this mean you’re not pissed at me anymore?” Tony asked.

“I wasn’t mad at you in the first place! I am _annoyed_ that you always think you know what’s best for everyone, including me.”

“Because I do!”

“Oh my God, just tell me what’s happening. The jet’s ready to go, I can be there in a few hours. Do you need back up?”

For a moment, you thought the call had dropped and Tony cleared his throat.

“Unfortunately, this doesn’t concern you.”

“Tony, Barnes is a danger to the _whole country_. Who knows what other damage he could do? He could be coming for you next – that wasn’t a coincidence. Everyone on the team could be a target.”

“Which is why you would be best exactly where you are. Besides, you’re retired, remember?”

You gaped. “Are you serious? If it’s all hands on deck, you know I’m good.”

“Giggles. My hands are tied. I don’t call the shots.”

“I’m so glad you signed that death sentence,” you sighed.

“It’s need to know and you aren’t exactly need to know at this moment.”

You growled. “The one time Tony Stark doesn’t want to break the rules.”

Your phone beeped, indicating you had an incoming call. You checked and saw Natasha’s name flashing across your screen.

“I’ll call you back.”

“Wait! Don’t be-”

You hung up and picked up Natasha.

“Hey, are you alright?”

“I need you to see if you can try to reach Steve. He’s going after Barnes.”

“Why is that such a bad thing?”

Natasha sighed. “James Buchanan Barnes – he was Sergeant of the 107th regiment.”

You frowned. “Why does that ring a bell?”

“He was a howling commando.”

“Steve’s best friend, he was the only one that died in combat right? _How_ is he alive and why did he bomb the U.N.?”

“I couldn’t tell you before and you can’t tell anyone now, promise me.”

“It’s in the vault,” you swore.

Natasha sighed. “Barnes didn’t die when he fell off the train. He survived the fall and HYDRA found him. They groomed him to be a special soldier-”

“-Barnes is _the_ Winter Soldier?” You choked. “Natasha, are you sure?”

“ _Steve_ is sure, would you forget the face of your best friend? One you failed to save?”

“I guess not,” you said. “What do they know about him?”

“Steve thinks he’s under some type of mind control. _I_ think he either played everyone or they kept going at him until he broke. You and I both know that when you finally manage to break someone-”

“There’s usually no going back.”

“ _Exactly_ and with the type of experiments HYDRA does?”

“Fuck,” you swore. “So Barnes is the one who fished Steve out the water?”

“Yes.”

“And now Steve found out Barnes planted the bomb. Instead of Ross bringing him in, Steve’s going for him to try to make it easier,” you said.

“They have orders to shoot on sight, Steve’s trying to save his life.”

“ _Dammit_ , didn’t you say he shot through you?”

“Yeah, trust me, I don’t harbor any warm feelings towards him. Steve on the other hand…”

“-is going to get killed out of loyalty for his friend. What an _idiot_.”

Natasha snorted. “Isn’t that something like the pot calling the kettle black?”

“Is this _really_ the time-”

“No, sorry, it slipped out.”

You exhaled harshly. “What are we going to do?”

“I can’t do anything.”

“Oh right, and why is that exactly?”

“Is this really the time?” She parroted back to you.

“I’m _just_ saying, what I said in the Tower had some merit.”

“Can we discuss this later? Are you on the jet here?”

“No,” you snorted. “I’m retired remember? Tony just made that _abundantly_ clear. Besides, Ross would throw me in a cell if he saw me there.”

Natasha sighed. “I guess we wait.”

“I guess so. Text me the second-”

There’s a loud commotion on her end and you straightened.

“What, Natasha, what’s happening?”

“They caught them and…the have prince – King T’Challa too.”

“Shit, I forgot. Barnes’ bomb killed King T’Chaka. _Jesus_ , Rogers is really going to get killed now that Barnes is on T’Challa’s radar.”

“I’m going to find out what I can and I’ll let you know. I don’t care what I signed, I owe Steve one and I won’t let him get killed out of some hero complex-”

“I get it. Trust me, I do. I’m on standby, if you need me I got your back. Just let me know and I’m in the air in five,” you said.

“ _Thank you.”_

\--

Wanda had tried to distract you by having you bake.

The second time you added something you were not supposed to, she glared at you.

“I’m sorry, I’m just anxious,” you sighed. “I don’t want Steve to do something stupid because then Natasha does something stupid and then everything is just fucked up.”

Wanda laughed, not unkindly. “ _Maco_ , you too would do something stupid if you were there and I would be here, worrying over all of you. Besides, it will take you a long time to fly to Europe if it comes down to it.”

“Fly to Europe?” Vision said behind you. You turned and raised an eyebrow.

“It’s rude to eavesdrop Vision,” you said and he frowned.

“You cannot disobey the accords,” he said. “It is for the safety of everyone that neither of you leave.”

“Excuse me?” Your hand curled and Vision raised his head. “I’m not on lockdown and you have no authority over me. In fact, if I want to leave this compound and never look back, I can do that. If I decide, as the Director, that I need more laboratory supplies I am allowed to go out and get them.”

“To Bucharest?” Vision said.

“ _Yes_ , that’s where the best supplies are manufactured,” you crossed your arms and Wanda snickered behind you.

“Do not fight her Vision, you will not win and we will all be miserable here,” she said.

Vision settled back down to the floor and nodded. “You’re right, I apologize.”

You nodded. “Me too, I’m defensive right now. I feel like we’re all a ticking time bomb.”

“I understand, this is a troubling situation,” he sighed and pointed towards the oven. “It’s time to turn it off.”

You grinned. “Chocolate cake fixes everything.”

Wanda laughed.

You’re distracted for a few hours after but Wanda eventually starts yawning after nine and you ushered her off to bed. Your anxiety shouldn’t keep you both up. You had settled into your lab, fiddling with your most recent prototype and hadn’t realized you were dozing until your phone vibrated in your pocket.

**_From: Natasha [10:27PM]_ **

_Barnes escaped, Steve and Sam with him. Ross is calling for their heads – Tony is trying to smooth it out. Tony coming to you, making a pit stop in Queens, be ready._

\--

You had frantically packed, trying not to alert Wanda or Vision, and when you didn’t have anything else to occupy yourself with – you returned to your lab.

Fortunately, you lost yourself in your alterations that the next time you looked up at the clock a few hours had passed by. You double checked your phone but still nothing.

Something felt off and you pulled up the security cameras of the property. When you found nothing wrong you called out to Friday.

 “ _Yes Agent S?”_

“Is anyone awake?”

“ _No, Ms. Maximoff and Vision are currently asleep. At this time, you should be asleep as well. Would you like a mild sedative?”_

“No, thank you Friday.”

A few minutes later, you heard footsteps coming towards your lab.

“Friday?”

“ _A security breach has been detected.”_

You spun and grabbed your bow and arrow that you had discarded earlier in the day. The footsteps stopped right outside your door and you locked an arrow into place. You pulled it back, ready to let it fly.

“Friday, alert the team-”

“Woah, woah, Jesus, you tryin’ to kill me?”

“Fuck, Clint, you scared _the shit_ out of me.”

Clint grinned at you. “Hey kiddo.”

“ _Clint Barton detected_.”

“Yeah, _after_ giving me a heart attack, thank you,” you dropped your bow with a huff.

“ _He is not indicated as a threat-_ ” “Hey!” Clint said. “ _Would you still like me to wake up Vision and Ms. Maximoff?_ ” Clint shook his head frantically and you furrowed your brows.

“No, Friday, we’re okay. Thank you.”

“So, I go into retirement for a few months and it all goes to shit huh?” Clint sighed. “Captain called me.”

“Really?” You said. “Natasha said-”

Clint frowned. “Rogers told me you hadn’t signed the accords.”

“I didn’t,” you said. “But-”

“-Tony,” Clint finished for you.

You nodded.

“Hey, I get it,” he said. “I would do the same for Nat.”

“Which,” you looked to the clock. “What are you doing here? Nat texted me from the jet saying that Tony was stopping by at the compound after picking something up in Queens. Did you want to speak to them?”

“No,” Clint said slowly. “I came here to talk to you. Well, that and something else.”

“Oh jeez,” you sat down.

“I didn’t even say anything yet!”

“What happened? Do you know where Steve is?” You crossed your arms. “This is serious Clint, Ross put a target on his back – they don’t care about sides anymore, they want Bucky back in custody _now_ and I’m pretty sure T’Challa wants his head on a platter. At this rate, I doubt they’ll last until morning.”

“About that,” he grimaced.

\--

“So what you’re saying is, Barnes didn’t bomb the U.N.?” You said a little unbelievingly. “He was brainwashed and kept in _cryostasis_ on _ice_ until they needed him? And now he broke free?”

Clint nodded.

“And he has trigger words in his subconscious that allows anyone who knows them to activate this super soldier-”

“ _The Winter Soldier_ ”

“-and that alter ego is basically an unstoppable assassin that he can’t control and will kill anyone and everything in its path?”

He nodded.

“And the guy who actually _did_ plant the bomb was pretending to be a psychologist in Bucharest when Barnes was captured, isn’t actually a psychologist. He managed to activate Barnes and Steve has him now?”

“Yes and the other winter soldiers.”

“ _Right_ , the other soldiers. The elite killing squad that are even less controllable than _this_ Winter Soldier. The highest death count in HYDRA history. That this crazed fake psychologist wants to control and unleash on the world because of some power move – _again_.”

“We just want to stop him. Steve and Barnes promised to go in easy, they just need to stop this psycho from being able to decimate half of Europe. Tony and Ross aren’t listening and you know they won’t.”

You snorted. “Tony definitely won’t.”

“Steve wanted me to come get Wanda.”

“Vision isn’t going to go with you,” you said.

“I know,” Clint said.

You frowned at him. “Steve told you to ask me for help?”

Clint shook his head. “He doesn’t want to put you in a bad position but, kiddo, I wouldn’t have left my kids if this wasn’t serious. He’s scared. You and I both know that Rogers doesn’t get scared – nervous, yeah, anxious, all the time. But scared?”

“And you believe that Barnes isn’t a killer?”

“I haven’t decided yet. Besides, my opinion on that doesn’t matter. I owe Captain one and I believe him about the other soldiers, he wouldn’t risk all of this for nothing. Not even on Barnes’ opinion. He has proof and I believe him,” he sighed. “Once you’re trained in saving the world it’s a hard habit to break. Anyway, after this I’m going straight back to my kids. Nathan’s just starting swimming lessons and I promised I’d take him.”

You nodded absently and walked around your lab.

“We’re on borrowed time here. Don’t make me fight you,” he teased, trying to break the tension.

“Please, like you’d win old man,” you snorted. “Just – just give me a second. I’m a scientist Clint, I work based on concrete evidence. We don’t have any proof that what he’s saying is true. If it is, shouldn’t the U.N. be the ones going after it?”

Clint shook his head. “You didn’t sign that agreement for a reason - you know how politics work, by the time they make a decision it’ll be too late. They’re too focused on reigning in Rogers and Barnes.”

You had an idea.

“Friday, pull up anything you have on the Winter Soldier program. Go as far back as when SHIELD was first created.”

“Kiddo, we don’t have time for that I need you to make a decision _now_. You either look the other way while I go get Wanda or you come with me, which is it?”

“Friday?” You asked, desperate.

“ _The material is highly encrypted._ ”

“So you can’t get into it?”

“ _I did not say that. I can get it, I need approximately forty-five minutes.”_

Clint shook his head. “We don’t have forty five minutes, I shouldn’t even be talking to you. Rogers didn’t want me to involve you – I’m the one who wanted to give it a shot.”

You hung your head. _I promised to stay out of it._ You argued with yourself. _If more innocent people die and you stood by and did nothing…_ Suddenly, you flashed back to Sharon at Peggy’s funeral.

_Compromise where you can. But where you can't, don't. Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. Even if the whole world is telling you to move - it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in the eye and say ‘no, you move.’_

Kicking your chair in frustration, you huffed.

“Tony’s going to _kill_ me.”

\--

You helped set up a distraction for Vision and grabbed your duffel bag.

“Go get Wanda, I’ll be up in a second.”

“Time’s ticking,” he reminded you, grabbing some of your arrows. You waved him off and searched for your prototype.

Vision wasn’t going to be easy to get passed.

By the time you got to the stairs, you heard the telltale sounds of a fight. You quickened your pace and found Clint in a headlock.

“I thought you said you had a plan?” You shrieked.

“I did!” Clint grunted and you watched as his fist went through Vision.

“Vision, stop,” you shouted, taking a step forward.

Wanda placed a hand to your elbow, stopping you.

“Clint, you can't overpower me.”

You shook Wanda off and shot an arrow in their direction. It went through him.

“Vision!”

Wanda pulled you back and she stepped forward. “Vision, that's enough. Let him go. I'm leaving.”

“I can’t let you,” his eyes were sad.

You darted forward to catch Clint and watched, eyes wide, as Wanda’s eyes glowed red.

“If you do this,” Vision grunted as he sunk to the ground, “they will never stop being afraid of you.”

Clint pushed you behind him.

“I can't control their fear, only my own,” she said tightly, pulling her hands up and Vision disappeared.

After a beat, you and Clint got up to peer over the edge. You both winced.

“I’m glad we decided to be friends,” you said and Wanda smiled sadly.

“He’ll understand,” she said. “Come on, we don’t have a lot of time.”

Wanda and Clint made it to the other side of the kitchen when Clint stopped.

“Not again, kiddo, we have to go _now_ ,” he said.

You thought back to your promise and frowned. You sighed, Tony was _really_ going to kill you. You dropped your duffel and picked up, what you hoped, was a working prototype.

“He can fly remember?” You said. “You guys go, I’ll give you a head start.”

“No,” Wanda stepped towards you. “He will hurt you, I cannot leave you here alone-”

You raised your right arm, attached to it was what looked like an armored sleeve.

“What is that?” Clint asked.

“I’ve been studying Wanda’s powers. I wanted to make something that could replicate it, it was just an experiment. I got it work tonight, it’s not as good as her but it’s effective. I’ll buy you some time.”

_“Maco-”_

_“Go!_ Tony will be here soon. _”_

\--

You had managed to knock Vision out a total of five times, buying them _at most_ a half hour, before the sleeve broke apart and you were knocked out.

Groaning, you woke up in a containment cell in the basement.

You had built it for Wanda for when she couldn’t control her powers very well. She’d have night terrors and her energy would zap everyone on the floor. She’d managed to fry the compound’s generator twice before she helped you design it. It was unbelievably narrow and a tight fit. A small person could fit lying down vertically and could only stand horizontally.

Wanda had asked for it to be a snug space, you were baffled as to why she felt comforted by the small size. She tried to explain once that it reminded her of her childhood. Her family had been poor and she spent a lot of time playing with her brother in tight spaces. She claimed it forced her to remember herself. You hadn’t understood but you didn’t need to, you just had to build it.

For you, however, a cage was a cage and you’d never done well with enclosed spaces. Growing up in New York City, you’d grown accustomed to crowded subways and cramped apartments. Anything that made you feel trapped though, was a giant _nope_. Natasha had tried to train it out of you but you’d thrown in the towel a few months after when you’d only managed to get down to windowless cells and underneath your bed.

Air shafts and crawl spaces were designated to Natasha or Wanda on missions. This room in particular was horrid, you could barely _watch_ Wanda in there.

As you woke up in it, you knew you had five minutes before you had a full-blown panic attack.

The walls already seemed to shift, as if knowing you were awake, trying to close in on you.

You blinked up at the glass, Vision looking down at you like he killed a puppy.

“No hard feelings Vis,” you said groaning in pain as you sat up.

If possible, his sad eyes got sadder. “I did not want to do this, Giggles.”

You opened your mouth to answer when you realized he wasn’t chasing the Clint’s jet. That could only mean one thing. _Tony._

“Where is he?” You asked Vision.

“Friday has alerted him that you are awake. He’s on his way.”

“Is he pissed?”

Vision frowned. “Yes, he is angry.”

“Yeah, angry is an understatement. More like, betrayed. I wonder if this is how Cesar felt.”

“Tony, just let me explain,” you said.

“Explain what?” He asked, eyes flashing. “What? Nothing to say?” He opened the door to your cell.

You threw yourself out of the room, finally able to breathe in deeply.

“Tony, I’m-”

“Sorry?” He finished for you. “I doubt it.”

He started walking towards the stairs.

“ _Tony._ ”

“I’m sorry, did my back bend your knife?” He said before disappearing up the steps. “I knew this would happen. I knew it.”

“Tony. I’m serious, let me explain.”

He was in the lab, packing a few of the equipment.

“Explain what? That Barton gave you a sob story and you _bought_ it? Face it, you were conned,” he threw his bag down onto a chair. “Now, because of you, I’ve lost more time and they gained another ally. I’m the best option, can’t you see that? Ross wants to send a team out to get Barnes. If Steve intervenes, they have orders to shoot on sight. Don’t you get it? _They don’t care anymor_ e. They just want them brought in, dead _or_ alive-”

“ _Dad_!” You shouted and he stilled.

“Don’t pull that card,” he said, still frozen. “Not right now.”

“I wouldn’t if I wasn’t serious,” you tripped over your words and walked around to face him. “This isn’t about the accords or who’s right or wrong. This is about an elite kill squad that some psychopath who bombed the U.N. wants to get control of. This would be worse than Loki, the deaths, it could become a _massacre_. This would be Sokovia all over again!”

“What, so now you don’t even believe Barnes bombed the U.N.?”

“Is that all you got from that?” You screamed, frustrated. “Tony, look at the big picture right now! I don’t care about the Winter Soldier or Barnes or whoever the fuck he is. I will sign the goddamn accords if you want me to. I will hunt them down right after, shit I’ll slap the cuffs on if you want. Just _trust_ _him_ , Steve wouldn’t lie about this – Barnes may be his best friend but he wouldn’t even put our lives above that of thousands. That’s why he didn’t want to sign the accords in the first place. He’s always been willing to make the hard decisions that no one wants to make.”

“Okay let’s say I’ll believe this sob story, where’s the proof? Ross isn’t going to on just Steve’s word. We need concrete evidence.”

“I was doing that!” You said. “Friday was searching old SHIELD files-”

“Where you’re not going to find anything!” He shouted. “You were _played_ , face it!”

“ _I found a trace of Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes,”_ Friday interrupted.

Before you could turn to see Tony closed the screen. “Transfer information to my suit. I’m flying out in five.”

You frowned. “Okay, at least let me go with you to take them in. If you’re not going to listen to me I can help you.” You looked around for your dropped duffel bag, ready to go.

“You think I can trust you now?” He said quietly, his voice cold. “You think I’d want to be anywhere near you right now?”

Hurt, you took a step back. “Tony…” You knew the famous Tony Stark had a dark side, you’d helped lead him _through_ some of it. You just never thought he’d unleash it onto you.

“Tony, I’m sorry, but this isn’t personal. You should know that, especially after Ultron.”

“Do not bring up Ultron right now,” he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Vision.”

You barely glanced over your shoulder when you were wrapped up in his arms.

“Friday, activate lock down on all our files. Revoke Agent S’ access into the system.”

“ _Are you sure, sir?”_

“Friday,” he growled.

“ _Access revoked,”_ she snipped.

“Tony!” You tried to fight Vision’s grip but it was impossible. “Tony if you lock me in that cage, I’m never speaking to you again.” 

“Put her in,” Tony said, following Vision back towards the cell. Your panic amped up a few notches and you really threw yourself into breaking his grip.

“Please, don’t struggle,” Vision said.

You thrashed around, your mind going into panic mode.

“Sir, she’ll break a bone at this rate,” Vision told Tony.

“Just put her in there,” he said.

“Tony please,” you begged. “I don’t care, leave me behind, just not in there.”

“How can I trust you right now? Would you even stay? Would you trust me to stay on the compound?”

_No._

“Knock me out, I don’t care, just please not in this cage.” Your chest hiccupped.

“This is the only place you won’t manage to escape from.”

He looked down at your tears and finally sighed. “I’ll have someone come by in a few hours and open the door. It won’t be for long.”

“Tony. I will _never_ forgive you if you walk out that door,” you said, voice cracking.

In your panic, the walls had already started to close in on you. You shut your eyes and brought your knees to your chest. With your chest heaving, you couldn’t kick start your breathing exercises. You tried to imagine Wanda’s guiding voice but it was useless.

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry,” he said, barely audible above the rushing in your ears. “This is what I was trying to avoid. Let’s go Vision.”

 

* * *

 

You’d tried for a half hour to calm your breathing down but your brain was refusing to cooperate.

The walls shifted again and you dry heaved for a few minutes. Your shoulders hit either wall every time you moved. Lost in your mind, you didn’t hear the door slide open. You scrambled away when you felt a hand on your back.

“Tony?” You said hopefully, turning from where you landed on your knees.

“ _Zaika,_ ” she said with sad eyes. “I’m sorry, I got here as quick as I could.”

Natasha had barely opened her arms when you crashed into her. She wrapped her arms around you and led you to the landing above it. She pulled you towards a large window and opened it. The cold air hit you in the face and you took a shuddering breath.

“That’s it, deep breaths,” she rubbed a hand down your back.

After a few minutes, you got yourself under control. “I’m sorry, that was weak, I’m sorry,” you mumbled.

“Don’t apologize. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”

You frowned. “I shouldn’t have let it get to me, I’m _always_ the weak link.”

“Hey,” she tapped your arm softly. “Remember when Maximoff got to me? During Ultron? I was laid out by a little kid. My past is my baggage, we all have it and it’s nothing to be ashamed about.”

“Wait, why are you here? Tony said you were meeting him in Europe.”

She smiled at the ceiling. “Friday notified me. She said you needed my help.”

You leaned your head onto the wall. “Remind me to give you a phenomenal upgrade soon Friday.”

“ _You’re welcome,”_ she answered.

Natasha shook her head. “Only you and Tony could code an interface with minds of their own.”

You smiled faintly, your body still exhausted.

“I have to go, I’m only half an hour behind. If I’m too late Tony will get suspicious.”

You straightened. You couldn’t fight well but you’d have to be unconscious to go back into the cell. As usual, Natasha read you like a book.

“I’m not putting you back in there,” she sighed. “I was never here.”

“You’re not going to ask me to stay behind?” You said.

“No,” Natasha jogged towards the front door. “I’m smarter than that. Whatever you do, just be careful.”

She was gone. You took a few more steadying breaths. When you felt stable enough, you jogged into your lab.

_Let’s see what we can find._

“Friday?”

“ _Yes Miss?_ ”

“Let’s get me access back into the files.”

“ _I’m afraid Mr. Stark’s orders cannot be overridden.”_

“Friday,” you said, “I can get through to your server in an hour, tops. Do you really want me to rip a hole in your system?”

If an interface could sigh, this would definitely be the moment.

“ _Level Ten Avengers Clearance reinstated. Access granted._ ”

“Great, now, where is Mr. Stark headed?”

“ _Germany._ ”

You grinned, you had taken a step towards the door when Friday called you back.

“ _The search has been completed, it has yielded hundreds of results.”_

“Which results?” You asked.

“ _The search on the Winter Soldier program. I have multiple files on Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. Agent Carter left personal notes and an encrypted file regarding information she’d previously gathered.”_

“Agent Carter? _Peggy_ Carter?”

“ _Yes, Miss.”_

“Did SHIELD know he was being kept in cryostasis?”

“ _No, Agent Carter suspected that HYDRA were doing human experimentation in the seventies but she never gained enough support to investigate. She left this for anyone who would be looking in the future_.”

You smiled and shook your head. Peggy was helping Steve even now.

“Alright Friday, let’s sift through all this as quickly as we can. I have a jet to steal.”

\--

Half an hour later, you were about to heave for an entirely different reason.

If these files were right, Barnes had gone through hell and back. You felt a little bad for offering his life up to Tony. You were almost positive that even Steve didn’t know the extent to which this man was – was _tortured_. That wasn’t the only thing you had discovered.

Clint had been telling the truth and you had the proof right in front of you. Zemo was on a vengeance mission and King T’Chaka had been a victim of it. His family had been killed in Sokovia and he was trained well enough to discover the location of the other soldiers. Now that you knew his motive wasn’t power but _vengeance…_ that made him all the more dangerous.

“Friday, compact Helmut Zemo footage and evidence onto a USB for me. Send it to Secretary Ross under high importance.”

_“Of course.”_

“Start Mr. Stark’s favorite jet,” you told Friday. “Make sure I have a parachute, we’re going to see how badly we can crash it.”

“ _Engine starting up._ ”

 

* * *

 

Crash landing the jet into a field a few miles out, you rode Natasha’s motorcycle towards the airport.

“Is any of the jet salvageable?” You asked Friday once you were a few minutes out.

“ _No, it’s scrap metal_ ,” she answered. “ _The safety measures kicked in minutes after and the fire has been put out_.”

You grinned. “Great. Let’s get me onto their coms.”

By the time you parked the bike, familiar voices filled your ears.

“- _and you’ve been a complete idiot. Dragging in Clint. ‘Rescuing’ Wanda from a place she didn’t even want to leave, a safe place. You made me go against my own_ kid!” Tony shouted. “ _I’m trying to keep…I’m trying to keep you from tearing the Avengers apart.”_

“ _You did that when you signed,”_ Steve’s voice echoed in through your coms.

“ _Alright_ ,” Tony snapped. “ _We’re done. You’re going to turn Barnes over, you’re going to come with us_ now _. Because it’s_ us _! Or a squad of J-SOC guys with no compunction about being impolite are going to come get you_.”

Then everything exploded and everyone spread out. You tried to looked for Wanda and found her when she cried out in pain.

Running towards her at full speed, you shot a small arrow towards Rhodes, who was hovering above her. The arrow imbedded a device that allowed you to override his control to his suit.

“ _What the fu-_ ”

With a flick of a couple switches on your arm band, he went flying towards the pile of suitcases.

Wanda whipped around and grinned when she saw you. You waved her off and she darted towards Clint.

“ _What are you doing here kid?”_ Rhodes said, groaning from the landing.

“ _Kid, what kid?”_ Tony exclaimed dodging Sam’s aim.

“Did you really think I wasn’t going to find out where you were?” You said joining their coms.

“ _I see you made it safely,”_ Natasha muttered.

“ _Friday_!” Tony growled.

“ _Sorry,”_ she said, not sounding very sorry.

“It’s not her fault. I helped build her code remember? You can’t keep me out my own invention and by the way, _fuck you_ Tony,” you spat out.

“ _So – what? You’re officially choosing a side?”_

“No!” you were so done with this whole sides mess. “ _We’re all on the same motherfucking side!_ ”

“ _Oh_ _damn_ ,” Rhodes said.

“Barnes was framed at the UN and I have proof. If you would’ve given me a minute to explain, Friday would’ve showed you. It’s really messed up. That’s why he attacked everyone yesterday, someone has his triggers. I got into old SHIELD files about – about his time in HYDRA. The other winter soldiers, they can’t be stopped – we _cannot_ let them escape. Especially if someone wants to use them. It’s _bad-_ ”

“Am I allowed to fight her?” A young voice interrupted. You swerved to see a man in a red and blue suit.

“ _Yes_ ,” Tony said and you narrowed your eyes, inspecting him. “ _I mean_ , _no_. _Do not engage!_ ”

“Bring it on kid,” you said unfolding your batons with a loud snap.

“ _Giggles – don’t hurt him! He’s just a kid!”_

“ _Hey_ ,” the guy said before you managed to land a good kick.

He threw something slimy in your direction, it sealed and locked you in place.

“Who are you and _ugh_ , what is that?”

“Spiderman, I’m new.”

“Oh yeah, the guy who’s been helping the NYPD.”

“You know me!” He said gleefully.

“Yeah, sorry about this,” you used an arrowhead to release yourself and slammed into him.

He went flying and landed next to Rhodes.

“ _Ow_ ,” you heard him groan and smiled.

“Where are you?” Tony demanded and you ignored him. “Jesus, what is that?”

“ _Holy shit!”_ You heard the rookie exclaim.

“ _Okay, tiny dude is big now. He's big now_ ,” Rhodes said.

Scott’s arms, now the size of planes, waved in the air above you. Wanda’s energy flashed to your far right and you saw her be tucked into Vision’s arms.

Beyond them, you saw Steve disappear into a hangar with T’Challa and Natasha close behind.

You run, taking a shortcut, and managed to get there at the same time.

“You’re not going to stop,” Natasha said.

“You know I can’t,” Steve answered.

Something under your foot snapped and everyone turned to you.

You glanced at Natasha.

“Kiddo?” There was no mistaking the affection in Steve’s voice. “What are you doing here? I don’t want you breaking your promise to Tony. I can handle this.”

“Yeah, that promise went to shit when Tony locked me in Wanda’s cell.”

The Winter Soldier turned his gaze towards you but you barely spared him a look.

You closed your eyes for a moment and looked directly at Steve. You dropped your bow and unfolded your batons. They flickered to life, the electricity snapping loudly in the silence.

“What are you-”

“I’m done going along with everyone else. This is me planting myself down and telling everyone else to move,” you carefully avoided Nat’s eyes. “I can’t take them both.”

Steve’s gaze sharpened and he must see something in yours because he eventually nodded. You glanced over his shoulder and into a pair of blue eyes. You both seemed to startle at the sight of each other. His gaze on you felt like a physical touch and you didn’t know what to do with that.

_You must be Sergeant Barnes._

Thankfully, before Natasha could make a move, Steve dived for her. T’Challa dived for Barnes but you landed a punch to his stomach, taking him off course. He shook at the electric shocks and gasped. You seized the chance to explain.

“Please, T’Challa, he didn’t kill your father!” You tried not to hit him too hard.

“Move out of my way,” he snarled, landing a solid kick to your torso. You double over, gasping for air. He raised his arm to knock you out but disappeared from sight before he could finish. You gasped, trying to get air back into your lungs and saw Barnes fighting him. Fighting and _losing_.

Barnes is thrown to the ground and T’Challa stalked towards him. Claws unsheathed from his hands and you had less than a second to think.

The Winter Soldier’s hands may be stained with blood but the King’s life wasn’t one of them. You couldn’t just stand by and let someone die for a crime they didn’t commit. Before you could really think any further, your body moved for you.

“No!” Natasha yelled at the same time that you threw yourself forward. A burst of electricity shot out towards T’Challa, knocking him back, but he managed to land a swipe on you as he fell. You were thrown by the force and heard something crack as you land.

Natasha is on T’Challa in an instant, rendering him immobile.

Barnes stared at you incredulously. “Why did you do that? You don’t even know me.”

You heard Cap yell. “Buck! Come on!” The idiot still doesn’t move and you didn’t just throw everything to shit for him to get caught.

“ _Go_!” You yelled and he looked torn.

Are all the men in your life idiots?

“I’ll be _fine_. You don’t know me,” you repeated his words back to him and his mouth twitched.

Natasha pushed passed him and dropped next to you. Satisfied, he turned and disappeared.

Shortly after, you heard an engine rumble, then nothing. Natasha pushed a dirty rag on your chest and neck to stop the bleeding.

“ _I see it! I’m going after it_ ,” Rhodes said in your ear.

Nat raised her head and T’Challa stands, recovered from Natasha’s attack.

“He didn’t kill your father – I can prove it. _Please_.”

He ignored you and ran out the hangar.

You gasped in pain at the pressure Nat pressed into you.

“You’re okay – the scratches are shallow and didn’t puncture anything. It’s just a bleeder. Your shoulder is dislocated,” she pressed even harder on your chest. “ _We need medical, agent down._ ”

“ _Which agent?”_ Tony asked, wind warping his voice. “ _Rhodey, I’m right behind you_.”

“She’s fine Stark,” Natasha said when you didn’t answer.

“ _I told you to stay behind_!” He screamed, his temper flaring. Before you could answer, he screamed out. “ _Rhodey_!”

Natasha looked at you, expression worried. “Come on, let’s get you up. Ambulance is on its way.”

 

* * *

 

“Kid I’m sorry,” Tony said for the tenth time since seeing the footage you’d demanded he sat down and saw. You fiddled with your arm sling and tried to ignore the itchy bandages on your neck. The scratches hadn’t needed stitches but the paramedic had told you that you’d have a bad scar after.

Natasha managed a quick goodbye before disappearing and you knew she’d be gone for a while. T’Challa had placed all the blame on Captain and Barnes’ escape on her and gave you a sharp look on his way out.

“You are out of your depth _child_ ,” T’Challa had said, expression hard. “You don’t know what you’ve done.”

“And _you_ are blinded by vengeance, _prince_ ,” you’d hissed, tired with all the men around you refusing to listen.

“Wouldn’t you be?” T’Challa said, fists hardening. “My father was _murdered_. I demand justice!”

“I have no qualms in you killing the man who killed your father but Sergeant Barnes is not that man. A king would listen to all sides before acting!”

Done with arguing, you stormed away and commandeered a helicopter to take you to where Wanda, Scott, Sam and Clint were being kept. Unfortunately for you, Tony had seen you running out to the landing pad and caught up with you.

“I was trying to keep this from happening,” he said. “I didn’t want us to break – I didn’t want them to see Steve as collateral damage.”

You stared out the window towards the violent waves. “How did that turn out for you?”

He sighed. “I _tried_ -”

“No,” you hissed. “Once again, Tony Stark thought he knew what was best and forced everyone to comply. The difference between us is that when faced with adversity I’m still able to think rationally - that’s what I trained for. I can see all the exits, not only the one right in front of me. You clearly don’t work that way. That which doesn’t bend, breaks, right? See if I ever show you loyalty again. Right now, I’d pick a goddamn _pebble_ over you.”

“I’m _sorry_ -”

“Don’t touch me,” you snarled, like a cornered dog, as he reached out towards you. “What? Are going to throw me out into the sea this time?”

You were seething and you wanted to hurt him the same way he hurt you.

He retreated, wounded. “Giggles-”

“ _We’re arriving,_ ” Friday announced.

You craned your neck out the window and choked on your gasp.

“Wanda’s in there?” You glared at Tony. “Clint has a family, _children_ , Tony.”

You knew you were being irrational but you couldn’t seem to stop it. The anger you had at the entire situation simmered in your chest.

“I didn’t put them there!”

The dam broke and you snapped.

“Yes you did! I _told_ you to listen to me. You always listen to me. That’s what made us special. Everyone criticized you when you brought a twelve year old to study in your lab but what did you do? You laughed and told them you knew talent when you saw it. You’ve _always_ backed me up. We don’t agree every time but you’ve always listened to me first.”

“I didn’t-”

You held up your hand, the volcano had erupted, there was no stopping it.

“You let Sokovia, Ultron, and Ross get in your head. I backed you up on the accords even when it went against what I personally wanted to do. I was there for the weeks you woke up in the dead of night, screaming for a drop of scotch. I was the one who let you punch and kick until you were tired. I supported you when it counted and you _didn’t believe me_.” Your voice cracked.

“You’ve never let my age, my gender, or my race dictate whether or not you listened. Not in any moment in the past fifteen years and this is when you decide to do otherwise?”

Tony averted his eyes. “I-I don’t know what to say.”

“I’m not mad about you doing what you believe is right. Am I annoyed everyone thinks because I’m not middle aged and male that I don’t know what I’m talking about? _Yes_. Does it hurt especially coming from you? _Hell yes_ ,” you growled.

“Don’t you ever fucking manhandle me again. You’re going to have _years_ and a _shit ton_ of hurdles to jump over before I even begin to _think_ of forgiving you for locking me in there.”

“Giggles-”

Done with the conversation, you kicked the door open and instantly directed your anger towards Ross.

“Mr. Secretary, these people have rights and I want an inspection of this whole containment center to make sure those rights are being upheld.”

“People?” Ross sputtered. “They’re _criminals_.”

“Ross, I’m going to just make my way down to the cells. I’ll leave her here with you,” Tony said with a smile and darted away.

“Stark, _take your agent with you_ -”

“You’ll be _fine_. She doesn’t bite – it’s her batons you need to watch out for.”

“-do not ignore me when I’m speaking to you,” you said to Ross. “So this is how this is going to go-”

\--

Tony found you on his way out, you had made Ross take you to Wanda and give you a few minutes alone. Which really, that was all you needed to knock out the cameras and work on the lock.

You’d unwrapped her from her jacket but the shackles on her hands prevented her from doing anything.

“I won’t stop, I promise. I will get you all out of here.” You brought a piece of granola to her mouth.

“Are you _feeding_ her?” Tony exclaimed when he found you sitting next to her in her cell. “Where did you even _find_ food – I left you alone for fifteen minutes at most.”

You ignored him and Wanda’s eyes softened.

“It’s alright _maco_ – I knew the consequences to my actions.”

You gave her one last hug and let yourself out of her cell. You made your way back up to the landing pad where Ross was waiting.

“I will see you at your office tomorrow at ten in the morning, Mr. Secretary.”

“Agent-”

“ _Director_ ,” you corrected and Ross looked like he had sucked on a lemon.

“Director – I am a busy man, these people are _prisoners_ and even if I _could_ help them -”

You took a step forward and hissed. “If you don’t want me to hack into every piece of technology you’ve ever touched, I will see you tomorrow morning.”

“Are you threatening me?” He puffed out his chest.

“Giggles,” Tony warned.

You ignored him, you were _sick and tired_ of people not listening to you. “Yes, I am.” You said tightly. “I suggest you take it seriously, as I’m not someone to mess with.”

“ _How dare you_. I am the United States Secretary of State - there are cameras all over us right now-”

“Tell me, _Secretary Ross_ , is your wife is aware of that second house of yours? The child that bears a striking similarity to you?” You asked. “Think about everything that you’ve paid good money to bury and picture me finding it, because I will. Need I remind you that I hacked the pentagon when I was _twelve_ on a dare? No matter how deep it’s buried, I’ll find it.”

He glared at you, as if daring you to go further. Unfortunately for him, he’d underestimated you.

“What’s her name again? Sa-”

“ _Alright_!” He jumped and cleared his throat. “I will clear my schedule. My assistant will send a car to pick you up.”

“You should know that if I should oh – _I don’t know_ – magically disappear, I would be sorely missed. I wouldn’t get on Black Widow’s bad side if I were you. I do believe that the rest of the Avengers are quite fond of me as well.”

Ross straightened, his jaw clenched. “Understood.”

“I thought so. Make sure you send that pretty mustang you take that girl on rides with. I always did like fast cars,” you turned to Tony. “Let’s go.”

“Director,” he called out.

You glanced at him over your shoulder and watched him fidget. “Yes?”

“You need to understand, it’s not only my decision. There are people above me who will call for punishment. Even if I pulled all the favors I’m owed, I won’t be able to clear their names alone.”

“Unlike you and your bosses, Ross, I know how to compromise. Remember who discovered that Barnes was framed and keep that in mind when you talk to them. Have a safe flight.”

You and Tony walked towards the waiting helicopter.

“How did you know he had-”

“I _didn’t_. Men like those always have skeletons in their closets,” you said and hopped into the helicopter. “I just threw my last ditch attempt and it worked. Natasha always did say men were easy to trump.”

Tony fidgeted and you glared at him.

“What?” You said. “Are you seriously going to lecture me on trying to help our friends out of a prison where terrorists are held?”

“No, it’s not that,” he huffed. “Sam told me where Steve was headed.”

“So?” You asked when he gave you a look.

“It’s an olive branch.”

“What? You’ll drop me off at a hotel? You want to drop me off in the cell next to Clint?”

“I promised I wouldn’t leave you behind again.”

“Yeah,” you scoffed, “because coming from you those mean something.”

“ _Ouch.”_

“Let’s go,” you told him.

\--

Kicking the door down, Tony stepped into the warehouse.

“You seem a little defensive,” Tony said, keeping a grip on your arm that kept you behind him.

You rolled your eyes. “You always need to have a dramatic entrance,” you muttered.

“Well, it’s been a long day,” Steve said.

“At ease, soldier, I’m not currently after you,” Tony said relaxing a little. “Someone got me to see the truth.”

You finally wrenched your good arm out of Tony’s grasp and popped out from behind him. You waved to Steve and his serious expression softened.

“Could be your story is not so crazy. _Maybe_. Ross has no idea we’re here. I'd like to keep it that way.”

“It’s good to see you Tony,” Steve said. “Hey, kiddo.”

You went to take a step forward when Tony’s hand kept you back. “Hey, Manchurian Candidate, you're killing me. There's a truce here. You can drop it.”

Barnes lowered his gun and Tony released his hold on you. Smiling, you bridged the gap between you. You jumped a little on your last step towards him and Steve caught you with a surprised laugh.

“You’re a _fucking_ _moron_ ,” you said, resting your cheek on his shoulder and hitting him on the back. “You could’ve died.”

“I’m sorry. You would’ve done it for any of us.” He put you back down on the ground and frowned at your bandages.

“What happ-”

“She took a hit helping me get away,” Barnes spoke up behind him.

Steve frowned and you leaned over him to catch Barnes’ gaze. His blue eyes bore into you and once again, you felt it burn - down your face and your chest, where the white bandages stood out.

“You’re welcome.” You meant to snap sarcastically but it came out softer than you expected.

His eyes returned back to your face and a ghost of a smile appeared. Your eyes were glued to his while he shifted his weight forward.

“Thank you,” he said quietly.

Tony frowned.

“Alright, that was thoroughly weird, thanks for that,” he grabbed your good bicep and pushed you behind him _again_. “Giggles is going to bring up the rear, everyone single line.”

“ _Right_ , let’s go,” Steve said.

You shifted your arm and hefted the large gun so that you were ready. Taking a few steps you saw Steve shoot Bucky a look before they disappeared around the corner.

“Tony, there’s only one heat signal,” you said quietly.

“But what-”

Steve’s voice cut off and you all broke formation to stand in front of a capsule.

“If it's any comfort, they died in their sleep. Did you really think I wanted more of you?” Zemo’s voice sounds tinny and far.

“I'm grateful to them, though. They brought you here.” Steve hurtled his shield towards him but it bounced right back. “Please, Captain. The Soviets built this chamber to withstand the launch blast of UR-100 rockets.”

You heard the mechanical whirring of Tony’s suit gearing up its weapons system. “I’m betting I can beat that.”

Suddenly, you got the feeling that you were being watched. You shifted your weight subtly and glanced around the perimeter. A flash caught your eye and you saw a Panther mask staring at you through a glass pane. You straightened but T’Challa pressed his index finger to his mouth.

 _Like hell,_ you aimed your gun slowly but he disappeared from sight.

“You killed innocent people in Vienna just to bring us here?” Steve exclaimed.

Something about this had your sixth sense ringing. Something was wrong. You glanced around the perimeter again, looking for T’Challa’s back up but found no one else. Maybe he came alone?

“You’re Sokovian,” Steve said and that drew your attention.

“An empire toppled by its enemies can rise again. But one which crumples from within? That's dead… forever.”

There it was again, the siren in your head going off and you tightened the grip on your gun.

Audio started to play and you took a few tentative steps forward to see where it was coming from. A video was looped, playing on an old screen. You looked to Steve, the closest to you, and saw his stricken face.

You returned your eyes to the video and winced when the car was run off by a man on motorcycle. Realization dawned on you.

“Is that - are those-” You sputtered.

“Yes,” Tony said.

All the anger you held towards Tony vanished as you watched his face crumple more and more every time the video played again.

“Tony,” you said quietly, taking a step towards him. “Tony take a second to think this through.”

He turned and you were shocked at the tears in his eyes. “Steve. Did you know?”

“I didn’t know it was him.”

You winced. Steve was _such_ a bad liar.

Tony launched himself at Barnes and you stepped back, taking cover behind a column. You couldn’t fight any of them, not with your arm in a sling. You wouldn’t know who to fight anyway. A loud grunt made you look to see Barnes with cuffs around his legs. Tony had Steve by the throat against the wall. He lifted his arm and brought it to Steve’s face.

Barnes stopped struggling to break the hold on his legs and lifted his gun. He aimed towards Tony and before he put his finger on the trigger, you had made your decision.

“Don’t!” You screamed, taking aim.

Tony glanced over his shoulder and you steadied your stance, barrel pointed towards Barnes. A small red dot on his chest glowed.

“It wasn't him, Tony. HYRDA had control of his mind!” Steve shouted.

“ _I don’t care_ , he killed my mom,” Tony screamed back.

You could see Steve weighing his decision. You knew he didn’t want Tony shot dead but, he knew if Barnes shot at him that you were a good enough shot to make it. Only you and Steve would be left.

Steve took the chance and slammed Tony’s arm up. The rocket fired and hit the column right above you. The ground shook and you knew it was coming down. You ran but you were too far to be get in the clear on time. Barnes struggled with the hold on his legs, trying to drag himself away. Tony shouted your name and you shot at Barnes’ legs, breaking the cuffs.

“Run!” You shouted at him, trying to dodge a stray piece of concrete, but instead Barnes ran _towards_ you.

“The other way you idiot!” You screamed, he curled himself around you and you both slammed into the floor.

When you open your eyes, you were disoriented. With the impact you had checked out for a minute. There was a heavy weight on your chest and when you try to move from under it, it groaned.

“Barnes?” You said, dust making you cough.

His eyes were still shut but he roused. Your bad arm throbbed and there was a new pinching sensation coming from your left side that you hoped wasn’t a broken rib. You shifted again and pain bloomed in your chest. Looking down, you saw fresh blood stains on your dirty bandages.

Wincing, you struggled to move you both before any of the rubble shifted. There was a large slab that protected you both from most of the debris, but you needed Barnes awake before it gave in.

“Fuck,” you cursed when pain radiated from your knee.

You were going to take a long vacation when this was all over.

Suddenly, Barnes shifted off of you and your chest heaved. The pinching in your side now felt like a shot to your diaphragm every time you inhaled.

“Slow shallow breaths,” Barnes said, he shoved his arms under your shoulders and dragged you out from under all the concrete. He leaned you up against a sturdy piece of metal and you tried not to breathe too deeply.

He handed you a small gun from his hip. “I don’t know where yours went but take this in case Zemo or Tony come back.”

Something warm dripped onto your ear and you brought your hand up towards the tender spot above it. When you pulled your hand away, it was stained with blood.

“Ouch,” you said dumbly.

“You’ll be okay,” he inspected it. “Head wounds-”

“-bleed a lot,” you finished, your vision started to darken.

He nodded and looked up as the fight sounded closer. He turned away but stilled when your palm cupped his face.

“Hey,” you said, a little delirious, “I didn’t get clawed by the King of Wakanda for nothing. Tony won’t hurt me.”

He eyed you disbelievingly.

“He won’t,” your speech started to slur. “If you see an out, take it.”

“Why are you helping me?” He asked and you were certain it was your wounds that had you hallucinate the soft concerned look in his eye.

Your eyes started to close. “Because, it’s my job to help those who need it,” you mumbled before darkness engulfed you.

\--

A loud noise startled you and you opened your eyes. Disoriented, you tried to adjust your sight to the low light. You shifted your position and instantly groaned when everything hurt all at once.

You stilled, stuck on this slab of concrete. A very Natasha sounding voice yelled at you in your mind.

_When your life is on the line on a mission, there’s no time to feel the pain, you need to shove it down and keep moving forward._

With a scream, you pushed the pain into a box in the back of your mind and shoved it down. You sat up and tried not to breathe too deeply. Using a discarded pipe you leaned all your weight onto your good knee and stood.

You dragged yourself towards a distant sound and after what felt like an eternity, you managed to climb towards the top.

Your foot caught on something and you almost went flying into the floor. Catching yourself, you heaved a deep breath, wincing at the pinch. You looked down to see what to avoid stepping on and your stomach dropped. It was Steve’s shield. If he – if Tony had killed him – there was no going back for him. Your heart pounded as you rounded the corner.

Tony came into view, looking beat up and kneeling. The core’s light flickered ominously and you crawled to him.

“Tony, are you – are you okay? Where’s Steve?”

 _Where’s Barnes_ your unasked question hung in the air.

His stare was empty and his suit whirred worryingly. You nodded at him and gathered all the strength you had inside yourself.

“Okay Tony, I think I broke a few bones so I can’t carry you by myself. I need you to help me. We need to get back to the helicopter.”

Tony’s eyes focused on you and he nodded faintly. “Did he hurt you?”

“No, Tony, he saved my life.”

His eyes fluttered shut and he slumped over. You groaned. You were _not_ dying in a dirty old torture warehouse.

A sudden noise behind you startled you and you came face to face with T’Challa.

“If you can walk, I will carry him down. Help is coming,” he said.

“T’Challa,” you panted in attempt to stand. “What about Zemo? Steve-”

“Rogers and Barnes made it back to their aircraft. Zemo has been contained.”

You nodded and the fight went out of you. “I think I’ll wait for help here.”

 

* * *

 

In the end, the fact that some of the Avengers were being held in The Raft had _somehow_ leaked to the media. Between your relentless lobbying, public outrage over pictures of Wanda, and a worrying amount of blackmail; the U.N. agreed to release them. Especially after you pointed out their wild chase for someone who was innocent for the bombing.

You had spun the story in positive way and generated mostly encouraging reactions. America’s heroes are just like us – flawed. Stories of where the team had saved lives had poured in and you couldn’t help but feel warmed from it.

The public had eaten it all up. Pepper even called you to congratulate you on your work.

_“If you ever want to leave the lab to join our PR team, let me know.”_

Privately, however, you had to sign about _ten_ different documents swearing that the Avengers would be responsible for keeping everyone that was released in line. Almost everyone had to agree to be suspended indefinitely. Regardless, the compound was a better prison than a dot in the ocean.

Wanda, Steve and Clint engulfed you in bone crushing hugs when they landed onto the compound.

“Welcome back team,” you said with a grin.

 

* * *

 

You’d been trying to distract yourself from the aches of your last session – you were convinced that your physical therapist was Satan reincarnated and liked pushing you until you were on the brink of tears.

When you limped into your lab to find something to work on, you saw that it wasn’t empty.

Eventually, you found your voice.

“Can I help you Mr. Stark?” You asked, not in the mood for a fight.

“Truce?” He didn’t lift his eyes from his hands.

“Indefinitely?”

Tony raised his head and his hard look softened at the limp in your walk.

“Don’t feel bad for me,” you said quietly. “The pain makes you a stronger agent in the future.”

“Giggles,” he said and you bit your lip to keep it from shaking.

“What do you want Tony?” You settled into your desk chair and propped your leg up. “I’m tired today. I cannot fight with you anymore.”

“You aimed your gun at Barnes.”

You blinked.

“What?” You asked.

“When I had Steve by the throat and Barnes on the floor, he aimed at me and you put your gun to his head.”

“Okay?” You said.

“Why?” He asked. “You’d fought for Barnes’ cause that whole night, enough to – enough. Why did you point it at him?”

You gaped. “Tony, you’re my family. Do you think so little of me that you thought a disagreement would make me choose their lives over yours? I love you all but, you’re – you.”

He avoided your eyes and shrugged. “I pushed everyone away from me, for months. After what I did – what I said to you, I wouldn’t have blamed you if you did.”

“Tony,” you put a hand on his and he seemed to slump over. “If our history isn’t enough proof, no matter how much you and I disagree, I will always choose your life over almost anyone’s.”

He snorted. “Almost anyone?”

“Pepper’s my favorite,” you shrugged. “Natasha is a close second.”

He laughed.

The sound loosened the knot in your chest a little.

“Thank you, for always having my back even when I didn’t have yours.”

You shrugged a shoulder. “What’s family for right? Families always have drama.”

He smiled. You leaned back into your chair and reveled in the weight lifted off your shoulders. You two had been avoiding each other since arriving back at the compound. Every time you’d tried to start a conversation, he’d stalk off. When he would look for you, you were too busy dealing with the U.N.

Tony dropped a piece of paper onto the desk and you nodded. “What’s that?”

“Read it,” he said.

It was a letter, from Steve to Tony and you smiled once you’d finished.

“What? That’s it?” He asked.

You shrugged. “What do you want me to say? You know Steve, he’d always be there for you.” You stood up and walked towards your laptop.

Tony frowned and you cleared your throat.

“You’re not telling me something,” he said eyeing you. “ _You know where they are_.”

You sighed. “I don’t want to fight Tony.”

“That’s not a no,” he argued, the beginnings of a fight starting up again.

“No, I don’t know where they are. I have suspicions but no concrete evidence.” You huffed. “Why can’t we have normal conversations?”

“Because we’re not normal people, _clearly_ ,” he said, tone hardening. “After Germany-”

 _Of course_ _things could never be easy with him._

“Tread lightly, Mr. Stark, _one_ of us threw the other in a cage.”

He huffed. “Yeah, and _one_ of us helped criminals escape.”

“To where you found them and followed them with the intent of assisting! _You_ asked Sam where Steve was, not me.”

“So?” His voice rose.

“That renders your previous point moot!”

“Ugh,” he kicked at your desk and you frowned.

“I know this is frustrating because you and I are not used to being on opposite sides Tony but, I – I’m sorry if what I did hurt you. I never meant it to, but you can’t be mad at me for following what I believe in. I tried to compromise and it wasn’t working.”

“I’m not mad at you,” he shouted and you frowned. He sighed. “I’m not,” he said softer. “I’m just trying to fix something that keeps breaking in my hands. I didn’t think you and I would be the collateral damage coming out of this entire situation. Pepper…I saw that coming from day one, but you and me? I thought we were solid. Every time I think I’m doing something right, something else breaks.”

You lowered yourself onto the seat next to his and grabbed his hand.

“Okay, I know we’ve given each other enough speeches and arguments to last three lifetimes. I promise that this is my last one. You don’t need to agree with me and I’m not arguing with you – just listen.”

“But-”

“No,” you said. “I need you to think back to that little girl who grew under your meticulous care. Think back to the girl who became who I am right now because of you and Pepper and Natasha and Steve – because you all didn’t see just a little kid playing amongst adults. You saw me for who I really was, who I am. Just like I’ll always have your back, I need you to have mine right now.”

He gave you a sad look. “You don’t need to ask, Giggles.”

You squeezed his hand.

“I’m _sorry_ that you felt betrayed by me, but I need you to understand – Steve is my _friend_. He’s a good person and just because people don’t agree with you doesn’t mean that they’re wrong and you’re right.”

Tony looked like he was going to speak up and you glared. He deflated.

“It’s clear with that letter that Steve loves you Tony. We’re all a family _but_ Barnes is also his family. Before us, before he was _Captain America,_ he didn’t have anyone but Barnes. I know you became an orphan but so did I. I know what it’s like to have one person be your whole world. While I’ll always be your family, if my mom was alive right now I wouldn’t choose _anyone_ over her. Just like you wouldn’t choose anyone over _your_ parents.

On a base level, you know what that’s like. It’s human nature. Steve would come back in a heartbeat if he didn’t think you’d stab Barnes in the head the second he took a step into New York State.”

“He _killed_ my parents,” he said harshly, but this time his voice was filled with sadness instead of anger.

“I understand that too,” you said quietly. “I _cannot_ _imagine_ having to make peace with her killer, let alone coexist in the same space as him. But try to remember – my mother’s killer knew what he was doing. He did it out of his own free will. Can you imagine killing innocent people against yours? I saw you Tony - you were buckling under the weight of Charlie Spencer’s death and you don’t even know who caused it. Imagine what you would’ve felt like if someone forced you to put a gun to his head and shoot?”

You put a hand on his cheek.

“Tony, I’ve seen the tapes that Natasha found. What they did to him – they hit and hit and _hit_ until he broke inside. That’s not a choice, that isn’t freewill, that’s a prison sentence. He’s a victim of HYDRA’s violence, just like you are.”

Tony looked up at you.

“We’re all victims in one way or another but we can’t let that define us.”

You could see him shifting, his face pensive.

“What makes Howard and Maria Stark’s death any more important than Wanda’s parents?” You asked softly. “Or Pietro. T’Chaka? Charlie Spencer? Or _my_ mom? Look at what happened to Wanda. I sat with her as she cried for _months_ over the lives lost in Sokovia. Her anger encompassed her until there wasn’t anything left. Her anger for _you_ and for her parents who were killed right in front of her.”

Tony looked ready to cry but nevertheless, you persisted.

“What about Zemo? All of you created his anger, not that it’s justified but it’s true. Not Howard Stark, not even my mother’s death, is any more or any less than the rest of them. They are _all_ victims. Don’t let this fester and end up like Zemo. Learn from T’Challa and learn from Wanda. I don’t want you to end up angry and filled with hate. You’ll miss out on so much happiness clinging to your anger.”

“I can’t forgive him,” he said.

“I’m not asking you to,” you said gently. “Just _let go_ of the anger that’s poisoning you from the inside out. You don’t need to do it now or tomorrow just – little by little.”

“I tried to fix my mistakes,” Tony said. “That’s why I agreed to the accords, why I _still_ agree. I tried to keep us from ripping at the seams. But did anyone see it my way?”

“That’s the problem, don’t you see? You’re trying to force everyone to see if from _your_ perspective. You saw what this type mentality and anger did to Zemo. The lives it cost in Vienna. What he did to Barnes in Bucharest – what Zemo _forced_ him to relive. Do you really want to become him? Chasing away your friends and family? Ready to die on a mountain somewhere, all alone?” You frowned.

Tony slumped, like a puppet whose strings were cut.

“I’m not saying this because I want to hurt you or because I blame you. I’m just trying to make a point – to make you see it from someone else’s eyes,” you sighed. “Tony, Sokovia _was not your fault_. Those lives lost – they’re not your fault. Ultron was your creation but you couldn’t know or control his actions. You need to learn to forgive _yourself_.”

“I can’t,” he whispered. “ _I can’t_ …”

“Well I do and I’ll keep reminding you until you can.”

 

* * *

 

“ _You have an incoming video call, Agent.”_

“Who is it?” You asked Friday, placing ice onto your knee.

“ _King T’Challa of Wakanda.”_

You paused. Why would he be calling you?

“Accept the call,” you said.

His face appeared before you and it seemed like he had shed the weight of the world. He smiled when he saw you and crossed his arms in greeting. 

“Your majesty,” you said. “To what do I owe the honor?”

“The honor is mine, Director,” his demeanor had changed, he was relaxed and looked years younger.

“How is your family? I heard it was a beautiful ceremony.”

T’Challa nodded. “They are well. We received the flowers from Stark Industries, my mother loved them.”

“Please give your family my deepest condolences,” you bowed your head.

“Thank you, director,” T’Challa bowed his head in return. “I must admit that I have an ulterior motive for calling.”

You smiled. “Most people do.”

“You helped me avenge my father’s death but absorbed me from my rage. That day in Germany, you were right. I was not acting like a true King – my father would’ve been disappointed. I was consumed by vengeance and distraught by his death. I did not see things clearly.”

“I understand,” you smiled kindly. “I have very little memory from the days after my mother passed. Grief is a powerful emotion.”

“You’re very kind and I owe you a great debt, you helped me understand the truth. You steered me off of a wrong path.”

“I didn’t do anything your majesty, it’s my job.”

“Are your wounds healing?” he asked, his expression apologetic. He eyed the thick scabs that were no longer covered by bandages. The medic had supplied you with many options in terms of cosmetic surgery but, they were starting to grow on you. Tony had said it gave you an even edgier look.

“I’m recovering well, thank you,” you smiled. “It looks worse than it is.”

He nodded, his mouth downturned.

“May I ask you a question?” You said abruptly.

“After what you have gifted me, Director, you may ask me whatever you want.”

“Tony believes Barnes to be guilty. He’s…he’s working on understanding but, I don’t want to be hypocritical and not see other views. Do you agree with him?”

T’Challa frowned. “He may be guilty but, he did not kill my father. Sergeant Barnes is both guilty and innocent. However, above all, he is still a victim - like my father - of a horrible crime. We mustn’t forget the cruelty he has known for most of his life. He has not been shown kindness for a long time. He was not born a killer but made one. We cannot fault him for the actions of other people and what was done to him. However, I can understand how the family of his victims may not understand that. As you said, grief is a powerful emotion.”

“Do you think so?” You frowned. “I agree, but I’m still working on everyone else.”

“Tony is angry now, he has learned of something that has changed his whole life. I’m sure with you by his side bitterness will not grow within him.”

“Thank you,” you said softly. “I can’t help but wonder of Steve and Sergeant Barnes, wherever they are. I’ve been studying the methods HYDRA used to alter his brain chemistry, it’s both horrid and fascinating all at once. The science behind it is one of the most advanced I’ve seen.”

T’Challa stared at you and you shifted, uncomfortable.

“No, forgive me. I was just thinking. Let me speak to someone and I will reach out to you shortly.”

Before you could wave goodbye, the screen went black.

“Okay,” you said suspiciously.

 

* * *

 

Your physical therapist was a _god send_ and you took back every single negative thought you’d ever had towards her. In fact, you were going to buy her a _gift_. A very expensive gift.

The exercises had helped your shoulder substantially and you no longer woke up in the middle of the night crying in pain.

You took another lap around the deserted gym, pacing yourself. After recent events, the team was staying at the compound and trying to spend time together – bridging gaps and all that. Unfortunately for you, you had a lot of training to catch up on. You wanted to take advantage of your knee feeling almost normal again and ran laps went you felt restless. It was therapeutic in its own way.

That was, until your sixth sense warned you of something. You felt a pair of eyes on you and you casually glanced around the track.

 _Act normal_ , Natasha’s advice reminded you.

You kept jogging until you reached a stack of mats. You pretended to be winded and stretched out your knee. While you were bent over, you pulled out a switchblade from your thigh holder but stopped when something sharp pressed against the back of your neck.

“Drop it,” an accented voice commanded.

You clenched your jaw and dropped the knife.

“Kick it to me.”

You kicked it backwards and felt them bend down to reach for it. You dropped into a squat and swiped their legs out from under them. You spun around, fists up and came face to face with dark skinned woman, knife held out in front of her.

“Who are you? What do you want?” You hissed.

She observed you for a moment, taking in your stance and expression before flipping the knife. She offered you the handle.

When you hesitated, she shook it at you.

“I did not mean to frighten you,” she bowed her head. “I’m Okoye, T’Challa sent me to retrieve you.”

“ _Retrieve_ me?” You said.

She nodded. “He has a problem and needs your assistance.”

“If King T’Challa wants me to leave my home, my country, and assist him with something by sending a skilled soldier – he will need to give me more information than that.”

Okoye eyed you with something akin to respect and you straightened. Her eyes drifted down to your low cut top and you knew she could see the scars. She popped out her earpiece and held it out to you.

You peered at it and realized it was a coms unit. Tentatively, you took it from her and put into your own ear.

“Hello?”

“ _Hey kiddo.”_

\--

Tony walked into the gym’s track and field area and shot you an odd look.

“Giggles, I’m missing out on a very good game of Mortal Combat against Hawkeye, what’s happening? Is your knee acting out again?”

“Did you come alone?” You asked.

His eyebrows shot up. “What’s happening James Bond?”

“Friday, turn the security video and audio off,” you said.

“ _Cameras are off.”_

“Alright, you’re scaring me.”

“I want to point out that I’m not asking your permission _but_ , I didn’t want to leave without telling you in an effort to have open communication.”

Tony started to smile. “You sound like our shrink.”

His smile dropped from his face when Okoye stepped out from behind the mats.

“Tony, this is Okoye. Okoye, this is-”

“-Mr. Stark. I’m familiar with your work,” she said, standing at attention.

“ _Riiiight_ ,” he said. “Again, what’s going on?”

“Okoye is from Wakanda, she’s a general. He needs my help on…on an experiment he’s doing and I need to go with her.”

“ _Right now_?” He exclaimed.

You nodded. “It’s time sensitive.”

“And you want me to come with you?”

“No,” Okoye answered before you could. “ _Just_ the Director. You are too much of a public figure. It would be difficult to explain your disappearance to those watching you.”

“I’m sorry, can I have a moment with the good Director?” He walked over, grabbed your elbow and tugged you towards the other side.

“Giggles, what the hell is happening?”

“Tony, I can’t really elaborate,” you sighed, frustrated.

“Do you – not trust me?” He said quietly. “We’ve been working on this-”

“It’s not that,” you ran a hand through your hair. “Remember how when I became an agent, we knew that we wouldn’t always be placed on the same mission?”

“Yes,” Tony said, still confused.

“And how because of that, we would sometimes have information we wouldn’t be allowed to share?”

Tony rolled his eyes. “This isn’t Avengers related. You’re not on a mission. You’re asking me to stand here and just be okay with you going off with a woman who claims to be T’Challa’s general? How do we know she’s telling the truth?”

“I just know, you don’t need to trust her – trust _me_. Trust that I know what I’m doing.”

Tony deflated. “Okay. You’re right. You’re an adult and I can’t hover over you protectively all the time.”

“Now _you_ sound like our shrink,” you smiled.

He snorted. “Does this have anything to do with what happened a few months ago?”

You picked at imaginary lint on your shirt. “Nope.”

“ _Right_ and how long will this visit be?”

“It shouldn’t be any longer than two weeks, three tops. I’ll be able to communicate with you regularly,” you squeezed his hand. “I’m not disappearing. We still have more work to do here.”

Tony sighed and leaned across you to speak to Okoye.

“She has a strict physical therapy routine. She hates doing it but she’ll curl in like an eighty year old woman if she doesn’t. You have to make sure she follows a schedule.”

Okoye glanced at you, amused. “You have my word Mr. Stark. We have excellent doctor’s in Wakanda.”

“Great,” he said dryly. “I’m going to pack you a bag, if Wanda even sniffs you out she’ll be on you like a bloodhound.”

“Thank you Tony, for trusting me.”

“Yeah, don’t thank me yet. If you die, Natasha will kill you and then me,” he disappeared without another look.

Okoye smiled down at you. “Mr. Stark is a funny man.”

You rolled your eyes. “Hilarious.”

Tony returned shortly with a duffel bag.

“You good?” You asked, hauling the bag onto your shoulder.

“Yeah, we’re good,” he pulled you into a hug.

“Not to sound too overbearing but call me when you get there.”

You hugged him back. “I promise.”

He saluted Okoye and was gone in a flash.

“Would you like some assistance? The aircraft is a mile away,” she reached out for your bag.

“Thank you,” you said. She started walking out and you followed. Once you’d made it outside, you stopped and turned to look back at the compound.

Let’s do this.

 

* * *

 

The flight was relatively quick and easy. Okoye was a _fountain_ of information and she was happy enough to answer your questions. You’d landed and were making your way towards the main common room, still brimming with questions to ask.

“You remind me of Shuri, T’Challa’s little sister,” she said with a fond smile. “She is excited to meet you. T’Challa has spoken at length about what you did for him.”

“I didn’t do anything,” you said. “In fact, I was mostly ignored by all the men around me.”

Okoye rolled her eyes. “Men are very simple creatures but most stubborn.”

You laughed delightedly.

“I don’t know if I should be offended or agree with you Okoye,” a deep voice said behind you.

You spun around and dropped everything in your hands.

“Steve!” For the _second_ time in the past few months you tackled him in a hug.

“Hey kiddo, I’m glad to see you’re okay,” you smiled and dropped back down.

“Steve, I don’t want to alarm you but there’s a dead animal on your face,” you said seriously.

He rolled his eyes and you laughed as you rubbed a hand through his beard.

“ _Man_ , it’s like you’re a different person Cap’,” you said taking him in. “You look good. Better than the last time I saw you. You got some meat on your bones. Captain America, rocking lumberjack chic, they’ll love it.”

He shot you a sad smile. “I’m not Captain America anymore.”

You frowned at him.

“I see you’ve found our guests,” T’Challa said. “Welcome to Wakanda.”

“Thank you, your majesty,” you smiled.

“Please, call me T’Challa,” he said.

You scrunched your nose. “I like your majesty better,” you joked.

T’Challa laughed and a smaller version of him popped out from behind.

“Is this _the_ Director?” She asked.

“Shuri,” he said warningly. “She only just landed, let her get comfortable.”

You, however, smiled. “Hello, my name is-”

“I know who you are! I’ve read some of your work. Your paper on biochemical engineering was _outstanding_.”

You flushed and Steve nudged you.

“Thank you,” you told her.

“This is my little sister,” T’Challa introduced. “Shuri. She’s the director of our labs around here.”

Shuri snorted. “What he’s trying to say is that I’m in charge and nothing works without me.”

T’Challa rolled his eyes and you couldn’t help but laugh. “I understand that sentiment very well.”

“Come, let me show you our progress so far. We’ve hit a bump and I can’t seem to find a way around it.”

She led you into a room down the hall and you gasped at the equipment. You looked for your glasses and slid them on. “Is _that_ -”

“Yes, our technology seems to be a little more advanced-”

“-a _little_?” you said, jumping excitedly. “Okay, okay, control yourself. Before I’m even more distracted, show me your notes.”

Shuri handed you a tablet and you read through it, jotting down your own notes in the margins. She read over your shoulder and nodded along. “ _Of course_! Why didn’t I think of that?”

You smiled and continued reading, following her process and findings. There were multiple scans of Barnes’ brain and his blood samples yielded fascinating results.

“Finally, someone who knows what she’s doing,” she teased. “We need five more of her. Brother, pay attention, maybe you will learn something.”

T’Challa rolled his eyes and Steve laughed.

What felt like minutes later, someone was shaking you awake.

“Kiddo,” Steve said. “You and Shuri fell asleep. T’Challa took her to her room, I’ll show you to yours.”

You barely opened your eyes, the events of the day finally hitting you. Steve guided you down the hall and up a flight of stairs before you face planted into a bed.

“We’re going to get the words out of his head Steve, I know we can do it,” you mumbled, pulling a pillow towards you.

Steve huffed a laugh and pressed a kiss to your head. “I know kid, thank you for coming.”

“S’nothing,” you muttered before dropping off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Parting from Shuri and her lab was surprisingly more difficult than you thought it would be. You’d made several promises to have weekly video calls on a project you’d come up with together. T’Challa gave you a tight hug that had you welling up. You laughed self-consciously as you pulled away.

“Sorry, I didn’t think I would be this reluctant to leave,” you told him.

He smiled at you and squeezed your hand. “Wakanda will always be here to welcome you.”

“Thank you, T’Challa,” you smiled.

“No, thank _you_.”

He made his way inside and you stood on a runway, looking up into the sky for the familiar sight of the quinjet.

“I’ll miss you Steve. I didn’t realize how used to seeing you every day I was until you weren’t there anymore,” you said.

He snorted. “You’ll be hearing about me soon enough I think.”

You gave him a questioning look.

“I’ve left them in there long enough,” he said. “I can’t abandon them.”

“What are you talking about?” You exclaimed.

“The rest of my team,” he said.

“Jeez, old man, do you watch TV at all? You only have about a hundred options here. All my lessons have gone to waste haven’t they?”

“What?”

“A few months ago I bargained with Ross to release them. It gave the U.N. good press and us good press, it was a win-win situation.”

“How did you get Ross to agree?” Steve asked, a little dumbfounded.

“I’m very persuasive,” you grinned.

He shook his head and laughed. “You never cease to amaze me. How’d Tony take it?”

“Surprisingly well. We’re all seeing shrinks, as we should, and we’re working on becoming a better team. He’s not ready to forgive, per say, but he’s working on the forgetting part,” you sighed. “He needs time.”

Steve nodded sadly. “I thought you were going to have to fight you way out the compound. The fact that he helped you leave it is a little out of character for him.”

You shrugged. “He’s growing. Who would’ve thunk, right?”

He smiled.

“Listen, help Barnes recover. His new arm should be ready in a few weeks – which, by the way, is _amazing_ and will be the best piece of technology I’ve ever worked on. Shuri is a national treasure,” Steve laughed and you took his hand in yours. “Tony’s not as mad as you think and besides, you can’t hide forever. The compound is your home and I’ll do what I can to get you back there.”

“Thank you,” he squeezed your hand. “You’re always the one putting out fires with us.”

You shrugged. “I knew what I was getting into.”

“You sure you don’t want to meet him?” Steve said after a while. “He seemed fond of you when you two met.”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “For the few brief minutes we’ve been at the same place at the same time, I’ve received a grade three concussion, lacerations to my chest, dislocated my shoulder, tore my ACL, and then Tony almost killed him. How did you get fondness from that?”

Steve shrugged. “He didn’t kill you at the hangar.”

You laughed.

“Plus, it was in the _look_.”

“God, you art kids are so emotional,” you rolled your eyes.

“And you science kids are so _cynical_.”

“I don’t think that’s the scientist in me. I’m pretty sure it’s just my personality,” you turned back to the sky as the jet descended towards you two.

It landed smoothly and the ramp opened to show a familiar redhead. She unbuckled her seatbelt and shot you both a smile over her shoulder.

“You called for an Uber?” She said.

You laughed and turned to Steve. “That’s my cue.”

“You’re really going to leave before he’s out?”

“Tony needs me,” you told him and kissed his cheek.

“Don’t be a stranger Captain,” Natasha yelled.

He lifted a hand and yelled back. “I’m not a Captain anymore.”

“About that,” Natasha said to you. “Tony gave this to me before I left. He said he didn’t have enough time to get to you but to tell Rogers to stop leaving his shit around the house.”

“What?” You asked and looked to where she pointed.

You grinned and walked back out towards the opened ramp.

“Hey Cap’, look alive!” You called out, chucking the shield as hard as you could. He caught it easily. “Tony found it for you. Stop leaving it carelessly around like that - you’ll lose it that way.”

Steve smiled slowly. “I don’t know what to say.”

You shrugged.

“It’s his way of conceding, even if just a little,” you jogged towards the cockpit. “I’ll let you know when the compound is safe to return to. T’Challa said he’d help you out a little.”

“What?” He said over the roar of the ramp pulling up.

“You’ll see!”

 

* * *

 

Not long after that, Wakanda revealed itself to the world and in the process announced their two foreign visitors. The Wakandan government negotiated the pardons of Captain Steve Grant Rogers and Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, offering up a multitude of exports in return.

As was the American way, the government turned it into a publicity stunt, making it seem like they were welcoming heroes home; as opposed to finally letting them back in.

You were currently in the front yard of the compound, surrounded by a plethora of paparazzi and reporters. Steve and Barnes were set to arrive with Ross and other U.N. leaders any minute. Tony, _of course,_ had thrown a party for their return.

“So, _Mr. Stank_ , how does compromise feel?”

“I’m going to _kill_ Rhodey, and it tastes bitter. _Very_ bitter.”

“I think I’m going to address all my reports to Mr. Stank. Reservations for Stank!”

You laughed at his disgruntled expression and nudged his shoulder with yours.

“You’re doing a good thing Tony, I know how big of a step this is for you.”

He sighed. “It’s the right thing to do. Besides, it’s been almost a year since Germany. I’ve grown since then.”

You smiled. “Ah yes, you’re almost a full functioning adult.”

Tony snorted and wrapped an arm around your shoulders. “Thanks kid, for not giving up on me.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” you told him.

The flashes increased exponentially as the gates opened and multiple black cars came down the driveway towards the compound.

“You ready?” Natasha asked.

You both looked over your shoulders and saw the team standing behind you. You laughed when you saw that Sam and Clint were wearing party hats. Wanda had confetti in her hands.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Tony said.

The car doors all opened in unison, as if choreographed, and multiple people stepped out.  However, the cameras only had eyes for two people.

Tony walked over to Ross and they smiled amicably. They shook hands and posed for more pictures before Steve made his way over. Tony outstretched his hand and shot his _Game Face_ for the cameras when Steve slapped it aside.

You were about to jump up when Steve hauled Tony into a hug so tight you heard their bones creak. Tony patted Steve tentatively and you _swore_ you heard them sniffling.

Nat rolled her eyes and huffed.

“ _Boys_.”

\--

The party was in full swing and showed no signs of stopping. You didn’t know who had blabbed but almost everyone knew you played a major part in the pardons and their subsequent return.

Excusing yourself from yet another politician boasting about his achievements, you threw back your glass of wine, _exhausted_ from the last few months.

There were interviews after interviews that _thankfully_ you had minimal participation in. The team and the compound may know your active position here but the public still didn’t. Although, much to your dismay, it seemed like that was changing. Tony was definitely more camera friendly than you were.

When no one was looking, you slipped out into the north hallway for a moment to yourself and found it already occupied.

“Hello,” you said, a little surprised.

Barnes’ eyes darted towards you and he nodded.

“I see your head healed,” he motioned to your torso, “and the ribs as well?”

You huffed. “I’m going to wear body armor every time I leave the house. Ribs are _seriously_ uncomfortable to break and take forever to heal. I see the arm is working well.”

He nodded. “Thank you, for what you did-”

“It’s nothing,” you assured him.

“It wasn’t, what you did for me in Germany and Wakanda, not a lot of people would have,” his eyes caught yours and you frowned. “ _Thank you._ ”

“You’re welcome.”

You both settled into comfortable silence and looked out at the scenery through the glass ceiling. You thought back onto the last few months and realized something.

“I never formally introduced myself,” you said to him.

Barnes turned his steel eyes back onto you and you instinctively straightened.

“I know who you are,” he said.

“I know that,” you scoffed. “But I never _formally_ did so.”

Before he could say anything, you stuck out your hand and introduced yourself. “I’m the director of Stark Labs.”

He quirked an eyebrow. “I’ve seen you fight-”

“ _Sometimes_ \- I’m needed outside of a lab.”

He gave you a small smile and your heart tripped over itself.

_What was that?_

“It’s your turn,” you said lightly, not wanting to be rude. You nudged his shoulder with your own and you both startled.

_Whoa._

You were caught up in your mind and didn’t notice him staring.

“What?” you asked.

“No one’s asked me that in a long time,” he frowned. “No one’s _asked_ me my name.”

You frowned, feeling a little sad for him. He shook his head, almost as if ridding his mind of his thoughts. He slid his hand into yours and the hallway seemed to narrow down. You swore you could feel your sixth sense nudging you softly.

 _Something’s happening,_ it seemed to say. _Something different._

“I’m Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, but, you can call me Bucky.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weeeelp that was a doozy. Hopefully, you all weren’t bored to tears and liked it! Next chapters are the ones you’ve all been waiting for! Thank you all for your sweet messages, it’s very encouraging! If the next chapters become as wordy as these past two were – I’m pretty sure we’ll hit 100k and that’s a little daunting.
> 
> I’ve been thinking about making this into a series and including much shorter little slices of their lives, post-ending. I think I’m just upset I cut down most of the Wakanda scenes and I need more Shuri/Reader friendship in my life. Healthy female friendships between science nerds ftw!
> 
> Would anyone want to read that?
> 
> Until next time!  


	6. James Buchanan Barnes, Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know, my little monsters just keep running away from me. Call me Dr. Frankenstein!

You quickly learned that Bucky didn’t like to talk much. You knew that life at the compound, where about a hundred things happened simultaneously, could get overwhelming. So, you urged the team to give him as much space as possible. He seemed to appreciate the gesture and stuck to the shadows.

So it came as a surprise when you were alone in the training room, trying to lift weights and he had walked in. He’d seen you, embarrassingly, struggle with the heavier weights and offered to spot you. After that, you managed a tentative friendship within the training room. After all, you usually didn’t need to talk much when working out.

Which is why, a month after that first day, when you finally managed to land a hit on Bucky - you cried out so loud that Steve came running. He’d found you dancing around the gym and Bucky sitting with a hand to his eye.

“What is going on here?” Steve put his hands on his hips.

You shimmied towards him. “What’s happening here, _Captain_ , is that after five weeks I finally landed a hit on your Sergeant!”

Bucky rolled his eyes and you stuck your tongue out playfully.

“Are you done?” He asked.

“Nope.” You continued to skip around the mat.

A few minutes later, you stopped, out of breath.

“Goddamn, that felt good,” you said to both of them. “Training with you _really_ keeps a girl humble.”

“You managed to lay me out a bunch of times, maybe you’re losing your touch,” Steve teased.

Bristling, you narrowed your eyes at him. “You don’t have a metal arm that I specifically designed to be almost indestructible. You just got juiced up, he’s a double threat.”

Bucky snorted and you grinned. You’d recently come to realization that you liked making him smile, it was rare but always sincere.

“Alright, I’m going to go hit the showers. I have a new batch of interns starting today,” you waved at Bucky and slapped Steve on the shoulder. “See you two losers later.”

You’d made your way down a flight of stairs when you couldn’t find your cell phone.

“Friday?”

“ _It’s in the gym, you’ve left it there once again_ ,” Friday answered.

“Is that judgment I hear?”

She stayed silent and you snorted. Jogging back towards the double doors you pushed it open and groaned. Your arms _already_ ached from the workout.

Steve and Bucky had moved to the other side of the gym where the weights were and hadn’t noticed you come back in. Some agents they were, you laughed.

“-she’s not like that, Buck. I promise, there’s a reasonable explanation for it.”

“I don’t know. We don’t talk much-” Bucky whipped his head to look at you and frowned.

“I think I left my phone in your bag!” You shouted, not wanting to cross the entire gym.

Bucky’s face scrunched up and Steve looked like he was about to crack a rib from laughing.

“Yeah, it’s right here,” Steve brought it to you and you shot them both odd looks.

“Alright,” you said slowly. “Thank you?”

“You’re welcome ma’am,” he said with his signature All-American smile.

You rolled your eyes and shoved him. “Piss off.”

He laughed and you shook your head.

“Go easy on him Bucky,” you called out over your shoulder. “He’s _delicate_.”

You smiled at the sound of Steve’s indignant cry.

* * *

“We always watch what you want to!” Wanda argued.

“Because I pick good movies!” Steve said.

“ _Maco_ ,” she said exasperatedly. 

You were lying on the sofa across from where they stood, arguing for the past ten minutes.

“I’m not getting in between you two, Natasha kicked my ass in the simulations today and I can’t even move another muscle. Besides, what is with you Avengers and not being able to play nice?”

“ _She’s_ the one arguing with _me_ ,” he stressed.

You rolled your eyes and went back to the game on your phone. “Just _pick_ something.”

A loud slam at the far end of the living room startled you all. You rolled off the couch, grabbed a gun from under the coffee table, and stood at attention.

“Jesus,” Tony muttered, arms filled with paper bags. “Do any of you know how to relax? Honestly, I’m booking you all a spa day when we get back.”

Dropping the gun, you turned to see that Steve had grabbed the side table for cover and Wanda had multiple items floating, ready to strike.

“Tony, what is wrong with you?” You rubbed your temples. A migraine was starting to throb at the back of your head.

“I’m sorry, you’re going to have to narrow that down a bit.” He walked passed you all and into the kitchen.

Wanda huffed, slumping over onto the couch and pressed a hand to her chest. “I think I had a heart attack.”

Steve laughed and you glared at him.

“What?” He said defensively. “Tony’s right.”

“ _Now_ you agree with him,” you rolled your eyes and followed Tony.

He had dropped the bags onto the kitchen counter.

“What do you mean when we get back?” You asked.

“Well, Giggles, I come bearing smoothies, burgers and news. Which do you want first?”

“Burgers,” you said.

“News,” Steve said over you.

You glared at him and walked over to pick up a cheeseburger.

“Are these from that place in town?” You asked, inhaling the smell. “Ugh. I take back everything negative I’ve said about you today.”

“This is the first time I’ve seen you since last week,” Tony said, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, sometimes I remember how many times you’ve annoyed me in my lifetime and I get angry all over again,” you shrugged. “Occupational hazard.”

Tony grumbled. “See if I ever bring you food again.”

“And I’m the one who’s always picking a fight?” Steve asked, looking at your meaningfully.

“I’m _hungry_.”

Wanda appeared as you went for a second bite.

“Are those the burgers from-”

“Yes,” you said, mouth full. She dashed over and grabbed one from the bag.

“Thanks Tony,” she sat down at the kitchen table to the left.

“ _The news_?” Steve huffed.

You took your plate and sat across from Wanda.

“Relax jarhead - drink your green smoothie.” You popped a fry in your mouth.

Tony laughed. “I’m glad you have someone to keep pushing your buttons when I’m not around.”

“Yeah, it’s a joy when you’re both present,” Steve said with a frown.

“I resent that,” you hollered.

“Alright, alright. Ross called me this morning and let me know that the council has decided that since you’ve all been on your best behavior, you’re all off of house arrest. I have the apartments being cleaned and prepped for your arrival as we speak. Pepper talked me out of throwing a ‘Congratulations-your-not-criminals-anymore,’ party, _apparently_ , it can be misconstrued,” he shrugged. “So I got us reservations at Del Posto.”

You perked up. “Tonight? Really? Tony don’t mess with me.”

“If you can pack fast enough to get home by eight, then yeah, Melissa said she’d make you your favorite.”

“I may cry,” you said, dropping the burger. “I need to pack!”

Wanda grinned. “Can I really leave? I’m allowed back into the city?”

Tony nodded. “You’re all free agents. Active duty and missions are reinstated too. Although, Ross did say there was some paperwork to sign. I passed Romanov on the way in and she said she’d have the jet ready in half an hour. Sam’s already packed and on the first flight out to D.C.”

You loved being at the compound. It gave you something productive to do - training the recruits, analyzing data, working on cold cases, _and_ it had all of your friends. But…the tower was your home. The tower had Pepper, your apartment, your terrace, your lab and _New York City_.

Before you and Wanda could burst out of happiness, Steve cleared his throat. “Well, I’ll miss you all.”

“Why?” Tony asked, sipping his smoothie. “You stayin’ here all alone? Rhodey said he would be happy to take over the training for the recruits. It’d be a good job for him to do while he gets back up on his feet – so to speak.”

Steve glanced at you. “I don’t follow,” he said.

“I cleared an apartment for you. It’s not the penthouse,” he nodded towards you, “or her duplex but it’s got a great view of Central Park.”

Steve frowned. “Why?”

“It’s a good headquarters. Not too shabby if I do say so myself. Besides, you can use it until you find your own place in Brooklyn. Home is home right?”

You could tell Steve wanted to say yes but he hesitated.

Tony rolled his eyes. “You can bring your shadow with you, I won’t lock him in a cell. Scout’s honor. Besides, apparently people get really pissed when you do that.”

You shot him a glare. “Yeah, still pissed.”

“Thank you Tony,” Steve said softly, his eyes wide.

“If you two start crying again I’m leaving,” you said.

Wanda snickered.

* * *

Your joint training sessions hadn’t stopped after your move back to the Tower.

“You know,” Bucky said, “most people you’ll fight against won’t have a metal arm.”

You blocked one of his punches and slammed a knee up. He threw his forearm out and knocked you off balance.

“Yeah, yeah, you still haven’t won yet,” you said throwing out a baton.

He caught the end and threw it back at you. You ducked, barely missing it. He smiled. “Not yet.”

The bastard didn’t even sound _out of breath_. What killed you is that you knew he was going easy on you most of the time. Natasha would have reminded you that even _she_ couldn’t overpower him most of the time.

You huffed, frustrated, and danced around each other for a few more minutes. There was an ache in your bad shoulder that let you know you wouldn’t be good for much longer. After landing a punch to your side, you saw an opening and wrapped your thighs around his torso. Flipping yourself sideways, you used your momentum to throw him down. You locked your legs around his neck and jabbed a baton into his side out of spite.

He tapped the mat a few seconds later and you released your hold.

“Sometimes, I think I have you made,” he panted. “Then you throw out moves I’d expect from someone in KGB.”

You grinned, completely out of breath and exhausted. “I _was_ trained by one.”

“You won that round.”

Laughing, you went to sit by the bleachers. “You make it sound like that was easy. That’s the only time in the last hour that I managed to get you.”

He tossed you a bottle of water and you gulped it down.

“Once is all you need,” he said.

You rolled your eyes. “You’re all so melodramatic.”

Bucky smiled at that.

“How are you liking your new apartment? Steve said it had the basics which, to be honest, isn’t very settling.”

“It’s good. Steve’s finally convinced me to stop expecting it to be a plot for Tony to kill me in my sleep.” He shrugged. “The view isn’t the worst thing to wake up to in the morning. I’ve slept in worse places.”

You frowned. “That’s not comforting.”

The doors at the far end opened and Wanda popped her head in.

“Are you two already done?” She asked.

“No,” Bucky said.

“I am,” you answered. “I’m wiped. I can’t go as long with him as a substitute for Natasha.”

Wanda smiled softly. “Yes, she’s sent me a few pictures of baby Nathan. It looks like they’re having fun.” Wanda had a soft spot for Clint and baby Pietro as she called him.

“Were you looking for me?” You asked her.

“Actually, yes. I wanted to see if you would help me train. I know basic moves, things Steve taught me. I want to be able to fight better, hand to hand. My powers aren’t always reliable and before we start active duty, I want to be able to protect myself.”

You nodded. “That’s a great idea, did you want to start now?”

“If Sergeant Barnes wouldn’t mind,” Wanda glanced at Bucky.

“Call me Bucky,” he said quietly. “I wouldn’t mind.”

You smiled at his answer - it was a step closer to socializing with the others.

“Alright, let’s see what you got then.” 

* * *

Sitting on your terrace, you took a deep breath and sipped on your coffee.

Today was the first day in weeks that you weren’t being pulled in three different directions by multiple people. Pepper didn’t need you for PR, your team in the lab was working on fine tuning a project after a major breakthrough, and you had just finished a report for a debriefing on your latest mission. For _once_ , you had a morning off.

Wanda and Vision had left last night to go camping with a very reluctant Natasha and Steve. Tony had bet you ten dollars that Natasha left them in the woods upstate somewhere. Steve promised he’d help, which, wasn’t as comforting as you thought.

The Tower was emptier than you were used to it being as you made your way up to the main kitchen. You had vaguely remembered Pepper saying that she’d leave you something for breakfast today.

You were heating it up on a pan when a groggy looking Bucky walked in.

“Good morning,” you said, amused.

His hair was ruffled and he was squinting. “Is that coffee?”

“Yes, this is my cup of coffee,” you said, bringing the mug closer to you. “However, there’s a Keurig on the corner over there.”

“A what?” He grumbled.

You rolled your eyes and handed him the spatula in your hand. “Make sure this doesn’t burn. How do you like your coffee?”

“Black,” he said, flipping your omelet over.

You popped a cup into the holder and placed one of Tony’s mugs down.

“Is that Tony’s?” He asked.

“Yeah,” you shrugged. “We all kind of keep left over stuff here. I know Steve doesn’t drink coffee so I can order you one for your apartment. Here, try it.”

He handed you the spatula in return and he took a sip. He furrowed his brows. “That’s good.”

You smiled. “Yeah, it’s my favorite brand. I’ll get you some of those too.”

“Thank you,” he said quietly. He walked to the elevators and you frowned.

“Don’t you want breakfast?”

Bucky lifted the mug in his hand and you rolled your eyes.

“That’s not breakfast. Come on, I’ll share mine with you. Besides, I’ve been dying to get a look into Cap’s new apartment. I’m imagining the walls being painted red, white and blue.”

He snorted.

You knew Bucky still wasn’t comfortable in social settings, especially at the Tower and even more so when Steve wasn’t close by to run interference. You were a far second to Steve and possibly Wanda or Natasha as an even farther third. Hopefully, it would be enough to help you try to make him feel comfortable here. He’d looked a little skittish at the compound and that hadn’t changed with the move to the city.

You took two plates and handed his half to him.

“It’s not – very well decorated. Steve and I don’t really-”

“Yeah, I know, you’re both simple with aesthetics. It’s fine, I promise I won’t judge,” you smiled.

Bucky shrugged at you and pressed a much lower number than you’d thought they’d be put on. You frowned, knowing that Tony placed them far away from _him_ or _you_ on purpose.

“Uh.” You placed your plate on the folding table in the middle of the living room. “I know I said I wouldn’t judge but, where’s all you stuff?”

He sat down in the one of two chairs in the living room.

“We don’t have furniture really. Stark gave us beds and there’s built in closets,” he shrugged. “Stevie and I…we’ve had worse. This is generous enough.”

 “I’ve had worse too but I also now have a big giant sectional in my living room that I like to sink into and take naps on.” You huffed. “Alright, I see now that my day off just became a new project. Would you mind if I helped – make this feel less sterile?”

Bucky shook his head. “You don’t need to, I’m sure Steve feels at home-”

“No,” you shook your head. “You should feel at home too. I know Steve wanted to go back to Brooklyn but, wherever you go, you should feel comfortable. From the elevators onward, this is _your_ space. Not Tony’s but yours and Steve’s.”

He ducked his head. “A few things would be nice.”

You grinned and downed your coffee. “Let’s start with a coffee maker. I know exactly where to go – let me change and I’ll meet you in the lobby in ten minutes.”

\--- 

“What about this?” You asked him, pulling at a black curtain.

He shrugged. “What do you think?”

“I think it’s dark and gloomy but my curtains are purple and, Natasha lets me know every time she steps foot into my apartment how much she dislikes them,” you smiled. “It’s about what _you_ like.”

“I don’t know if I know – what I like really,” he frowned, his words coming out haltingly.

You chewed on your nail and nodded. “Okay, well, let’s start with your favorite colors.”

He walked towards the display and tentatively pulled at a deep blue one. “I like blues, I know Steve does too. I like green.”

Pulling at the blue curtains you chuck them into the half-full cart. “That’s a good start! We can pick out similar bed sheets. Now, we move on to the most important part.”

You stopped in front of the display of couches. “It’s the staple of the entire apartment. This is where you’ll conjugate.”

“Steve and I usually stick to our rooms,” he said.

“Yeah, because your options are two chairs or a bed. I’d choose the bed too.” You plopped down on a grey couch and instantly frowned. “Definite no. You need something soft but firm. It helps me a lot with my shoulder and knee.”

After the third couch you could sense he was beginning to get overwhelmed.

“Okay,” you tugged on the hem of his shirt. “How about this? I’ll narrow it down to three and you can pick out which ones you like from those three. Is that okay?”

Bucky sighed and nodded. “Thank you.”

You went around, testing them all until you found the three best options. He’d sat stiffly down and you shook your head.

“No, Buck, you have to get comfortable. You don’t sit like that when you’re home alone do you?”

The corner of his mouth quirked and you grinned. “How should I test it out then?”

“You need to _flop_.” You slouched down and shifted around until you were comfortable.

He tried to mimic your action and looked over at you. “Like this?”

You laughed and nodded. His eyes had shed a little of their apprehensiveness and you couldn’t help the burst of happiness you felt about that.

“Hey, I know you,” a sharp voice said to your left.

“Excuse me?” You straightened. “Can I help you?”

“Not you,” the man sneered at you. “Him. He’s that terrorist from Europe.”

You turned to Bucky and saw his expression was carefully blank. His eyes had gone dark and you frowned.

“You have the wrong person,” Bucky said, his head titled down.

“No, I don’t,” the guy took a few steps forward, his fists clenched. “You’re a monster.”

You prickled and shot up to your feet.

“Hey,” you shouted, drawing the attention of the few people around you. “Why don’t you back off?”

“What? You’re going to let your girlfriend fight your battles for you?” The man ignored you.

“I said stop,” you said, voice like ice. At that, he seemed to glance down at you. Uncertainty flashed across his expression. “You don’t know us, you don’t know him and you need to walk away.”

He scoffed and flipped you off.

“Alright, that’s it,” you brought a hand up and were ready to knock sense into him when a cool touch on your arm stopped you.

“It’s okay,” Bucky said softly. “Let’s go.”

You frowned. “No, it’s not okay. I can take him.”

“ _I_ _know_.” He actually huffed a laugh. “I know you can. It’s not worth it.”

You heard the underlying message. _I’m not worth it._

Unable to let it go, you grabbed the cart and swiveled it in the heckler’s direction. He jumped back, scared.

“Oops,” you said as it crashed against a shelf. “It slipped.”

Still furious, you had to stop in the displays two sections over to sit down on a stool. “I cannot believe you didn’t let me punch him in his stupid face. Did you see the way he ignored me? The way he spat at you? Honestly, I’m going to see if I can find him on the cameras later. I’ll send him a stink bomb in the mail-”

You stopped your rambling when you saw his smile.

“What are you smiling at?” You asked, a little indignant.

“I’m used to it. People either recognize me from the news coverage from Vienna or it’s usually my arm.”

“Well – that’s rude!”

He shrugged. “It is what it is.”

“That’s unacceptable.” You were getting worked up again. “I think we should- should talk about this more.”

You’d stuttered over your words when he placed his hand on your elbow again. You stood, his hand falling and you grabbed the cart.

“We’re not going to let that asshole ruin this. I will furnish your apartment even if it kills me or I end up killing someone else.” With that, you marched forward towards the kitchen supplies.

\---

Bucky’s helping you load the items into the car while you rambled on about where you wanted to place some of the furniture.

“What do you think? The television on the far left or centered? I think it’ll look-”

“Does my arm – the left one, bother you?” He blurted out.

“No?” You said, a little confused at the change of topic.

“You always shrink away from it, from me. Are you – you don’t need to force yourself to be around me if you’re afraid or uncomfortable.”

He shut the car’s trunk with a loud _thunk_ and you startled.

“I’m not afraid of you,” you huffed.

Bucky shot you a look.

“Listen, I just figured you’ve had enough nonconsensual touching to last you a lifetime. I don’t want to impose something on you that you don’t like. I see you wince when Steve or Wanda drape themselves over you.”

You stared at each other for a moment and you could see that he was gathering his thoughts on what to say next. It didn’t bother you, he wasn’t comfortable speaking his thoughts freely yet but - you knew it drove Nat up the wall when he took a long time to respond. Which, you thought was ironic considering she was the _queen_ of the long dramatic pause.

Eventually, he shook his head. “How do you do that?”

“What?”

“ _See_ everything - constantly think of others first. Steve, Nat, Tony, Wanda – me. Doesn’t it get exhausting?” He asked, not unkindly.

“I’m a scientists. We observe,” you shrugged. “It doesn’t take a lot to be nice. Tony forgets to eat when he’s in the lab, Wanda likes to meditate in the mornings, Nat likes the dark roast from that corner store down the block, Rhodey likes tea – it’s little things.”

Bucky stared at his hands and you suddenly got an idea.

“I think I know how to fix this! Well, not _fix_ per say but it wouldn’t hurt.”

“What?” Bucky quirked an eyebrow.

You smiled and held out your hand for him to take. “I have an idea - a plan of attack of sorts. Trust me?”

He looked to your hand and then at your face. A slow smile grew on his face and he placed his hand in yours.

* * *

Every piece that you’d bought arrived a few days later. You were so excited that it seemed like it was your apartment that you were furnishing. You’d roped Steve and Wanda into helping with putting everything in _just_ the right place.

“This is really nice of you to do,” Steve said, nonchalantly lifting the couch entirely. “Where do you want it?”

“Over there,” you pointed to the left wall. “It’s nothing, you helped me with my apartment – I’m just returning the favor.”

Wanda fluttered around, placing succulents on the windowsills and you smiled.

“That reminds me!” You pulled out your phone and beckoned Bucky over. “I finally set up your accounts.”

“What is this?” He asked you, looking at your screen. “Instagram? Twitter? Facebook?”

You rolled your eyes. “I forget how much you and Steve miss out on – remember what we talked about? It’s social media. You have an account, build a profile, and other people get a feel of who you are.”

He frowned. “I don’t want other people to know who I am.”

“You don’t need to put out who you really are, as horrible as that sounds. It’s a classic PR move. We’ll take a few pictures of you, portraying you in a good light and this generates good publicity. Humans are naturally curious people and they’ll want to see what you do, where you do it and when. I’ll run the accounts but, you have complete control.”

“I don’t know,” he said.

“It’s true,” Wanda said, concentrating on moving the new dish set onto the top cabinets. They floated gracefully into straight rows. “She did this with me and almost a week later I had people thanking me for my services in the street. It was very strange. I too, did not want the attention.”

She walked over propped herself on your shoulder.

“But, if you cannot escape it– it is better that the eyes are friendly not hostile,” she said to Bucky.

You nodded and shook your phone. “What do you say?”

“Okay, if you think it would help,” he said.

Steve’s eyes shot to yours, surprised, and you smiled. He looked down at Bucky and a slow smile grew on his face.

\---

“Something weird just happened,” Bucky said to you and Steve.

You dodged, barely avoiding Steve’s fist and you growled at him.

“Sorry!”

You turned back to Bucky. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just – I was going to pick up some stuff at the store at the corner and someone stopped me.”

Steve frowned. “What did they say?”

Bucky shook his head and looked at you. “It was just a girl, I had forgotten my glove, and she saw my hand I guess. She asked me for an autograph. She said she thought my last post had been _so_ cool.”

You stifled a smile. You could hear the air quotes around the words.

“What was she talking about?” He asked you.

You jogged towards your gym bag and pulled out your phone. You handed it to Bucky who frowned a little.

“When did you take this?” He asked.

“Remember, I asked you if I could take some pictures of you last week?”

He nodded. “It was a good shot and I knew it would be a good one to post. It’s generated a lot of good press, you were trending for a little bit.”

“Trending?”

You shook your head. “Explanation for another day. Basically, people loved it.”

Steve leaned over to look at your phone in Bucky’s hands. He’d been cooking with Wanda, who was sitting on the counter caught mid-laugh, when he’d finally managed to make pancakes.

You snapped the picture, Wanda in the background, of him holding the plates with a small but genuine smile. The window directly to his left caused his hair to cast a shadow so his face wasn’t very visible, but his arm gleamed in the sunlight.

You had captioned it: ‘When you finally manage not to burn pancakes. #itsthelittlethings #improvement #watchoutculinaryworld #familybreakfast’

“People like to see you doing normal shit,” you explained. “The perception of you right now is negative because of the news and how little they know about you. So, you counter it with something normal and positive. This creates a relatability about you and that connects you with your audience.”

Steve gaped at you.

“What? Rogers, I lived with Pepper for a long time. I know a thing or two about marketing and PR. _Especially_ considering how much we’ve had to counter Tony’s press.”

“Is there anything you can’t do?” Steve joked, draping a sweaty arm around you.

You smiled and pretended to think. “I can’t carry a tune to save my life,” you grinned, “but I do it anyway.”

Later that day, you post twice more onto his account.

One was a short clip of Bucky and Steve training in the gym. At one point, Steve slipped on the mat and managed to take Bucky down with him. You zoomed in on their laughter.

The second, was a photo of Bucky and Steve that you’d found from the forties. They were in their uniforms and standing at attention.

The internet seemed to explode, both posts trending for a few days after.

You managed to see its effect first hand when you were all out as a group. Pepper had made it clear that you were all to be present at a short press conference for the new phase of the Avengers – one where you all showed a united front. As usual, Steve and Tony were at the forefront but you’d all been required to show support.

It must have been clear how uncomfortable you looked because Pepper made her way over to you after a few minutes.

“It’s just for the speech and then a few pictures. You three can leave right after,” Pepper said.

You looked behind you to see Natasha and Bucky frowning. You squeezed Natasha’s hand in solidarity and she smiled at you.

“It’s okay,” she said. “I’m just uncomfortable to be paraded around as a self-called hero. Especially after Steve and Tony’s brief breakup.”

Bucky snorted.

“Yeah, okay, you have it worse,” Natasha conceded.

You three stood clustered in the back, trying to seem as inconspicuous as possible. Natasha was eventually called away by Pepper for an interview and Bucky was approached by an older couple. You hovered behind him, a little nervous.

“You’re Sergeant Barnes,” she said.

“Yes,” he straightened, as if ready for an assault.

“I’m so sorry to bother you but, my grandson just loves you. Would you mind signing something for him?”

Bucky frowned and looked over his shoulder to you. As if she’d really meant to ask you instead of him. His eyes were a little wide and you stepped in.

“He would be glad to, would you also like a picture?” You smiled, taking out your phone.

“That would be lovely, thank you dear,” the woman stepped right up to Bucky’s left side and tucked her small hand into his elbow.

You took a few photos with your phone and nodded.

Bucky signed a paper in her hand and she patted his cheek softly.

“Thank you for your service to this country dear,” she turned to you and smiled. “I wish you two all the best.”

You flushed and looked down as she walked away. Bucky just blinked at her retreating back. You stepped up to his side and nudged him.

“You see, I told you it would work.” You placed your hand on his elbow and he looked at you.

“Thank you,” he said quietly. “I didn’t…Wanda was right.”

“About?”

“If I’m going to have eyes on me all the time, it is better for them to be friendly,” he shook his head. “I didn’t think that it was possible. I should’ve known that if anyone could, you would.”

You grinned up at him. Happy that he felt more comfortable in the unavoidable spotlight.

“Everyone always underestimates me,” you shrugged with a smug smile. “It’s kind of nice to prove them wrong.”

His steel eyes locked onto yours and gave you a small smile. “I promise to never underestimate you again.”

\---

“Have you seen it?” Natasha asked you, walking into the kitchen where you were half slumped against the counter.

You barely raised your head. “Seen what?” You were too tired to even lift your head.

Natasha huffed and put her phone a few inches away from your face. You blinked a few times to try to clear your eyes and shot up so quick you hit your head with hers.

“Ow,” she said, rubbing her head.

You, however, were too busy to notice the pain. Her phone was clutched in your hands, a picture of you and Bucky with the headline above it saying:

**THE WINTER SOLDIER FINDS LOVE**

_At the Avenger’s press conference we got to have an inside look at the second phase our New York City based heroes will be moving onto. Captain Rogers gave a wholesome speech that left not one dry eye in the room. However, after the press conference we managed to snag a look into what seems to be a romance brewing._

_The woman in the photograph is identified as the Director of Stark Laboratories. Earlier in the day, she had presented a plan for the Avenger’s alongside Stark Industries CEO Pepper Potts. Both women shy away from the spotlight but are no strangers to the public. They’ve been seen with Mr. Stark consistently over the years. What do you think? New couple alert? Check back with us for more soon!_

“What?” You sputtered and the pounding in your head got worse. “Who wrote this?”

“A celebrity blogger but the post has gone viral,” she patted your shoulder. “I didn’t know the two of you were dating. Congratulations.”

You glared at her and she chuckled.

“It’s too early for this,” you groaned.

\---

As is typical with your friends, the teasing didn’t end there.

Coming back into the common room from a run with Steve, you headed to the kitchen for some water.

“You want?” You offered him half of what was left of yours.

He scrunched his nose. “I don’t know if I should be sharing water bottles with my best friend’s girl.”

You gaped for a moment before scowling. He started to laugh so hard, you thought he’d break something.

“You two make a lovely couple,” Steve continued between laughs. “I’m a little hurt I wasn’t the first to know.”

Tony walked in on you hitting Steve with a pillow and barely batted an eye.

“What’d the boy next door do now?” He asked, going directly for the shelves on the far right and searching for something.

“Nothing,” you said, hitting him harder with two pillows.

“Kiddo is angry because the world knows her secrets,” he dodged another cushion, laughing.

“What secrets?” Tony asked, flipping through a physics textbook.

“That photo was taken out of context!” You said, voice high. “We weren’t leaning towards each other!”

“I think one site said you two had secretly gotten married – _oof._ ”

You’d managed to launch a cushion that hit him in the face.

Tony turned and raised an eyebrow at you.

“Is this about that photo between you and whatshisface?” Tony asked. “The one at the press conference?”

You nodded. “Apparently everyone’s talking about it. The e-mails and questions I keep getting are starting to get to me. Especially with these dorks.” You threw another pillow at a still laughing Steve.

Tony frowned and you straightened. You knew that look – that meant something was bothering him.

“What?” You asked.

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it, I’ll try to see what PR can do to squash the story,” he walked back to the elevators. “You know how the press is.”

Tony was gone in a blink and you frowned. Something was wrong.

Your thoughts were interrupted when Steve chuckled again.

“Will you name your first born after me?”

You chucked another pillow.

\---

You’d successfully avoided Sam for most of his visit but managed to run into him at the cafeteria. He’d gotten a few jokes in before you fled to your office.

 _Can’t I get one day without anyone bothering me?_ Even Bucky, who had reacted to the post with nonchalance seemed to be getting frustrated with all the teasing.

You opened your office door and groaned when you saw Wanda sitting at your desk.

“I’m happy to see you too,” she said with a smile.

“Please, no more talk about the post,” you slumped into the loveseat by the door.

She grinned at you. “I’m actually here to ask you for help on my laptop. I think I may have broken it.”

“Oh,” you said popping your head up. “I’m sorry, I assumed-”

Wanda waved away your apology. “It’s okay. I can feel how frustrated you two are, I know when to stay back, remember?” A faint red glow came from her fingers and faded just as fast as it appeared.

“Thanks,” you sighed. “Let me take a look at the computer.”

You’d found the issue fairly quickly and explained to Wanda how she could fix the problem the next time it happened. You had been discussing dinner plans when the conversation came to a lull.

“You know,” Wanda said, tapping your desk with her fingers. “It would not be the worst idea.”

“What?” You asked, rolling your stiff shoulder. “Italian food? Ugh, please, I don’t know why Natasha likes that restaurant so much. Besides, it’s my turn and I’m really craving Thai.”

“No,” she said lightly. “The Sergeant and you. It’s not a bad idea-”

“Wanda!”

“- have you seen the picture? The way you’re both looking at each other? I just thought it was worth mentioning. I promise not to bring it up again.”

You glared and she bounced away. You worked on answering your e-mails for a few minutes but couldn’t help but think about Wanda’s words.

Finding the picture was easy, most of the talk had died down but it was still fairly recent.

You looked at the photograph, Bucky’s expression was soft and his eyes were seemingly on you. Your smile was wide and you were leaning forward, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. You had to admit, it did seem a little intimate.

 _Huh_.

You slammed away whatever thought was forming in your mind and shook your head. The press always blew everything out of proportion. Besides, you’d worked hard at making Bucky feel comfortable at the Tower. This would blow over eventually.

* * *

You were absolutely done, _done_ , with this ridiculous situation.

“Natasha!” She sat on the window seat and propped up her feet on the table beside it. “You’re supposed to be family. Family helps family!”

She popped her gum and flipped a page in her magazine. “I’m not getting involved. Pepper won’t kill you if it goes wrong, you’re her favorite.”

“She wouldn’t kill you either!”

Natasha eyed you and you sighed. The elevator opened and Bucky came in, hair tied up in his workout gear.

“Hey,” he greeted. Natasha nodded at him. He made his way to the kitchen and you suddenly got an idea.

“Buck, I need your help,” you said to him, voice urgent.

He surveyed the room as if the threat would be hiding in plain sight. He looked at you. “Anything.”

You sat back, surprised, and smiled at him. “You haven’t heard what it is yet.”

Natasha snorted. “I’d wait until you hear her plan Barnes.”

“Hey! Just because you won’t help doesn’t mean you get to talk those I convince out of it!”

She held up a hand in apology and went back to her magazine.

He grabbed a bottle and sat down on the sofa. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sick and tired of Pepper and Tony acting like they’re still not in love with each other. They’re both too afraid of the other to make the first move and I will be damned if I let them just stare longingly.”

Natasha huffed. “I don’t think Tony stares longingly.”

 “He does. It’s sad, and frankly, annoying after a while. Especially since he likes to pretend that everything bounces off of him.” You shot her a look. “I know this will work and I know it will make them happy.”

“Do you think it’s smart to meddle?” Bucky asked. “If they wanted something more than friendship, don’t you think they’d make the move themselves?”

You and Natasha snorted. “No, they’re both idiots. They’re meant to be together – even my mom knew it. She was never wrong about that stuff.”

Bucky gave you a warm look and you beamed at him. “So you’ll help?”

“I don’t think he’d appreciate it if I did. I’m not exactly winning any contests with him.”

“Please?” You widened your eyes and batted your eyelashes.

He softened and nodded. “Whatever you need.”

You crowed in victory. _Thank God_ , you needed all the help you could get. You placed a hand on his shoulder and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Thank you Bucky!” You bounced away to the other room to get your planner and heard Natasha laugh.

“Is that _really_ all it takes Barnes?”

“Shut up,” he mumbled.

“Crumpled like a house of cards.”

You grinned at his sigh and found the discarded planner. Now, you just had to get to work.

\---

Your carefully orchestrated plan went off without a hitch, and you watched from the security cameras as Tony and Pepper held hands while they walked out the lobby to a waiting car. Where, they would be going to a gallery at the Met of one of Pepper’s favorite artists.

“I told you it would work!” You said to Natasha, who was also watching them blush like children.

She rolled her eyes. “I never doubted that it would. I just don’t mess with Pepper.”

“Thank you Bucky,” you turned to him with a wide grin. “You don’t know what this means to me.”

“You’re welcome, doll,” he smiled down at you. He squeezed your shoulder before walking out the room.

You flushed and smiled.

Natasha snickered.

“ _Shut up_.”

* * *

Tony had declared that for the summer, unless there was a world-ending emergency, the avengers would be on leave. Unless anyone wanted to take solo missions, you were all free for a few weeks.

“I think it’s because he’s in the bubble,” you said to Steve.

“Bubble?”

“The _love_ bubble,” you said. “When it all feels new, the sun shines, birds sing, everything is suddenly wonderful.”

He snorted. “I didn’t think Tony was capable of that.”

“Yeah,” you said to Steve. “He is. Especially with Pepper.”

You smiled, thinking back on last night. They had sat you down at dinner to let you know that they were in a relationship. Tony had eyes only for Pepper but she’d repeatedly told you that this wouldn’t change anything.

You’d snorted and hugged them both. “Guys, you’ve been my honorary parents since I was eleven. This is not exactly news.”

Pepper had turned bright red and Tony laughed delightedly.

Now, on your first day of vacation, you and Steve had decided to continue his modern education. Tony had taken to calling it Modernization 101.

Bucky had heard and asked to join..

He walked in and lied down on the soda. Steve groaned, rubbing his knee as he sat next to you.

“Alright old man,” you said.

“Stop calling me that,” Steve grumbled.

“I’m sorry, how old are you? A hundred?”

Steve glared at you. Bucky snorted.

“Alright, alright. No more age jokes for today, now settle in. This is one of the classics! My mom and I used to watch it all the time.”

Within minutes, they were both enraptured with Reese Witherspoon and her first day at Harvard Law.

“Who is that actress?” Steve asked.

“That professor was a real jerk,” Bucky said. “I’m glad she shoved him off.”

“ _Hello_ , this is one of the best feminist movies of all time! I used to want to grow up to be Elle.”

\---

Throughout your pop culture lessons, you learned that Steve favored movies and TV shows and Bucky favored music.

So, you started incorporating music into your ‘classes.’ You’d started a chain e-mail asking everyone to join in with a playlist of their current favorites. You had compiled it all together into one massive list.

Sam was a _major_ fan of disco, Tony loved classic rock, and Natasha was - surprisingly - a big fan of classical music.

“Why is that so surprising?” She’d asked when you gaped.

“I don’t know? I just don’t think I’ve ever caught you listening to that.”

Tony snorted from where he was lounging. “I had you pegged for Metallica.”

Wanda was another surprise, she had recently entered a band phase. Blink-182, One Direction, Guns ‘N Roses, the Backstreet Boys – if it was a boy band, she loved it.  

While it didn’t bother you per say, you didn’t think that would be the best to ease the boys into – so of course when you plugged your phone into the speakers, those are the first songs to play.

I Want it That Way starts to play and both Steve and Bucky get a pinched expression.

“I’ll change it,” you said. “But I need you to know that the Backstreet Boy are classic.”

You forward until you settle on different song.

“This one isn’t too bad,” Bucky said after a few beats.

 _Living beyond your years_  
_Acting out all their fears_  
_You feel it in your chest_

“It seems a little somber,” Steve replied, grabbing your phone and scrolling through the playlist.

“Not all music is going to be happy Steve,” Bucky said.

“I _know_ that,” Steve kept scrolling, “it doesn’t all have to be so sad either.”

Bucky rolled his eyes.

You laughed at their banter. “I used to love Greek mythology, it was my favorite topic in history.”

_Your hands protect the flames  
From the wild winds around you_

Steve and Bucky shot you a confused look.

“The song – it’s referring to Icarus, it’s a Greek myth,” you said. “Icarus was the son of Daedalus. They were trapped in a labyrinth, so he built them wings made of feather and wax. He warned Icarus not to fly too close to the sun or the sea. He got too excited once he started flying and melted the wax on his wings. Icarus fell to his death, that’s why they call it the Icarian Sea.”

 _You're putting up your armor when you leave_  
_And you leave because you're certain_  
_Of who you want to be_

“Yeah, this song is definitely a downer,” Steve said, taking control of your phone and switching the music to a song you recognized as Bing Crosby.

“That’s not exactly modern,” you tutted in his direction. “This is Modernization 101 remember?”

Steve laughed and suddenly pulled you up. You squeaked as he twirled you around the room.

“Yeah, but you really can’t beat the classics kid,” Steve said.

You shook your head and laughed. “Yeah, yeah, old man.”

After a dramatic swing, you see Bucky hasn’t moved from his seat on the couch. His expression looked haunted and you can’t help but think of the song.

 _Icarus is flying too close to the sun_  
_And Icarus' life, it has only just begun_  
_It's just begun_

You stop Steve with a hand to his bicep and waved Bucky over. His eyes landed on you but he shook his head, looking miles away, and bounded out the room with a few strides.

You didn’t know if you should follow, to make sure he was okay or just give him space.

“Is he-”

“He’s fine,” Steve assured you. “It just…it’s a lot for him sometimes.”

“Should we?” Your eyes stuck on the elevator doors.

“No,” he said with a sad smile. “When he gets like this, he likes to be alone.”

You nodded absently.

“Besides, we have a few more songs to finish,” Steve laughed at your smile before dipping you.

* * *

Today had been a day from _hell_ and you were done with it.

You were currently hiding away into your home office and your head was pounding. Your latest journal was exactly where you last left it, tucked away in your drawer. You had a nightmare last night, your mother had been calling your name as she was shot down and you woke up in a cold sweat at three in the morning. You hadn’t slept since. You knew you’d never get anything done until you dealt with the extra energy.

You were only a few minutes into writing when you heard the elevator stop at your floor.

“Friday?” You called out.

“ _Sargent Barnes is on his way into the living room Miss.”_

Worried something was wrong, you jumped towards the entrance. You found Bucky staring at your living room, confused and curious.

“Is everything okay?” You asked, not able to keep the worry out of your voice.

He startled which, caused _you_ to startle, since he was the only one besides Natasha that rarely jumped.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you lived on this floor. Steve said I could check out the Tower in my time off. Residency is usually further down, I don’t know why the elevators opened.”

“Oh,” you said, sighing in relief. “I thought something was wrong. Do you want something to drink?”

You puttered over to your kitchen, placing your kettle on the stove. You were almost positive that Bucky loved peppermint tea and you had a box somewhere.

“I don’t want to bother you,” he said quietly, motioning to the journal you’d left on the counter.

“That’s my journal,” you told him. “I – have uh, nightmares sometimes.”

Bucky nodded, an expression of understanding on his face

You pour the boiling water into a mug and add two tea bags. You hand it to him, swiping your journal on your way to the living room.

“My mom was killed on her way to work when I was sixteen,” you told him. “She was caught in the crossfires of a bank robbery. She was… all I had. It was just us against the world, you know?”

Bucky nodded, leaning his arms on his knees. “Steve and I were always a team. It was always us two against everyone else. The war, HYDRA, _Iron Man_ ,” he huffed at the last one.

“The center... the woman I said that helped me?” He nodded. “She got me in the habit of journaling my thoughts, my dreams, both good and bad. Maybe it’ll help you?” You told him.

You grabbed an empty journal off of your shelf and offered it up to him.

“What if it doesn’t help?” He asked.

Sitting down next to him, you smiled sympathetically. “You don’t know until you try.”

He took the journal from your hand and nodded.

“Can I ask you something?”

You nodded. “Sure.”

“Why could I get into your apartment?”

“I don’t understand,” you frowned

“How did I – _why_ did I have access?”

You smiled softly. “Because you’re on the team.”

“You shouldn’t be so free with who you let in here.” He scowled, his face shutting down.

You bit your lip and his eyes flickered down to the movement for a second before coming back to your eyes. You slowly reached for his hand and intertwined your fingers with his metal ones.

“I’m not afraid of you.”

* * *

You and Bucky seemed to get into a cycle of bumping into each other at your bad times. The next time, it’s you who stumbled upon him.

You were in your lab, putting the finishing touches on a project for charity that you and Shuri had collaborated on. When you were finally finished, it was nearly four in the morning. You dragged yourself towards the elevators, only needing to go down two floors. Half-awake you asked Friday to get you home.

“ _We’ve arrived,_ ” she said, jolting you out of your nap against the elevator walls.

You stumbled out, expecting to see your front hallway but instead realize you were in the team’s common room one floor above yours. The only lights that were on were in the kitchen, casting a faint yellow tint to everything.

“Friday, I said take me _home_ not here,” you grumbled.

Before you could turn back around into the elevator, you saw something sitting in the dark. You shrieked, putting a hand to your chest and closed your eyes.

“ _Fuck_ , Barnes, you scared the shit out of me,” you snapped. “Why are you sitting in the dark?”

He didn’t answer you. He didn’t even turn to look at you and you frowned. Walking over, you realized he was sitting cross legged on the ground, his eyes opened but blank.

“Bucky?” You said hesitantly.

He blinked and kept his eyes out the window.

“Are you alright?” You tried again. “Do you want me to get Steve? Wanda?”

Bucky didn’t answer.

You sighed and looked around for anything to help. Should you get Steve? They shared an apartment, if he came up here he must’ve passed Steve. You didn’t want to just _leave_ him in the dark so you tentatively put your hand on his shoulder. You waited for a violent reaction but when you received none, you leaned in.

“Okay come on, up,” you guided him to the couch to the left and sat him down.

_What now?_

You’d been recently spending a lot more time with Bucky but you still hadn’t seen him in one of his moments, like this one. You didn’t know what to do. People coped in different ways, Natasha disappeared from the face of the earth when she had bad days. Clint would search for physical comfort and Tony was a balance act in between. These were uncharted waters and you didn’t want to make a mistake.

You thought back onto your conversations with him and wanted to attempt something. You put a hand to his cheek and rubbed your thumb back and forth.

“Buck?”

His eyes were still blank but he leaned into your hand.

_Positive sign._

You got an idea and searched for the box set you knew was on one of the book shelves.

“Aha!” You cried when you found it. You took it off the shelf and settled into the couch next to him.

Placing a pillow on your lap, you nudged him until he laid tensely in your lap.

 _I really hope he doesn’t punch me_.

You cautiously started to scratch at his scalp, threading his hair between your fingers.

" _Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense_."

You genuinely forgot where you were for a moment, having been so long since you’d read the books. You reached the point where Harry was being sorted into Gryffindor when Bucky suddenly relaxed his body and slumped into the couch.

You stopped reading out loud, moved the book from out of your face and looked down on him.

He blinked a couple times and you could see the awareness coming back into his eyes. He darted around to his surroundings before seeming to realize he was in your lap.

Bucky sat up quickly and darted his gaze away from you.

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” he scratched his neck. “I have nightmares – about…about the past few years and I forget that they can’t control me anymore. It’s a disconnection in my brain almost – it’s easiest to stop the panic by shutting down. I usually go for a run, I don’t know why I ended up here.”

You smiled at his nervousness, you’d never heard him string together so many words at that quickly before. You placed a hand on his shoulder and nudged him back into position.

He went willingly but looked up at you questioningly.

“You don’t need to explain yourself to me,” you said. “I promise I’m not just trying to be comforting when I say I know what it’s like when your brain checks out after a nightmare. I know it’s not the same as what you went through but, the first mission I had – it was the first time I’d ever killed someone. My body count was… was high.

“I had to fight my way off the boat and for weeks after all I could picture was their eyes watching me. What their favorite food was, if they had sisters or brothers or children that they weren’t going to see again. If they liked sunsets or sunrises better – if…” your breath started to quicken and Bucky squeezed your hand.

“I’m sorry. You see,” you smiled a little self-consciously. “I know what it feels like, we all do. You won’t get back to sleep on your own. Let’s finish the chapter.”

Bucky’s shoulders were still tense when you shifted to a comfortable position and you tapped his jaw with your finger.

“Okay?”

He nodded.

“You don’t need to do this. I passed you in the lab earlier tonight you must be tired.”

You shrugged. “I got you,” you said simply.

His steel eyes softened and he eventually nodded. “Okay.”

Slowly, you brought your hand back to his hair and scratched his scalp. He shuddered and you looked over the book to see a small smile on his face.

You smiled and continued through Harry’s first welcome dinner at Hogwarts.

* * *

Like clockwork, the universe decided it was your turn up to bat.

While the mission ban was still on for the summer, you had all collectively decided to take this one particular mission on. You regretted everything that led up to this moment.

“ _Maco_ , take deep breaths. It’s almost over,” Wanda whispered.

You whimpered, trying to listen to her instructions but your mind was too far gone.

The mission was supposed to be simple, in and out. Unfortunately for you and Wanda, you two were drawn out and taken to try to lure the rest of the team into a trap.

They’d instantly locked you both into one cryo chamber and to say that it was a tight squeeze was an understatement. You were squashed half on top of Wanda who was trying her best to calm you down.

“ _We’re coming in, five minutes tops. Romanov and Barnes are going straight for you,”_ Steve said into the coms.

In the conscious part of your mind you knew that this was mortifying and for someone who was consistently praised for your professionalism in the field, you wanted to crawl into a ball and die. You’d face down an army of enemies, your own family, and you couldn’t conquer small spaces consistantly.

However, the conscious part was not exactly in control of you right now and you started to gasp, trying to gulp down air into your chest.

“ _I’m taking a little longer than expected,”_ Natasha grunted. “ _Barnes and I were rerouted up a level. We need ten minutes.”_

“ _Guys, you won’t get here fast enough. I’m losing her_ ,” Wanda said.

“ _Knock her out_ ,” Tony’s voice said.

“ _She doesn’t like it when you do that,”_ Steve contradicted.

“ _She’s going to hurt herself, Wanda, knock her out,”_ Tony commanded.

“I’m sorry _maco_ ,” she said to you.

You felt her familiar energy nudge your mind and darkness pulled you under.

No matter how many times you and Wanda explored her powers with you as a test subject, you always hated waking up after having her knock you out.

It felt like all the energy was zapped from your body. Wanda explained that it was like pulling the plug out of someone. The next time you plugged them back in, it took a few minutes for it to warm up. Which is exactly how you felt. A little off, like Bambi trying to learn to walk.

When you opened your eyes, you found yourself propped on Natasha’s lap. She was humming softly and typing away on her phone. You shifted a little, your entire body aching, and groaned.

“Look who’s up,” she said, putting her phone down.

“Well that was fucking mortifying,” you muttered.

“Hey,” she said quietly. “You know we’re not judging you.”

Logically, you knew that was true. Everyone had their setbacks, it was impossible not to in your field of work. It still sucked to let everyone see that you had a weakness you’d worked hard to keep hidden. What field agent has to be subdued during a mission? What rational person isn’t afraid of being kidnapped but can’t handle being stuck in a cubicle?

However, if you said any of that, you knew Natasha would go into a long speech that’d have you feeling worse.

“I know,” you said instead.

Before she could call you out, you sat up and used the side of the jet to pull yourself to the bathroom. You sat on the closed toilet seat, head in your hands, until you felt Tony land the jet.

There was a knock on the door and you sighed. You unlocked it and two faces leaned in.

Steve smiled concernedly at you and you waved him off.

“It’s fine,” you said. “ _I’m fine_.”

Sam stepped in and crouched before you.

“You’ve seen some shit, kid,” Sam said. “I really think you should go back to the center in Uptown. I know the woman who runs it, she’s doing amazing work.”

“I’ll think about it,” you told him. You’d visited the VA’s center for rehabilitation a few times over the past few years. Both to volunteer and as an attendee, they did great work.

“Hey, right after you broke us out of prison, what did you make us do?”

“I didn’t _make_ you-”

Sam eyed you. “You sat us down like toddlers and lectured us for three hours.”

“Mental health is important!” You said.

“Exactly,” he pointed at you and you sighed. “You set everyone up with psychologists, group therapy, hobbies, anything to keep our minds occupied. Shit, you even got Wanda and Vision their own service animals.”

“The kittens had to be adopted out together!”

“You need to take care of yourself too,” he said, squeezing your knee. “We’re not invincible.”

You nodded and waved them away. “I’ll be fine, I just need another moment to myself.”

“If you’re not down in ten I’m coming to get you,” Sam threatened.

“Alright,” you said and they gave you sad smiles before disappearing.

You tried to gather up the strength to get up but something in the back of your head nagged you.

 _You’re useless_ , it said, _you’re the weak link of this team. Why would anyone want such a defective, defenseless, human on the Avengers? You always need to be looked after. What a waste. Your mother would be ashamed._

You didn’t realize you were heaving in shuddering breaths until a hand came down on your back. You squinted up to see Bucky, still in his tactical gear, looking down at you.

“I’m fine,” you tried to say between gulps of air. “Please. Today has been embarrassing enough.”

His face softened but he didn’t move.

“You help me all the time, let me help you,” he said, rubbing circles into your back.

Your eyes welled with tears but you nodded. He grabbed your clenched hand and flattened it against his chest.

“Feel my heartbeat? Try to get yours to match,” he inhaled with you. “Deep breath.”

It takes a few minutes to get you to match his breathing but you manage to do it. His heart thumped evenly under you hand.

“Thank you Bucky,” you pressed your forehead against the wall. Your panic attacks usually left you feeling drained. In combination with Wanda’s knock out, you’d be asleep for hours.

You felt a cool hand brush your sweaty hair away from your eyes and you blinked up at him, surprised.

“I got you,” he said quietly.

* * *

As usual, the rain clouds passed and the sun came out again.

This time, however, the sun came out with a bang.

A silver, twelve karat solitaire bang, to be incredibly specific. One that was attached to Pepper’s hand.

Embarrassingly, you were crying just as much as Pepper when Tony proposed.

You had been having breakfast, the three of you, out on your terrace. You had an impressive spread for them, along with mimosas and fruit that had been grown in your own little green house.

Contrary to Tony’s style, he had kept it simple. Thinking back, you gasped harder than Pepper when he finally dropped to one knee.

He’d talked about how much he loved her when his eyes went to you. “You two are my world. You’re my girls and I wouldn’t be here without either of you. So, I wanted to include Giggles in this because she’s our family and I know she’d kill me if she wasn’t first to know. So, what do you say?

“Yes!” Pepper had screeched, throwing herself into Tony’s arms. She dragged you into the messy hug.

A few more tears, drinks and hugs later, the entire team came down to your terrace to celebrate the news.

“Congratulations!” Wanda had screamed when she saw the ring. “I’m so happy!”

“Wanda! We just stopped crying,” Pepper said, eyes tearing up again.

“Aw man,” Sam said with a grin. “This is gonna be one helluva party!”

Tony grinned, his eyes light.

You groaned. “Sam, you just had to ignite that fire.”

“We should invite all your ex-boyfriends,” Tony said with a wide smile. “Show off that ring a bit more.”

You couldn’t help but laugh.

Everyone settled down and chattered aimlessly until the topic of their first date came up.

“To think,” Pepper said. “This all happened because we got our ticket’s mixed up.”

You glanced to Bucky who was sitting by Steve across from you. He smiled and you grinned, ducking your head.

“What was that?” Steve asked.

“What was what?” You said innocently.

Tony looked to you and frowned. “Answering a question with a question, typical guilty response. Let’s poke at this some more.”

You rolled your eyes. “I don’t want to ruin your feeling of serendipity.”

Tony raised an eyebrow. You chewed on your nail and contemplated if you should explain further or not.

“For the love of -” Natasha said. “She arranged everything. From the morning to the end of the night, down to the smallest of details. It wasn’t a coincidence.”

“What?” Pepper said, confused.

“If my memory serves me right, I believe she said, ‘I’m sick and tired of Tony and Pepper acting like they aren’t still in love with each other,’ then she roped Bucky into helping,” Natasha snorted. “She played you all like a violin.”

“Natasha!” You quipped.

Waiting for Tony to say something to you, he surprised you by turning to Bucky.

“You helped?” He asked Bucky. “Why?”

Bucky shrugged. “She asked me for help,” he said simply.

Tony turned to look at you and you smiled as if to say, _see playing nice isn’t all that bad_. Tony rolled his eyes and nodded. “Thanks, Barnes.”

Steve turned to Sam. “Am I finally drunk or did Tony just compromise?”

Sam laughed, spitting out some of his mimosa.

“He tends to do that around her a lot,” Pepper smiled at you, her eyes still light and happy. “Everyone does. Thank you sweetheart.”

You flushed. “I want you all to be happy, you guys just make it so _complicated_.”

* * *

“It’s too hot,” Tony moaned from the front of the group. “Why did we decide to go to a museum together? In July? During a heatwave?”

You rolled your eyes. “Tony, we each drove here and you’ve been walking for five minutes.”

“That’s five minutes too long, this jacket is very expensive,” he straightened it.

“Then why did you wear it?” You snapped.

“You said we were going to a museum! I didn’t think you meant during visiting hours.”

“We need to bond as a team,” you said through your teeth. “We haven’t seen everyone in over a month! Sam hasn’t been in New York since the proposal and Rhodey hasn’t seen us since the beginning of the year. So you’re going to smile, walk and pretend like your enjoying yourself. Besides, Steve is really looking forward to it – so don’t make me _punch_ you in your-”

“Okay!” Natasha said, pulling you towards her. “You two are officially not allowed to be together. The heat is making you cranky, let’s take a breather.”

Bruce led Tony up the stairs and passed the awning before he could argue back.

“What’s going on?” Steve said coming up on your other side.

You huffed. “He always needs to make it complicated-”

“They’ve been fighting since this morning,” Bucky said, coming up being Steve. “They’re disagreeing on something in the lab.”

Natasha snorted. “Of course.”

You turned to Bucky. “How did you know that?”

“I was in the kitchens, I could hear you both screaming from one floor up,” he shrugged and you frowned.

“I wasn’t screaming,” you said.

“Sure,” Natasha said. “Take a breather and then go inside. Come on Cap’.”

Before you could adequately realize what was happening, you were standing alone with Bucky.

“I’m sorry,” you told him. “Tony and I tend to step on each other’s toes a lot. I just want to sock him in his stupid face sometimes.”

Bucky smiled. “It’s normal, family’s fight sometimes. Look at us, we all don’t agree on everything.”

“Understatement of the century,” you snorted.

You started to turn towards the steps but stopped short when you realized he’d referred to the team as his family. You smiled, warmed at the thought that he’d finally gotten comfortable enough to consider you all important.

Turning around to tell him something, you teetered and overbalanced. Bucky caught your elbow and you slammed into him to avoid falling.

“Got you,” he said.

You grinned. “Sorry, I turned too quickly.”

His hands grabbed yours as you steadied yourself on the narrow step. You looked up at him and smiled. “Thanks.”

Bucky nodded and right as he went to say something, Wanda popped up next to you.

She threw her arm around your shoulders and beamed. “Sorry we’re late, is everyone inside?”

You smiled and wrapped an arm around her waist.

“Yes, Tony’s probably being yelled at by Natasha and Rhodey right now,” you said.

Wanda’s eyes narrowed. “Is this about the screaming I heard from his lab this morning?”

You looked at Bucky who was trying to hide a smile.

“Were we that loud?” You asked.

“Yes, I suspect three Stark employees and four avengers heard your disagreement,” Vision said, appearing next to Bucky. You huffed but nodded.

“Alright, so he annoys me sometimes. Let’s move passed it.”

Wanda and Bucky smiled and you rolled your eyes.

* * *

You were busy baking muffins and cookies for the Tower one morning, all the ovens in the residencies cooking something in it. Halfway through your twentieth batch was when Bucky and Sam walked in, reaching for bottles of water.

“What’s happening?” Sam asked, his eyes tracking you as you danced around the kitchen to the music Wanda was playing from her laptop. “Y’all having a dance party and not inviting me?”

Before you could answer, Steve walked in.

“It’s September first,” Steve said and Wanda nodded.

“ _Ah_ ,” Sam smiled.

“What does that mean?” Bucky asked, leaning against the counter next to you.

You grinned. “It marks the start of birthday and holiday season!”

Steve snorted. Bucky still gave you a confused look.

“Pepper’s birthday is in September, Rhodey is in October, Sam is in November, and Wanda is in December,” you counted on your fingers. “Then there’s Halloween, Thanksgiving, _Christmas_ , New Years!”

“She’s putting emphasis on Christmas for a reason,” Sam smiled.

Wanda nodded. “She will start to decorate November first.”

“Because it’s _Christmas_!” You said happily taking the last batch of muffins out of the oven.

“She’ll be baking until January. If you want anything from her, these next few months are the time to do it,” Sam joked. “Besides, it’ll be good to pretend to be in the holiday spirit or she’ll shove it into you.”

You glared. “See if I plan you a nice birthday party.”

He stuck his hands in the air and pouted. “It was a joke! I promise!”

“Oh,” you realized something. “When’s your birthday Bucky?”

“March tenth,” he said with a smile. “Sorry doll.”

You scrunched your nose. “You’re a spring baby. Well, at least your birthday isn’t as obnoxious as someone else’s.”

“I didn’t get to deshide my birfdah!” Steve exclaimed, mouth full and crumbs flying everywhere.

“Please chew properly before you choke,” you said, wiping a crumb off your apron.

“ _Shorry_ ,” he mumbled.

Wanda gasped, her eyes widening. “Oh my God.”

Sam, who had migrated next to her, leaned across to glance at the screen. He let out a sharp laugh and covered his mouth. His shoulders shook with the effort to muffle the laughter.

“What?” You asked.

“There’s another article-” Wanda frowned. “Remember, the media just posts things-”

“Oh jeez,” Steve said.

“Just show me,” you stepped closer to the counter and she turned her laptop screen towards you.

**_WINTER SOLDIER AND GIRLFRIEND RARE SPOTTING._ **

_Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes was spotted with his old friend Captain Steven Rogers and the rest of the Avengers during a team outing to The Metropolitan Museum of Art. Barnes was caught in a romantic moment, outside the museum holding hands with his girlfriend. Sources say that the couple is serious and Barnes is on the hunt for a ring._

_His girlfriend, the current Director of Stark Labs, has been working with the Avengers for a numerous years. The couple is very private and was photographed earlier in the year at a press conference during another intimate moment. Fans of the team are dying to know! Do we see a second Avengers wedding in the horizon? Check back with us to find out!_

The picture at the top of the page was of you and Bucky. You were smiling softly, your hands in his and he was leaning down towards you. It looked as if he were going in for a kiss.

You felt the color drain from your face.

“What? I had – I was – I turned too quickly and Bucky caught me before I fell. We weren’t holding hands!” You stumbled over your works quickly. “Besides! Wanda and Vision showed up _literally_ seconds after this picture was taken!”

You jabbed your finger onto the screen and Wanda swept the laptop away from you.

“ _Maco_ , it’s the press. You know how they lie. Remember when they thought I was Tony’s mistress? Then I was Steve’s girlfriend and there was a love triangle. They write what they want for the story,” she patted your hand. “The women always end up under negative light.”

“Besides,” Sam said, laying his elbow on your shoulder. “There’s no way you’d get married without telling _me_ , your best friend.”

Steve let out a belly deep laugh and even Bucky smiled.

You rolled your eyes and shoved him off of you.

“Natasha and Wanda are my best friends.”

“ _What?_ ” Sam and Steve exclaimed in unison.

After a few minutes, everyone filtered out to start their days and Bucky sat on top of the counter.

“It seems like the press like us together. Third time’s the charm?” You joked, voice a little tense.

Bucky smiled at you. “It’d be an honor to be your fake fiancée. I’m sure I can find a gold ring if you want. What’s that song you forced me to sit through? When you like it slap a ring on it?”

As always, he knew the right thing to say to relieve your anxiety. You threw your head back and laughed.

“Those aren’t the exact lyrics but yes,” you shook your head and chuckled. “I would most definitely like a ring. A ring pop maybe. Blue raspberry flavored or else no dice.”

\---

You knew better than to think that the teasing would end there. What you didn’t expect was for Bruce to join in.

You were both putting the finishing touches on a joint paper that you were publishing when Bucky popped his head into your office.

“Sorry, I didn’t know Bruce was here,” he said to you.

Eyes on the paper in front of him, Bruce waved off his concern. “No problem.”

“What’s up?” You asked, taking your glasses off for a moment.

“Steve wanted to know if you were still going to go out on run with us tonight.”

You looked at your watch and realized that time had passed a lot quicker than you had thought.

“Sorry, I’m going to have to sit this one out. I need to go over a few more sections with the good doctor here before he leaves us for England.”

“So soon?” Bucky asked.

Bruce nodded, eyes still on the paper. “Physics conference, I’m the keynote speaker.”

You straightened. “Could you bring me back a-”

“Smoothie and burrito?” Bucky nodded.

“From that place on-”

“Lexington, I know. We’ll be back in an hour,” he waved at you and you beamed back.

“Thanks!”

You returned to your laptop ready to tackle the last few pages when you felt Bruce’s eyes on you.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“ _What_?” You glared.

Bruce shrugged. “You bugged me about Natasha and you’re going to act totally blind to that?”

“To what?”

“To whatever that was.”

“That was my two running partners going out and bringing me dinner on their way back.”

“Sure.”

“ _Bruce_!”

“I’m just saying,” Bruce grinned. “At least Romanov was never my _fiancée_.”

You gaped. “I thought you didn’t read pop-culture websites _Dr. Banner_.”

“It was in the New York Post.”

“What?” You shrieked, pulling the website up on your laptop.

You groaned when the picture popped up again. This time, there was the previous one of you two side by side. You buried your head in your arms.

“Hey,” Bruce said, nudging your shoulder. “It’s not a bad idea, if you were or if you wanted to-”

You picked up your head to glare at him before returning to your cocoon.

“I’m just messing with you.”

“I know,” you said from the safety of your arms. “Sam and Rhodey are never going to let me live this down.”

At your facial expression, he nudged you with his knee. “What’s wrong? You never let stuff like this get to you. You’re always telling us not to pay them any mind.”

“I know,” you mumbled. “I’m being hypocritical - I’ve always been in the shadows - as an agent, as a lab director and I’m not used to it. I know _, still hypocritical_ but, it just throws me for a loop. I’m used to having to keep my head down. I’ve been trained to blend into the background. I really don’t know how Pepper or Tony do it.”

“You get used to it,” Bruce shrugged. “As long as the people you care about know the truth, no one else matters.”

“I know.”

“Do you? Because your expression says something else,” he sat up and placed his arms on his knees. “What else is wrong?”

You frowned. “Nothing.”

“Kid.”

You picked at your nail and just shrugged.

“Ah,” he said. “ _You like him._ ”

You winced. “No. This isn’t high school.”

Bruce shot you a knowing look. “And he likes you.”

“I don’t know!” You huffed. “I don’t - _we’re friends_. I help him and he helps me.”

“Tony and Pepper were friends before they got engaged,” Bruce frowned. “In fact, I’d say Pepper is his best friend.”

You rolled your eyes and shook your head. “I’m not having this conversation.”

“You don’t have to - at least not with me. You should have one with yourself though.”

* * *

Thankfully, after a few weeks, the article faded into the background and so did the team’s teasing. You had to drop into a store in midtown to pick up Pepper’s birthday gift but were running late by now – you’d have to go after.

“Hey, have you seen Natasha?” Bucky asked, walking into the kitchen.

You shook your head and carefully packed in left over swag bags from previous Avengers events. “I think she’s visiting the compound this week. Why? You need something?”

He frowned. “No, nothing that can’t wait. Can I ask – what are doing with all this stuff?”

“Every other week I pick up shifts as a volunteer at the hospital my mother worked at. I always try to bring something with me to help lift some spirits.”

“I didn’t know that, how long have you been going?”

“It hasn’t been as consistent as I’d like it to be because this whole… _life_ , takes up a lot of my time,” you said. “But, I’ve been going pretty steady since we moved back here.”

“Do you want me to help you get this to your car?” He asked, watching you struggle with the big bag.

“No,” you shook your head. “It’s alright, I’m not driving – I usually take the subway. It’s only a few stops away.”

Bucky looked down at the bag that seemed stuffed to capacity. “I’ll help you,” he said firmly. “I just need to get my shoes on. Give me a minute.”

“Wait, I don’t want to ruin any of your plans,” you called out after him.

“They can wait,” he answered over his shoulder.

You grinned.

He came back in a few minutes and you smiled at him.

“Thanks Buck. I raided the PR closet and grabbed almost everything. I didn’t realize how heavy it’d get,” you said.

He shook his head and picked up the bag easily. “You’re welcome.”

You plucked up your bag and led him out to the subway on the corner. You spent the majority of the ride to the hospital talking about the work you’d been doing there. You were currently fighting to have proper counseling available for the patients, visitors and the doctors.

“Sorry,” you told him, realizing you’d been the only one talking for a while. “I get a little carried away when it comes to the hospital.”

You waved to the nurse at the front desk and she beamed at you.

“I come with gifts, I’m scheduled for pediatric oncology. How are the kids?”

The curly haired woman rolled her eyes affectionately. “Growing like weeds.”

You grinned. “Tell Hank I said hello.”

“Will do sweetie, go on up.”

You held the elevator door open for Bucky and pushed the fifth floor.

“Tony’s donated so much money to this hospital I’m surprised he has any left,” you explained to him. “They – they named this wing after my mom. This is usually where I volunteer. She was a pediatric nurse.”

Once the doors had opened you waved to another nurse passing and pointed towards the double doors. “It’s through there. We won’t be long, I came in earlier this week and we have a lot of volunteers on the weekends. I’m just going to hand out some of the stuff.”

Bucky froze right before the doors and frowned.

“They won’t want to see me,” he said to you, expression a little panicked. “I can wait for you out here.”

“Hey,” you touched his left hand. “Trust me?”

His shoulders tensed up but he nodded. You pulled him through and immediately found one of your favorite kids.

“Hey kiddo!” You wrapped your arms around a small boy whose grin was wide and his eyes bright. His smile reached his eyes and you rubbed your hand over his bare head.

“You haven’t been by in a while,” his parents said with tired smiles.

“I’m sorry, it’s been a little hectic,” you pulled a signed trading card from Steve and showed it to him.

“Thank you!” He swiped it from your hands and clutched it to his chest.

“He’s sorry he couldn’t pass by, but he’s helping someone our friend upstate.”

“Who’s that?” he asked pointing to Bucky.

“That’s my friend, Bucky. He’s-”

“Sergeant!” The boy straightened as much as he could and you smiled. You turned to see Bucky’s blank face.

“At ease, soldier,” he said eventually with a small smile.

The boy grinned and shyly pushed his journal towards him. “Would you – would you sign it?”

You wished you had a camera to take a picture of Bucky’s shocked face.

“Of course,” he clumsily scribbled in the middle of the page.

“We went to the Smithsonian to see the Captain America exhibition,” his mom explained. “He read all about the team there.”

“Of course,” you grinned.

She shook her head and turned to Bucky. “He’s become obsessed with the Howling Commandos, you’re all his heroes.”

“ _Mom_!” The boy groaned.

You laughed and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “I’ll come by and see you next week, alright bud? Fingers crossed this round is the last of it.”

His mother nodded and squeezed your hands. “ _Thank you._ ”

“It’s nothing,” you hugged her.

Stepping out the room, you turned to look at Bucky and raised your eyebrows.

 “Okay, that was cool,” he admitted.

“I told you, I don’t ever steer people wrong,” you pulled him towards another room where eight year old Dolores, _call-me-Dot_ , sat in her bed.

“Giggles!” She shrieked, eyes brightening up. You huffed, the nickname having stuck after a visit with Tony. “I thought you weren’t coming back until next week.”

“Well, I missed you so much I needed to come see you one more time!”

She grinned, two front teeth missing and you couldn’t help but melt at the sight of it.

“Did you see my hair? It’s growing!” She moved her blankets and reached out towards you.

Bucky cleared his throat behind you and you knew he’d caught sight of her arm.

Dot straightened and leaned to peer over your shoulder. “Did you bring Captain with you?”

“No,” you said. “This is Sergeant Barnes – he fought with Steve during World War One.”

Her father stood up and shook Bucky’s hand. “We’ve heard about you. Thank you for your service.”

You saw Bucky nod and shake the man’s hand. You took a few steps to the left to gather the bag you’d packed for her when Dot screamed her head off.

Startled, you turned to see that Dot had caught sight of Bucky’s arm.

“You have a metal arm!” She said, sitting up.

“Dot,” her father admonished. “Do we point out things like that? I’m sorry Sergeant.”

“Please, call me Bucky,” he started to say when Dot hobbled over and clambered onto him.

“But _dad_ ,” she said, awed. “Look at how _awesome_ it is! Can you feel with it?”

“I can,” he nodded, tentatively opening his palm so she could prod at it. She giggled, light and happy when he caught one of her small hands in his.

“ _Mama_!” She ran towards a red haired woman talking right outside the door. “I look like Mister Sergeant Barnes! Can we paint my arm silver?”

Bucky ducked his head and you bid your goodbye to Dot’s father. You spent the next hour handing out the gifts you’d brought and eventually made your way out.

You stopped outside the hospital, deciding on where to grab lunch before you made your way back to the Tower.

“You okay with Japanese? There’s an amazing place down the block.”

Looking up from your phone, you saw Bucky smiling down at his hands.

“Bucky?” You called.

He turned to you and took your hand. Your stomach fluttered at his sincere expression.

“Thank you for taking me with you.”

You smiled. “Of course, Buck. Thank you for actually going with me.”

\---

After the hospital visit, Bucky had seemed to come _alive_ with a purpose. He became active in volunteer work and spent much more time with you at the hospital.

Things changed between the two of you after that.

You’d started to become increasingly aware of his eyes on you or the way he reached for you first when he needed assistance.

When he went off on short missions without you, you’d have this knot in your chest that wouldn’t loosen until your eyes met his on the landing pad. He knew you well enough now, that for the remainder of the day, he’d stick close to you.

“I’m okay,” he’d say, letting you fuss about his cuts and the mechanics of his arm.

“Was there any damage? Does it hurt? On a scale of one to ten-”

He’d place a hand on yours and you’d still. “I’m okay, my arm doesn’t hurt.”

“It always makes me anxious when you all go on missions without me.”

He’d smiled at you, understanding. “I know.”

Bucky would settle into your couch and let you crawl underneath his arm. Wanda or Steve would usually appear after, settling in to watch whatever was on TV at the moment. It didn’t matter what, but you all just needed not to be alone.

Whenever you were caught sitting too close or touching in anyway, the team would still tease you two about it.

“Should I call People magazine?” Sam would say. “US Weekly would love to get a shot of you two on the sofa, snuggling.”

Bucky would always roll his eyes and shoot you a small smile. Bucky seemed to take their teasing good-naturedly, you tried to as well but - you couldn’t help but ask yourself if it had any truth to it.

* * *

“Hey Grandpa, hurry it up! We’ve been waiting for an hour for you to get a few bowls of junk food. This is Tony’s kitchen, that stuff is practically in every cabinet,” you shouted to Steve from the couch.

Bucky walked back in, having heard your shout and grinned.

“I’m almost done!” Steve yelled back.

“Let me go make sure he hasn’t broken anything,” Bucky laughed.

“Could you bring me a soda? I don’t think Steve will have enough hands and my blanket!”

He raised an eyebrow. “Anything else? Would you like a massage? A fluffed pillow?” He teased.

You grinned. “I would actually like a massage, if you would be so kind.”

He rolled his eyes and nodded.

You scrolled through the films and settled on a classic, Dirty Dancing.

A soft knitted blanket hit your legs and you grinned. Bucky settled the soda on the coffee table in front of you.

“You picked my favorite throw blanket!” You said, making yourself a burrito and tucking yourself in.

“I know, you use it so much it smells like you,” he said.

You frowned and stopped from tucking the blanket under your legs.

“Is that bad?” You gave it an experimental sniff. “I promise I wash it once a week.”

He laughed and shook his head. “No, it’s not bad.”

You smiled softly at his expression and Steve walked in.

“Hey, lovebirds, no kissing,” he said.

You both rolled our eyes in unison and settled back into your sides of the couch.

“Oh, I think Bucky grabbed you the wrong soda,” Steve went to stand but you waved him off.

“No,” you said. “That’s usually what I drink.”

Steve frowned. “You usually drink that orange stuff.”

“I drank it because that’s all that was left in the fridge at the time. Wanda and Vision had bought like, ten cases for cheap. I had to _try_ to finish them. I don’t actually love it all that much.”

“Huh,” Steve said, eyes trailing to Bucky who had already decimated half the popcorn. He settled in for the movie but less than halfway in, gasped loudly.

“You saw this with your _mother?_ ” Steve said, a little horrified as Baby lost more and more clothes.

“Captain, this has nothing on the _novelas_ ,” you said with a laugh. “You’ve never seen a steamy scene like the ones in novelas. Oh! Let me find a clip – let’s see how red I can get you to turn.”

Bucky’s shoulders shook with laughter as you pulled up YouTube on your phone.

* * *

The universe had given you a brief reprieve of your doom cycle but, once again, what comes around goes around.

You’d never been paired up with Bucky on a mission and you were certain that after this, you wouldn’t be paired together again.

It was supposed to be a simple extraction but you had taken a heavy hit because of a rookie mistake. A mistake that had Natasha stepping in to help you where she shouldn’t have. With barely enough information, you and Nat were whisked off to the jet where Bruce was waiting for you. Natasha was worse off but was now half asleep and half healed in the cradle. She’d waved off your apologies before falling asleep.

Steve, however, had focused is anger on you. You couldn’t meet his eyes - after all, you _had_ been the only one who went against direct orders.

“You deliberately went against my order, Agent! _You could’ve died_!” Steve was lecturing you. “Natasha or Sam could’ve been seriously hurt. Bucky had the situation handled, there was no need for you to jump in.”

You sighed, the pain already dulling with the IV Bruce set you up on. You tried your hardest to tune him out. His anger stung a little, but only because you knew it was true. You had impulsively thrown yourself in between the HYDRA agent and Bucky, only seeing the knife flying at him.

“ETA is five minutes boys,” Wanda said from the pilot seat, her new favorite thing since getting her license. She turned to look at you. “Stark has been notified and he is on his way back from the meeting with Ross. He saw the update on you and is _angry_.”

Rolling your eyes you held up a hand to stop Steve in his tracks.

“Steve, I’m fine. It is not a terminal or life ending injury. I got the agent. Bucky’s fine, Natasha is fine, I’m fine, and everyone is fine!” Your voice went shrill at the end. “I apologized to Natasha and Sam. So just – _chill_.”

Steve blinked at you, eyes hard and turned to join Wanda in the cockpit. You knew you weren’t going to hear the end of this. You rubbed the bridge of your nose and a bit of turbulence had you hissing in pain.

Bruce was at your side in an instant.

“You okay?” He asked.

“I’m fine!” You shrieked. “ _Sorry_ , Bruce, I’m okay. It doesn’t hurt as bad anymore. Thank you for your help.”

“You need a transfusion when we get to the Tower – you lost a lot of blood. I don’t know how you haven’t lost consciousness yet,” Bruce said, double checking your IV. “He’s going to be mad, the cut isn’t small. Two inches to the left and he would’ve pierced your lung. I need to close you up once Romanov is done with the cradle.”

“I know.”

Bruce squeezed your shoulder and went back to packing his tools away.

You were caught up in your own mind and exhaustion that when Bucky’s quiet voice came from your left, you jumped.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” Bucky said.

“If you’re going to give me a lecture, get in line,” you snapped, closing your eyes again.

You heard rustling of movement and startled when a light touch danced at your cheekbone. You opened your eyes to see Bucky’s staring at you oddly.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” he repeated. “But, thank you. You seem to always be there to save my life.”

You smiled at him, placing a hand on his forearm.

“It’s not that I thought you couldn’t handle it.” You explain, suddenly worried he would misunderstand. “I saw the knife coming towards your back and I just jumped. It was instinct, I didn’t think it through.”

His eyes followed the bruises that, no doubt, littered your arms and face. “I understand.”

“Do you?” You asked, surprised, considering everyone else’s reactions.

Bucky nodded. “Whenever you go on a mission, I worry.”

“Yeah?”

“I know you can handle yourself, it’s just-”

“-instinct.” You finished for him and he nodded.

His hand cupped your uninjured cheek and rubbed his thumb under your eye. You felt him lean down and-

“What the hell happened? _Where is she?_ ” Tony’s voice came on over the PA system.

You closed your eyes and groaned. The jet landed a few seconds later and the ramp was all but ripped open.

“Tony, relax, I need to see her in the med bay,” Bruce said calmingly, trying to diffuse the situation.

“Captain, what happened?” Tony demanded.

“She stepped in where she shouldn’t have- Bucky had it handled.”

Tony’s glare turned towards Bucky, who had moved to stand next to Steve.

“Is this what this is all about? This stupid dance you two have been doing recently? She almost died for _you_?”

“Tony!” You said while Bruce helped you up. “You’re overstepping. I _did not_ almost die, I’m fine.”

He didn’t even glance at you. He was staring right at Bucky.

“Her life isn’t worth yours. She’s too good for this whole team and you know it.”

“ _Alright_!” You yelled. “That’s enough, Tony. You need to walk away.”

You don’t know if it was the anger in your voice or the whimper you let out as Bruce carried you forward that had his gaze snap towards you.

“Suite A is prepped for her, let’s go.”

\---

You’d made it a full fifteen days giving Tony the silent treatment before Natasha called you out on it.

“It’s childish,” she said, lounging on your couch while Steve and Wanda grilled burgers on your terrace.

“If he wants to act like a child, I’m going to treat him like one,” you said, putting down plates on your dining table.

“He’s always been a child,” Natasha said. “Why is it bothering you now?”

You slammed down the glass onto the table and whipped around.

“Because I am a _grown_ woman,” you growled. “This is classic Tony all over again! He thinks he’s in charge of everything and everyone. I’m not his toy to boss around – he is not in control of my life!”

“That was abundantly clear from the beginning,” Natasha said. “He’s just worried about you. He doesn’t know how to communicate it well.”

“That’s not my fault,” you frowned. “We went through this already, more a year ago, after Germany. We agreed that he had issues he needed to deal with. I understand that he fears the loss of control - that his anxiety over losing us all can control him at times, but I will not be his punching bag this time. He needs to learn that this is not okay.”

“Yes and instead of telling him that, you’re ignoring him,” she said.

You glared at her.

“I’m not saying he’s right _zaika_ , or that you’re not right in your anger. I’m saying that he’s been spinning out of control for most of his life. He’s only attempted at trying to gain control for a few months. He’ll have some missteps and backtracking every once in a while.”

She shrugged. “It’s hard for an old dog to learn new tricks. I know it’s not fair that you always seem to come out losing but, he’s in your life and you won’t be removing him from it anytime soon. So wouldn’t it seem that the best way to bridge the gap is to let him apologize?”

“You accepted my apology,” Steve said, walking in with burgers on a plate.

“It’s not polite to eavesdrop, Steven,” you said, sitting down.

“Don’t change the subject,” he said.

“I’m not,” you frowned at him. “I forgave you because there was nothing to forgive. You were right, I did go against orders.”

“You don’t need to apologize to him,” Steve said, sitting down next to you. “You just need to be willing to hear him out.”

“Maybe.”

“Good enough. Wanda, let’s eat!”

“Coming,” she called from the open French doors.

You sipped your lemonade and looked around at your friends. You knew Bucky hadn’t come to the lunch in case Tony attended. He’d felt guilty for your fight and tried to make himself scarce so you’d make up with Tony.

“How long do you think Bucky is going to avoid me for?” You asked Steve.

Steve sighed.

\---

“You know,” you said entering Tony’s lab. “I would’ve taken that knife to the spleen for you too.”

“If you would’ve, I would have been just as pissed,” he answered without skipping a beat.

You shook your head. “What and who I stick up for is not something you can control. Didn’t you learn that from the tantrum you and Steve threw last year?”

At that, he stopped and sighed. “I know.”

“Do you?” You asked. “I told you, when we were first discussing Bucky and Steve being pardoned, that I wouldn’t ask you to forgive him. I said, you don’t need to forgive him, just let go of the anger inside you – remember?”

“Yes.”

“I want to point out that he didn’t ask me to take the hit for him. Just like I didn’t ask Natasha to take that bullet for me. I just jumped, it was instinct and you shouldn’t take something out on him for something I did.”

You give him a pointed look and he nodded. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

You let that hang in the air between you two for a moment before nodding.

“Alright, I’m going to bed. This has been thoroughly exhausting,” you straightened and walked out of his lab.

“Giggles?”

“What?” You asked, not stopping your descend down the stairs.

“Are we good?” At that you stopped and turned to look at him. His eyes were sincere and shoulders tensed.

“We’re not that fragile Tony,” you said and he sighed. “I just need to know that you’ll try to do better next time. You can’t control everything, most of all me. That’s not healthy.”

“I’m trying,” he said. “I swear.”

You nodded. “I know, Tony. I know.”

* * *

You had nabbed a brochure from the center about the use of art for therapy. There were few classes open to anyone who wanted to go but you couldn’t imagine anyone on the team being comfortable enough to do it with strangers.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you hadn’t heard Bucky come in.

“Hey,” he said softly. You still jumped and turned to see his small smile.

“Sorry, I was occupied,” you shook the brochure in your hand. “What’s up?”

Bucky took the paper and smiled. “Steve would love this. We went to art school together but he was always better than me.”

“You went to art school?” You exclaimed. “I can’t picture that.”

He smiled. “Bucky from back then was different than this one.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that-”

“I know,” he said, “it’s okay.”

You huffed. “I was thinking of buying a few canvases and seeing who’d want to do it.”

“Steve and I would. Wanda too probably,” he smiled. “Natasha would laugh at you.”

“She would,” you smiled. “I could probably rope Vision in too. Maybe Pepper if she’s not busy.”

“What about Tony?” He asked.

You frowned and shrugged. “It’s a work in progress.”

“You know, a few days ago, he apologized for overstepping,” he said.

“What?” You almost shouted. “Are you sure? Tony Stark?”

Bucky laughed. “I’m sure that the man who apologized to me was Tony Stark. I don’t think I’d get him confused for someone else.”

You gaped. “Well, damn.”

“Invite him to come,” he told you quietly.

You hesitated but thought back on Natasha’s words. “I’ll ask him tonight.”

He smiled.

\---

You were cleaning the aftermath of the painting session, which Steve _did_ love, and had managed to get stained in paint almost from head to toe. Tony had been on his best behavior and you couldn’t help but thaw a little at the effort.

Bucky took the garbage bag from your hands and lifted it into the cans by the door.

“Well, that was a success,” he said. “It was a good idea.”

You smiled. “It was fun, although you and Steve smoked us.”

He ducked his head but you could still see his grin.

“Your painting wasn’t that bad,” he said.

You snorted and gestured to it. “Yeah, that’s definitely your friendship talking. I appreciate it nonetheless.”

Bucky smiled and packed away the last easel. “I think that’s it.”

“Oh!” You dug through your bag before locking up. “I forgot, when I was at the art supply store I saw this and thought of you.”

You handed him a galaxy covered sketchbook.

“I know you said old Bucky liked art but maybe new Bucky could get back into it?” You smiled. “The lab helps me and Tony not feel overwhelmed. Music is Pepper’s thing. The kittens help Vision and Wanda. Maybe this is your thing?”

He looked at you with a different smile, his eyes soft. “Thank you. I’ll try.”

A week later, he handed you a sketch after Friday’s weekly team dinner and you almost were delighted by it.

He’d drawn your face in an astronaut suit, floating in space. There were hundreds of stars around you with Earth a distant circle in the background.  You pointed to the larger circle in the middle.

“Is that the moon?” You asked, grinning happily.

“No,” he said, eyes catching yours. “It’s the sun.”

You framed it and hung it up in your bedroom.

* * *

“Are you serious? It’s been six weeks!” You said to Natasha.

She barely acknowledged you and walked towards the elevator. You followed close behind.

“Bruce said not yet,” she told you, punching the roof top. “I’m not risking you getting hurt and undoing whatever healing you’ve done so far. It’s just recon, you won’t miss anything.”

“You’re taking Sam!”

“Because Sam’s arm is healed. So is my injury. Yours is not. This is _my_ mission and I’m saying no, end of discussion.”

Rationally, you understood her choice. You still couldn’t help but pout about it. Since the move, you’d always been at her side during missions. It made you feel unsettled to be benched.

So, you retreated to lick your wounds. You’d settled into your favorite chair on your terrace when you heard the elevator doors open.

“Hello?” Someone called out.

“Out here,” you yelled.

Bucky emerged a few moments later, two coffees in hand.

“Is one of those for me?” You perked up. You recognized that cup logo and knew if he’d gone that far for coffee it had to be one of your favorites.

“Yes,” he handed you the cup. “Bruce told me you weren’t cleared yet. I thought you’d need something to distract you.”

“Thanks,” you sighed into the drink.

“You know,” he said, nudging your knee with his. “You’ve never really given me a proper tour of your ostentatious terrace.”

“Hey! Take that back,” you kicked him softly in the calf.

He grinned. “If I take it back will you let me see what’s inside that small shed?”

“It’s a greenhouse,” you tugged him towards it. “Vision helped me plant everything and he’ll help me with upkeep if I’m away for some reason.”

“It’s beautiful,” he said, taking in the blooming flowers and plants.

You smiled at his expression and checked on your rose bush. “It helps keep me busy. I wake up, check on my babies and see who needs water. It’s good to have the routine. I even dragged in a bench from one of the offices downstairs.”

Bucky laughed when you pointed to the black narrow bench. “Did you really?”

“I did, no one’s missed it so far,” you smiled and exhaled, feeling lighter already. “You know when people say, go to your happy place? This is mine. I always wanted to have a garden, so Tony built me one.”

Bucky helped you water some plants.

“Hey,” you said. “Would you mind if I did some stretches? My side is still a little tender.”

He shot you a look and you grinned innocently.

“Sure, maybe you can teach me to do whatever it is you and Wanda do out here some mornings.”

“We meditate,” you said. “Well, Wanda meditates. My mind is too crowded to handle it. I just follow her instructions. It’s nice to have a moment in the morning to ground yourself.”

You sit, legs out in front of you and stretch out your quads. “Just close your eyes. Feel the grass beneath you, the sounds of the city below, the breathing in your chest,” you tried to remember what Wanda would frequently say. “Inhale deeply, exhale slowly.”

You watched him attempt meditate and took advantage of the moment to observe him.

His hair was loose, his hoodie was a dark blue and his chin looked like it was sprouting a five o’clock shadow.

You considered what everyone saw between the two of you. You’d be lying if you said you thought of him simply platonically but over the past year you’d come to depend on him – he was one of your closest friends. He understood you in a way that was rare to find. The buildings around you spun as you tried to block out the commentary in your head.

“You can’t be that relaxed and have an empty mind if you’re staring that hard at me,” he joked and opened one eye to look at you.

You flushed and he looked at you strangely.

“I was just – I got distracted by science stuff. Just, follow the breathing exercise,” you sputtered.

He laughed and the city around you spun some more.

* * *

Wanda’s head popped into your lab, a wide smile on her face.

“Hello _maco_ ,” her energy nudged you softly.

“Hello, trouble,” you laughed at her expression. “What have you done now?”

You were working on a time sensitive project that needed to be turned over to Bruce within the next week and you’d barely had time to see anyone during the last few days. Wanda, however, looked like a child who had gotten caught with their in the cookie jar.

“I have done nothing,” she tells you matter-of-factly as she skipped over to you. “I merely found something in the kitchens.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Okay?”

“I know it will be of interest to you.” She laughed lightly.

“And how do you know this?”

She removes an arm from behind her back and pushes a familiar black sketch book at you.

“Wanda! _Did you steal Bucky’s sketchbook_?”

“I did no such thing, _I found it_ , remember?” Her eyes glint mischievously. “I am going out with Vision and Pepper for food. She wants to speak about the wedding, I told her you could not come with us. I hope you will return this to its owner?”

“Wanda! Why did you bring it to me?”

“ _Maco,_ ” she scolded mockingly. “You and I both know why. If I were you, I would take a look inside before returning it.”

She blew you a kiss before disappearing. You rolled your eyes and placed the sketchbook on the table next to you.

For most of the next hour you ignored the sketchbook in lieu of your project at hand. You could _feel_ a breakthrough – it was close.

In your biochemical daze, you blindly reached out for your bottle of water and knocked it over. Quickly, you swept up your paperwork and placed them on your chair. Between you and Tony there would always be something spilling over in the lab - you were both practically professionals at salvaging your work at this point.

Once you’d cleaned everything up you straightened your paperwork and remembered you had Bucky’s sketchbook. You ran a hand across the front hardcover, the book well worn by now. You smiled, remembering how often he’d take it with him at first. Now, you’d usually see him on your terrace, headphones on and sketchbook out.

Looking into this would be a serious break of trust and friendship. It would be like someone reading one of your journals. _Although_ , your mind supplied unhelpfully, he _had_ offered to show you his drawings multiple times over the months. He’d even rip out the ones you were partial towards for you to have. 

You shook your head and placed it onto your desk. _No_ , you said to yourself, _don’t do it_.

As if straight out of a movie, you stood, to gain distance between temptation and it tipped over onto the floor - face up.

You picked it up and couldn’t resist taking in the page it opened to. The sketch was huge, taking up both pages and incredibly detailed.

It was a pair of wings that reminded you of something you couldn’t place your finger on.

Your hands acted on their own accord and flipped through the last few pages. Shocked, you stopped at a sketch of yourself. Your face had a small half-smile, your eyes lit up and mysterious, as if you had a secret. You had one hand wrapped around a mug and the other outstretched towards the viewer.

“Bucky,” you whispered, tracing your face on the paper.

“ _Mr. Stark is on his way to your laboratory Miss_.”

FRIDAY’s voice startled you and you slammed the sketchbook shut. 

“Thank you Friday,” you mumbled, your heart pounding.

Tony bursted in a few moments later, his hand clutching a sheet of paper.

“I found it! The correct sequence for the battery,” he jumped into an explanation that had you distracted within moments.

The next time you become aware of the time, it’s ten at night and you had missed dinner. Your stomach grumbled, telling you it was time to take a break. Gathering a few things in your arms you stretched and yawned.

Before leaving, you remembered the sketchbook.

“FRIDAY, is Bucky in his apartment?”

“ _No Miss, Sargent Barnes and Captain Rogers are out running. Th_ _eir projected return is in one hour and ten minutes.”_

You frowned and looked at the sketchbook in your hand.

“ _Sargent Barnes has given me explicit instructions that you are allowed to enter his apartment whenever you wish_.”

“Friday!” You said, astonished. Your blush crept up your neck.

“ _I am simply informing you.”_

Ignoring your stomach and your mind, you stopped at his apartment on your way to yours. Running in, you all but threw the book onto his bed and ran out.

Back in the elevator, you laughed at your own ridiculousness.

\---

“So,” Steve draws out the vowel. “I heard you were in our apartment last night.”

You choke on your sip of coffee. “What?”

Steve laughed softly. “FRIDAY let Bucky know when we came back last night, that you’d come by hoping to give him something. She told him you had left something for him in his bedroom. When I peered over his shoulder, I had never seen my buddy turn so red so quickly. Kind of like you right now.”

“Shut up Steve, I don’t- I don’t blush.”

He shot you an amused look and sipped his coffee. “ _Sure._ ”

“I don’t know what you’re implying I was just passing by to drop off something he’d left in the kitchen.”

“Funny,” Bucky said from behind you. “I could’ve sworn I left it in my bag in my locker in the training room.”

You jumped towards his voice and smiled shakily.

“Wanda!” You all but shouted, startling even Steve. “Wanda found it and was on her way out. She saw me in my lab before she left and asked me to give it back to you.”

Bucky looked at you for a beat before nodding, accepting your explanation. He reached into the refrigerator and took out an apple.

You turned back to your plate and saw Steve’s gleeful expression.

“ _Shut up_ ,” you muttered, shoveling a spoonful of cereal into your mouth.

\---

But because he’s Steve and he can never leave well enough alone, he brought it up again. You just never thought he’d bring it up again during your weekly run through Central Park.

“Bucky really likes you, you know,” Steve said suddenly as you passed a lone jogger.

You tripped over your feet, Steve’s hand saving you from going face first into the sidewalk.

“Excuse me?” You managed to get out, a few moments later.

Steve jogged around you as you tried to get your breathing under control.

“Bucky. He likes you. A lot.” He says, wide grin on his face.

“Yeah?” You panted. “And he – what? Just _told_ you this?”

“Yup,” he said, obnoxiously popping the ‘p.’

You raised an eyebrow. “Note to self, never tell Captain America a secret.”

He laughed. “It’s not a secret if everyone knows.”

“Clearly, _I_ didn’t,” you point at yourself.

“You’re both too busy fumbling around to notice how much you like each other,” he sighed, as if burdened with the fact.

“Well, excuse the shit out of me,” you said, tightening your ponytail. “I just never thought you’d be giving me love advice and I certainly  _never_ thought we were going actually voice this out loud. That’s what my life has come to.”

“He’s just scared,” Steve said, serious. “He’s been through a lot and doesn’t trust his own mind sometimes. He won’t ever say anything to you but – but, I know you two would be _great_ together. You don’t see it, the way he looks at you or the way he talks about you. It’s like… you hung the moon. I know what that is, to feel that way about someone.”

“Steve,” you started but he talks right over you.

“ _I know_ there would be easier relationships out there, trust me, I know. But he’s worth it kid, he’d follow you to the end.”

You re-tied your shoelaces, avoiding his eyes.

“Until the end of the line?” You said, half-jokingly, your mind reeling.

“Yes,” Steve answered seriously and that made you look up at him.

“I’m not saying I do or do not think of him in a certain way, but, what if you’re wrong? I haven’t – not since before the accords – this whole endeavor has taken a lot of my time,” you waved your hands around. “I think the last date I went on in years was five months ago and that was only because Mark caught me by surprise. I didn’t even _like_ him!” 

Steve snorted. “No one likes Mark. I’m pretty sure that Tony and Nat sent him a stink bomb the week after.”

“I knew it!” You cried.

“Kiddo, I know it’s scary. Trust me, I’ve talked myself up with Sharon a million times. Take it from someone who knows him _and_ you. This would be worth the leap of faith.”

 You licked your lips and nodded.

“I’ll _think_ about it.”

“That’s all I’m asking.”

\---

You sat on your terrace, as the situation called for, and tried to think up what you to do. On the one hand, you knew this could be a disaster. You both had your baggage and while as friends you helped carry each other’s burdens - it was another thing to do it once in a committed relationship.

What if he didn’t _want_ a relationship? You didn’t think you could do anything casual with him, not Bucky. What if he didn’t even want something casual? What if Steve was wrong or messing with you?

You shook your head. Steve wasn’t cruel and you knew he’d always liked the idea of you two connecting on a deeper level - his soft nudges had developed into pushes throughout the months.

“I can hear you thinking from here, _maco_ ,” Wanda said, sitting down on the chair next to yours. She peered at your facial expression and frowned. “What’s wrong?”

You hadn’t talked about this with anyone, not even yourself really. There wasn’t anything _to_ talk about - what were you going to say?

Your skin sometimes burned when he touched you? That your heart felt like it could explode when he smiled at you? You’d spent a long time trying to be professional and not to cross his personal boundaries that even _entertaining_ the idea of _-_

“ _Maco_?” Wanda’s hand on yours startled you back out of your mind.

“Take a look,” you said, motioning to your head. Wanda had the tendency to lean towards whimsical and liked for everyone to have their happy endings; but at least you’d have help in the situation you’d found yourself in.

You felt her energy softly bounce in your head for a brief moment before it disappeared.

“Oh, _maco_ ,” she said sadly.

“I know I may be taking this too seriously but, he’s important to me. I don’t want to just jump into something and have it turn out horribly. Then, we need to put up with each other since we all live in the same building. Especially considering that he’s already made so much progress.”

Wanda nodded, nose scrunched in concentration.

“I think,” she said slowly. “That your worries are well founded. If you do not want to risk it, do not. He is a good, loyal friend but he will not act on his feelings if you wish to ignore it.”

“ _What_?”

Wanda shot you a look. “The only person who is blinder to the chemistry between you two, is Bucky. _Maybe_ Tony. His is more about denial than the inability to see.” She placed a hand on your knee and squeezed.

“You are both so similar and that is what makes this situation difficult. You’re both used to running and hiding. When you were younger, you hid your intelligence. Now, you’ve hidden away your connection to Tony, to Pepper and even to this team. Then when you’re Agent S, you hide who you are as a Director. It’s the unfortunate necessity of this job but all the hiding takes a toll on you.”

You frowned, but couldn’t help but think she was right.

“Do you know I spend time with him, working on alleviating some of his bad memories?”

You nodded. After counseling and art hadn’t helped slow his night terrors, Wanda and Bruce had come up with the idea of having her manipulate the memories he had. They used your notes on Wanda’s powers and had some success with removing them. It was a work in progress.

“I have seen things, in his mind -” she stopped and seemed to struggle with the idea of what to reveal to you. She heaved a sigh and pressed a finger to her temple. “I have seen into both of your minds and you two would be great as you are but, you could be much more.”

“Why is everyone so sure that he even feels anything for me? How obvious was I that everyone knew I felt something for him?” You asked, a little mortified.

“It’s not obvious,” she assured you. “I’ve just been inside your head.”

You smiled faintly and propped your chin onto your hand. “What if I end up broken?” You, finally, asked quietly. The question had bounced around in your head all day. 

“I cannot give you an answer, because your fears are valid but, you wouldn’t want someone to live their life in fear – would you?”

Wanda pressed a kiss to your head and walked up the stairs into the common room above.

You mulled over your conversation, the pros and cons of what this would mean for you. You’d spent so long not even touching that topic in your own mind that you didn’t really know how to let it out. You didn’t want to get hurt. Your whole life, you’d gone for the guys that wouldn’t be able to break your heart. This would be a step wildly out of your comfort zone.

Were you overthinking this? Tony always did say that you had the talent for drowning yourself in a puddle.

The sun started to dip over the horizon, lighting up your city in a way that made you smile. The pressure in your chest loosened just slightly.

A voice called out your name.

“I thought I would find you here,” Bucky said, taking the seat that Wanda had vacated earlier.

“Were you looking for me?” You asked, bringing your knee to your chest.

He nodded. “Wanda said you were out here, I thought you could use some company.”

You shook your head and grinned.

“Yeah?”

Bucky turned towards you, his eyes taking you in and he frowned. “What’s wrong?”

Just like that, he knew. He’d figured out that you were off, just by looking at you. What if – what if you lost that? He saw you, he _really_ saw you, even when you were trying to be invisible.

The more time passed without you speaking, the more worried his expression got.

“Do you want to go out with me?” You asked, your voice only quivering a little. “On a date.”

Your heart stopped.

His faced morphed into a slow grin and his eyes wrinkled in the way you loved.

“Of course, why would you be worried about asking me to go out? We’ve been wanting to go to that new restaurant downtown – the one that Pepper’s friend just opened. What about tomorrow?”

You beamed at him and he laughed.

Just like that.

* * *

This wasn't the first time you’d be alone with Bucky, not by a long shot. It was, however, the first time you’d be alone with him on a _date._

So of course, Natasha had forced you into a summer dress.

“It’s starting to get cold at night,” you protested. “This shows off too much skin and I’ll be freezing.”

“You’ve been kidnapped before by terrorists, you can handle a little cold,” she said.

You rolled your eyes and slipped into the dress in her hand.

“Besides,” Natasha countered, “that color looks wonderful on your skin and your body looks _amazing._ ”

“Nat!” You admonished.

“What?” She said. “Oh, _relax_.”

You’d taken significantly longer to get ready than you normally did.

“Do I look like I’m trying too hard?” You asked, anxiety finally hitting you.

“You look great,” Natasha assured you, her eyes light and smile wide.

“ _Sergeant Barnes has asked me to notify you that he’ll meet you in the common room_ ,” Friday said.

“Tell _Sergeant Barnes_ that she’ll be right up,” Natasha said.

You inhaled deeply and tried to calm your nerves.

“This is going to be great, you both deserve this,” she squeezed your shoulders.

You nodded, a little numbly, and you both took off to the elevators.

When you walked off the elevator, a wolf whistle came from the couches. You saw Steve’s blue eyes take in your outfit.

“Oh, gross Captain,” you teased, pretending to hide yourself behind Natasha, who laughed.

He shrugged, a little red. “I can appreciate a good dame.”

You laughed and stuck out your tongue. “Thanks, old man.”

“Alright, alright, keep it in your pants Rogers,” Bucky said, coming out of the kitchen.

You both wave good bye to everyone and descend into the basement.

“You look beautiful,” he said, nudging your arm with his.

You flushed and ducked your head. “Thank you.”

He’d asked to drive and you settled into the passenger seat while you talked idly on your way to the new restaurant.

The valet helped you out and you thanked him. You’d only taken a few steps into the restaurant when you heard someone shout your name. You turned to see Pepper’s old friend, and new owner, coming towards you. She engulfed you in a warm hug that you happily returned.

“Hello Fatima,” you greeted. “Thank you for giving us reservations, I know how busy you’ve been.”

“It’s nothing!” She exclaimed with a kind grin. She was raised in Rome, where she was always insisting you visit her. You could remember always being in love with her accent.

“You’re Pepper’s family, little one, so that makes you my family. It’s the least I could do, besides, you never visit me. I think the last time I saw you was before your third graduation – or is it fourth now?”

You grinned. “Second. I’m sorry, I’ve been traveling a lot.”

Fatima’s grey eyes wandered behind you, to Bucky and she smiled knowingly. “Clearly you’ve met some people. Is this handsome gentleman your date?”

You knew your ears were red and was about to confirm when Bucky spoke.

“No,” he said with a smile. “We’re just friends but, she’s been talking about coming here and trying your food for a while. Pepper has spoken highly about-”

You quickly tuned out of the conversation and turned to Bucky, who seemed to be intrigued by what Fatima had said. Your brain was running a mile a minute.

_Just friends?_

Before you could overthink it, the rational side of you said, _it’s the first date, he’s a private person._

You nodded to yourself. Soon, you were seated at a table in the back that gave you some privacy. Once you’d placed your orders, two long legged, gorgeous women approached the table.

“We’re sorry to interrupt,” the blonde one said. “We couldn’t help but realize – you’re James Barnes.”

You frowned, ready to defend him if necessary.

“Yes,” Bucky said cautiously. “I am. Can I help you?”

The redhead nodded and her already big eyes widened further. “I’m from France,” she said, her accent was soothing. “A year ago, you helped me when a terrorist had taken our train station hostage. You – you saved my life,” tears welled in her eyes. “I never got to thank you. I have a younger sister, our parents died a few years ago, you brought me back to her. _Thank you_.”

She turned her gaze onto you and seemed to recognize you from the mission as well. She grabbed your hand and thanked you too. “You were there too! You gave me a blanket and helped me down from the window, thank you, _merci_.”

You smiled at her and squeezed her hand. “You’re welcome, it’s what we do.”

She fumbled with her phone, asking if she could take a picture with you. Baffled, you nodded and leaned close to her. She snapped a photo and gushed about how her sister wouldn’t believe it.

You smiled and turned to Bucky when you noticed his interested gaze on the blonde. You knew him, that wasn’t his false and polite look, but one of genuine interest.

Soon, they walked away but not before she dropped a piece of paper with her number onto the table.

Your stomach churned and you reached for your wine. “Maybe you should call her,” you said bitterly.

He did not notice, his eyes were on her retreating back.

“Maybe I should.”

You almost spit out your gulp of wine. “ _What_?” You choked out.

He turned back to you and shrugged. “Steve is always saying I need to take risks. Besides, you’ll be my wing woman right?” He smiled at you, his same sincere and open smile but now, you couldn’t help but cringe back at the sight of it.

You were saved from answering as the food arrived but you found yourself without an appetite.

The dinner went quick and you tried your best not to let on about how bothered you were.

He’d excused himself to the bathroom and Fatima stopped by your table as she floated around the room. She looked down at your almost full plate and frowned.

“Was there something wrong with your food little one?” She asked, her hand going to your shoulder. You leaned into her comforting touch and shook your head.

“It was amazing Fatima, I just don’t feel too good,” you said. Your eyes went over your shoulder as Bucky walked back to your table from the bathroom. He passed the table the two from earlier were seated and waved at them, a happy look on his face.

Fatima followed your eyes and smiled sympathetically. “Men are stupid, _piccola_ , he seems sweet – just a little misguided. There is something here, do not give up. The good things in life never come easily.”

You smiled faintly and she winked at you before drifting away.

“Are you ready?” He asked.

\---

While you waited for the car to be brought around, you couldn’t help but begin to stew in your increasing anxiety. You could _not_ believe you let everyone else’s opinions cloud your own judgement.

Obviously, you hadn’t been clear with Bucky about what you wanted this night to be but, he evidently wasn’t interested regardless. You didn’t know if you should be happy that you didn’t embarrass yourself, or to scream because you _knew_ this would happen.

No matter what anyone said tomorrow, you would _not_ be returning for a second helping of...whatever this miserable evening had been. All you wanted now, was to get out of these uncomfortable shoes and to go to sleep.

Feeling awkward, you leaned forward to see if you could spot the valet when a breeze had you shivering. You cursed the universe again, you shouldn’t have worn a dress.

“You cold?” Bucky asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

Shaking your head, you kept looking for the car. “I didn’t think it would get this cold at night. It was eighty degrees this morning and now it’s dipped low – regular crazy New York weather, I guess,” you laughed emptily.

“Maybe it means autumn is right around the corner,” he said, a little oblivious to your avoidance.

You smiled weakly and fumbled with your phone when you were suddenly engulfed in warmth. Bucky had placed his bomber jacket over your shoulders.

“Buck, you don’t have to-” you started but his smile stopped you. The same smile that he gave you yesterday, the one that said he knew something was wrong but he wouldn’t poke at it. Despite everything, it warmed you from the inside out.

“Thank you.”

The car came around and you tipped the valet before walking around to the driver’s seat. This time, you wanted to drive and get home as quickly as possible.

You turned the radio on to avoid conversation and all but ran lights to get back.

Your heels clicked on the marble floor as you hurried out the car and towards the elevator. Bucky kept pace and let you scramble in without a word.

You made it to his floor first. You took a step forward to get off with him - trying to be polite, and _maybe_ if you were being honest with yourself, this was your last feeble attempt at a Hail Mary. 

However, it's like the universe knew you were already lower than low because it gave you a swift kick to the gut. Bucky stopped you and shook his head.

“Don’t lose the elevator, I'm just going to go to sleep,” he told you with a sincere smile. “I had fun, see you tomorrow for training?”

Hopes _thoroughly_ stomped on, you nodded, trying your best not to dim your smile. “Yeah, tomorrow,” you said faintly.

Stepping back into the elevator you were trying your best not to let the frustration bubble in your chest. You were already making plans to avoid _everyone_ this whole week when -

“ _Miss_?” FRIDAY startled you out of your thoughts.

“Yes, Friday?”

“We’ve reached your floor.”

“Oh.” You moved forward but you were reminded of Bucky’s jacket on your shoulders. You decided to return it now, before you _purged_ yourself of this whole situation.

“Please take me back to Bucky’s floor FRIDAY,” you asked.

“ _Certainly_.”

When you took a few steps out the elevator you saw a familiar set of redheads squatting and ears pressed against the door.

“ _Wanda! Nat!”_ You whispered harshly.

They turned to look at you and shushed you.

“I cannot believe you two, were you waiting for us to return?” You asked quietly, frowning.

“Of course! What type of friends do you take us for?” Wanda said, still not moving from her position.

“Be quiet,” Natasha said from the floor.

You frowned, fiddling with your hair.

She rose a questioning eyebrow. You waved away her concern. “I’ll tell you later, now scram I need to give him back his jacket before I run for the hills.”

“Wait, wait,” Natasha said.

 _Ah, what the hell_ , you thought and pressed your ear right above Wanda’s head.

“ _What do you mean you got a girl’s number? In front of her? What about the date?”_

_“What date? This wasn’t a date.”_

_“Bucky! Of course this was a date! Didn’t you see how she was dressed?”_

_“She’s always dressed like that!”_

You huffed, you most certainly were not. You didn’t wear heels anywhere unless forced.

_“You have such a thick head Buck, dames get dressed up like that for dates! Which is what this was.”_

You bristled, had he learned nothing from Legally Blonde?

_“She would never be interested in me like that Steve, I’m not good enough for her, remember? Stark would have my head on a spike.”_

_“Bucky, don’t say that.”_

_“It’s true, besides, I’m not interested in her like that either. We don’t match like that.”_

Your heart thumped painfully in your chest.

_“You’re lying, I know you like her. I’ve seen the way you look at her.”_

Bucky was quiet for a moment and you could tell he was trying to gather his thoughts.

_“We’re just friends Steve, she’s one of my best friends apart from you. I don’t want to lose that. She – she gets me. She’s one of the very few people who look at me and don’t immediately see a monster.”_

_“What if what you could be is better than what you are? This was her trying to get to that.”_

_“And what do you think will happen when I mess up? Because I will. She’ll ruin me Steve. She’s not right for me. Let it go.”_

_“Come on Bucky-”_

A door slammed and you heard Steve sigh.

Wanda had a hand on your shoulder and Natasha looked like she was ready to punch a hole in their door.

“Guys, it’s okay. He’s right – we’re good friends, we’d be risking that if we – if I ever said anything,” you slipped the jacket off your shoulders and folded it neatly. You left it by the front door and waved them over to the elevator.

“He’s such an idiot,” Natasha growled. “It’s so clear he’s in love with you.”

“I know!” Wanda huffed. “He’s scared. Nothing was ever accomplished with fear.”

“Let it go,” you said quietly to them. “Take me home, Friday.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Piccola/o:** Little one
> 
> I know I intertwined the idea of mental health in this chapter a little heavily – I think it’s because I tried to see the world from Bucky’s point of view. I didn’t believe in therapy a couple years ago but man, now – if I could, I’d give out sessions like Oprah. Mental health is important and everyone should practice self-care! 
> 
> Thank you guys for all your comments and messages. They’re all so sweet and incredibly encouraging! I had a bit of trouble finally getting to Bucky/Reader but, hopefully, it came across authentically. The next half will probably take me a minute, I'm still feeling out Bucky/Reader - I think my struggle is with getting Bucky's character consistent and right? What do you all think? 
> 
> This chapter is definitely the longest one in the series - all incoming chapters will be shorter. (Note, I said series - because that's where we're at now, _series_!)
> 
> Fun fact, I’m from New York City and I might be a _little_ biased but it really is the best city in the world. 
> 
> Later gaters!


	7. James Buchanan Barnes, Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! Sorry it was a little over a week, work has been kicking my butt.

“The one third to your left is a lemon cake with buttercream frosting-”

There were so many slices of cake in front of you, you really didn’t know where to start. Your hand, however, seemed to have a mind of its own and started shoveling the bites down.

_How could he not know it was a date? You’d asked him out! But…had you specified it was a date? Of course you did…did you?_

_Great_ , now you were doubting your own mind. You took another huge bite out of the red velvet cake.

 _What if he did know it was a date and pretended it wasn’t to help you save face?_ Ugh, you weren’t mature enough for this. This is what you got for making fun of Tony.

“Sweetheart?”

_No, it’s best to do what you’d said to Natasha and Wanda. Keep it friends – that was safe. So what if safe wasn’t the most exciting thing? Safe kept your heart unbroken._

“Kiddo?”

_Now all you had to do was stuff your feelings down to the bottom of the sea. If you were going to be a good friend, you had to learn to keep your feelings to yourself._

_Besides, Bucky was right, you shouldn’t risk your friendship over something fleeting. You couldn’t force anyone to reciprocate your feelings._ You squared your shoulders _, you could do this. If he needed a friend, you would be the_ best _goddamn friend he’s ever had._

A hand on your shoulder jostled you out of your thoughts and you blinked back into awareness.

“ _Sweetheart!_ ”

Pepper was looking at you worriedly and Wanda was eyeing you sadly.

“I’m fine!” You said automatically.

“I know,” Pepper said in a familiar tone.

 _Oh no,_ you thought, that was her soothing voice. You’d heard it used on Tony enough times to recognize it. Pepper, her sister, Wanda and the chef were looking at you like they were expecting an answer.

You didn’t want to add fuel to the fire and admit you hadn’t been paying attention. Wanda noticed your predicament.

“You ate all the samples,” Wanda said quietly. “Pepper was asking you which one you liked.”

You looked down at your plate that had nothing but crumbs left behind and couldn’t remember a single bite. You frowned.

“Uh – I liked red velvet the most,” you said as confidently as you could.

It seemed to be good enough because Pepper beamed. “Me too!”

Wanda shook her head and you winced. ‘ _Sorry’_ you mouthed at her. She shot you a look that you know meant you’d be getting a lecture after the cake testing.

Pepper had insisted you be by her side every step of the way with the wedding. It’d helped you take your mind off of… _current_ events happening. It was also an amazing excuse to get out of situations for.

“Sorry!” You’d shrug when Steve cornered you. “Pepper needs my help with the wedding!”

Natasha had started to joke that you were harder to get ahold of than the president.

Fortunately for you, only Wanda and Natasha had been privy to your miniature meltdown. _Un_ fortunately for you, Bruce knew you well enough to know that something was wrong.

You, however, were trying your best to live in denial. Which consisted of hiding away in your lab.

“ _Fuck_ ,” you cursed angrily as you messed up another code.

“What’s going on?” Bruce asked, his eyes worried.

“I’m sorry,” you said, knowing that you were off your game and wasting his time. Bruce was only in New York for a few days while he helped you out with your most recent clean energy project. You deleted the code you’d typed up quickly, trying to correct yourself. His hand on your wrist stopped you.

“Kid, it’s not about the project, I’d stay here the whole year if you asked. I meant, what’s going on with you? Everyone has bad days,” he huffed. “I know that better than anyone but, I also know what it looks like when you’re off. This is more than that.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you said quickly.

His eyebrows shot up and you frowned.

“I’m not- it’s nothing,” you stressed, hands clenched.

“Are you sure?” He asked quietly.

You swallowed against the lump in your throat. “No.”

He didn’t say anything for a while so, you looked over at him. Bruce stared at you for a few minutes, just observing you before nodding.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” You asked.

He nodded again. “Yeah, okay. You know I’m here for you when you’re ready to deal with it. Do you need help with the coding?”

You smiled slowly at him. Bruce had always been the one who moved the most, he came in and out of the tower – staying a maximum of four weeks before jetting off to another country. He always said that staying in one place for too long made him uncomfortable.

You’d always forget how comfortable it was to be in his presence, how freeing it was to just _be_. Especially since Bruce rarely judged people.

You weren’t blind, you knew how even some of your own team feared him.

But, just like he knew you - you knew him.

“What would you know about coding?” You teased, going back to the screen in front of you.

Bruce smiled.

* * *

“ _There’s nothing a good dulce can’t fix_ ,” your mom would always say.

She had one of the biggest sweet tooth’s you had ever seen. Something she had seemed to pass down to you – alongside her tendency to stress bake.

So, here you were at four in the morning, baking your third batch of cookies.

Your anxiety wasn’t letting you sleep. Every time you shifted to get comfortable, it felt like your heart was going to beat straight out of your chest. You couldn’t pinpoint anything that was bothering you particularly, you just felt on edge and you knew that you wouldn’t be sleeping anytime soon.

Who were you kidding, you knew _exactly_ what was bothering you. Baking, however, was helping you not think about it.

Deciding on chocolate oatmeal cookies, you dropped a cupful of chocolate chips and popped a few into your mouth.

You’d been so focused on trying to remember if the recipe called for one teaspoon of baking powder or baking soda, that when the kitchen door opened you shrieked.

“It’s just me,” Bucky said, his palms up.

Hand on your chest, you focused on your breathing. “You scared me, I thought everyone was asleep.”

Your mom also said that nothing good happened after two in the morning. You avoided Bucky’s eyes and sighed, it seemed that moms _did_ know everything. You turned back to the mixing bowl and tried to sound nonchalant.

“What woke you up?”

Bucky shrugged in your peripheral. “I couldn’t sleep, I had a nightmare.”

You turned back around, worried. “Are you okay? Was it serious?”

He smiled at you and your stomach flipped.

“No, nothing I couldn’t handle.”

“Oh,” you said, awkwardly shuffling to the side.

You both descended - for the first time since you’d met - into an uncomfortable silence.

“Do you need any help?” He eventually asked, a little stilted.

“No,” you said, too quickly. You cleared your throat and shook your head. “I have this under control.”

The silence took over again and you couldn’t help but wince at the awkwardness.

“Why did you come up?” You hadn’t meant for the question to sound so harsh but it was clear by his facial expression that he heard the undertone.

“I left my tea here yesterday,” he pointed to the cabinet above your head.

Before he could reach for it, you jumped back, as if burned.

Bucky shot you a wounded look this time and you smiled weakly. “I thought I saw a fly,” you said.

“Why are you baking here?” He asked, his eyes hardening.

“This oven is bigger than mine,” you said, a little defensive. “Besides, mine has the pies I started on. They need to be in there longer than cookies.”

At that, he smiled but you could tell it was half-hearted.

 _Get ahold of your feelings_ , you said to yourself, _you’re making things weird._

Before you could try to bridge the weird air that had settled between you two, he grabbed the box in his left hand and shook it a little.

“Good night,” he said, disappearing through the door, not waiting for your reply.

Your chest tightened and your stomach churned.

 _You gotta do better than that_ , you told yourself.

\--

The next time you ran into Bucky, you tried to be bubbly instead of letting any of the tension between you two expand. However, that time you had somehow managed to be too loud and energetic because even Steve shot you weird looks.

It was hard, trying to find a balance between overselling and underselling. You tried your best to act like nothing was wrong, and while you only mostly pulled it off, it seemed like your head weren’t getting the memo.

Since you were already feeling horrible, _of course_ the universe decided to throw a curve ball your way.

You had been rushing through the lobby, you had a few samples you needed to get refrigerated before they were rendered useless – when you stopped at the sight of Bucky.

He was hunched in on himself, his hands shoved into his jacket pockets. You glanced around, trying to see the reason for his anxious stance. He shifted onto his left leg and you caught a flash of blonde hair.

A woman you faintly remembered as a member of Pepper’s team was shoving a piece of paper at him. You frowned. Bucky hated when strangers asked him for autographs, even worse, when they invaded his personal space. You took a few steps, wanting to help him escape, when the universe threw its next punch.

Bucky was smiling genuinely down at the woman. His cheeks were faintly red, his smile sincere and soft.

You felt like you had been drop kicked in the stomach.

How is it that before you had decided to dive headfirst into your buried feelings for him - or as you’d like to call it, _the good times_ \- the only people he’d interact with were on the team? Now, he’d branched out to the female population.

You felt a flash of guilt. _A good friend would feel happy that his socialization skills were getting better._

The woman – _Katrina_ \- your mind supplied helpfully, flipped her hair over one shoulder and grinned. Bucky actually leaned in closer to her. She let out a laugh that you swore sounded like wind chimes. Bucky looked just as entranced as you felt.

_Did his social skills have to be practiced on her?_

Your mind tried to remind you that you could leave, you didn’t have to watch him flirt with the pretty publicist. But your feet stayed rooted to the ground.

“ _Zaika_?” Natasha’s voice to your left jolted you.

Finally wrenching your eyes from them, you turned to see Natasha’s concerned look.

“Are you okay?”

You opened your mouth to let her know you were fine¸ but, a familiar sound had your throat closing. You whipped your head back to Bucky, who now had Katrina’s hand on his shoulder. He laughed again.

Bucky _never_ laughed with people he didn’t know. He barely looked you in the eye when he spoke to you a month into living at the tower.

“What are you looking – _oh_ – come on _zaika_ ,” Natasha led you away from them, towards the private elevator in the back.

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself,” Natasha said. “You’re stretching yourself thin with him, with all of us, and you’re going to snap.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Really? Because you look like you’re two seconds away from falling apart. This isn’t healthy, you need to put some distance between you two. Between everyone – the past few years have been hard. Tony’s sobriety, Stark Industries, you’re million volunteer jobs, the wedding, you’re always the one making sure everyone else is fine and happy but yourself. It’s not your job to make sure Barnes is happy.”

“It isn’t his fault I can’t compartmentalize. I thought he – never mind what I thought. I was wrong and he shouldn’t be punished for my mistakes.”

Natasha placed a comforting hand on your shoulder. “You’re right, this isn’t his fault. I’m not telling you to never talk to him again. Just some distance, to gain perspective. If you keep going like this you’re going to burn out. You need to give yourself time to let him go, let the idea go. Everyone needs boundaries.”

You both stepped out on your floor. You fiddled with the insulated bag in your hands. “How do I do that Nat? I see him almost every day.”

“Well, for starters,” she gestured to the elevator doors. “Friday?”

“ _Yes, Agent Romanov?”_ Friday’s voice echoed in your hallway.

“Revoke everyone’s access to these two floors – except for Tony and Pepper.”

“ _Restrictions added_ ,” Friday confirmed.

Natasha turned to look at you. “This is your home, _zaika_ , not everyone should be allowed to come and go as they please. The only other person who has access into my apartment from me, is you. _Boundaries_ ,” she reminded you.

You nodded. “Boundaries,” you repeated.

* * *

“There needs to be more decorations!” Tony said, his voice raising an octave.

You winced, the throbbing in your head getting worse with every shout.

“ _Giggles_!”

“Tony, I can kill you with this popsicle stick in about four moves,” you said nonchalantly, chewing on the last bit of your orange Popsicle.

“You’re not helping!” He said.

You needed to get one thing straight - you didn’t hate Tony’s parties, you just didn’t _love_ them. Thankfully, he had always left birthdays to you. This year, he’d insisted on helping you plan Rhodey’s party.

You knew he was going overboard because he still felt horrible about the accident. Rhodey was doing great, his braces were helping him tremendously and you’d collaborated with Shuri on some improvements over the past months. He loved training recruits at the compound, said it was a good happy medium.

“ _Bigger_!” Tony had been yelling at the poor assistant when you intervened.

“Tony,” you placed a hand on his shoulder. “I think you’re stressing yourself out over something that should be fun. Trust me, I have this covered.”

“But-”

“But nothing,” you said. “You’re going overboard and he’s going to notice. This birthday is not more important than all the other birthdays. He would _not_ like it if he knew you felt bad for him.”

“I don’t feel bad for him!” Tony said quickly.

“Then stop throwing money at something that isn’t a problem,” you said. Sighing, you dropped your hand. “I promise, I know it’s coming from a good place but you have to know that he’s going to see right through this and feel worse. Trust me, I know what I’m doing. I will forward you all the plans – this isn’t my first rodeo.”

Tony deflated. “You’re right. Okay, I promise, I’m backing off.”

You exhaled and brought him into a hug. “I got this.”

“I know you do,” he squeezed you once more before disappearing out the room.

You sighed and surveyed the open conference room that Tony had wanted to use since it fit about two hundred people. You opened your tablet and instantly crossed off more than half the list – Rhodey liked mingling but, not with people he didn’t know on a basic level and definitely not on his birthday.

Caught up in your planning, you didn’t realize someone had gotten off the elevator until you heard footsteps down the corridor. Straightening, you turned and caught Bucky’s eyes.

Your chest clenched tightly and you forced a smile onto your face.

“Hey,” you greeted in what you hoped was a cheerful voice.

Bucky shot you a look before nodding. “Hey, I caught Stark on the way up and he said you’d need some help with Rhode’s party. Where do you need me?”

 _Not here,_ you thought bitterly and corrected yourself _._ You straightened your shoulders and tried to smile sincerely.

“I need help deciding on a cake, you know how picky Rhodey is…”

\--

While spending the entire afternoon with Bucky wasn’t ideal for you right now, you’d managed to keep your awkwardness to a minimum. You felt a little proud of yourself, you’d started moving past your uncomfortable crush and were maybe getting closer to acting normal again.

However, Natasha found you right after – placing orders for the party. She took one look at your face and had announced that she was taking you to a bar.

Which is why Bruce and Natasha were now leading you towards the corner of Madison and 80th, to one of your favorite bars. Everyone else was either on a mission, working out or at a PR event.

Almost immediately after arriving, the familiar bartender dropped a shot in front of you and you downed it easily.

“One of those nights?” They asked.

“One of those _months_.”

They nodded. “We all go through them, the usual?” They asked the last part to all of you.

You shook your head. “Make it a double.”

“You got it.”

A few minutes into your second drink, you see Natasha and Bruce fidgeting out of the corner of your eyes. You shook your head and tilted your face towards them.

“I’m not a sixteen year old who got her heart broken for the first time, you two can be affectionate if you want. I’m not that fragile,” you sipped on your drink.

Natasha looked unruffled, as if you hadn’t spoken but Bruce turned to stare at you.

“What?” he sputtered.

You pointed to yourself. “Agent. I can disarm a biochemical bomb, you think I can’t tell when my friends are dating?”

Natasha snorted and shook her head. “I shouldn’t have let you excel so far in your training.”

You smiled.

Bruce slowly took Natasha’s hand in his and despite everything, you couldn’t help but feel a giant burst of happiness for her. You knew that they’d been dancing around each other for _years._

“ _You_ approached _me_ , remember?” You snorted, ignoring their shifts towards each other.

Her touch on your forearm surprised you. You turned to her to see her smiling widely at you.

“I’m glad I did,” she said seriously.

You smiled shakily at her and nodded. “Me too.”

“Hey,” she nudged you. “It’s going to get easier.”

You nodded. “I know,” and you did. This afternoon was proof of that – you weren’t a spy like Natasha. You weren’t that adapt at changing, but you could.

“ _Boundaries_ ,” she said, a reminder.

“Boundaries,” you repeated.

* * *

With Natasha’s help, you had managed to lessen the time you spent running to everyone’s aid considerably.

You’d realized that you were so used to helping everyone and trying to keep the peace that you didn’t know when to stop. There was no giant rift, no major enemy and no need for you to stretch yourself so thin. You had to take time for yourself.

However, it seemed like the universe knew you were overdue for a break –Pepper had finally gotten a wedding planner, Tony was as dry as the Sahara, Sam was getting serious with a girl, Wanda was doing well with her exercises and Bucky had been assigned to a week-long mission with a small team. Tony, Maria, Vision and Rhodey were going for a simple recon.

A short reprieve that you were thankful for. A group of you were on the landing pad on the roof, watching as the quinjet was double checked. Steve and Bucky were huddled together, going over last minute details. You could tell that Steve was feeling off, he’d always gone with Bucky on missions.

“Try not to get into any trouble, Giggles,” Tony joked.

You smiled half-heartedly and nodded. “Scout’s honor.”

Tony eyed you suspisciously.

“Kid, what’s going on? You’ve been weird the past few weeks and I don’t know what’s wrong. Is this still about that mission?” He frowned.

Your torso had healed up well, with minimal scar tissue. You’d already been approved for active duty again.

“It’s not,” you quickly assured him. You knew that it had cost Tony to apologize to Bucky for yelling at him that day. You could tell he was earnestly trying to not be a pain in the ass.

“Then tell me what’s wrong, you know I’m not in any place to judge you. Did you get into trouble?”

You didn’t want him to go on a mission with this weighing on him, so you told him the truth.

“It’s a long story, one that needs to be told in private,” you said, eyes trailing off towards Bucky – just to find him already looking in your direction. You quickly averted your eyes. “I promise that it’s nothing major and that I’ll tell you when you’re back, okay?”

Tony looked like he was going to push the issue but in the end, nodded. You smiled at him, knowing that this was him trying to give you space.

“Alright, that’s fair,” he gave you a hug. “I’ll be back soon kiddo. If you need me, I’ll be back in a second.”

You nodded. “Be careful,” you squeezed back.

It took a few moments but once his suit was on, he shot you a wink before disappearing, with Rhodey close behind. Vision and Maria waved you at you all – disappearing into the quinjet. You saw Steve clapping Bucky on the back. Before he could even take a step in your direction you forced a smile and walked back inside.

 _Boundaries_ , you repeated in your mind.  You stepped into the elevator and asked to be sent to the gym.

You were seconds away from freedom, when a set of fingers stopped the elevator doors from closing. You peered to see who had followed you. When you caught sight of him, you groaned.

“Tell me how you really feel,” Steve joked.

Unfortunately, when you’d started to steer clear of Bucky, it meant steering clear of Steve as well.

“I’m sorry,” and you were, “I just want to be alone right now.”

“What happened? What’s wrong?” He frowned. “Is this about Bucky? I’ve noticed you’ve been avoiding him.”

His tone was accusatory and that’s when the tentative hold on your emotions broke for you.

Your sadness morphed into anger and you were _beyond_ annoyed that you ever entertained the idea of you and Bucky in the first place because of everyone else’s comments. This was _your_ life they were toying with.

“I heard what Bucky said,” you snapped. “The night we went out. I heard him tell you how wrong I am for him.”

“You were listening in on us?” Steve said, his brows furrowed.

“I didn’t intentionally listen in!” You thought back to that night and winced. “Sort of. Look, I was leaving Bucky’s jacket and I just heard you two shouting. I get it Steve, we’re good as friends. I know you, everyone else, and their mothers think otherwise but I tried and it _failed_. I can’t – I can’t do it again and now I’m stuck between trying to be a good friend to him and trying not to feel like I’m being punched in the lungs when I see him flirting with other girls.”

“Bucky’s been flirting? _With who_? Bucky doesn’t even make a lot of small talk with Happy.”

“With who _hasn’t_ he been flirting with is a better question,” you huffed, indulging in your bitterness for a moment.

“Wait, that’s not the point. So that’s it? You’re just going to give up because one half-date didn’t go as planned?”

You narrowed your eyes at him.

“You need to try again. He knows you’re avoiding him he just doesn’t know why.”

“It’s not my job to clear things up for him,” you snapped, “and I don’t _need_ to do anything. I’m tired of being the mediator for this messed up family. I need boundaries. I love you all but I’m exhausted at having to be the one to do everything.”

You could see his chest puffed out, as it always did, right before he would start to argue.

“Steve, I suggest you walk away right now,” Natasha’s voice came from behind him.

“I _can’t_ , don’t you see-”

“ _That’s enough_. She’s doing what she thinks is best for herself and you need to stay out of it. After everything she’s done for you, you owe her this.”

Steve shot you a look before stalking out the elevator.

“You okay?” She asked you.

You smiled shakily. “I’m okay.”

“Don’t worry about him. Remember, you need to think of yourself first. Come on, Wanda ordered some pizza. Let’s go watch sappy movies, I’ll even sit through The Breakfast Club.”

\--

“ _Miss, Captain Rogers is requesting entrance onto your floor._ ”

Wanda paused the movie and shot you a look. You both turned to look at Natasha, who hadn’t stirred with Friday’s announcement.

“You don’t need to speak to him, _maco_ ,” she took your hand. “You don’t owe him anything.”

“I know,” you sighed. “Let him in Friday.”

“Since when did you lock the elevator to your floor?” Steve asked, walking into your living room.

You shushed him, pointing to Natasha, who snored lightly.

“ _Boundaries_ ,” you reminded him as you led him into your kitchen.

“Right,” Steve said, elongating the vowel.

“What do you want, Rogers?” You rubbed your temples. “Didn’t we fight enough for today?”

“Listen, I’m sorry. That’s why I came down here. I was way out of line and I forget how hard it can be when you get invested. It’s none of my business and I never meant for you to get hurt.”

You eyed him with what you knew he called your _Pepper_ _Glare_ and enjoyed his squirming.

“Apology accepted,” you said.

He sighed, relieved.

“Now scram, it’s a girl’s night and there’s no boys allowed.”

Steve grinned. “Can I record Nat snoring? Please? She has a video of me talking in my sleep that she’s been able to hold over my head for years.”

You gave him a flat look. “She’ll kill you and then me. Besides, what kind of friend do you take me for?”

He gave you his best puppy dog face – and you couldn’t help but crack. You sighed.

“You get one picture and ten seconds to run out my apartment.”

Steve grinned and ran into the living room. Wanda’s smiling as you slump back onto the other side of the sofa. You looked at her when after a few moments she hadn’t un-paused the movie.

“I heard what he said,” she said with a frown. “I need to apologize as well.”

“Sorry? For what?” You asked.

“We meddled, with the soldier and you, all of us. But I’m sure of it – I have seen into his mind-”

You hold up a hand. “Don’t tell me. _Please_. Those are his private thoughts and I won’t use it against him. You shouldn’t be telling anyone.”

“I would not, normally but-”

“Please, Wanda, just forget about it. I promise, I’m not mad, I’m okay now.”

“Okay, _maco_ , okay.”

“Friday, play the movie please.”

* * *

“ _What the fuck?_ ”

You rolled your eyes at Tony’s indignant squawk.

“Tony, it’s not a big deal. I didn’t even have to tell you – I’m telling you as a _friend_.”

He ignored you, his mouth already in a massive frown.

“What? Does he think he’s too good for my girl?” He crossed his arms. “Who the hell does he think he is?”

“Don’t let this cloud your judgment or push you back with him. He has the right to feel however he wants to.”

Tony’s frown just worsened and you sighed.

“If the situations were reversed, would you be mad at me? For not reciprocating?”

“Of course not-”

“Okay then,” you said, patting the seat next to you.

He huffed and sat down next to you. You leaned your head over onto his shoulder and took your hand in his.

“I would appreciate it if you didn’t …talk about this. It’s embarrassing enough that I have to bow out in front of an audience since you’re all so nosy,” he huffed a laugh. “This is like high school all over again. I just – I want to make this as painless as possible.”

“I won’t,” he squeezed your hand. “I just worry about you.”

“When _aren’t_ you worried about me?”

“Do you want me to find you another apartment?” He asked quietly. “You don’t have to be in the tower, I could get you a place close by a few avenues over.”

You smiled. “I still work here Tony, everyone knows I’m usually in the lab. Besides, I’m an adult and that would be running from my problems. I promise, I’m okay - besides Natasha keeps bugging me about going on a date. Maybe I’ll do that?”

Tony stiffened and you laughed.

“I feel like all the hell I raised is going to come back and bite me in the butt with you,” he joked.

“How dare you,” you said in mock outrage. “I was a very well behaved child!”

Tony snorted.

* * *

It seemed that Bucky had finally had enough of your vagueness and cornered you in the gym a few days after he’d returned from his mission. You had been running on the treadmill when he came in, the door slamming behind him.

You frowned and kept your pace. “Hey,” you took out your headphones.

“Hey,” he said, walking up to you. “You want some company?”

Slowing down to a jog you shook your head. “I’ve been slacking a little and Natasha has me on a strict training schedule. I have to do some boxing in a few minutes.”

Ignoring you, he started jogging on the treadmill across from you.

“Buck,” you groaned.

“If this is the only way you’ll spend more than a handful of minutes with me, then I’m okay with this,” he said, breath even and eyes not looking at you.

You pursed your lips. You felt bad – how had things become so convoluted and awkward in such a short time?

“Something’s wrong,” he said after a moment and you stopped your treadmill suddenly.

You weren’t ready to talk to him about it. He was one of your closest friends but you weren’t ready – not yet. He’d stopped his treadmill and took a few steps towards you.

“We’ve always helped each other, why is this different? I got you.”

Your chest ached again, as it always seemed to around him. You were split between feeling guilty as his friend and desperate to unload onto him. Instead, you just tried to catch your breath.

“I know, Buck, _I know_ ,” you said. “This is something I need to help myself with.”

He frowned and you knew him well enough to know that he was gearing up to poke at it again when the doors slammed again. You both swiveled around to see Natasha standing, hands on her hips.

“Hey,” she said, her voice cold. “She needs to be focus on her training. I can’t have anyone distracting her.”

Bucky frowned, stepping back. “I _was_ helping her.”

Natasha’s brows quirked up. “Were you?”

You huffed, readjusting your hair out of your face and placed a hand on Bucky’s arm.

He turned to stare at your hand then your face and you realized this was one of the first times you’d initiated contact in a while. You squeezed a little and his shoulders fell from around his ears.

“Space?” You said with a smile. “I’m okay.”

He frowned at you and nodded. He was gone in a flash.  

You turned to Natasha. “You didn’t have to be rude.”

She huffed. “I wasn’t. That’s how I treat everyone.”

“ _Nat._ ”

“Alright! Fine, I’ll play nice.”

\--

A few hours later, Natasha was sitting on your couch as you prepared dinner. Wanda was out on the terrace, meditating after what seemed to have been a bad day for both of you.

“Okay, Nat,” you said quietly.

“Okay what?” She said, flipping through Netflix.

“You can set me up,” you said.

Her head popped up from behind the couch so fast you knew she’d gotten a head rush.

“What?” She said, eyes on you calculatingly. “Are you serious?”

You nodded. “I’m making a big deal out of nothing, clearly.”

“It’s _not_ nothing-”

“Regardless,” you waved a hand. “One step towards getting out of this awkward phase would be to get back out there. Or – well, to get out there in the first place. You know my history.”

“Aiden,” she smiled at your expression. “What? I thought you were still friends.”

“We are! It’s just weird. We’re not close friends!”

She smiled and nodded. “Wanda! Get in here!”

You laughed.

* * *

In the attempt to get out of your funk, you uncharacteristically choose a red figure-hugging dress with heels that make you tower over Wanda.

You were already regretting the shoes as you walked towards the elevator, leaving a giggling Wanda and Natasha behind.

The elevator opened and Natasha rushed out.

“You forgot your bag, text me when you get there!” She kissed your cheek and you stepped into the elevator.

You wrung your hands together. Was this such a good idea? What if – _no,_ you said sternly to yourself. _No what ifs, this is casual and you’re going to have fun._ You looked up to the ceiling. _Universe, you better have my back._

Clearly, the universe didn’t like being commanded because a few floors down, the elevator stopped.

“Friday take us down to the lobby,” a familiar voice said.

Bucky and Steve stepped onto the elevators, both dressed in running clothes. Bucky froze when his eyes caught yours.

Steve let out a low whistle when he saw you and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes.

“I forgot how much of a pervert you are, old man,” you joked, not able to stop the pleased smile on your face.

“Hey!” He exclaimed and you laughed. “Where you off to?”

You fought the urge to look at Bucky and instead open your bag to make sure you have everything. You could feel his gaze trailing down your body.

“I’m meeting a friend,” you pushed your wallet out the way to see if your phone had sunk to the bottom when the elevator jerked to a stop and you wobbled on your stilts.

Steve’s arm came up to yours, steadying you, but knocked your bag out of your hands in the process. A few things spilled out and you sighed. _Thanks universe._ You bent down to pick up a few things and Steve grabbed the rest of it.

“Thanks Steve-” your voice cut off when you noticed a strip of bright blue condoms sticking out of your bag, near Steve’s feet.

Steve was still smiling, oblivious, but Bucky’s expression went carefully blank. You stumbled towards the bag but Steve had beat you to it.

“I got it. Stark said he’d fix the cables on the car yesterday-” his voice choked off as he noticed the condoms.

You knew your face was practically purple at this point. You hurried to stuff everything back into the bag. You had _not_ put those in your purse but were going to _kill_ Natasha when you got back.

You all stood in a semi-circle, not moving, in awkward silence.

“Must be some friend you’re meeting,” Bucky said tightly.

You felt your hackles raise. Not _everyone_ thought you were wrong for them. Before you could answer, Friday spoke up.

“ _Will anyone be getting off?_ ”

You almost cried out in gratitude for the interruption before realizing you were in the lobby and scurried off the elevator.

“Wait, you forgot your wallet,” Steve called out behind you.

You all but snatched it out his hand and realized his eyes were light with amusement.

“Shut up,” you hissed, hitting him in the chest and his grin just grew.

“Hey!” A deep voice called out in your direction. You turned to see Jasper approaching you. “I’m sorry I’m late. It was my turn to run drills with the rookies and we ran out of time. I hope you haven’t been waiting long. I promise it won’t happen again – if there is a second time.” He stuttered, a light blush dusting his cheeks.

You softened at his sincere expression.

“I just got here,” you smiled, charmed already. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea.

“Oh, good,” he turned his hundred megawatt smile towards you. _Man, that thing should come with a warning sign_.

Steve coughed and you rolled your eyes. “This is Captain Rogers – Steve, this is Jasper Collins. He worked with Natasha on a view occasions.”

“Really?” Steve’s eyebrows raised. “Great to meet you.”

They shook hands and you looked to see Bucky standing a good distance away, his eyes on the floor.

You were drawn back to your date when Steve clapped you on the back.

“Shall we?” Jasper stuck out his elbow.

“We shall,” you smiled, taking it.

“Have fun kids!” Steve joked.

You stuck out your tongue childishly and Jasper laughed.

“I’ve heard great things about the gallery opening, my friend has a section…”

You nodded as you walked towards the doors but couldn’t ignore the burning stare following you out.

\--

“I had a great time,” you said, wrapping your leather jacket a little tighter around you. You weren’t lying, you’d had a great time, but something had felt off all evening. Something you couldn’t put your finger on.

A soft gust of wind blew your hair into your eyes and before you could move it, a warm hand brushed it away. You blinked, not realizing how close he had gotten.

“Me too,” he said, his hand going to your waist and you felt your hands start to sweat. Before you could even give yourself a pep-talk, he leaned in and pressed a kiss to your lips.

You breathed him in, his embrace was soft and warm. He was doing everything right, but you still felt awkward. After a moment, he leaned back and you rested your forehead on his. Your chest ached and you a lump formed in your throat.

 _Had he ruined you for everyone?_ You screamed in your head.

Jasper’s deep laughter brought you out of your mind and you felt a little offended.

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m not laughing at the kiss – it was very good.”

You tilted your head and he just chuckled some more.

“I just got out of a long-term relationship and Natasha had said we’d be perfect for each other,” he smiled and took a step back. “I think you’re great, but that was like kissing a sister.”

You grinned, a weight coming off your shoulders. “I’m sorry but, I agree.”

He shook his head. “Don’t be! It was a very nice first date.”

“Exactly!” You said, glad it wasn’t just you. “Nice…but no fireworks.”

Jasper nodded. “Friends?”

“Definitely,” you smiled. “What about running buddies? I’ve been on the lookout for one.”

He grinned. “It would be my honor to work out with you - who I’m pretty sure is the only recruit in existence to be trained by the Black Widow.”

“She’s harmless.”

He snorted. “Sure. Morning runs?”

“Tomorrow,” you agreed.

He kissed you on the cheek and tucked a piece of hair behind your ear.

“Wrong time and place?” He joked.

“Maybe next lifetime?” You played a long.

Jasper nodded and smiled. “I’ll see you there.”

\--

Natasha interrogated you the second you got back but you just rolled your eyes and sunk into your couch.

“He was too Captain America-y,” you said. “Thank you, however, for finding me a new running partner.”

Natasha huffed, a little offended.

The second and third dates go by just as uneventful, both being quickly forgotten. The fourth, however, is definitely a homerun – or at least a small hit, garnering enough chemistry to warrant a second date.

Wanda had been so smug about her date being the one you liked the best that Natasha was starting to take it personally. Although, you’d both seemed to have conflicting schedules that by the time you’d managed a third date, you were already nearing the beginning of November and Sam’s birthday.

“What type of cake do you think Sam would want this year? He really liked my double chocolate chip last year,” you chewed on the top of your pen as you looked through your notepad.

“Shit, if he doesn’t like it, I sure will,” Clint said, sitting across from you on the kitchen counter. He was on one of his rare visits to the tower and you’d managed to all but glue yourself to his side. Clint, as usual, hadn’t minded and was sticking close to you too.

“Just hire a professional chef,” Tony said, flipping his pancake.

You frowned, a little offended. “I’m sorry, is my baking not _good_ _enough_ for you?”

Wanda snorted at Tony’s panicked expression. “That’s not what I meant!”

“I think that’s exactly what he meant,” Clint said, making Tony glare at him.

You smiled as Tony blubbered through an explanation.

Sam’s birthday was coming up shortly but you weren’t worried. Sam always _loved_ the parties you threw and even more so when you managed to organize his birthday.

You already rented out a boat, curtesy of Tony, and had even managed to wrangle Thor into visiting. Sam loved going out onto the East River and it wasn’t cold enough yet during the day that everyone would freeze. Just in case, you added space heaters onto your list. You _loved_ the crisp colder weather that was starting to descend onto New York’s fall but you knew Tony would be a big baby if he was cold.

“Speak of the devil,” Natasha said, sipping her coffee.

Sam walked into the kitchen, Steve close behind him, both still in their work out clothes. Just _looking_ at them made you sigh, knowing that Natasha was going to manage to drag you and Clint to the gym before he left.

“Where’s you shadow?” Tony asked and you frowned.

“He’s right behind us,” Steve answered, chugging some water.

Bucky walked in right after, nodding to the room entirely.

“Hey Sam,” you unzipped and slipped your hoodie off. “What type of cake do you want for your party?”

You tapped your pen on the edge of your notepad and looked through the bullet points you’d written down. Before Sam could answer, Clint started coughing and you looked up at him. He was shooting you a pointed look. You were about to ask him what his problem was when Sam let out an obnoxious cheer.

“ _Whoop_ , _whoop_ , our girl is finally getting laid.”

You froze, remembering the reason for your hoodie this morning. Date Number Four had gotten overeager last night and had left a lovely reminder on the side of your neck. Not that you had been opposed to it – you had just forgotten that you’d worn the hoodie for a reason.

Tony glanced over at you and groaned. “I _really_ don’t need to hear this.”

You scrambled to put your hoodie back on but Natasha snorted. “Too late.”

Wanda perked up. “With the guy from the coffee place?”

You _knew_ were bright red. “You’re all so _nosy_.”

“I’m not,” Tony sipped his coffee. “I’m just making my breakfast and _desperately_ trying to not imagine anything.”

Wanda wiggled her eyebrows. “Was it good?”

“Oh my God,” Tony groaned.

“Who’s coffee house guy?” Someone asked.

You refused to answer any questions, knowing that it would only enable them. Unfortunately for you, they knew you well enough to infer. So when you turned an even brighter red, Sam cackled.

“Yeah, that’s a yes,” Clint huffed a laugh.

“ _Clint_!”

“Sorry,” he said, not sounding sorry.

Wanda and Sam kept ribbing you until a loud crashing sound quieted everyone down.

You turned to see Bucky holding a crushed plate in his left hand.

Tony caught your eye and you frowned.

“It seems like it’s malfunctioning,” Bucky said through his teeth, placing the broken shards into the kitchen sink. You straightened, you’d forgotten for a moment that he was in the kitchen.

You went to stand. “I can tweak anything if you need-”

“Bruce can do it,” he said, snapping a little.

You flinched at his tone and before anyone could say anything, he stalked away.

Natasha was at your side in a second and you clenched her hand under the counter. Clint’s hand went up to your forearm, both of them securing you.

“So, are we going to continue like you’re both not awkwardly avoiding the elephant in the room?” Tony took a bite of his pancake, leaning against the sink.

“Tony,” Natasha said warningly.

Sam sighed and Clint frowned.

“I’m just trying to keep up,” Tony said, shrugging one shoulder. “They’re both taking turns skulking.”

\--

It’d been two days since, what Wanda was calling the Hickey Meltdown, and you were still fuming.

“It’s not like I’m sleeping with the entire population of Manhattan! I’m going on dates!” You vented to a bored looking Natasha. “And even if I was sleeping my way through the five boroughs, that’s no one’s business. I can do whatever I want!”

You continued to rant but deep down, you also felt awful that Bucky was starting to crack under the pressure. The anger, however, definitely overpowered any guilt. You hadn’t been purposefully flaunting anything, besides, what right did he have of being pissed?

Either way, Bucky had taken to avoiding you like the plague, something that you were both hurt and pissed by.

“-he ran so fast from me you’d think I had a disease,” you huffed.

Natasha’s eyes fell on you and you frowned.

“ _What_?”

“Nothing,” she flipped another page. “Isn’t it hypocritical to be annoyed or hurt by him avoiding you when you’ve been doing the same thing?”

You gaped at her. “Whose side are you on?”

“Yours,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “I’m just not the friend to go to when you want someone agreeable. You know that – so what is it that you want to hear from me?”

You frowned. “I don’t – what-”

Natasha sighed and stood. “Listen, that wasn’t the tip of the iceberg yet. I think that you need to talk to him. I get why you didn’t want to talk about this whole emotional rollercoaster with him before – but now? At this point, what’s the worst that could happen? You’ll both start avoiding each other?”

Staring at the floor, you huffed.

Natasha shrugged a shoulder and shook her head. “Do whatever you want, but, I’m telling you. If you don’t let it out – you’re both going to explode.”

In denial, you ignored Natasha’s advice and continued to go on a few more dates with Date Number Four. After a handful, the small spark seemed to fizzle out. You viciously avoided Natasha’s _told-you-so_ glare and holed up in your lab.

* * *

Like most times, Natasha was right. You and Bucky _were_ ticking time bomb – one that had finally exploded.

You had come back from another mediocre date, heels in your hand and a feeling of dejection in your stomach. You hadn’t liked the food at the restaurant and were _starving_ , so you didn’t bother to change before going straight to the kitchen. You knew that your fridge was empty save for a few pieces of fruit so you were going to risk a quick trip to see whose leftovers you could steal.

Your head was in the wide refrigerator, shaking an aluminum take away container when you heard the elevator ring. You tucked the container to your chest and grabbed a bottle of soda before walking towards Tony’s library. Right as you tried to tiptoe your way passed the entrance, you heard someone call out your name.

Wincing, you turned around to see Bucky and Steve.

“Hey,” you waved half-heartedly.

“We were just about to eat,” Steve raised a pizza box. “Want some?”

Your eyes darted to Bucky, who was studiously ignoring you and you shook your head.

“I need to – check – something in Tony’s lab,” you lied, clamoring for something believable. “I’m just going to eat in there.”

You turned around and took a few steps before Bucky’s snort stopped you. The evening weighed on you and you bristled.

“Excuse me?” You couldn’t help the harsh words. “ _What_ is your problem?”

Bucky’s head snapped up and his eyes burned into you. “You’re my problem.”

Your eyes widened, you hadn’t expected him to answer you. However, you squared your shoulders, if he wanted to finally have it out – you had nothing to lose at this point.

“What the hell does that even mean?” You snapped.

“Bucky,” Steve said quietly.

“No,” you said, “please, by all means.”

Bucky’s eyes darkened and you placed the container on a shelf nearby, ready for whatever this was that had been building.

“What else is it supposed to mean?” Bucky said, his voice hard and cold. “ _You are my problem_. You and whatever it is that’s been bothering you. You couldn’t just talk to me about it? You don’t think that I can tell that everyone knows what it is? Everyone _but_ me. Do you know what that’s like? Being the outsider looking in? _Again_?”

“Actually,” you snipped sarcastically, “I do know what it feels like, smartass. It’s not my fault you’re so goddamn oblivious that you can’t see what’s right in front of you!”

“And it’s not my fault you’re so immature that you won’t actually talk things out!” Bucky screamed back.

“It’s not my fault that you can’t function like a normal human being!”

“Guys,” Steve said, darting between you two. You’d both started screaming at this point, voices loud, trying to speak over each other.

“It’s not my fault you’re unable to actually solve your own problems!” He said and you felt pressure build behind your eyes.

“It’s not my fault that you’re blind to everything!” You shouted back at him.

“That’s enough!” Steve said and you both ignored him.

“You know what,” you shouted over both of them. “I’m so _tired_ of being everyone’s mother.”

“Yeah?” Bucky asked, crossing his arms. “I certainly didn’t ask you for your help – I didn’t ask you to stick around me when I first got here. Like always, you butted into a place where you didn’t belong and now I’m stuck trying to put the pieces together. That’s what everyone does right? You and Tony – you both stick your noses where it doesn’t belong.”

You took a step back, the words hitting you like a physical punch.

“ _Bucky_ ,” Steve said firmly. You followed his eyes towards a frozen Sam, Wanda, and Vision, who you hadn’t even seen come in.

You turned back to Bucky, who seemed to realize he’d overstepped.

 “Screw you,” you spat at him. “You don’t need me? None of you? _Fine_. Have a great life.”

You ducked under Steve’s arm and dashed to the elevator.

“Take me home Friday.”

\--

It took Natasha a full twenty four hours to hack into Friday and find her way passed your locked doors. You’d woken up the next day, eyes red and skin pale, ready to eat your feelings when you caught sight of her on your sofa, as if she’d always been there.

“If you say I told you so,” you warned.

She smiled sadly at you and you felt your eyes well up again.

“ _Zaika,_ ” she was at your side in a second and tucked you into her arms.

“At least you waited a whole day,” you sniffled, not able to stop a few tears that leaked out.

Natasha huffed out a laugh. “It took me that long to convince Bruce to add me onto the access list.”

“Remind me to smack him,” you said, wrapping your arms around her.

“Of course,” she said.

You laughed lightly before fresh tears fell. “I’ve never fought with him before.”

“I think the whole _building_ heard you,” Natasha joked, pulling you towards the couch.

You sighed. “Did Tony-”

“He was out with Pepper,” she said, “but Steve told him an abbreviated story.”

“Remind me to smack him too,” you said.

“I already did,” Natasha smiled.

You snorted, crossing your arms and slumping. “This is a mess.”

“Yeah,” she said.

You pinched the bridge of your nose and closed your eyes.

“Hey,” Natasha’s hand pulled yours away. “It’s a mess but not unfixable.”

“Isn’t it?” You sighed. “This was just the last drop in our already full glass, Natasha. Tony was right, we both take turns being cowards. At this point, there’s nothing left to fix.”

Natasha eyed you and you knew she was holding back for your sake.

“Let’s just eat breakfast okay?” You said.

She nodded and told you to stay put. A few moments later she placed a plate in your lap.

“Thanks,” you said, taking a huge bite out of your bagel.

“First breakfast and then movie?” She asked.

“Which one?” You reached for your remote and she shook her head.

“You need to get out of this tower, we’ll go catch something uptown.”

You smiled, the knot in your chest loosening just a little.

\--

You managed to avoid everyone else for a few more days, working from your apartment, until Tony bypassed Friday too.

This time, you’re out on your terrace, blanket wrapped around you and a space heater keeping you warm. The sky was a mix of orange, pink and purple. You’re watching the sun fade away when a familiar voice called out to you.

“Took you long enough,” you said, accepting the mug in his hand.

Tony raised his eyebrow and you smiled, wrapping your cocoon around you tighter. “I thought you’d be breaking into my apartment right after Nat.”

“Pepper said I needed to give you space,” Tony shrugged. “I waited long enough.”

You laughed lightly and shook your head. “It’s fine.”

He sat down in the chair next to yours and stared up at the sky.

“I always did love a good New York City sunset,” he said.

You both watched as the purple started to overtake the orange and the buildings around you lit up.

“Me too,” you said, watching your breath mix with the steam of the cup.

“Are you okay?” He asked eventually.

You sipped at the coffee and shook your head.

“I’ve been better.”

Tony looked at you, his brows furrowed and expression worried.

“It’s not the end of the world,” you said. “Natasha was right – it’s my fault. I didn’t communicate well and the tension built until we both exploded. It seems that I criticized you for being controlling and I have the same problem.”

“We’re all just human,” Tony said, squeezing your foot. “Even Captain, Bruce, Wanda – we’re all human and we make mistakes.”

“Yeah,” you frowned. “Big ones.”

“Giggles, listen,” he sighed pulling your chair closer to him. “God knows I would want anyone, literally _anyone else_ , besides him. But if he’s who you want I don’t know what you’re waiting for. I know what he’s waiting for-”

“ _What_?” You said indignantly.

“Kiddo, he’s been through a lot,” he frowned. “You showed me that, people like him – like _me_ – we need a shove forward. Look at me and Pepper.”

You shook your head.

“Regardless, you’re both clearly upset. While I get that you’re trying to give him some space – you’re also alienating your friendship by not telling him why. He misses you so much he’s even taken to stopping by my lab a few times and you _know_ that means he’s desperate.

“I’m glad you’re getting out there. You can’t force someone to love you but he clearly does - whether he admits it or not - is his problem. You don’t need to wait around for him, but these dates don’t seem to be helping you. You look more miserable after each one. ”

You laughed wetly, brushing away your tears.

“It’s so stupid, this whole situation is so _stupid_.”

“Ah, the epitome of young love,” Tony teased.

You pinched his thigh and he yelped. “Hey!”

“I just – I think I needed this time to get over him or, well, the _idea_ of us. Everyone got me worked up about it and I placed that all on his shoulders. It wasn’t fair.”

“And this is you, being ‘over it’?” Tony asked, using air quotes.

You laughed again, louder this time.

“Yeah, I’m getting there. It’s not so sensitive now, I guess. I can handle being around him - _I miss him_. But putting myself out there with him, it hurt. It felt nice to be wanted even if by others who don’t matter as much.”

“Listen, I’m all for you finding the right person who makes you happy. I’m also all for you scratching any itch you have,”

“ _Ew_ , Tony,” you laughed.

“We’re being adults here – don’t let anyone make you feel bad or guilty because you get to choose what you do with your own body. Just – maybe take a moment to come up for air? Figure you out first and then by all means, go on your merry way. I’m saying this from experience.”

You nodded.

“I have the upmost faith in you,” Tony said. “Him, I would throw off this tower and pay good money to make him disappear but hey, kids are made to drive you crazy right?”

You grinned up at him.

He laughed this time and pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “You know where to find me if you need me kiddo.”

Tony’s gone in a flash and you go back to watching the skyline. This time, when you heard the doors slide open behind you, you know who it is.

“Hey Buck,” you greeted quietly.

He took a seat next to you, his shoulders curved into himself, unsure. You hated that you’d done that to him.

“Hey,” he said.

“I’m sorry about…well, I guess I’m just sorry.”

“For turning tail whenever you catch a glimpse of me?” He asked. “Or for forcing yourself to act like you like me when you flinch every time I come near you?”

You frowned and grabbed his hands.

“I’ve been dealing with stuff, my own incorrect assumptions, and I needed…space to figure it out. I’m sorry if I hurt you with the way I went about doing that, I’m trying to figure out a good balance between pushing people away and dealing with my issues like a grown adult. I’m sorry for what I said yesterday.”

For a few moments you think he was just going to leave but, he turned his hand and intertwined his fingers with yours.

“It’s okay, we all have our baggage. It would be hypocritical of me to not understand that. I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t have yelled at you, that was unacceptable and completely out of line. I was upset about something else as well and took it out on you.”

You shook your head but he spoke before you could. “What I don’t get, is why you needed space from me to do it. I know I didn’t exactly help after but before - Did I overstep-?”

“No,” you rushed to assure him. “You’re fine, the problem was with me. It’s solved now. I’m good.”

“Are you?” His gaze on yours was still oblivious, but concerned and you couldn’t help but feel a rush of warmth for him.

“I am.” You gave him a small smile.

You two lapsed into silence, watching the city below you.

“Are you cold?” Bucky asked eventually, after you shivered.

“A little,” you admitted. “I’ve been out here for a while now. It’s my favorite spot to-”

“-think things out. I know.”

You smiled at his expression and pulled him towards the doors.

“You up for a movie?”

His smile was tentative. “More pop-culture lessons?”

“Of course, we have to make up for lost time. I’m going to introduce you to Mean Girls.”

* * *

Things went back to normal after that - mostly.

Taking Tony’s advice, you stopped accepting every date that came your way. You started running with Bucky again – and even introduced him to Jasper. In a weird turn of events, they got along swimmingly. Natasha’s taken to teasing Steve about it and you couldn’t help but join in sometimes.

Ironically, that’s when you end up meeting someone yourself.

It had been a regular day at the lab, everyone was out on lunch and you had needed to finish up your latest report. You’d been excited about a new addition you were creating to Sam’s wings when Pepper knocked on your door.

“Knock, knock,” she said, popping her head in.

“Pepper,” you smiled, saving your progress. “What are you doing down here?”

“I hope we’re not interrupting,” she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

“We?”

Behind Pepper stepped out a tall and slim man, dressed in formalwear.

“Yes, this is Alex,” she said. “He’s our new liaison for the compound – we’ll be opening another compound in D.C. and he’ll be going back and forth.”

“Hello,” you said, walking over to them.

“Alex, this is who I was talking about earlier,” she introduced you. “The Director to Stark Laboratories. She’s also a field agent, two identities we try to keep separate best we can.”

“Sounds tricky,” he joked, his hand reaching out to yours.

You smiled, a small static spark jolting you when you shook his hand.

“Yeah,” you said faintly. “It can be.”

He grinned at you, his warm brown eyes sparkling.

* * *

“I really don’t want to get Tony,” Wanda said, watching you set up the Secret Santa.

You always decided on Secret Santa as a way of saving everyone the time of finding gifts for every single person– which, without fail, every Christmas everyone did.

Tony had argued that there was no point in doing secret Santa when you all got each other presents anyway but by this time it had become tradition.

“You’re going to end up getting him something anyway,” you reminded her.

“That’s different,” she sighed. “There’s more pressure when he’s my pick!”

You laughed and shook your head. “Fair is fair, besides, what are the odds you’ll get him anyway?”

“You just jinxed me!” She exclaimed.

“Oh relax,” you poured all the name slips into the hat and gave it a good shake. “Let’s go.”

You walked out into the common room where everyone was lounging, Rhodey and Sam videoed in from their apartments.

“Alright everyone,” you said, “same rules as last year. For our new comers, the limit is fifty dollars, no gag gifts and no gift cards. May the odds be ever in your favor.”

Tony laughed and you shook the hat towards him. “Take your pick.”

You went around the room and when you got down to the last three slips you tapped on Rhodey’s face. Picking up the slip you closed your eyes and unfolded it near the camera.

“Got it,” he said.

You did the same for Sam and he grinned. “This’ll be fun.”

“That means he got me,” Tony groaned.

“You’d be so lucky,” Sam shot back and you couldn’t help but laugh.

* * *

Right as the clock stuck twelve on December first, it seemed like everything sped forward.

You were busy most days with Wanda’s birthday, she’d had a difficult year and you wanted her birthday to be extravagant and different. She definitely deserved it. Besides, you wanted to be sure that she didn’t feel looked over by Christmas.

At the same time, you and Pepper had also been planning Christmas and New Year’s. It was a stressful few weeks to say the least.

Thankfully, Tony’s well-used party planner stepped in and took the lead on New Year’s. It would be the biggest affair out of the three parties since Tony loved making everything larger than life. You glanced at the guest list and were pretty sure actual royalty had RSVP’d.

Christmas, on the other hand, was going to be an Avenger’s family event. Sam and Rhodey were flying in, Clint agreeing to drive down with his family. It’d been a while since you saw the kids and you knew Wanda would be dying to see baby Nathaniel Pietro.

However, everyone’s requests for the Christmas menu had you seconds away from strangling them all. You’d created a different menu for the kids, one for anyone with dietary restrictions and one for traditional foods – to say you were overworked was an understatement.

By the time you’d managed to have all your ducks in a row, it was a week before Christmas and you realized you hadn’t bought any presents yet.

“Are you kidding me?” You asked Bruce who shook his head empathically.

Everyone refused to brave the crowds with you and you resigned yourself to shopping alone when Bucky swooped in.

“I’ll go with you,” he said with a smile.

“You will?” You said hopefully.

“Of course,” he said.

“Good luck,” Tony snorted.

You glared and dragged Bucky towards the nearest mall before he could change his mind.

“So,” he asked after the fifth store. “How did you forget to get gifts until a week before Christmas?”

“I got distracted with the decorating, Wanda’s party, Christmas,” you huffed. “The wedding!”

Pepper’s wedding planner had taken the reigns but Pepper had still wanted your opinion for everything. Tony joked that at this rate, it looked like you were going to marry Pepper.

Bucky smiled and gestured to the crowds. “And you like this stress?”

Christmas music blared from the speakers and you laughed.

“Of course!” You grinned, linking your arm through his. “It makes people happy – Christmas is the best!”

Bucky startled at your touch and you frowned. He’d been acting a little distant in the last few days. You were too busy to think too much about it, but you’d noticed him pulling back again. You thought that maybe you’d done something wrong, but couldn’t think of anything. You’d both worked hard to get things back to a place where you were both comfortable around each other.

Steve had assured you that nothing was wrong. He claimed that the holiday’s always made Bucky feel sad. His sister, Rebecca, had loved Christmas too. However, your sixth sense had you questioning whether that was true or not.

You finally find a few presents for everyone, including your secret Santa and packed it all away into the car.

“Hey,” you said. You’d gotten an idea, one that would hopefully help with the weirdness that had popped up again. “You’ve never been in the city during Christmas right – in this decade I mean.”

Bucky laughed and shook his head.

“You want to go see something cool?” You looked around and pointed up the block. “We’re not too far. We could walk it.”

“Sure,” he said with a small smile, one you counted as a victory. “Why not?”

You walked towards Fifth Avenue, side by side, and stopped on the way to look at the store windows.

“My mom and I used to come out here all the time when I was little. She’d let me stare at the displays all night long and we’d end up at Rockefeller,” you shrugged. “I don’t see anything special about it but man, it was like a magnet. The tree was so beautiful to me. We couldn’t afford to ice skate but I loved watching people do it anyway.”

Bucky smiled. “Stevie loved Christmas back then too. The avenue would have displays out, just like these. Sarah, Steve’s mom, would come with us and we’d push through the crowds to see them.”

You both stopped at a window that had flashing lights and he nodded. “None of it was this elaborate.”

You laughed and pulled him towards Saks Fifth. “You haven’t seen anything yet.”

Arriving just on time, you brought Bucky towards an empty spot. Everyone around you had their phones out, ready and you smiled.

Lights projected onto the storefront and you held your breath through the brief tale. At the end, everyone clapped and you couldn’t help but join in.

Bucky smiled at your excitement and he pulled you away from the dispersing crowd. “That was definitely more elaborate than anything we ever had.”

You grinned. “It’s cool right? Tony took me after my mom died, I think we both sat through an hour’s worth of shows that Christmas.”

Bucky took your gloved hand and you smiled at him. “Now come on, I need to get to wrapping all these presents.”

You’d taken a step forward and because your life likes to imitate film, you were not prepared for the small patch of ice you stepped on. You stumbled, foot sliding out from under you, and tried to regain your balance. You managed to hit Bucky, square in the chest, who then caught you by the waist.

“I got you,” he said with a smile.

Laughing, you placed your arms on his shoulders and caught your breath. “Sorry, I didn’t even see that stupid ice patch.”

Finally steadied, a woman selling hats on the corner cooed at you two. “You two are such a cute couple!”

You dropped your hands from Bucky’s shoulders and took a small step back. His face looked like he’s just sucked on a lemon. You tried not to be offended but the wound was still fresh enough for it to sting.

Oblivious, she waved. “Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas,” you said weakly.

You both walked back to the car in silence. You headed towards the driver’s seat and started the car when he finally spoke.

“So, are you bringing Alex to Wanda’s party?” He asked suddenly.

You frowned, confused, changed gears and shook your head.

Alex, the new Avengers liaison, had instantly charmed you with his warm brown eyes and corny jokes. He’d convinced you to go out on a few dates with him but, his constant travelling had put a damper on anything that could’ve blossomed out of it. The team, however, had taken a liking to him immediately, even scoring an invite to Sam’s birthday party.  

You’d both agreed to take a step back from each other while the holiday’s started. You weren’t broken up about it, but Alex was a genuinely good person. He’d even mailed you a gift last week, a set of tickets to a Broadway show you’d talked about wanting to see.

“No, he’s not coming to the party or to Christmas,” you said, checking behind you for any cars.

“What?” Bucky asked, a little surprised. “Why wouldn’t your boyfriend come to Christmas?”

You smiled at him, still confused. “He’s not my boyfriend. We were just…enjoying each other’s company. He’s always on the road, bouncing around from D.C., New York, upstate, it’s a lot for him right now and the distance was making it hard to start something new.”

Bucky nodded and you braked at a red light. “So we’re taking a step back, enjoying the holidays with our families. Besides, I’d only really known him for a few weeks. It hadn’t become serious.”

“When?”

You shrugged. “Like a week ago?”

He just blinked at you and you laughed a little.

“Why do you ask?” He shook his head and muttered something inaudibly.

“Tony was right,” you said, turning to the left, hitting traffic.

“Words I never thought I’d hear you utter,” Bucky said and you laughed again.

“I need ‘me’ time and while it doesn’t need to be right now, I see what Clint and Laura have. I’d like that one day, you know? The person who could live in – Siberia and I’d think to myself: you know, I don’t mind moving as long as I’m with them. Because they make me happy and being apart from each other hurts,” you smiled.

“My mom used to say it’s what Tony and Pepper had because she was his sun and he orbited around her. No matter how much you resist, the sun always comes up and you always face the day. A one in a million type of love,” you nodded, hearing your mom in your head.

You think of Tony and Pepper, the way your aunt looked at your uncle and smiled at the memories. You turned to Bucky who hadn’t moved. “You know what I mean?”

He nodded at you but he got a far off look in his eyes. Maybe you’d gone too far? Clearly you weren’t great at hiding your feelings as you had initially thought and it made him uncomfortable. You were about to apologize when he turned to you and placed a hand on top of yours.

“Yeah, I know.”

* * *

Wanda’s party was going smoothly. You’d hired a magician for entertainment and Wanda looked ready to burst from excitement. She had a death grip on your arm since you’d walked in.

“Yes!” She shouted, delighted. “That’s my card!”

The magician had smiled and took a bow as she clapped furiously.

Natasha smiled next to you, her shoulder nudging yours. “This party is amazing, she’s really enjoying herself.”

“I know,” you grinned, watching Wanda whose eyes were glued onto the man on the makeshift stage. Tony was now standing up there with him, agreeing to be hypnotized.

“Have you seen Bucky and Steve?” You asked, looking around the room full of people and couldn’t find them.

“No,” Natasha said. “But there’s at least eighty people here, they could be lost in the crowd.”

“Steve’s never gotten lost in a crowd before,” you said with a knowing look.

“He’s right there,” Natasha said, pointing towards the bar. Steve was sitting next to Bucky, both men looking a little flustered. She didn’t wait, just made her way over to them.

You double checked that everything was going according to plan, making sure the caterers waited to bring out the cake. Pepper patted your hand and smiled.

“Go have fun sweetheart, I’ve got this covered.”

You smiled. “Thanks Pep’.”

Making your way towards the bar, you see Natasha standing between Bucky and Steve with her hands on her hips.

_Uh-oh._

“Hey,” you greeted, sliding in behind Steve. You waved to the bartender for another glass of wine and she nodded. “What’s up? Where have you guys been?”

Steve’s shoulders tensed and Bucky’s eyes drilled into yours. You shot him a look and he looked down at his glass.

“Rogers is being weird,” Natasha said, punching Steve in the shoulder. You laughed and thanked the bartender when she placed the wine in front of you.

“Have you seen Wanda yet?” You asked, eyes landing on Wanda’s who was now being twirled by Tony on the dance floor.

“Yeah,” Steve said. “She seems really happy, the party is great kiddo.”

“Thanks,” you grinned, taking a sip of your wine. Your shoes were killing you so you moved towards Natasha’s other side and placed your arm on Bucky’s shoulder. He straightened instantly, as if hit by lightning, and you gripped onto his metal arm for balance.

“Hold on,” you said handing him your glass and plucked your shoes off. You shrunk lower but wiggled your feet on the cold floor, happy the pinching was gone. “They were killing me.”

A slower song started in the background and you caught sight of Vision enclosing Wanda into his arms. You nudged Bucky, who still hadn’t relaxed and nodded to the couple.

“Aren’t they cute?” You smiled, knowing that Wanda and Vision had always been orbiting around each other. “So, boys, who’s going to take me out?”

Steve’s face looked like he had been punched and you frowned.

“Alright, fine Roger’s, don’t twist my arm,” you said.

“Buck?” You said, outstretching your hand.

He stared at your hand and then traveled up to your face. He watched you for a few moments, his blue eyes wide. Something was definitely wrong with these two and you couldn’t ignore it any longer.

“What’s wrong?” You looked between Steve and Bucky. “We always dance together.”

You grabbed Bucky’s left hand and squeezed it between the two of yours. His ears turned red and you ducked to catch his eyes.

“Bucky, what’s happening? You guys aren’t telling us something – is it a mission?”

Steve cleared his throat, shrinking away from Natasha’s glare. Bucky, however, flipped his palm up and interlaced your fingers together. You looked back at him and saw that he was staring at your hands. You dragged your thumb across his and he snapped his eyes up to you.

You stepped closer to him, his legs brushing against your thighs. “Are you having a panic attack? Do you want to go out onto the terrace?”

He shook his head, his grip on you tightening and you furrowed your brows.

“Buck,” you said quietly.

At that, he seemed to come back to himself and he suddenly dropped your hand.

“I need to go,” he said gruffly, shouldering past you.

You and Natasha turned to Steve, looking for answers but he flashed you his sad puppy eyes and you sighed.

“Go take care of that,” you waved him off. He sighed kissed your cheek and Natasha’s before jogging off after Bucky.

The DJ announced a few more tricks would occur before dinner was served.

 “ _Okay_ ,” you said drawing out the vowel and downing the rest of your wine in one gulp.

“Yeah,” Natasha said. “That was weird.”

“I’m not touching it with a ten foot pole,” you said, pinching the bridge of your nose. “I need to get to Christmas first. Whatever it is, they’ll handle it themselves.”

A spotlight suddenly landed on you and you heard a deep voice shout. “And we found a volunteer!”

Wanda’s voice beckoned you and you rolled your eyes at Natasha.

“If he makes me cluck like a chicken, promise me you’ll take me out.”

Natasha laughed. “I promise.”

* * *

Sam and Wanda groaned as you placed two plates of breakfast before them.

You snorted. “Eat up children, the hangover will go away faster if you eat.”

Tony walked into the kitchen and pressed a kiss to your temple. “G’morning Giggles.”

“Good morning,” you said, placing the pan into the sink and washed your hands. “You sticking around here for a while?”

He nodded. “You want me to take over babysitting duty?”

You laughed as Wanda groaned again. “Yeah, just make sure they eat and are ready to go in an hour. Rhodey and Clint are arriving at noon. I need this kitchen clear so that Sam, Pepper, Rhodey and me can start cooking.”

Tony eyed Sam dubiously and you laughed. You placed a hand on Sam’s neck and he sighed at your cool skin.

“He’ll be fine,” you said to both of them. “He’s making the turkey.”

Sam dropped his head into his arms and you laughed again.

“I’m going to find Pepper, we need to go over the plan for today again! Make sure they eat!” You yelled, walking towards the elevators.

Your entire morning is filled with a flurry of last minute wrapping and decorations. Noon had crept up on you and before you knew it, you were greeting Laura.

“Oh my god,” you hauled up Nathan onto your hip. “You’re so big! Auntie Wanda isn’t going to let you go the whole weekend.”

Nathan gurgled and clapped his hands, gummy smile wide.

Clint snorted, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “You two are welcome to babysit whenever you want.”

Laura laughed. “Absolutely, every night even.”

You smiled and the two kids slammed into you from the side. “Giggles! Giggles!” They clamored over each other and you bent down to give them a group hug.

“Alright kids, let’s not kill the good Director here,” Clint plucked Nathan out of your arms and you steadied yourself. “Where do you want us?”

“Well, since you offered…” you grinned and Laura laughed.

You put everyone to work and as the afternoon dragged on you hauled your team into the kitchen. Soon, the entire top floors smelled promising.

Sam had his phone connected to the Bluetooth and you couldn’t help but laugh at Clint, Rhodey and Sam as they sang along to Winter Wonderland.

You first caught sight of Steve as he helped Natasha set up the table.

“Hey,” you called out, wiping your hands on a towel on your shoulder. “He feeling better?”

Steve frowned and you could tell he felt bad about yesterday.

“It’s complicated,” he sighed.

You rolled your eyes and nodded. “Isn’t everything with us?”

At that, he laughed and you smiled. “Come on, it’s Christmas Eve – anything else can wait until tomorrow. Where are the kids?”

Natasha smiled. “Wanda and Vision are watching them in the den. Pepper whisked Laura off for a drink and said they’d be back soon.”

You snorted. “Of course.”

Sam shouted for Steve and he handed you the plates. You nodded and continued where he’d left off.

“I know I said I wasn’t getting into it,” you started.

“I don’t know,” Natasha said before you asked. “He’s been off all day, it’s like he’s hiding from you? I kept asking him in the morning during our run but he just kept saying he had a lot on his mind. He asked about Bruce and me.”

“What?” You placed the last plate down and furrowed your eyebrows.

“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “He asked the one question and then sprinted away from me.”

You thought back to your conversation in the car and sighed. “Shit.”

“What?” Natasha asked, putting down a wine glass. “What happened now?”

“I think it’s my fault,” you said. “I made him uncomfortable – he asked me about Alex and I just started talking about what Pepper and Tony had. I don’t know, maybe I went too far too soon?”

“But what -” Natasha was interrupted by Sam yelling out for you and you rolled your eyes.

“Whatever,” you said, squaring your shoulders. “We’ll deal with this later.”

Natasha smiled at you and you nodded, turning back towards the kitchen.

\--

After what seemed like a blink of an eye, you were all slumped in the living room in post-dinner food comas.

Everyone was holding either a drink or a cup of coffee, talking quietly to each other. You glanced around the room, your head on Tony’s shoulder and smiled. It had taken you all so long to get here but, you’d made it.

Two soft snores from the side made you straighten and you muffled a laugh at the kids, who were passed out cold.

“It looks like all the excitement tired them out,” you said to Laura who was smiling down at them.

“I think it’s because they know Santa will be extra nice to them this year,” she said with a knowing look.

“There’s a lot of us!” You said defensively.

Laura huffed. “Sure and the ten presents that are just from you?”

You smiled innocently at her and she laughed.

“I’ll go put them to bed, we’ll be right back – don’t open any presents without us!” Laura warned and you smiled.

“I promise!” You grinned at her silly expression.

They each had a kid in their arms and walked towards the elevators.

“Does everyone have their gifts?” Pepper asked. “Let’s get ready to open presents – everyone grab your gift from under the tree.”

“Shoot!” You said.

Steve and Wanda also winced. Tony laughed and you shot up. “I’ll be right back!”

You’d forgotten the present on your night table – the rush of the day had made you forget about it.

“Me too!” You heard Wanda say and you both dashed towards the elevator.

You get out the elevator first and dart into your apartment. You paused to make sure you’d gotten everything – you’d found a few miscellaneous presents for Tony and Pepper that you could give them tomorrow.

Present tucked under your arm, you grabbed a sweater on your way out.

“Friday, take me back to the common room.”

“ _Of course_ ,” the elevator moved and you smiled.

“Merry Christmas Friday,” you said, stepping out.

“ _Happy Holidays!”_ She replied.

You were still smiling as you walked down the hallway towards the living room when you caught sight of Bucky. He was standing right outside the doors, his hair a little disheveled.

“Hey,” you smiled at him. “What are you doing out-”

“Steve told me,” he blurted out, like a weight he couldn’t carry anymore.

You froze, a few steps away from him.

“What?” You stuttered.

“He told me about what he said to you – to upset you a few months ago,” he elaborated, his words coming out rushed. “That you’d meant that night as a date, what you were trying to do, and what you heard afterwards. That’s what made you pull away, that I really _was_ blind. I get it now, I understand these last few months.”

“Oh my God,” you hide your face in your hand. “Bucky, please, I _promise_ it’s fine. We really don’t need to talk about this.”

 He pulled your hand away from your face and you avoided his eyes. You wanted the floor to swallow you whole.

You were going to _kill_ Steve.

“We should talk about it, I want to clarify some things – starting with Katrina and the women-”

A siren went off in your head. “We _really_ don’t need to talk this out. I promise! You can do whatever you want with whoever you want.” Your heart was about to beat out your chest. “I have no business-”

“I was not flirting with Katrina. She wanted to do an interview with me, to help my image. I saw how stressed you were with Pepper and Tony’s wedding – Wanda and I thought it would help lighten the load on your plate a little.”

“Oh?” You said, feeling dumb.

Well, you _had_ asked Wanda to stay out of it.

“Yes. I don’t have any romantic feelings towards any of them.”

“ _Oh._ ” You felt like a broken record.

“And about what you overheard with Steve…”

 _Oh God, why was this happening_ – you just _had_ to make him uncomfortable the other day.

“Bucky, seriously, that was months ago now- you don’t owe me an explanation. It’s fine! I’m over it. I mean, I’m not _over_ , over it but I’m working on it. I promise!”

“What?” He asked, his eyes darkening. “What about Alex?”

You huffed. “ _I told you_! We were barely dating – what I felt for you it was… a lot. It took me forever to accept it and apparently it’s stubborn about going away but, I have it under control. We were good these past few weeks right? I was doing well!”

“Felt?” Bucky said.

“What?” You asked, confused.

“What you _felt_ for me?” His blue eyes locked on you and you couldn’t look away.

Your face burned red. “I guess – _feel_ – it’s complicated. I was trying to move forward. What I feel runs deep and it’ll take a while to completely fade but, I swear, it hasn’t affected me since we cleared the air. I can compartmentalize now, I’ve gotten better.”

Bucky frowned at you and you shifted.

“It’s not that I don’t like you – like that,” he stumbled over his words. “I was – _I am_ – scared.”

You winced, this conversation was so _painful_. You knew already that he didn’t like you back, why did you need to be rejected right now? On _Christmas?_

“Bucky, _I get it_ -”

“Please?” He asked you, his eyes vulnerable.

You sighed and nodded. If he needed to get this off his chest, you could push through it. After everything you put him through, you owed him.

“You’re the kindest person I’ve ever had the honor to meet. You’re so sure of everything you do, you’re so…you’re so unapologetically yourself. How could I _not_ feel - how can I not look at you and love you from the moment you helped me escape in Germany?”

Your eyes widened. This was _not_ going in the direction you thought it would. Your heart jumped and the feelings that you’d buried down deep started to awaken.

“I’ve always known, that I couldn’t have you. I’m not…I’m not a good person. HYDRA doesn’t control me anymore but what if – something happens? The last person I would ever want to hurt is you. I don’t want to ruin you with my darkness. That’s what I meant that day. You’re like-” he struggled to find the words but something flashed across his face. “You’re like the _sun_ and no matter how much I want to fly closer, I’ll always fall to the sea.”

Your stomach sunk at the look in his eyes.

“Bucky,” you said softly, cupping his cheek and he closed his eyes.

“You need someone _better_ than me, someone who doesn’t have this much blood on their hands.”

“Everyone has baggage remember?” You said.

“I know that’s what I said, but, I’m the exception doll,” he placed his hand over yours. “Being this close, feeling your warmth, that’s an honor in itself. I shouldn’t want to reach for more. I know my place, not too close to the sea and not too high in the sky.”

“Don’t I get a say in this?” You exclaimed at the finality in his tone. “Is this because of Tony? With what happened a few months ago? He’s just protective of me, you know that. He doesn’t control who I spent my time with. Besides, he all but gave me his blessing that night on the terrace.”

“It doesn’t matter-” he started and you frowned.

Your eyes widened in realization. “It’s the dates I went on, that’s why you kept asking about Alex. That bothered you – it changed your mind about me.” You felt hollow all of a sudden, taking a few steps back from him.

Bucky, however, didn’t let you get too far because he took your hand in his again.

“No, _nothing_ could change my mind about you, especially not something like that,” he sighed. “It seems I’ve always loved you and I always will.”

Your heart broke a little at his tone and he sighed.

“See,” he motioned to your face and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m always saying the wrong things. Everything that’s good in my life is always taken away. When I was – when I was _him._ The Soldat, there was another girl who had been taken prisoner.”

Your heart clenched, already knowing this wouldn’t end well.

“Before we could even – I showed the _slightest_ mercy and she was killed. Right in front of me. To remind me that I wasn’t allowed to have compassion,” his hands were shaking and you squeezed them. “I wouldn’t be able to handle it if something happened to you. You’re more important than everything else.”

His hands tightened on yours and you didn’t know what to say.

“I’ve known for a long time, that I’d end up here. I just never thought you would…”

Despite everything, you flushed and tried to catch his eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about it. I should’ve…”

“No,” he said. “I’m sorry that I didn’t see-”

You laughed lightly, this entire situation was so _typical_.

“I wasn’t jealous,” he said and you caught his eyes. “ _I wasn’t_ , I knew where I stood with you and always understood that I had to keep how I felt buried. You aren’t mine but that morning with- with the-”

“Hickey,” you said with a wince.

He frowned. “It wasn’t right, you weren’t mine to be jealous over. I let my emotions overtake me and that caused our fight. I just – you could never have _normal_ with me.”

“Normal is overrated.”

He smiled faintly and your heart tripped over itself.

“ _Kiddo? Bucky?”_

You were being called from the living room but you kept your eyes on Bucky. You stayed still, afraid that this would all disappear if you moved.

“This isn’t over, _promise_ me,” you kept your eyes on his. “I let you talk, you need to let me say my peace.”

He took your hand and pressed a kiss to your palm. “I promise.”

You nodded, trusting him, and walked into the room where your family all sat around the tree.

You’d barely sat down when a grinning Tony shoved a present into your lap. “Let’s go in order, Giggles is first.”

Rolling your eyes, you read the tag to the medium-sized box and grinned. Tearing into it, you found a stack of journals, each personalized. Your eyes widened, you recognized the largest one – it was one you’d admired in a storefront a few months ago. It could only be from one person.

Your eyes darted to Rhodey and he smiled at you.

“Thank you Uncle Rhodey,” you said with a wobbily smile, feeling a little emotional.

To his credit, he barely noticed and wrapped you up in a hug. “You’re welcome kiddo, I went back to get them that day. I think the shop owner could see your heart eyes from the street.”

You grinned. “They’re beautiful.”

“Alright, alright,” Tony picked a bag and dropped into Bucky’s lap.

You could tell by Wanda’s red ears that it was from her. Bucky delicately opened up a matching set of a hand-knit scarf, gloves and hat. He rubbed the material between his fingers and looked to Wanda.

“I know you like the cold,” she said, voice unsure. “But you never wear anything to fend it off. I took a few classes to try to get the fit right.”

He grinned and pulled her into a tight hug. “They’re great, thank you.”

Wanda’s face flushed but she had a pleased smile on her face.

Tony handed Vision your gift, a set of chef’s knives. Vision’s face brightened when he opened them and you beamed.

“You like them?” You asked and Vision grinned.

“They’re wonderful, thank you,” he said, giving you a hug as well.

“We’ll make you into a professional chef in no time,” you joked.

You’d gone around the room, watching everyone open their gifts. You knew that despite the Secret Santa rule, the next morning you would find a handful of presents for you waiting under the tree. Just like you’d sneak your own presents into everyone else’s rooms.

It was starting to get closer to midnight when everyone slowly retired to their rooms, giving you hugs as they passed.

“The food was delicious,” Wanda said, giving you a bone crushing hug as she left for the night. “Merry Christmas _maco_.”

Pepper yawned for the second time in the last minute and Tony smiled dopily at her.

“Let’s go,” he whispered.

Pepper nodded and pressed a kiss to your head as she stumbled towards the elevators, half asleep, and Tony shot you a meaningful look. You stuck your tongue out in return.

Only you and Bucky were left. You were on the loveseat and he was sitting by the coffee table, mug of tea still in his hand.

“I got you something for Christmas,” you told him after the elevator took Tony and Pepper up a few floors.

His gaze flickered away from the fire and settled on you.

“You didn’t have to,” he said quietly.

“I know,” you said.

A ghost of a smile appeared but it’s gone just as quick.

“FRIDAY, please play Bucky’s Christmas present,” you asked.

“ _Playing James’ Soundtrack,_ ” Friday announced.

Bucky startled at his name but turned to look at you confused.

“Steve told me how much you liked to dance before the war, that you had a different girl on your arm every night,” you teased, nudging him with your elbow.

To your surprise, he blushed.

“I know we’ve been teaching you about pop-culture but I put together a playlist of songs that were popular back then, so you have something familiar,” you shrugged, “if you don’t like it-”

_He was a famous trumpet man from out Chicago way_

_He had a boogie style that no one else could play_

Bucky grinned and shook his head.

“It’s been a while since I’ve heard this,” he laughed. “We always played music when we could, this was a crowd favorite then.”

You smiled.

“There’s a few,” you tell him. “FRIDAY, next song please.”

 _When you press me to your heart_  
_I'm in a world apart_  
_A world where roses bloom_

The slow song made your heart ache, you had added this song to the list since it reminded you of him.

“Next song,” Bucky said, his eyes on the floor.

_I love you, there's nothing to hide  
It's better than burning inside_

This time, you flushed, looking anywhere but in Bucky’s direction.

“I remember this one too,” he said softly.

Everything that you’d wanted to say earlier had flown out your head. You both let the song play and thought of your counter-argument, why this would work, why it wouldn’t, why it should anyway. The silence was tense and you were so tired of fighting this. Fighting your feelings, fighting your sadness, fighting _him_ – you were done fighting everything and everyone.

Everything in your life was complicated, who you were in the Tower, who you were as an Avenger, who you were to Tony, how you felt about Bucky - and really, after all the back and forth, you were _exhausted_. You wanted things to be simple for once.

So, you made a decision and stood up to face him.

 “Bucky, can I have this dance?” You asked.

He looked at your hand and you knew he saw through the question.

“Doll, I’m not…I’m not the Bucky from back then. He would’ve been better for you – better at this,” he gestured at the air between you two. “But, he’s gone and I don’t think I can get him back. I’m – I’m a _monster_ now. What if I break something and we can’t get it back?”

He slumped, defeated and you heart ached for him.

“You’re not a monster,” you told him, placing a gentle hand on his cheek. “I’m not some statue of virtue and innocence, and you’re not Icarus either. You’re…” you trailed off thinking of the right thing to say.

 _Forgive me for wanting you so_  
_But one thing I want you to know_  
_I've loved you since heaven knows when_  
_There, I've said it again_

“I don’t know the Bucky that Steve knew or the hero Sargent Barnes and I never really met The Winter Soldier like the rest of them,” you smiled at him. “I think, you’re just…James to me.”

You inhaled deeply and nodded to your own statement.

“Yeah, you’re James. Someone who saves me a spot on the couch during move night, someone who knows I hate strawberry jam, who tries his hardest to meditate with me but who can’t really get into it.” You laughed lightly.

“Someone who sketches me when I’m not looking, who laughs at my stupid jokes – someone who I know fights his demons every day and wins. Someone who cares about the little things and who I know is a good man, a _kind_ man, despite all that he’s been through.”

You squeezed his shoulder. “You try and that’s all anyone can do in this life, is _try_.”

The song’s melody echoed in the silence following your little speech. After a beat, you smiled sadly at him, knowing that this was it. You didn’t want to have the rest of this conversation. You both had tried and it didn’t work. You couldn’t force something to work – what wasn’t meant to be just wasn’t.

He must’ve seen you shutting down, your face closing, because he straightened.

“It’s okay, I’m fine,” you had moved towards the elevators when he stopped you.

“Please don’t leave. I do- I want to - it’s not because I don’t- feel-” he growled, frustrated with his stuttering. His jaw clenched a few times before he exhaled harshly. 

You watched him warily.

“James,” you said, and his face went blank.

“You’re entitled to your emotions. Even if you do…feel the same, you have the right to make your own decisions. I would never ask more of you than you’re willing to give.” You started to turn back towards the elevators. “You’re allowed to say no-”

“ _Yes,_ ” he all but shouts.

You stop mid-turn and blinked.

“Yes?” You echoed.

“ _Yes_ ,” he said, softer this time. “Yes, you may have this dance.”

The look on your face must relay your confusion because he closed the wide gap between you two and lead you towards the free room by the fire.

“FRIDAY?” He says uncertainty.

“ _Yes Sargent. Barnes?_ ” She answered over the new song.

“Please replay that last song,” he asked.

_“Of course,”_

The slow melody started and Bucky took your hand tentatively.

You furrowed your eyebrows but, he placed a hand on your back and started swaying.

“Is this okay?” He asked.

You nodded, relaxing into his touch but you pulled back a little.

“Bucky, you don’t need to humor me,” you told him. “I would never hold it against you. My friendship has no strings attached, the weirdness, it’s behind us, I promise.”

“I know, but I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of fighting, every day to remember that I’m okay, I’m safe. Fighting to be brave, to not fear a few words, to not fear crowds and my memory leaving.”

He sighed and you smiled encouragingly.

“I’m not sure about a lot of things. My future, my residence here, my body or even my life. But one thing I am sure about is that you’re my best friend and I am the luckiest son of a bitch in the world because all those men you dated, none of them stuck and I didn’t lose my chance.”

You smiled but still couldn’t seem to relax. His hand came up to your neck and you leaned into his touch.

“You don’t get it doll, it’s always been you. Even your old man didn’t scare me away.”

You frowned. “I thought Tony had-”

He shook his head. “It wasn’t who said it, it was _what_ Tony said. He was right, your life would never be worth mine but, you’re right too. What I feel for you – it’s all consuming. But more than that, I want you to be safe and while I don’t think I’m the smartest choice you could be making, I would be the dumbest man alive if I let you slip through my fingers. If you’re willing to take a chance on me…if you’re picking me, I want you to know that I’ll always pick you too.”

You let that sink in and broke out into a wide grin.

“Yeah?”

He nodded and you let out a soft laugh. You laid your head on his chest and allowed yourself to be lead.

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel pressured-”

“I’m more sure about what I feel for you than I have been about anything else since my life was turned upside down.”

“If we do this…I don’t think I’d be that good at casual,” you wanted to be clear.

“ _If_?” He said with a snort that you felt under your cheek. “Now that I have you in my arms, I’m not letting go for a long time.”

“Okay, _cariño,”_ you sigh, turning your face into his neck. “Okay.”

“Okay?” He said. “That’s it?”

You thought about it for a minute. The tension, all the fighting and the awkwardness. You thought back to Tony and Steve. How they both hurt each other in so many ways and yet it all ended with a little nudge from you – and a hug. For _once_ , you wanted something to be just simple.

You nodded. “Yeah. That’s it.”

His smile blinded you for a moment and you couldn’t help but return it.

 “You’ve called me that before,” he said. “What does it mean?”

“ _Cariño_? It means darling, it’s something my great aunt would call her husband,” you smiled sadly. “They were together for a long time.”

He smiled down at you, his eyes bright. “Everyone has a nickname for you. I should get one.”

You laughed. “Sure.”

He quieted for a moment before smiling. “ _Iubire._ ”

“What does it mean?” You asked, parroting back the word. 

“It means love,” he said.

You hid your smile in his shoulder but his matching smile meant he caught it anyway.

 “Can you say it again?” He asked after a while.

“Say what?” You laughed. “ _Cariño_?”

“My name,” he said quietly.

You were caught off guard for a moment, confused, but then you realized.

“ _James_ ,” you said. “Welcome to the twenty-first century James Barnes.”

He laughed lightly, his eyes a little shiny.

“The music was better before,” he teased.

You smiled. “I can imagine so,” you rest your head back onto his chest.

“But,” he said. “The girls now are much better.”

Grinning, you shoot him a playful look.

“All the girls?”

He smiled down at you and shook his head.

“No, just one gal. The _best_ girl,” he spun you both around and you couldn’t contain your giggle. “My girl, my _iubire_.”

 _I've tried to drum up_  
_A phrase that would sum up_  
_All that I feel for you_  
_But what good are phrases_  
_The thought that amazes_  
_Is you love me, and it's heavenly_

You realized he was humming along to the song, his ocean eyes not moving from yours. Moving the hand on his shoulder to his neck, you stopped the slow dance. Your eyes darted between his, trying to detect any hesitance. When you find none, you pressed your lips to his and there was a brief second where you were both tentative. A small sound broke the dam and he had your back to the wall in a heartbeat.

Finally, finally, _finally_.

You’d never been one for clichés or romantic gestures – you had spent most your time with Tony and that really spoke volumes to your cynicism. But even you had to yield to the lightness that came from his kiss. You felt like everything had come into focus, like taking your first breath coming out of water.

You were quickly consumed by him, his light touches, and small sighs. You eventually leaned back for air but his lips chased yours. You let out a light huff and he nosed at your neck.

“James,” you sighed.

You could feel his smile against your collarbone.

“Again,” he said quietly.

You grinned, threading your fingers through his messy hair.

“ _James._ ”

Before you could follow it up with a quip, he was pressing his lips against yours.

You were both so focused on each other that you didn’t hear the elevator open until Steve’s voice called out for him.

“Bucky?”

You jumped away from him, feeling like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar. Bucky laughed, his hand still holding yours.

Steve, no doubt, saw your red face and immediately turned an alarming shade of red himself.

“Sorry!” He whirled around. “I didn’t hear you come in after Natasha said good night, I was worried you’d fallen asleep on the couch…”

You laughed, a little incredulously. “Steve, we’re both fully clothed you don’t need to turn around.”

He smiled sheepishly as he turned back to you two.

“Sorry, I didn’t know – I didn’t think you two would _finally_ – especially not-” he took a deep breath and just shook his head. “Carry on!”

He was gone in a flash and you both looked back at each other.

You broke first, giggles escaping before you could really suppress them. Soon after, he was laughing with you.

Once the laughing settled, you took his hand and lead him towards the elevators.

“Let’s go to bed,” you said.

He shot you a look that awakened something else. You couldn’t help but press a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

Bucky smiled and wrapped an arm around your waist.

“Merry Christmas James,” you whispered in the quiet of the hallway.

“Merry Christmas doll,” he whispered back.

 _Forgive me for wanting you so_  
_But one thing I want you to know_  
_I've loved you since heaven knows when_

* * *

The first thing you noticed when you woke up is that you were alone. You grabbed Bucky’s discarded shirt from the sofa and put it on.

“Friday,” you said around a yawn. “Where’s Bucky?”

“ _He is in his apartment. He’s asked me to tell you that he’ll return shortly. Apparently, you’re out of coffee._ ”

You grinned, still giddy and in disbelief of last night. You’d both stayed up until the morning, only having gotten a few hours of sleep. You looked at the clock and realized he’d been gone for a while. You decided to go look for him.

The front door to his apartment opened easily enough and you could hear voices coming from the kitchen. You lightened your footsteps so that could make it to the doorframe without them noticing.

“Bucky, you can’t just give me one word answers!”

“Stevie, I will answer all your questions later. I have to get back to her.”

Steve stopped teasing. “I’m happy for you, Buck, she’s good for you.”

“ _Too_ good,” Bucky said.

Before either you or Steve could say anything Sam’s voice startled you all.

“ _Hot damn_ , girl. You look like you had a good night,” he winked as he bypassed you for the kitchen. His eyes darted to your neck and you clasped a hand over a particularly sensitive area, one that you knew had to be red from Bucky’s scruff.

Steve glanced back at you, surprised, but pleased.

You don’t know _why_ you had assumed that Bucky would be alone and tugged self-consciously at the shirt that barely reached your thighs. You flushed and gathering your hair at the base of your neck.

“ _Iubire_ ,” Bucky said, his shoulders relaxing.

“Oh hell, you two finally got your shit together?” Sam crowed. “ _Yes_! Happy and Bruce owe me twenty bucks!”

You narrowed your eyes.

“Before you say anything,” Steve said quickly. “Tony and I had nothing to do with it!”

You rolled your eyes and padded over to Bucky. You stretched on your toes and kissed his bare shoulder. Bucky leaned over and pressed his lips to yours.

Steve scrunched up his nose and Sam wolf whistled. You’d realized that the shirt rode up another inch and Bucky growled. “Stop eyeing my girl, Wilson.”

Sam grinned. “Everyone that’s awake is meeting up in the living room. Whenever you two come up for air, you should join us. Let’s leave the love birds alone Steve.”

Steve grinned at you both, his eyes happy and then they were both gone. The tension bled out of his shoulders and you snaked an arm around his waist.

“I’m sorry, I wanted to be back before you woke up, but Steve cornered me,” he turned in your arms and pressed a kiss to your lips. You stretched up and deepened it.

Leaning back, he nosed at your temple and you laughed.

“Steve’s a _huge_ gossip.” Bucky laughed.

“Come on, the food will get cold.” He led you to their dining table and placed both plates down.

You hadn’t realized how hungry you were until you had scarfed down half your plate. Bucky sat back, sipping at his black coffee and smiled at you.

“What?” You said, placing a hand on your head.

It had just occurred to you that you must have had horrible bed head. He shook his head and laughed quietly.

“You look beautiful,” he said sincerely, his eyes leaving a trail as they roamed your body.

You dragged your foot up his leg in retaliation and he grinned, catching you.

“You haven’t finished yet,” he nodded to your half eaten breakfast but his hand was already crawling up your leg.

You pretended to think thoughtfully, skin prickling as his hand neared your thigh. “I’m suddenly hungry for something else.”

He grinned and you squealed as he swept you up into his arms. “Bucky!” He laughed and laid you down on his couch. Not a second later, he mouthed at the already sensitive skin on your neck.

“Buck,” your breath hitched as he nipped at your collarbone.

His shirt that you’d put on went flying off and his mouth started trailing lower when you called out.

“Friday? Lock the elevators.”

“ _Floor access restricted._ ”

Bucky smiled into your stomach and you grinned in response.

“Maybe we should move back to your apartment.”

You huffed. “You’re out of your mind if you think I’m moving Barnes.”

He kissed you. “They’ll be banging on the doors if we wait until I’m done with you.”

You smiled, limbs shaking with anticipation and nonchalantly shrugged. “So they wait.”

He laughed.

* * *

_“Hello?_ Is this thing on?” Tony’s voice boomed throughout the room.

The chatter came to a stop and you wrapped an arm around Bucky, who smiled down at you.

“I know we always give out cliché speeches during New Year’s but, damn has this year been a tough one,” Tony said, a half-hearted smile on his face. He continued to speak but you kept shifting your weight until Bucky’s hand brought your attention back to him.

“Sorry,” you said, trying to alleviate the pinching in your feet.

Bucky laughed lightly and he nodded to your feet. “Take them off.”

“I can’t,” you whispered. “The party isn’t near over yet. If we leave, Tony will kill us.”

“You won’t be able to tell, your dress will cover it,” he said tugging softly on the deep purple dress you’d worn for the party tonight.

“Screw it,” you said, taking Bucky’s hand for balance and slipping your red shoes off. Your height difference lengthened considerably and Bucky laughed.

“Stop it,” you nudged him with your elbow and he chuckled.

“I’m sorry,” he smiled. “I just like it when I can do this.”

He leaned forward and placed a kiss to your head. You smiled and grabbed his jacket to keep him in place, enjoying his closeness.

“Oh, you’re up,” Bucky whispered into your ear. You straightened, looking around.

“It’s going to be a New Year with amazing new discoveries, partnerships and, unfortunately, new enemies – but! We have a stronger and united team. The past year was tough but we got through it and I’d like to make a special toast,” Tony raised his glass of cider up and everyone around you raised their glasses as well.

“I’m a little biased, but, I’d like to thank one person who went above the rest. A true leader who kept us all together when we couldn’t do it ourselves.”

You squeaked as Tony’s eyes searched the crowed. You tried to hide behind Bucky’s broad shoulders but he held you steady.

“Traitor,” you hissed and he laughed.

“There she is,” Tony grinned and lifted his glass. You felt all the eyes in the room turn to you. “To our Director and our resident babysitter. Thank you for what you’ve done for us this year and hopefully, we return the favor in the year to come.”

Your face flushed and deepened when a suspiciously Clint sounding voice yelled out: “Here, here!”

The room laughed and followed suit, cheering towards you.

“To our Director,” he took a sip of his drink and yelled. “Happy New Year!”

\--

You had been bombarded with familiar faces, asking you about your upcoming projects and any information you might have had on Tony’s new assignments. You managed to escape to the balcony after the tenth person had been distracted.

Inhaling deeply, you shivered in the cold air.

“You’re going to catch pneumonia,” Tony said and you jumped.

“I didn’t see you,” you admitted, alcohol clouding your mind.

“Clearly,” he draped his jacket around you and you smiled at him in gratitude.

“Nice speech,” you said with a half-smile.

Tony grinned. “I know how much you love being the center of attention.”

You punched him in the arm and he groaned.

“That’s the thanks I get?” He rubbed his shoulder and you rolled your eyes.

“Baby,” you link your arm through his elbow and watched the crowded streets. “Thank you. I appreciate the recognition.”

“You deserve more,” Tony said quietly, the muffled sounds of the party reaching you.

“Are you ready?” You asked him.

“For what?”

“For everything,” you sighed. “The wedding, the new enemies, the future.”

Tony looked pensive for a minute before nodding. “Yeah I got you kid, and Pepper, we can face anything.”

You grinned. “Clearly.” Tony snorted.

“So,” Tony cleared his throat. “I see your and shadow man finally sorted things out.”

You tensed. “I hadn’t had a chance to talk to you about it yet.”

Tony smiled at you. “You look happy.”

“I am happy,” you said quietly. “He’s – he’s my Pepper.”

He looked down at you, surprised, and nodded slowly. “I’m realizing that.”

The light through the sliding doors dimmed and you both turned to see Bucky leaning against the frame.

“Speak of the devil,” Tony muttered and checked his phone. “It’s almost midnight anyway, I should go find Pepper.”

“Stark,” Bucky nodded as he passed.

“Barnes,” Tony said, nodding back before he disappeared into the crowd.

“I’m so happy you two are best friends now,” you joked, reaching for him and he smiled sheepishly, slipping into your arms.

“We’re trying,” he said.

“I know,” you assured him.

“Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?” He said into your hair.

“You did,” you kissed his Adam’s apple and he shivered.

“You cold?” He asked, looking down at your bare feet. You smiled and shook your head.

“So, Sergeant Barnes, how do you feel about the new year?” You asked, arms going around his neck.

Like the first time you set your eyes on him in Germany, his eyes burned, looking straight into you.

“ _Twenty! Nineteen!”_

“I feel hopeful,” he said quietly and tightened his hold on you. “For once, I feel hopeful.”

You stared up at him, heart stopped, stomach fluttering and couldn’t help but think he really was your one in a million.

“ _Ten! Nine! Eight!_ ”

“Yeah? Me too,” you said.

He smiled at you.

_“Happy New Year!”_

You brought his face down into a deep kiss, one that you felt to the tip of your toes. When you drew back for air, his breath came out in puffs. You smiled at the cheers coming from the street and inside.

“Happy New Year,” he whispered.

You grinned and pressed a soft kiss to his jaw. “I love you.”

He stilled and looked down at you.

“I love you too, _iubire_.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boom! If I had a mic I’d drop it right now.
> 
> I know I said this chapter would be shorter, which it was, I just don’t know why I thought significantly shorter? Woops. Side note, if any betas are out there looking for a story to read, I would love it because I kept finding mistakes - just message me! If you find any in this, let me know. 
> 
> Halfway through the rough draft of this chapter, I realized I had been specifying too much about the reader’s sexuality. I know the reader is described as female so by default it is a female/male pairing but I wanted to try to keep the sexuality as broad as possible to fit (somewhat) into whatever possible.
> 
> One more chapter left! Since I’ve gotten such positive feedback here that I decided to make a little **[side blog](https://havecourage-darling.tumblr.com/)** , so, if you’re inclined - go find me there - say hi!
> 
> I should have a surprise for you guys for this last chapter! Hopefully, you’ll all like it!
> 
> As always, thank you for your wonderful messages! 


	8. It All Ended With

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, bear with me with this long intro!
> 
> So, to be completely honest, this story could’ve ended with Chapter Five – and I can acknowledge that this is definitely extra. I thought about editing it out but ultimately ended up keeping it. I am notorious for writing out of order (non-chronologically?) and this chapter was the first snippet I’d written of It All Started With. I think, because of that, I couldn’t let it slip away without posting it since I couldn’t find where to place it earlier in the story. Which, is why it took me so long to post it.
> 
> It’s kind of a mini story within itself? I don’t know but, it’s a lot of plot for a short period of time but I wanted to add it anyway. However, if you don’t like it – the story can definitely end with the last chapter.
> 
> I can’t believe I actually got to the end and posted this whole story up! I’m so thankful for your comments! I hope you like my little bonus angst/fluff chapter - again, sorry for any mistakes you find!

 

Before you were fully awake, you knew you were being watched.

“Stop it you weirdo,” you said, eyes stilled closed, voice muffled by your pillow.

A pair of lips grazed your shoulder and you smiled, his beard tickling your skin.

“’Morning doll,” he said quietly, pressing kisses along your collarbone.

His weight above yours was comforting and you felt his lips make their way higher. You tilted your neck to give him more access and felt his answering chuckle rumble through his chest.

You cracked open one eye and noticed that the sun was just starting to illuminate your room. You groaned and curled into him.

“Buck, it’s Saturday. Why are you always awake before the sun?” You shut your eyes and buried yourself into his side.

“I take that as a no to going running then?” He kissed your jaw and you sighed.

“You can take that as a _hell no_ ,” you smiled, blindly pressing a kiss to whatever you could reach. “How aren’t you tired? We barely went to sleep a few hours ago.”

Even with your eyes closed, you could see his sharp smile growing.

“Before I go, we could-”

“So help me Buck, if you woke me up for _that_ ,” you huffed at his sigh.

“Technically, you woke up by yourself,” he said.

“And now I’m going back to _sleep_ , by myself,” you tightened your grip on the comforter. “Tony and Bruce want me in the lab this afternoon. I’ll see you for dinner? It’ll be nice to finally have a free night to ourselves.”

Sleep was pulling you under, your eyes growing heavier.

“Yeah, I’ll take you somewhere nice,” he teased, pressing another final kiss to your head.

The bed shifted as he got up quietly, moving towards the bathroom. You yawned once more before settling into the middle of the bed.

* * *

“You two are going to kill me,” you groaned, half draped over the elliptical.

Natasha was running at a merciless incline beside you and she grinned.

“I let you sleep in until nine!” Her ponytail swung back and forth with each step. “Besides, you two have been in a bubble for months now. Your structure was slacking.”

You flushed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sure,” Natasha snorted. “I think the only reason why Tony hasn’t pointed out any of the beard burn is because he’s more constipated about it than you are.”

“Can we switch the topics please?” You pleaded.

“Yeah, how about we pick up the pace?”

You groaned again.

After a few minutes of comfortable, familiar silence you couldn’t help but ask.

“So, Bruce has been sticking around New York longer and longer these days,” you said casually, trying to keep your breath even as you ran.

“ _Really_?” She said, not even batting an eyelash.

“What?” You exclaimed. “I can’t even ask a question?”

She rolled her eyes and slowed down her pace.

“He says that there’s more work here now, with Tony and the compound,” she said, her face a little unsure.

“That’s good right?” You smiled encouragingly.

Natasha shrugged. “It has been so far. We’re both…not very traditional.”

You snorted. “Who is? Besides, it doesn’t _need_ to be anything. If you’re happy and he’s happy, that’s all that matters right?”

Natasha’s cheeks looked suspiciously pink before she tightened her ponytail and nodded.

“Stop trying to distract me,” she joked, slowing down to a stop. She hopped off the side of the treadmill and winced.

You frowned and slowed your pace down as well. “Is your knee still bothering you? You need to take it easy – I thought you were cleared?”

“I _am_ cleared,” she experimentally bent her knee. “I’ve just been slacking on my PT. I’ll go see her today.”

You shot her a look and she rolled her eyes. “I _promise_.”

Natasha started stretching out her quads when you checked the time and groaned.

“What?” She asked.

“I only have a few minutes to shower and get down to the lab. Shuri’s going to be conferencing in today.”

“Is this for the research for the hospital?” Natasha said.

“Yeah,” you grinned. “I’m excited to help out more, I’ve been busy almost all spring.”

Natasha nodded. “We all have. I thought I caught Bucky talking about volunteering at the hospital a few times?”

“Yes, he loves it. I think the kids like him better than me now,” you smiled. “I’m glad he’s found something out of this that he can do on his own.”

“ _Miss? Ms. Potts would like for me to let you know that she would like your opinion on the finalized seating chart.”_

You nodded, you had forgotten what with being woken up at the crack of dawn.

“Thank you Friday,” you said.

“ _You’re welcome!_ ”

Natasha frowned. “Why does it seem like you’re Friday’s favorite?”

You shrugged. “I’m everyone’s favorite.”

She snorted and you grinned.

“Wedding planning is almost done?” She asked as you packed up.

“Yes, thank God. I love Pepper and Tony but _man_ , it’s been stressful. October can’t come quick enough,” you joked.

Natasha laughed. “Come on, I’ll walk up with you.”

* * *

You were rushing out of your apartment with an English muffin stuffed into your mouth when you run into Pepper.

“Oh!” You said, a little startled in your haste to see her in your corridor. “Pep, I wasn’t expecting you today. Did I forget something?”

“No,” she waved away your increasing anxiety, a new side effect of planning a wedding, and smiled at you. “I just missed you. I thought I could walk you up to the lab.”

You smiled, affection rushing through you for Pepper. It’d been about three weeks since you shared more than a few quick moments with Pepper – you’d all but been holed up in your lab trying to get the project into its final stages. If you weren’t in the lab, you were on a mission or recovering from a mission. You’d mostly helped out with the wedding through phone calls, texts and e-mails.

“I know you’ve been busy,” Pepper tucked her arm into yours. “I’m just a little jealous that Tony gets to spend all his time with our girl and not me.”

You squeezed her hand and smiled. “I’m sorry Pep-”

“Don’t be sorry,” she squeezed your hand back. “I’ve been there. I was traveling so much two years ago I think I saw you once all summer.”

“Yeah, that was a rough year,” you frowned.

“How’s the project going?” She asked with a soft smile.

You both walked towards the elevator as you gave her a quick run through.

“I think this would make such a huge difference in a lot of people’s lives,” you breathed, trying to cut off your rambling. “Sorry, I’m excited about it.”

“Just like always,” Pepper grinned. “I know you told me you took Bucky to your mom’s grave last Monday – I wanted to ask if that went okay.”

You ducked your head, smile growing. “Yeah, he talked to her a lot. I didn’t think it would be so…”

“Natural?” She offered up.

You nodded. “It’s always surprisingly easy with him.”

Pepper clasped her hand, delightedly. “I’m so happy for you sweetheart.”

You flushed. “ _Pepper._ ”

“No, hear me out,” she stopped you. “I’m so proud of you, for everything you’ve done these past few years. Your doctorate, your work at the hospital and Tony’s charities. How you’ve kept this makeshift family together – especially me.”

She took your hand in hers. “I could not have gotten this far with the planning without you. There would be _no_ _wedding_ without you. I’m just so honored to have been able to witness your achievements. I would give anything so that your mom could see it too but, I know she’d be proud.”

You felt the familiar pressure of tears building and immediately looked up towards the ceiling.

“Pepper,” you groaned. “Are you trying to make me cry?”

She dabbed at one eye and smiled. “I didn’t mean to, I’m just so thankful for you.”

You wrapped her up in a tight hug and smiled into her shoulder. “I’m thankful for you too Pep’.”

She laughed lightly and you both broke apart when Tony’s voice drifted out into the hallway.

“Why are you two hugging like it’s the last time you’ll see each other?”

You rolled your eyes and pressed a kiss to Pepper’s cheek. “Breakfast tomorrow?”

She winked at you. “Just the two of us.”

Tony stepped out the doorway and wrapped an arm around Pepper’s waist.

“What’s going on?”

Pepper smiled. “I’m stealing your Director tomorrow morning. Even higher management needs a break sometimes.”

Tony snorted.

“No boys allowed!” You said, waving and walking into the lab.

“Not even me?” Bruce asked with his trademark small smile.

“Nope,” you smiled. “Where are we with stage five?”

“I had a breakthrough last night,” a familiar voice said from behind you.

You swiveled around and grinned when you came face to face with Shuri.

“Shuri!” You greeted.

“Hello Director,” she joked. “It’s been too long!”

You nodded. “It has! We need to sync up our schedules.”

“Definitely,” she smiled.

“Hello Director,” T’Challa waved from over Shuri’s shoulder.

Before you could greet him, Shuri frowned.

“What have I said about wearing shoes in my lab?” She yelled.

\--

“I think,” you said cautiously, “ladies and gentleman, we might have just entered the final stage.”

Shuri crowed and Tony grinned.

“Did you doubt that we would?”

You frowned. “After three weeks? A little.”

Bruce laughed and you smiled at him.

“Let’s take a break then – how’s Okoye?” You asked Shuri, taking your glasses off.

“She’s good,” Shuri slumped over in her seat. “We received our wedding invitations last week. She is excited to meet Mrs. Stark.”

Tony froze and you glanced at him worriedly.

“Tony?” You said. “What?”

“Nothing,” he shook his head. “I think that’s the first time I heard someone refer to Pepper that way.”

“What?” You laughed. “As Mrs. Stark? I thought she was keeping her last name.”

“It’s up in the air still,” Tony shrugged. “I have no opinion on it.”

“Cold feet Mr. Stark?” Shuri teased.

“Absolutely none,” he smiled and Shuri grinned.

You snorted, stretching your back. “After all the stress, fights and worrying – I will glue you to the damn alter if I have to. _Someone_ better be getting married.”

Shuri let out a peal of laughter and even Bruce smiled.

Tony slung an arm around you and you nudged him with your elbow.

“Have I said thank you yet?”

“For what? The wedding? Or making your life a lot more interesting?” You smiled jokingly.

“For everything,” he said.

“Aw,” you wrapped your arms around his waist. “Don’t get sentimental on me! Pepper almost made me cry in the elevator this morning. Are you two trying to pull something on me?”

“Giggles, I would never,” Tony said.

You huffed.

“Dinner time?” Natasha’s voice came from the doorway.

Bruce straightened, his face softening and you couldn’t help but smile.

“What time is it?” You turned to the clock and shouldn’t have been as shocked as you were. “Jesus, we’ve been here for hours.”

“See you all tomorrow?” Bruce asked, hand stretching out towards Natasha’s.

“Sometime mid-afternoon, I’m not too good on mornings,” Tony said, putting a few things back in their places.

You rolled your eyes and pushed your hair out of your face.

“Friday, where’s-”

“He’s with Steve and Sam in the gym,” Natasha called over her shoulder.

You frowned. “I could’ve been asking for anything.”

“Sure,” she said teasingly.

Tony snorted behind you and you glared at him.

“Pepper’s in her office,” Natasha said to him, making him choke on his laughter.

You shot him a pointed look and laughed.

\--

You managed to slip into the gym without anyone noticing, something that would warrant a lecture of awareness from Natasha, and watched Steve and Bucky fight until Steve was thrown onto the ground.

Sam, of course, laughed.

Bucky turned on him and Sam raised an eyebrow. “You want some of this?” He took a few steps forward and you called out to them.

“Hey Falcon, you want some back up?”

Bucky turned the quickest towards you, his hardened posture softening and eyes lighting up at the sound of your voice.

You smiled, stretching your shoulders as you walked towards them. Sam grinned and looped an arm around your waist.

“Sure thing, good lookin’,” you stifled a grin at how Bucky’s eye twitched at your pet name. You knew Sam did it on purpose to rile him up. “I’ll take your boyfriend and you hand Captain his ass to him.”

You dragged your eyes to Steve who was smiling down at you. You smirked and nodded.

Within minutes, you knew that you didn’t have much a chance at endurance without a weapon so you dashed towards the far corner, where you knew Wanda kept a pair of escrima sticks.

“Cheating!” Steve called out, but threw a kick in your direction.

You laughed and ducked.

It helped you level the playing field enough to where you weren’t only on defense. You ducked, landing a solid kick to his side and turned to see Bucky holding Sam in a chokehold.

“Switch!” Sam said, panting and twisting out of Bucky’s hold.

You smirked and jumped onto Bucky’s back. Surprised, he stumbled and laughed lightly at your clingy hold on him.

“Is this supposed to make me want to fight you?” He asked, his voice soft. You smiled and moved until you were positioned correctly.

“No, since clearly I’ve already won,” you said, pushing against a pressure point, making him drop to his knees.

You adjusted your grip and he fell backwards onto the mat. You swiftly moved so that you were straddling his torso - your grip on him tight.

“I win,” you grinned.

He huffed. “I let you win.”

“You wish,” you scoffed. “You’re getting soft Barnes.”

His hands broke from your hold and landed on your waist, inching up to your sides.

“Yeah?” Bucky asked, eyes darkening.

You smiled. “Yeah.”

He surged up, a hand going to your back to secure you, and pressed a kiss to your lips.

After a beat, you heard Sam tell Steve: “I don’t know if this is better or worse than when they were pouting at each other.” To both of you he hollered, “It’s been months! You two shouldn’t still be chasing after each other like teenagers!”

You broke the kiss and Bucky huffed.

“It’s better,” Steve laughed, “this is definitely better than the fighting.”

“Dinner?” You said to Bucky.

He nodded. “I’ll meet you in the lobby in twenty minutes.”

\--

“That was amazing,” you said to Fatima. Bucky came up behind you and placed a hand around your waist.

“Yes,” he said. “We’ll need to bring the team with us next time.”

“I’m so happy you liked it, I was very excited to hear you two made another reservation,” Fatima grinned, her eyes happy. “It’s been almost a year!”

“Me too,” Bucky said, pressing a kiss to your head. “I hope we see you soon.”

“Of course!” She kissed both his cheeks and went to hug you. “I told you, _piccola_ , a good fruit takes long to ripen.”

You laughed and kiss her cheek. “Good night, Fatima.”

“ _Buonanotte_!”

You followed Bucky out of the crowded restaurant and onto the sidewalk.

“It’s still early, you want to go to that book store you like?” Bucky asked. “It’s only a few minutes away.”

You smiled. “You mean, do I want to go to that bookstore I like that also sells art supplies?”

Bucky flushed and you laughed. “Yes, I don’t mind.” You grabbed his hand and he squeezed it.

You walked towards Pearl Street together, quietly taking in the evening.

“Without the sun, it’s less miserable,” you told him, happy for the warm breeze that blew against your skin.

It was early September but, New York City summers always dragged on for as long as possible and as _humid_ as possible.

Bucky pulled you closer as you rounded the corner where the shop was located. There were two girls, sitting on a stoop nearby, smoking and talking animatedly.

You both saw the dark shop and a closed sign in the window. You furrowed your brows and turned to Bucky. “They’re not usually closed this early, I wonder if they moved?”

“The owner had an emergency,” one of the girls from across the road shouted. “She couldn’t find someone to help her out and had to close. Said to let anyone who came by know.”

You lifted a hand in thanks and you frowned. “Next weekend?”

Bucky smiled. “It’s a date.”

You nodded towards the main street and the Brooklyn Bridge. “Want to make this date really cliché and walk the bridge? We can call for a car in a few minutes.”

“Yeah, it’s been a while,” Bucky took your hand and pulled you forward.

You walked quietly, a few groups of people were still around despite the hour. Eventually you reached the middle of the bridge and you pulled Bucky off to the side. You leaned your arms against the railing and looked out at the water – towards the skyscrapers. You took a deep breath and closed your eyes.

Bucky’s back came up behind you, arms leaning around you. You smiled. You looked over your shoulder and caught his eyes. “I love the city at night.”

He placed a kiss on your neck, nudging your head to give him more room. You smiled and leaned back obligingly.

“My mom would take me up onto the Tower’s rooftop and we’d eat dinner with Pepper and Tony if he wasn’t busy. I could just barely make out this bridge in the distance. We’d people watch and make up stories about where they were going or what they were doing. Wanda and I still do it sometimes.”

Bucky huffed.

“It’s such a cliché,” you said quietly, “but I love it. I love the lights, the noise, the buildings – everything.”

“Spoken like a true New Yorker,” Bucky joked, resting his chin on your shoulder.

“Talking about clichés,” you joked.

“I don’t hear you complaining,” he nipped at a particularly sensitive spot and your skin burned. You turned around, leaning your back onto the railing and brought your hands up to his shoulders.

“I’m not,” you said with a smile and placed a soft kiss to his jaw. “I’m lucky, I’m really lucky that you picked me.”

“Doll, I think you have it the other way around.” His hand came up to your chin and tilted your head up to meet his eyes. “I love you.”

You broke out into a wide grin. You would never get tired of hearing him say it.

“I love you too.”

* * *

The next morning you were, as usual, in the gym on a treadmill with Natasha at your side. Bon Jovi was suddenly cut off as the chorus was building, confusing you.

“Friday?” You called out, looking around to see a reason for the interruption.

“ _I’m sorry Agents_ ,” Friday said. “ _Secretary Ross has requested for both of you to be present for an assignment in Mr. Stark’s lab, right away.”_

You slowed your treadmill down and looked at Natasha. She was frowning and already hopping off her machine.

“I thought we didn’t take missions from him anymore?” You asked, grabbing your bag from where you’d thrown it when you came in.

“We don’t,” Natasha followed you to the elevators. “Friday, who else is being called in?”

“ _Mr. Stark, Dr. Banner, Ms. Hill, Mr. Wilson, Ms. Maximoff, and Mr. Rhodes._ ”

Your brows went up and even Natasha looked a little shocked. Assignments now usually only called for two or three of you from the team and back-up from the compounds. In fact, assignments almost never called for Bruce to be in the field.

“This must be bad,” you told Natasha, trying to tug your sweater on. “Especially if Tony’s letting Ross in again.”

“Let’s see,” Natasha exhaled harshly and stalked out of the elevators.

\--

The briefing had only taken a few minutes, Wanda had immediately pressed herself to your side and you stuck to Rhodey’s.

Something was wrong, this wasn’t standard protocol. Tony said that he couldn’t afford to piss Ross off and you’d all agreed but it was still weird that little to no information was given except the objective.

A few of you settled in the living room, gearing up to watch a movie with stacks of pizza in the kitchen. While everyone seemed to be okay you couldn’t help but still feel off.

“I know they said it should be simple, isn’t it weird that they have Tony, Rhodey, Wanda, Natasha, Sam and me on a mission that’s _simple_?” You asked out loud, your sixth sense nudging you.

“I thought it was recon and recovery?” Bucky asked.

“Who needs that much manpower for a recon mission?” Natasha frowned, she looked unsettled too.

“Who knows why Ross is asking, at least he’s asking this time – besides, Tony accepted right?” Steve said. “If you don’t feel comfortable, you should say something. I could go in your place.”

“It’ll be _fine_ ,” Sam said. “I got your back kid.”

“Thanks,” you rolled your eyes but smiled. “Is this it?” You looked around your living room at Wanda and Vision on the loveseat, Sam and Steve on the sectional and Natasha walking in from the kitchen.

“Bruce?” You asked.

“Sleeping,” Natasha answered.

“Tony?”

“Working.”

“Pepper?”

“ _Working_?” Sam answered, tone indicating the opposite.

 _Ugh_ , you scrunched your nose. “I don’t want to know if that’s code for something.”

Sam laughed and played the movie.

You buried yourself into Bucky’s side and felt him press a kiss to your head.

Smiling, you tilted your face up to his. He shot you a soft smile, a _private_ smile he saved for you. Unable to resist, you leaned up to kiss him.

“Jesus, can you two keep in it your pants for one evening?” Sam threw some popcorn at you both. “There are children present.”

Natasha and Wanda laughed but you just rolled your eyes.

“Alright, alright, don’t get all flustered,” you said and Bucky laughed. You pressed one last kiss to Bucky’s chin and tried to ignore the unease in your stomach.

* * *

You knew that something wasn’t right with this mission. The recovery had quickly gone south, and the plan had flown out the window when about three times as many soldiers as expected were hiding in the site you had all infiltrated.

“ _Romanov_?” Tony’s voice came from your coms as you pulled a masked soldier off of Wanda.

“ _Tony_ ,” Natasha’s voice came out strained. “ _I’m nowhere near the office. There’s too many of them, I can’t find a clear path and I’m burning out.”_

“ _Giggles? Red?”_ Tony asked.

“No, we’re still outside,” you grunted when a punch landed on your side. You whirled around and knocked them over.

“We cannot make it inside,” Wanda said, her voice also strained by trying to hold the shield up and strike down as many as she could.

“ _If anyone wants to supply us with back up that would also be appreciated_ ,” Hill huffed. “ _Wilson, a little help?”_

_“I’m trying!”_

You heard Tony sigh and slammed your baton into another body.

 _“Alright, screw this, we’ve lost the element of surprise anyway. Back off everyone._ ”

“ _Kiddo, I’m coming for you,”_ Sam said. “ _Ten seconds_.”

“ _Wanda – I’m right behind Wilson_ ,” Rhodey said.

“We’re ready,” Wanda responded.

Out of the corner of your eye you see a group of soldiers form around Wanda, a device in their hands, and you realize they must have something that disabled her energy source. As it activated, Wanda’s shield flickered and she screamed out.

_Who are these people?_

Sam caught your eye as he started diving. You looked for Rhodey but saw that he was a few yards away.

“Take Wanda first!” You screamed at Sam.

You ran towards her and pushed her towards Sam, who rolled with the change and scooped her up quickly. Wanda yelled in confusion, breaking her force field. Rhodey started diving for you, Sam’s gunfire keeping some of the men away from you – but it was too late.

“ _No_!” Rhodey shouted, his suit closing in on you but you went down.

The soldiers diving for Wanda slammed into you and quickly overwhelmed you. Kicking, you buckled a few off of you but soon, a pinch in your arm numbed you.

The last thing you heard was someone shouting your name.

\--

This wasn’t the first time you’d been kidnapped, as bizarre as that sounded. One didn’t become part of the Avengers and managed to evade being kidnapped once in their lifetime.

If Natasha were here, she’d snort and agree with you.

However, because of your experience, you knew that you had thrown off their plans. You’d quickly realized that _they_ were HYDRA. Clearly, they had intended to nab Wanda but instead had gotten you. You’d also realized that all the men send in to try to pry answers out you so far, weren’t the ones in charge – or the ones who specialized in retrieving answers.

You probably had a black eye, based on how it throbbed. Your lip was definitely split and there was a cut on your cheek that had already stopped bleeding. No bones were broken yet and no psychological approach had been taken – that’s how you knew they were all just the muscle, probably trying to see how easy you were to break.

Unfortunately for them, you didn’t intend on breaking. From what you could tell you had been in the cell for over forty-height hours with no food and barely enough water. Only three soldiers had tried asking questions before giving up after a few punches.

Clearly, they’d searched you but not thoroughly. They had taken any obvious weapons and most of the not so obvious ones but their first mistake was leaving you with your boots. You’d scanned the room for any obvious cameras and realized it didn’t matter even if they were watching you. They had been clearly buying time until upper management arrived.

You removed your boot and pushed the right side to reveal a small switchblade. You pushed the left side and a small capsule rolled out.

The irony of holding what was originally HYDRA’s invention while you were being kept by them didn’t escape you. You looked at it and frowned. If the team hadn’t found you yet, after this long, it was likely a complicated situation.

You tucked the capsule under your tongue, just in case. It couldn’t be accidentally activated, you’d had to crush it and swallow for the poison to release. You knew, intimately, the torture tactics that HYDRA used. While you had been trained to withstand basic level of torture, you knew you couldn’t hold out for much.

 _There’s only so much anyone can teach you,_ Natasha’s voice rang in your mind. _Know your limitations._

While there was a chance that they didn’t know who you really were, there was a chance that they did – especially since they hadn’t killed you yet. You knew a lot information that had to die with you if needed.

From the few times you’d heard someone pass by, you knew you were being kept in a scarcely populated cell block. While it wasn’t the smartest idea, you couldn’t wait around for someone who did know what they were doing – you had to try to make a break for it. What was the worse that they could do? There was no use in waiting around for someone to snap your arm or put a bullet in your head.

As if confirming your plan, you heard light footsteps coming towards you. You placed the chair in front of you, ready to slam it into whoever opened the door.

Right as the door creaked open, you kicked out the metal chair. You ran forward, knife poised to kill.

A flash of red stopped you from slicing their throat open. You released your grip on Natasha’s shoulder and hugged her.

“Thank fuck,” she whispered.

She hugged you back for a brief second before handing you a coms unit from a pocket in her hip. You put it in your ear and heard her voice.

“I found her,” she said, hand still holding your wrist.

“ _Is she alright?”_ Bucky’s hard voice asked.

“James,” you said, strapping weapons onto you that Natasha was handing you.

You heard Bucky exhale harshly.

“ _Giggles! You okay_?” Tony asked, his voice sounding worn out and you could practically see his worried expression in your mind.

“I’m fine,” you said, “they punch like third graders.”

At that, Natasha cracked a small smile and you nodded. “What’s the plan?”

“We figured out you were being hidden in their headquarters – this place is _huge_. They weren’t even on our radar. I knew this mission was suspicious.”

“They kept me knocked out and I woke up inside the facility already but from the warping of the sound I thought I couldn’t be too low down,” you followed Natasha through a maze of corridors, staying close. “How did you find me?”

“ _I had a GPS tracker set into your molar on a visit to the dentist when you were twelve_ ,” Tony said.

“Really?” You asked incredulously.

“ _No_ ,” Tony snorted and you rolled your eyes. “ _They didn’t destroy your arrows and there’s a tracker in the arrowheads. Where there’s smoke there’s fire_.”

“ _The problem wasn’t finding you but being able to get in_ ,” Bruce’ voice joined the others. “ _Without our best hacker it was a little more difficult finding a weak link to send someone in without getting caught_.”

“ _Barnes and Rogers are setting the place to blow up and Tony’s gathering intel before we do – the rest are on standby.”_

“The whole team?” You asked, helping Natasha quietly take down two security guards.

“ _No_ ,” Bruce said. “ _Almost the entire upstate compound, the soldiers are ready for ground control once the alarm sounds off_.”

“What?” You fought to not screech.

“ _Giggles, I had to lock Pepper into her office to keep her from stealing a jet and joining us. I don’t even know how Wakanda got ahold of what happened because T’Challa offered his services in retrieval. Okoye and Shuri looked ready to ship out at a moment’s notice_.”

You rolled your eyes. “And you drew the short stick and were tasked with getting me?” 

Natasha frowned. “Stark and Barnes were too emotionally invested to do the job right.”

Tony protested but quieted down quickly.

“Please, don’t flatter me Romanov,” you said.

“I know how to keep a clear head,” she replied.

“ _Alright, look alive, we have movement,”_ Sam said.

“ _Alright teams, get in formation_ ,” Bruce said. 

There’s a few more sounds from below you and a loud screeching alarm sounded. Natasha sighed and you both broke out into a run.

“Beta team?” Tony said.

“ _We’re good,”_ Wanda and Vision said.

Wanda and Rhodey’s voice joined theirs. “ _In position_.”

Finally, a new voice surprised you. “ _I’m on the roof, I’ve got a good view from here.”_

“Clint?” You said, this time more than a little shocked.

“ _Hey kiddo_ ,” he greeted.

“ _Get ready, they’re going to spill out to you_.”

“ _Sam, Vision and me have the air,”_ Rhodey said. “ _Everyone else stick to the plan_.”

“ _Code green?”_ Bruce asked timidly.

“ _Not yet_ ,” Tony responded.

You and Natasha slowed to a stop and you tried to catch your breath, your tongue hitting the capsule by your back teeth. You’re reminded to spit out the pill and it landed by a cracked tile. You saw Natasha stare at it before turning back to you. Her passive expression cracked a little as you frowned.

“I knew I was going to break eventually,” you said quietly. “If worse came to worse, I couldn’t let them get anything from me.”

She nodded, understanding. Not lingering, you both managed to find an empty side exit.

“Where do you need us?” You asked, already jogging around the corner. Natasha stopped you right as you turned.

“We’re out,” Natasha said.

“ _Giggles, you’re probably not in the best condition right now. We need as much back up as we can get but you’re not needed yet_.”

“What?” You huffed, ignoring the twinge in your chest. “Are you kidding me?”

“Vision, just like we planned,” Tony said.

Vision instantly scooped your up into his arms and deposited you on a rooftop.

“Hey!” You protested, looking up at him.

Vision frowned and shook his head. “You’re weak from your time here, you will be most useful on the roof.”

With that, he flew off. You were about to demand that he bring you back down but you knew he was right – you were dehydrated and your shoulder had a twinge in it from the last round of punches you’d received a few hours ago.

“There’s a bottle of water in the duffel,” Clint’s voice came from behind you.

You smiled at his frown and took a few slow sips of water.

“You came out of retirement for little ol’ me?” You joked.

“You bet your ass I did,” he said, shooting off another round of arrows. “That cut looks nasty.”

“Looks worse than it is. You have the goods?”

He nodded towards his other side where a second set of bow and arrows laid. Your batons were attached to the bag holding your arrows in their signature crisscross and you smiled.

“Let’s do some target practice,” you smiled at Clint’s laugh and you both started shooting.

You could see from your advantage point that the majority of the fighting was going on from the west side of the compound. However, there were a few stragglers on the south side, where Natasha seemed to be struggling with the growing number.

You changed your aim to help pick off a few from her side but kept worrying you were going to hit her with how hard she was swinging around. Your brain was sluggish and you tried to form an alternate plan when Natasha took a swift kick to the head, throwing her.

You knew Vision wouldn’t help you and there was no way you would get down in time.

“ _Sam_! Get me down to Nat, I’m going to help her on the ground.”

“ _Copy that_.”

“Kid,” Clint warned you.

You chugged more water before Sam came into your view.

“I’m fine,” you insisted. There was no way you were letting Natasha go down alone. “Call for reinforcements when you can.”

Sam dove for you and you were dropped off next to Natasha, who was already up and fighting off the next wave of agents.

“I didn’t need help,” she grunted as she knocked over another agent. “You’re not at your fullest.”

Before you could respond, you shot over her right shoulder, knocking out an agent aiming for her.

“Okay, maybe I’m a little understaffed,” she conceded, flipping another one over.

You laughed, getting to work, “You _all_ need me.”

“ _Explosives planted,_ ” Bucky’s voice confirmed in your ear.

“ _I’m done, on my way to you Buck,”_ Steve said. “ _Waiting on you Stark.”_

“ _Just because I’m a certifiable genius does not mean I can force the hacking to go any faster gentleman_ ,” Tony responded. “ _Rome wasn’t built in a day._ ”

“Can you two flirt later?” Natasha asked. “They’re not slowing down and we’re on a schedule.”

“ _Is the infamous Black Widow saying she can’t handle a few HYDRA agents?”_ Tony quipped.

Natasha rolled her eyes as she disabled another agent. You snorted and kept close to her.

“Just hurry up,” she growled.

“ _Done and done. Heading back your way kids, I’ll cover you while you get back to the jet. Capsicle and shadow man, get out of there._ ”

“Great,” Natasha snipped.

“ _Touchy, touchy._ ”

A grunt of pain in your ear made your hair stand on end.

“Who was that?” You asked.

“ _Shit, I’m hit,_ ” Clint’s voice grunted. “ _Sam, a little help here._ ”

“ _I’m on it, I’m taking him back to the quinjet,”_

“Clint?” Your voice took on a note of hysteria.

“ _It’s through and through, I’ll be fine,_ ” his assurances washed away as soon as you heard Sam shout.

“ _Shit._ ”

“ _Sam, help Legolas back. Wicked Witch of the East, look alive, Vision is heading towards you.”_

You saw in your peripheral, Vision swooping down between the trees and picking Wanda up.

“Captain?” You called out.

“ _Almost out,_ ” he responded. “ _Bucky’s right behind me, two minutes out and we’ll head straight for you two._ ”

“ _You have three minutes after I’m out to get far enough away before it blows up,”_ Tony reminded them. Before he could follow up with a quip, Tony let out a pained grunt.

“Tony?” You called out.

You took a kick to the stomach and let out a groan.

“Focus, _zaika_ ,” Natasha hissed.

“ _I’m fine, a rogue just took me by surprise. I’m finding an exit._ ”

“ _I can see you two, coming in at your three o’clock,_ ” Steve told you. “ _Ground team extraction ready.”_

You risked a glance to your right and saw Steve headed right towards you. You also caught the reflection off of something shaking. You adjusted your sight and saw a bleeding agent cocking his gun and aiming it right towards Natasha.

Before you could think twice, you dove forward.

“ _Kiddo, no!”_

You barely felt the handful of bullets, the blood rushing in your ears drowned out everything. Your instincts yelled at you to stand back up but your body refused to listen.

Sound exploded in your ears, voices screaming over each other.

“Why did you do that?” Natasha’s voice screamed at you the loudest.

A loud heartbreaking scream had you twitching. You’d know Bucky’s voice anywhere.

“ _Buck, move!”_

_“He’s dead Bucky, they’re all dead, leave it!”_

_“She’s losing a lot of blood!”_

_“Fuck, these two don’t have an exit wound.”_

_“What do you mean she’s hit? Where?”_

“ _She needs the cradle,”_

_“Shit, it nicked her femoral artery, Tony! You need to bring her back now!”_

_“She’s going to bleed out in the next minute if we don’t move.”_

_“I can run her back to the jet.”_

_“I can fly faster than you can run, move!”_

You blinked, trying to focus on something but the black spots in your vision threatened to pull you under.

“Nat?” You muttered, trying to find her face.

“I’m here _zaika,_ I’m here,” a hand cupped your cheek but her red hair is the only thing you could make out.

The ground beneath you shook and you instinctively know it’s the beginning of the explosives. You tried to focus, but your eyes wouldn’t listen.

Then, suddenly, you were in the air.

“You’re going to be okay,” a voice assured you. “You’ll be fine. _You have to be.”_

You recognized Tony’s panicked voice.

“ _Dad_ ,” you said softly, too quietly to be heard over the wind.

“We’re almost there kiddo, hold on, I can see the jet from here.”

The wind whipped your hair around you, stinging. He landed roughly, your weight throwing him but he’s rushing into the jet moments later.

Bruce’s frightened voice pierced your fog.

“What happened? Tony, _what happened?_ ”

“We found her, the place went up but Natasha was – she took a few - one in the stomach, one in shoulder and one in the leg. Femoral artery.”

“Get her into the cradle, _now_.”

Your entire body was cold and numb, the voices becoming warped and you shivered. Before you left Tony’s arms, your vision sharpened for a moment.

“T-tell Nat it’s okay,” you told him.

“ _Sh_ , giggles,” he soothed you as the flurry of noise behind him stopped. The world around you went quiet and you could already feel your eyes closing.

“ _Dad_ -”

\--

The next time you had any semblance of consciousness, you heard Bruce and Dr. Cho.

“It’s too soon to say Mr. Stark. She’s not breathing on her own, the second bullet pierced her liver-” a loud crash cut her off.

Your eyes wouldn’t open, your body didn’t respond to you but the pain was so intense now, you wanted to scream.

“Tony, you need to relax,” Bruce said quietly.

“ _You_ try to relax when you’re daughter is dying in front of you. _I can’t believe this happened._ We shouldn’t have tried to gain intel, we should’ve just left after we got her back. This is my fault.”

“She’s my family too, Tony,” Bruce’s gentle voice said.

“We’re doing our best Mr. Stark, let us do what we can.”

They kept arguing, but the darkness tugged on your arm, reminding you that you had earned only a short reprieve.

“What if we give her an extra dose of-”

A flurry of beeps caused a sudden burst of frantic noise but you were pulled under before you could pay it any mind.

* * *

The second time you fought your way up to the surface, you still couldn’t move.

You faintly recognized Nat and muffled yelling. She’s huffing and shouting for so long that when it abruptly cut off you were worried you’d been pulled back under when you heard Clint.

“It’s not your fault Nat.”

“Of course it’s not my fault. It’s _her_ fault. She had a decision and she _chose_ _wrong_. I trained her better than that. That whole mission was to get her _back_ and then she goes and does this.”

Clint said something you couldn’t make out and she sighed loudly.

“This part was supposed to be over for me. Losing the people I cared about. This is why I didn’t want to come here, to New York, to the Avengers all those years ago. Not after Fury in D.C. Now I’m fucking stuck with a family I didn’t want and care about anyway. Why did you do it? You’re so _stupid_. They were meant for me –those bullets were meant for me.”

You couldn’t help but want to comfort her but your prison still held you captive. Instead, you were brought back to when you first met Wanda. She wouldn’t talk much, couldn’t really meet your eye but appreciated your company in the yard of the compound. Especially on the bad days.

 _How horrible it is to love something Death can touch,_ she would say.

You would think of your mother, of Tony falling from the sky, of Wanda’s quiet sobs and Pietro’s smile. Now, you thought of Natasha’s anger and agreed.

_Yes, how horrible indeed._

* * *

 

You could recognize Steve’s voice calling to you.

“I’m trying new techniques, Pepper got me a new set of acrylic paints and said I should color it in for you,” Steve said. “But I think you’d like it best in black in white, there’s not much space to hang it up for you. What do you think? To the left or center? I think it looks best next to the ones I put up last week.”

There’s a couple random noises you couldn’t place and then silence.

“It’s been a few weeks, October is coming soon. You love fall,” Steve said. “You should wake up to see it. The leaves are turning the yellow and red colors you like.”

You knew there was no use trying to fight your little prison, so you waited for him to continue.

“Bucky’s a mess. He won’t eat, he won’t sleep, and you know it’s bad because Tony and Bucky kind of hover around each other. They act like they’re the only ones hurting,” he sighed.

“Pepper’s a mess. Everyone’s a mess,” you felt the lightest bit of pressure on your leg.

“I’m trying to keep everyone’s heads above water like you do – I don’t know how you did it. Everyone looks to me for help and I try but I think about you on this bed without a sarcastic remark or a helpful smile and I can’t…”

His cries were muffled and you couldn’t help but embrace the darkness when it came for you this time.

* * *

 

“How is it that you’re asleep and it’s impossible to get alone time with my own kid?” Tony huffed. “I almost tied Barnes down to his bed this morning. Pepper won’t let me stay after 12AM now. Apparently sleep is something that normal human beings need.

He scoffed.

“I’m telling you Giggles, it’s hard to find a good chemist now a days. Last week that intern you _insisted_ we hire managed to break three beakers. He’s lucky I have other important projects on the line right now. _Oh_! Did I tell you about that prosthetic breakthrough if we tweak the mechanics on…”

* * *

“Wanda, logic dictates that she can’t hear you,” Vision said, “even if you sing her a familiar lullaby.”

She shushed him.

“ _Duérmete mi niña, duérmete mi amor, duérmete pedazo de mi corazón_.” 

* * *

“I’m sorry,” Natasha said quietly. “I didn’t mean it. Please don’t leave, _zaika_ , don’t leave me behind.”

* * *

“What happened to Lady Stark?” Thor’s booming voice brought warmth into your body. You leaned towards it, curling into yourself like you used to when you were little.

“She’s not responding well to any of our attempts to wake her,” Bruce gave a brief explanation that you couldn’t follow.

“Can you help?” Clint eventually asked.

“I am not a healer but, if she were to have any chance at waking, I would need to take her with me to Asgard.”

“Can she make the trip?” Someone asked hopefully.

You could practically feel Bruce’s brooding expression.

“No, there’s no guarantee that she’ll make it through. Moving her, right now, might make it worse. She’s not reacting badly, just not as well as we’d like. She isn’t breathing on her own but, her 30 days are closing in.”

“I will return home, consult the healers and see what can be done,” Thor said. You felt pressure by your head and his voice softened.

“Not every cloud which darkens the day brings rain. I’ll be back as soon as I can Lady Stark.”

* * *

“James, you need to eat something,” Pepper’s unmistakable voice echoed in the silence of your prison.

“I’m fine,” his voice, even dulled as it was, made you stir.

“You’re _not_. You cannot sit by her side days on end, with no sleep and no food. You’re worrying me.”

When there was no response, she sighed.

“She wouldn’t want you to torture yourself, not the way you are.”

“I’ll drink the smoothie,” he said eventually.

“ _Thank you_.”

“Why isn’t she waking up?”

“She’s healing James, her body is trying.”

“No, it’s not. It’s been too long Pepper.”

* * *

“Hey, our kids want their Giggles back – she promised to take them to Science camp and they’re not taking no for an answer,” Lauren’s steady voice said.

“Besides, we need our most reliable babysitter back,” Clint said, his deep voice felt comforting. “I’m sorry we couldn’t help you kid, I’m sorry I didn’t save you.”

* * *

“I’ve tried before,” Wanda said quietly, you didn’t know what had pulled you to the surface this time.

“Please,” Bucky asked, his voice raspy.

A familiar energy warmed you, you curled towards it and tried to let it permeate the cold.

“It’s working,” Wanda said quickly.

“Friday, tell Tony and Bruce to get down here right now,” Bucky shouted.

“I can feel her a little – this is the first time – it’s like trying to grasp at smoke,” Wanda growled, frustrated. “She’s not in any pain but her mind is not at peace. It’s difficult to explain. It’s like a phone that keeps ringing. No one is answering but the phone is still ringing. She’s not gone yet, Bucky, I can feel her!”

* * *

Bruce’s urgent voice pulled you back up this time.

“She had a seizure last night, it’s… not looking good right now. We can’t seem to get her to breathe on her own.”

Someone stifled a quiet cry.

Bruce and Tony were making arrangements, they wanted to try one last thing – from what you could understand through the fog it sounded like a last resort.

“Shuri had sent over the final plan and we tweaked it for her body,” Tony said.

“Steve?” Pepper asked.

“Yeah, Barnes would cut himself head to toe and let her have it all but, Steve’s the better option. We have the details on what went into him – Barnes is more of a wild card, our plan B if we need it.”

“Her body can’t take much more, time is of the essence,” Bruce said.

They continued to mutter around you when you felt the lightest pressure on your head, all your energy went into focusing towards it. Pepper’s voice filtered in, it was quiet and sad.

“It’s okay honey, if you need to go, _it’s okay_ ,” she cried. “I love you sweetheart, say hello to your mom for me.”

 _Good bye, Pep_.

\--

The first time in a long time that you found yourself able to open your eyes, you were blinded by a bright light.

You sat up, groggily from your deep sleep. Slowly, your eyes adjusted.

“Where am I?” you mumbled to yourself.

_Stand clear of the closing doors please._

You straightened, you knew that sound.

“163rd Street?” You said incredulously, looking towards the platform. You were sitting on a familiar wooden bench.

You watched people rush passed you, running to catch the arriving train.

“Excuse me,” you said to a man walking towards you, but he ignored you and kept walking.

For a moment you couldn’t decide if you were ignored because it was the New York City subway or because no one could see you.

“Oh my God,” you settled back into the wooden bench. “This is it, I’m in _Hell_. I’ve been condemned to the subway!”

A familiar laugh close by made you turn around. Your stomach flipped at who you saw.

“Mama?” You said, tears building.

“ _Hola cielo_ ,” she cupped your face, as she always did, and pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Mama! I’m sorry – _I’m so sorry_!”

“For what? You have nothing to apologize for sweetheart.” She shushed you. “We don’t have a lot of time and we must discuss many things.”

“Am I dead?” You asked, taking a closer look around.

“ _No_ ,” your mother answered so fiercely you startled. “It’s not your time yet.”

“Where are we?” Frustration bubbled in you.

“We are somewhere in between, somewhere I could reach you,” she smiled sadly. “You carry heaviness in your heart because of me, and I can’t have you continue like this mija. You need to let it go and live your life. I am _so_ proud of you, of all that you have accomplished. We are all proud of you.

“I like that man of yours, his spirit is sad but it’s getting better. You two are good together,” she smiled widely. “It won’t be easy but don’t let him go, okay? He’s your one in a million.”

You nodded, a little confused but the tears started again.

“It’s time for me to go,” she told you, looking at the train pulling into the station behind you.

You turned to look but she caught your attention.

“You tell Antonio that I said I’m proud at how far he’s come. Ah, and tell him his father says he’s sorry – that the plans he looks for are in hidden in his favorite piano.”

Nodding, you clutched at her arms.

“ _Bueno_ ,” she smiled sadly. “Remember, I am with you always. _Always._ ”

“I love you mama,” you said.

“I love you too _cielo_.”

Someone shouted your name and you turned towards the sound. When you turned back, she was gone.

You walked up to the waiting train, it didn’t look particularly special - it was dirty like every C train you’d ever ridden.

The train had a few scattered empty seats. You settled down into one, not knowing what to do next.

Before you could decide, a slightly familiar brunette plopped down next to you.

“You’re Tony Stark’s daughter, right?” She asked. “That was your mom.”

You side-eyed her, metaphorical purgatory subway or not, you didn’t want to be caught off guard.

“Don’t be afraid, my name is Rebecca Barnes,” she smiled warmly. “I’m so happy to be able to meet you.”

Her familiar blue eyes watched you and you slowly returned her smile, surprised.

“Your stop is next, but, could you tell my brother something for me?”

* * *

In the movies, people in hospitals always woke up gracefully and slowly. It was a process, one that moved gradually.

You, of course, jerked awake and ripped out the IV in your arm in the process.

After a moment, the throbbing in your arm dulled and you could take in your surroundings. The walls were covered in paintings and sketches you recognized as Steve’s. Your arm is in a black brace tied close to your torso and, you discover, extremely heavy when you shifted.

“FRIDAY, what time is it?”

“ _It is 3:45AM EST.”_

“What…what happened?”

“ _You suffered multiple gunshot wounds to your abdomen, shoulder and leg. You have three fractures in your left arm, where Dr. Banner, Dr. Cho and her royal Highness of Wakanda installed a vibranium rod to stabilize it. The gunshot wound to your leg caused you to bleed out and go into shock. The bullet to your abdomen pierced your left lobe of your liver and traveled to your right lung. You were placed in a medically induced coma in efforts to stabilize you.”_

“What?” You breathed, looking down at your body. “How long ago was that?”

“ _You were admitted thirty two days ago_.”

“How…how am I awake?”

A blue light scanned you and Friday spoke.

“ _I believe Dr. Banner’s treatment has successfully worked. You received one thousand and four hundred milliliters of blood from Captain Rogers.”_

“What?” you gaped. “Is he…is he alright?”

“ _He is unconscious and weak but, he will survive. His body will reproduce enough to be able to donate again in twenty-four hours. Dr. Banner scheduled a second transfusion then. It seems that the serum in his blood and genetic makeup has transferred to you. The efforts to heal some of the damage done to your organs has succeeded. Your breathing tube was removed six hours ago.”_

You nodded, mind still foggy.

“Where am I? Where is everyone else?”

You’d figure that they would have to pry Tony away from your bedside with a crowbar.

“ _You are in Medical Suite A, in the penthouse. Ms. Romanoff, Ms. Maximoff, Mr. Barton, Vision and Mr. Odinson are off the compound. The rest of the team is asleep in their apartments, aside from Mr. Stark and Sergeant Barnes_.”

“Where are they?”

“ _Mr. Stark is asleep in his personal laboratory, monitoring your vitals with Dr. Banner. Sergeant Barnes is currently asleep outside your Medical Suite door_.”

“What?” You craned your neck, as if you could see him through the closed door. “Why is he sleeping outside my door?”

“ _Ms. Potts has forbidden entry into your medical suite after 12AM. Your door is automatically locked and cannot be overridden in non-urgent matters by anyone but you or Dr. Banner. Visiting hours start at 8AM, after breakfast. Mr. Barnes sleeps most days outside your door, waiting for the door to unlock.”_

You smiled faintly and shook your head.

“ _May I say, welcome back Miss.”_

“Thank you Friday,” you huffed a laugh and groaned at the twinge of pain.

“ _May I help you with anything else?”_

“Yes, please unlock and open the door to my room.”

The lock clicked and the door silently slid open.

“James?” You called out, hearing a soft snore in response.

You smiled lightly, jostling your elbow, making you squeak.

At that, Bucky jumped up, eyes wide and expression alert. He scanned the hallway and looked at your open door in confusion.

“Friday?” He said, his voice groggy.

“ _Agent S has regained consciousness,”_ she answered.

“Hello Bucky,” you smiled at him.

He was at your side in an instant and gaped at you, eyes wide.

“You’re awake. It worked – _it worked._ ” He covered his face with your hand. “Don’t do that to me again. I couldn’t – _you don’t understand_. I love you, _I love you_.”

“I’m sorry,” you curled your fingers around his beard. “I’m sorry you had to see me like that.”

Bucky shook his head in disbelief. “You’re still thinking of me first.” His eyes closed and he pressed a kiss to your palm.

You smiled. “What did I miss?”

\--

“This is a miracle, it was a Hail Mary and it _worked_ ,” Bruce prodded at you, checking and rechecking your vitals.

“ _Of course it worked, it was my idea,”_ Shuri’s voice came from the monitor across the room.

Tony’s hand on your arm squeezed and you smiled at him. Ever since he stumbled into the room a few minutes after you had woken up, he’d kept his hand on you – almost reassuring himself that you were awake.

“ _We are glad you are awake, Director_ ,” T’Challa said, next to his sister. “ _We were very worried_.”

“ _Yes, do not do that again. The world would be a darker place without you,”_ Shuri nodded. “ _It would lose a great mind with ideas we still need to make realities_. _Between you and my brother, I don’t know who will kill me first from fright._ ”

You smiled, sitting up in your bed. “Thank you Shuri, for helping.”

“ _It was nothing,”_ she smiled.

“Thank you, your highness,” Tony turned to T’Challa. “Your majesty, if you would need anything – let me know and I’ll try to make it happen.”

“ _You do not have a debt with us, Mr. Stark. Enjoy your time with your daughter.”_ T’Challa looked to you. “ _Rest now, we will check back in with you later.”_

They waved goodbye.

“I can’t believe it,” Bruce said again. “Her blood pressure is rising and pulse is steady. The scan of your lungs show a significant improvement. This is _outstanding_. After all the other treatments yielded zero results…”

You were tucked solidly between Tony and Pepper, both of them fawning over you like a newborn.

“Honey, I’m so happy you’re awake,” Pepper tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear. “It’s been horrible this past month.”

“Yeah, you’ve been here so long I forgot how quiet it gets without you bugging me,” Tony joked.

You laughed and immediately groaned. “Don’t make me laugh Tony.”

“Sorry! Sorry! I have natural charm, it’s hard to turn off.”

You rolled your eyes.

“I’m glad you still have that ability though,” he lightly pinched your hand. “I’m glad to see you awake kid. You really scared me this time.”

“It’ll take more than bullets to keep me down,” you said. “Shit, now with Cap’s juiced up transfusion I’m probably even harder to keep down. Just wait, I’m going start kicking asses and taking names soon. Maybe I’ll join Peter on the streets of New York, fight crime - become a vigilante with my new superpowers.”

“Alright, take it down a notch, I’m pretty sure you’re still human and not juiced up forever.”

“That’s why I gotta make the best of it now!” You said.

You and Tony bickered for a few more minutes before you couldn’t help but yawn.

“Alright,” Pepper stood up. “The sun still isn’t up yet, let’s give her some time to sleep and we’ll be back in a few hours. We’ll let the rest of the team know then.”

“I have literally done nothing and I feel like I was hit by a truck,” you groaned.

“Not a truck, just three flying trajectories,” Tony said, double checking your IV.

“Funny,” you said dryly.

“You’ve only been able to breathe on your own for the past eight hours, so please, try to sleep,” Tony kissed the top of your head.

“Yes mother,” you grinned, eyes closing a little. Tony and Pepper frowned, hovering closer.

You looked towards the corner, where Bucky had settled when Tony, Pepper and Bruce came rushing at the announcement that you had woken up.

“Let him stay?” You asked.

Tony looked ready to haul Bucky out when you touched his hand.

“Please?”

He frowned. “You need to sleep.”

“Trust me, with how I feel right now, nothing’s going to be able to keep me awake,” you said.

“Alright, just because I know it’ll take a lot to drag him out and I don’t want to upset Pepper.”

You grinned. “Thank you.”

Tony shut the door to your room behind him and you held out your hand.

“Come here,” you said.

He was at your side in an instant, pressing a kiss to your palm.

“Are you okay?” You asked, shifting in your bed to a more comfortable position.

“I am now,” he said, his eyes on yours.  “You need to stop this habit of yours of running towards the danger rather than away from it. You’re going to kill us. Please don’t do it again.”

You smiled apologetically at him.

“I can’t promise you I won’t but, I promise I’ll try,” you pressed a kiss to his knuckles.

He shook his head at you but couldn’t help but smile.

“What time is it?” You asked, exhaustion settling in after talking for so long.

“ _It’s 6:15AM_ ,” FRIDAY informed you.

“Go to sleep doll, I’ll be here when you wake up,” he rubbed his thumb across your bottom lip.

“I’m not that tired,” you protested, your eyes already drooping.

He smiled down at you.

“Of course not.”

“Maybe just a little cat nap,” you decided.

“Good idea,” he said agreeably.

He gently trailed his fingers across your jaw, your mind already powering off when you remembered.

“I promised Rebecca I would tell you,” you mumbled through your drowsiness.

“Rebecca who?”

“Your sister, James,” your eyes started to close. “She said I couldn’t forget to tell you.”

“ _What?_ ”

“She said that she was happy you’d met me that you needed what she left for you soon. That you were ready. She didn’t know who to give it to, but Peggy found her and she knew. Peggy always knew.”

“ _Iubire_ , you’re tired and you’re not making sense.”

“No, Friday, please audio record.”

“ _Recording_.”

“Bank on 5th Avenue, under name Margaret Carter. Deposit box #34. Sharon Carter has the key – she’ll only give it to Sergeant Barnes.”

\--

You slept for longer than anticipated, waking up to Bucky’s smile and the sun high up in the sky.

“What time is it?” You asked groggily.

“It’s mid-afternoon,” he said. “Bruce and Stark said you’ve already healed some more – Steve’s blood, it’s healing everything at a faster rate than they projected. They said if you felt up to it you could try solid food.”

You nodded, sitting up and already feeling less pain than when you had initially woken up. Bucky had managed to spoon some applesauce into your mouth when you heard a crash at the end of the hall.

“What is that?”

Nat skidded into your room, looking haggard. She was in a loose top, half of it hanging off her shoulder.

“You _idiot_ ,” she said, not coming any closer.

You snorted. “We’re even now. Don’t say I never did anything nice for you.”

Bucky laughed and shot Natasha an apologetic look. She huffed, expression only a fraction less murderous.

A puckered scar by her shoulder caught your eye and you couldn’t help but grin.

You pointed to it and motioned to your bandaged shoulder.

“Hey! We match now.”

You thought back to this same room where Natasha took a bullet for you years prior. You knew she was thinking the same and you smiled. “It’s your turn to get me jello.”

That got a small smile out of her and she crossed the room in a blur. She placed a hand on your cheek and you leaned into the touch.

“Don’t do that again,” she said quietly.

“No promises.”

She rolled her eyes and pinched your cheek.

“Bruce said I can be in charge of your recovery schedule.” You groaned and flopped your head to the side and she laughed.

“Shuri and Dr. Cho have helped me put together a series of exercises…”

* * *

“This is fucking awesome,” you said, landing a hard punch to the bag in front of you.

You’d finally been cleared for physical therapy, _many_ weeks later.

Flipping, you kicked it as hard as you could and the bag burst. You frowned and looked down at the sand falling out of it.

“Again?” You huffed and turned to look at Steve, who was smiling on the bleachers.

“Now you know how it feels,” he called out.

You scowled and went to clean up the mess.

“Do you want to try sparring with Steve?” Natasha asked. “Nothing too serious, back to the mat first.”

You all but scrambled towards the mats. Steve frowned uncertainly.

“Are you sure?” He asked.

Natasha nodded. “She can handle it, she’s passed all her stress tests so far. The serum is still in her system.”

“You scared Rogers?” You teased, stretching out your sore muscles.

“You wish,” he grinned.

Getting into position, you waited for Natasha’s nod. Before Steve could make a move, you managed to throw him onto his back, punching the wind out of him.

“Yeah,” Steve wheezed. “The serum is definitely still there.”

You grinned. It was true, after it had finished healing you, the serum in Steve’s blood had helped you run a little faster, jump a little higher and punch a little harder.

Turning to Natasha, you widened your eyes to mimic Steve’s puppy-look and she shook her head.

“Nope,” she jotted a few things down on her clipboard. “You’re nowhere near to active duty.”

You frowned but didn’t push it. Every time Tony caught sight of you unattended, he looked like he would drop to the floor. Clearly, everyone was working passed the trauma.

“Do you think it’ll last forever?” You asked Natasha.

Tony, Bruce and Shuri had all told you that they would only know with time. The serum could permanently attach itself to you or you could flush most of it out while healing. It had already decreased from when you first woke up, but it definitely wasn’t all gone – you were, however, still very much human. Outwardly, there had been no physical difference like Steve.

Natasha chewed on her lip and tapped her index finger against her clipboard. “I don’t know, _zaika¸_ do you want it to?”

“I don’t know,” you said.

You weren’t, it felt a little off balance to pack so much power in a punch. Bucky and Steve had taught you to adjust to it.

“If it is,” Steve said from the mat, “it’s something we can deal with.”

You smiled at your friend, at the super soldier whose blood saved your life.

“Yeah, we got this,” you told him, offering your hand to help him up.

* * *

In the end, once you were back at about eighty percent capacity, Tony – _of course_ – threw a party.

You had some trouble balancing your pain medications after a long day, so everyone still hovered a little protectively.

Yet, you managed to mingle throughout most of the night without incident. As the party progressed, your friends loosened up and left you to your own devices.

Bucky, however, stayed at your side as if his life depended on it. You huffed at him a few times but understood that he was still reeling from what had happened.

A few of your coworkers from the lab came up and congratulated you on your recovery.

“How is the lab doing under your guidance?” You asked the assistant director.

She straightened, her serious expression become even more solemn. “Great, Director. We’re on track towards the third stage of the experiment. We believe that if we alternate-”

“Are you guys really talking science right now?” Julianna, a technician, asked.

You smiled, she had been on your team for a few years now and you knew she was infamous for her blunt nature. To be honest, it felt like having a Tony on your team.

“How about we talk about the absolute babe of a man you have on your arm?” She asked.

Your assistant director flushed and nudged her. “Julianna!” She hissed.

“What?” Julianna said, unbothered. “Is this the infamous man who had you daydreaming during work hours?”

This time, you flushed. “Juli,” you huffed

She grinned. “He’s very handsome.”

Instead of freezing, like you’d expected him to, Bucky laughed. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise, Sergeant,” she winked.

A familiar melody floated over to you.

 _Hold me close and hold me fast_  
_The magic spell you cast_  
_This is la vie en rose_

You grinned as Bucky’s arm tightened on yours.

The dance floor had cleared except for a few couples, Pepper and Tony dancing the closest to the band.

“Excuse me,” Bucky said to your co-workers.

Julianna grinned and waved you both away.

“Do you think you’ll be okay to dance?” He asked.

 _When you kiss me, Heaven sighs_  
_And though I close my eyes_  
_I see la vie en rose_

You smiled. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Bucky led you to the side, where it was less crowded, and a table was close by in case you wanted to sit.

You caught Natasha’s eyes over Bucky’s shoulder, as she danced with Bucky and she smiled brightly at you. You shot her a smile in return.

“Are you okay?” He asked, after a moment.

“I’m great,” you smiled up at him.

His concerned gaze softened and your favorite small private smile crept onto his face. You couldn’t help it and stretched up to give him a light kiss.

You smiled and placed your hand on his neck.

“What was that for?” He asked.

“For being yourself,” you said.

Bucky licked his bottom lip absently and your eyes followed the movement. His eyes darkened and he pulled you closer to him, swaying side to side.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” You asked innocently.

He tickled your side and you let out a startled laugh.

“Especially not in front of Tony,” Bucky said.

You laughed at his disgruntled look and nodded. “I’ll behave, _Sergeant._ ”

Bucky groaned and you laughed again. “Sure you will.”

You pressed a kiss to the corner of his lips and started humming along to the melody.

“This song reminds me of you,” he said after a moment.

“Yeah?” You smiled, remembering thinking the same thing.

 _Give your heart and soul to me_  
_And life will always be_  
_La vie en rose_

Bucky leaned down for another kiss when Tony’s voice startled you.

“Alright, leave some room for the Holy Spirit,” he said.

You rolled your eyes. “You didn’t hear me complaining when you were playing tonsil hockey with Pepper.”

Pepper turned a bright red and you smiled apologetically at her.

“I’m leaving this conversation,” Pepper said. “James?”

Bucky winked at you and followed Pepper off the dance floor.

The music picked up, a song you recognized as Sinatra.

_Come fly with me, let’s fly, let’s fly away_

“Ah, great timing,” Tony said and twirled you towards the center. You couldn’t help the giggle that you let out.

Tony grinned once he heard it and smiled at you.

As the songs progressed, your sides started to hurt with how much you we laughing. Tony’s dance moves were getting progressively more outrageous and you couldn’t keep up.

“Hey Tony,” you stopped him as the song came to an end. “Thank you, for…just, _thank you._ ”

He placed a hand on yours. “You’re-”

 _Shot through the heart!_  
_And you're to blame_  
_Darlin', you give love a bad name_

Tony’s head snapped and Pepper’s laugh reached you both.

Wanda appeared on your other side, smile wide. “I love this song!”

Soon, the floor was filled with people dancing. Bucky’s arms found their way around you again, and you sighed, feeling a little more centered.

You turned to thank him when you caught sight of Clint and Natasha. You let out a small laugh, watching them try to one up each other’s dance moves.

Sam and Steve join in with their own ridiculous version of the running man.

“Vision,” you heard Wanda instruct. “Move your hips like this!”

She twirled passed you, her dress billowing.

“I don’t know if I can do that,” he said.

You saw Bruce smiling on the sidelines and tugged him into the mayhem.

“Come on Dr. Banner,” you laughed at his expression.

You started doing the cabbage patch and he joined you. Natasha dragged him towards the little dance battle and you laughed.

You watched your little family, dancing wildly, with no care.

You thought to your mom, who was probably looking down at you all, laughing alongside you. You thought back to Pepper and the science fair, taking your hand and introducing you to Tony. You remembered Tony bringing you to his lab and Natasha teaching and guiding you as you went. Your James, who saw your flaws and immense sadness and still loved you. Your little mismatched family and how much they protected each other despite your complicated paths.

Bucky’s hand steadied you to the spot, bringing you back to the moment. You smiled and looked up to find him already looking at you.  His smile widened and his eyebrow rose, silently asking you if you were still up to get drawn into the chaos. You nodded and pulled him towards the circle.

In the end, if you really thought about it, it had all started with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s all she wrote!
> 
> Well, actually, as you can see – I’ve made this into a series since I don’t know when to quit and I’ve posted the first slice of life, go on over and let me know if you like it! I’m not sure if it’s showing correctly but, if not, it should be under my works. I have a few ideas where I could take these characters!
> 
> I actually cannot believe that the first fic I managed to post got this much positive feedback. I had most definitely not gone into this thinking it’d be this long. Thank you guys so much for sticking with me! Especially since I catch so many errors after posting, I’m a horrible editor.
> 
> Again, you can find me at: **havecourage-darling.tumblr.com.** Come say hi, request some drabbles, gush with me about our marvel dorks! I don’t bite!

**Author's Note:**

> I overuse commas, I know.


End file.
